by Fay Keenan
‘Of course, Matt, but, not being a parent himself he doesn’t quite understand. Not like your sweet little widowed single mother, I suppose.’
‘Leave Anna out of this.’ Matthew snapped. ‘She’s got nothing to do with you.’
‘But she’s clearly got plenty to do with you!’
‘You know nothing about Anna, and nothing about me, anymore, Tara, so don’t presume that you do.’
‘Oh, I know plenty about you, or have you forgotten? Meredith’s been emailing me quite a bit since we arranged for her to spend the summer. And I know for a fact you’d never have let her go out with that boy in his car so soon if that tragic little housewife hadn’t got your attention. What the hell were you thinking?’
‘You forfeited the right to ask when you walked out on us.’ He started to shake. ‘She’s not a child any more. She needed some freedom.’
‘And look what happened, Matt!’
It was at this point that a passing Sister, hearing raised voices, opened the door to Meredith’s room. ‘Mr and Mrs Carter, can I suggest you take your “discussion” outside of this room, and preferably away from this hospital? Now is not the time or the place for raised voices.’
Matthew dropped his head. ‘You’re right. I apologise, Sister.’ He turned back to Tara. ‘I’ll wait outside until you’re ready to leave.’
Tara nodded, smiling apologetically at the senior nurse. She settled back down in her chair, phone in hand.
Matthew, shaking from exhaustion and rage, walked out of the room and slumped in a chair in the hallway outside. Shame washed over him as he realised he’d once more allowed Tara to get the better of him. He thought about texting Anna again, but he didn’t want to inflict his black mood on her. Glancing back through the door pane, he saw Tara finally put her phone away.
36
The next few days ran into one another in their monotonous regularity. Matthew reluctantly allowed Tara to take some solo shifts at the hospital when he realised work was piling up at the farm, although he managed, for the first time in his life, to delegate a great proportion of it to his second and third in command.
Although Matthew had felt uneasy, he’d allowed Jonathan to take over his office and manage the rest of the FastStream process. Exactly a week after the accident, when he knew Matthew was still at the hospital, Jonathan decided to pop in on Anna and see how she was. They’d spoken a few more times when he’d been basing himself at the tea shop, and, with Matthew spending all the time he could at the hospital, Jonathan hoped Anna would be pleased to see him. He also sensed she might be feeling a bit pushed out of the equation with Tara’s arrival. He hadn’t wanted to come face to face with Tara himself, so although in his darker moments he cursed his cowardice, he’d stayed away from the hospital. Leaving Matthew’s office mid-evening, he swiped a couple of bottles of sweet cider from the shelf in the on-site shop and headed round to Pippin Cottage.
‘I see you’ve not bothered fixing the doorbell then,’ Jonathan grinned. He handed Anna the bottles and stepped into the hall.
‘What are you doing here?’ Anna’s mind began to race. What if Matthew turned up out of the blue and found Jonathan in situ?
‘Thought you could do with the company,’ Jonathan said, walking down the corridor to the kitchen. ‘And I know Matthew’s staying in one of the family rooms again tonight.’ Tara had taken up residence in another, although her complaints about the state of them had not endeared her to the hospital staff. ‘Bottle opener?’ Jonathan asked, rifling through the kitchen drawers.
‘That one under the bread bin,’ Anna breathed a sigh of relief at the news that Matthew wasn’t likely to drop in.
‘So, how are you bearing up, darling?’ Jonathan asked once they’d sat down at the kitchen table.
‘Oh, I’m all right,’ Anna said. ‘It’s just frustrating being out of the loop. I want to be able to help but I kind of feel like I can’t go up there too often without stepping on toes.’
‘Tara’s toes, presumably?’
Anna nodded. ‘She is Meredith’s mother, after all.’
‘And Matthew loves you,’ Jonathan said softly. ‘Don’t forget that, while you’re “out of the loop”, as you put it.’
‘I know,’ she said sadly. ‘It’s just—’
‘What, darling?’
‘I hadn’t expected Tara to be so stunning. I mean, in my head she became this evil, twisted monster. And she’s…’
‘Gorgeous?’ Jonathan grinned ruefully. ‘It’s not particularly fair, is it?’ He took another sip of his own bottle of cider. ‘But don’t let it get you down. She’s hard as nails and twice as bitchy.’
‘I gathered that,’ Anna said. ‘That’s why I’m staying out of her way.’
‘So, I can guess that you know why they split,’ Jonathan said, ‘but do you want to know how they met? I’m guessing my brother hasn’t exactly been forthcoming on the information front in that regard.’
Anna regarded Jonathan warily, and was somewhat surprised that he’d want to discuss it so openly. ‘I’m not sure. Do I really want to know?’
‘It’s a great story,’ Jonathan grinned. ‘And it might give you a bit more of an insight into what became of their relationship.’
‘Oh, go on then.’
Jonathan leaned back in his chair and stretched. The hours behind Matthew’s desk had taken their toll. ‘The sparks that flew when Matthew and Tara met would have burned down the main barn. And no, I’m not being melodramatic.’ He sipped his cider. ‘They met at university. Rather aptly, Tara was studying Drama, and Matthew was finishing his Law degree. He’d taken a year out to help Dad, so he was nearly twenty-three when he graduated.’
‘He really was going to break away from the business, wasn’t he?’ Anna said wonderingly. ‘What changed his mind?’
‘I’m getting to that, be patient, darling,’ Jonathan smiled and picked up one of the crisps from the bowl Anna had dug out to go with the cider.
‘It was, as they say, a coup de foudre. Matthew was set for a First, graduating top of the year, you name it, he’d won it. I always wonder if he was so determined to succeed at the law because he knew, deep down, he was never going to be able to practise it. The cider business is ingrained in all of us; as the elder son, it was his destiny, really.’
‘It never occurred to you to step in?’ Anna asked.
‘We’re not talking about me, and anyway, I’ve always been the prodigal. Dad might have liked me better, but he trusted Matthew more.’ Jonathan’s light tone, for a moment, had an undercurrent of bitterness.
‘Two weeks before the end of his finals, Matthew had, uncharacteristically, taken the night off. There was a student pub in the University village. It was the kind of place that pretended, back in the early nineties, to be a proper boozer, while lapping up all the readily available cash that students had. It would put on the odd theme night, karaoke, that sort of thing. Tara was there with a group of her Drama friends. They’d commandeered a table and were drinking terrible American lager and rehearsing for their end of first year exams. Tara, in her inimitable way, was holding court – you couldn’t look anywhere else. Matthew was drawn into the performance. Tara clocked him straight away. Once she found out a little bit more about him, she set her sights on him. Two weeks later he’d moved into her student digs. He lived with her all through his internship.’
‘You sound like you saw it happen,’ Anna said.
‘I did. I was visiting Matthew for the weekend. I’ve never seen him react that way to a woman. He spilt his pint, stumbled over his words; he didn’t know what to do with himself.’ Jonathan smiled. ‘He’d had girlfriends before, but Tara hit him like a falling tree branch. I didn’t think I’d ever see it again… until now.’
Anna blushed. ‘Anyway…’
Jonathan grinned. ‘After she graduated, they got married. Matthew was preparing to start his first proper job. His internship was horribly gruelling but the firm he was with had offered him a r
eally decent package. He’d have been set for a few years, until Dad handed the business over. He kind of knew it would come, but he desperately wanted a career he could call his own first.’
‘So what happened?’
Jonathan shuddered; the memory was still fresh. ‘A week before he was due to start the job, Dad had a massive heart attack. Matthew had no choice – he had to go home.’
‘God,’ Anna whispered. ‘Talk about timing.’
‘Quite.’
‘And Matthew just went?’ Anna said. ‘Dropped everything? The job, the prospects?’
‘Family’s always come first for Matthew,’ Jonathan replied. ‘That’s why what happened between him and I was so hard for him to take. He could no more have ignored the business than stopped the sun from setting.’
‘Couldn’t you have—’
‘No,’ Jonathan said firmly. ‘I was still at university myself, and I knew fuck all about running a business. The idea was that, eventually, I’d come in as equal partner and we’d run it together. As you know, things didn’t quite work out that way.’
‘What about Tara? Did she put her degree to good use?’
‘She tried to get a few roles with a local theatre company but she wasn’t wildly successful. I think she resented Matthew for that. The problems pretty much started then.’ Jonathan sighed. ‘Matthew didn’t believe in divorce; he’d have doggedly kept on until the end, but Tara wanted out. She loved him, in her way, but being the wife of a Somerset cider maker, especially back when the business wasn’t what it is now, wasn’t part of her life plan. When he just dropped his legal career to run what was, essentially, two barns and a shop, she couldn’t really take it.’
‘So he’s turned the business around, then?’ Anna asked.
‘You know he has. This deal with FastStream is nothing compared to what he had to do just to get it breaking even again fifteen years ago. He had Cowslip Barn mortgaged as collateral at one point.’
‘I had no idea it was that close to the edge,’ Anna said. ‘From the outside it always looked so effortless.’
‘My father knew about apples, but he wasn’t too hot on the finances,’ Jonathan said. ‘He refused to admit that, come the 1990s, he needed to move with the times. When Matthew took the helm, he dragged Carter’s kicking and screaming into the digital age. But it took a while. By the time Meredith was conceived, Tara was already getting restless.’
‘Why didn’t she just walk?’ Anna said.
‘Nowhere to go,’ Jonathan replied. ‘She had no job, and pride wouldn’t let her go back to Pennsylvania with her tail between her legs. When Meredith was born, things settled for a while, but Matthew was still working every hour of the day. He couldn’t cope with Tara’s demands when he walked in the door after an eighteen-hour stint.’
‘The workaholic and the drama queen – an explosive combination, especially with a baby, too.’
‘You’re right. Well, after Meredith things did calm down for a while, but Tara was used to better things – and Matthew couldn’t provide them. He didn’t draw a salary on the business until late 2001, so they were asset-rich but cash-poor. Tara took Meredith to her family’s place for a few months. That was the first time they split.’
‘How did Matthew take that?’
‘He got on the next plane after her, but she sent him packing. Eventually, when her family got too much, she brought Meredith back home. Matthew was shit-scared she’d walk out for good, and devastated at the thought of losing Meredith, whom he loved to absolute distraction.’
‘So they sorted things out?’
‘For a bit, but really, they were into injury time. He tried to get home earlier, to give Tara a break from looking after a toddler, but there was too much to do.’
‘I hate to ask, Jonathan, but where were you when all this was going on?’ Anna looked him directly in the eyes. ‘It sounds like Matthew was desperate for some help.’
‘You’re right, of course,’ Jonathan said. ‘And you’re ahead of me. I finished university and came home when Meredith was about three. I took on some of the business, but I had a lot to learn, and Matthew didn’t have time to train me. We muddled through for about six months before… well, you know the rest.’ Jonathan hung his head.
‘So you and Tara ran off, and left Meredith with Matthew.’ Anna said flatly.
‘You don’t need to pass judgement,’ Jonathan said wearily. ‘I’ve done that enough myself over the years.’
‘I’m trying not to, but I’m still struggling with the fact that Tara left Meredith, more than anything else.’
‘I know, darling, but in fairness to Tara, Matthew made absolutely sure she couldn’t leave the country again with Meredith. After she went back to the US the first time, he locked Merry’s passport away in the work safe to stop Tara taking her again. In the longer term, Tara agreed to him getting full-time custody.’
Anna was shocked, but not entirely surprised, to hear about Matthew’s ruthless streak. ‘Hence why he’s so protective of her.’
‘Absolutely. Tara tried to fight it, but she settled for visits in the holidays in the end. She knew it was a massive concession getting the divorce in the first place, and in reality, with an affair with me under her belt, she realised she couldn’t expect too much. Of course, we were completely unsuited to each other, and she dumped me pretty swiftly when she got back to the US. I was actually relieved – I didn’t have the bollocks to walk out on her, being not quite then the man of substance you see before you today.’ He gave a wry smile.
‘And Matthew turns the business around, raises Meredith and generally gets on with his life?’ Anna finished.
Jonathan nodded. ‘Got it exactly. He’s spent so much time being a father and an MD, he’s not really had any time for another relationship. From what I can gather, he’s had a few encounters, but never really found anyone who can handle him, Meredith and the business. Until now, of course.’
Anna blushed. ‘We’ve only been together a few months.’
‘I know, darling, that’s what makes it all the more amazing. You’ve turned him on his head. Got him thinking with his heart again after years of pretending he didn’t have one. And what’s more, Meredith adores you too. That’s no mean feat. If she’s decided she likes you, that’s more than half the battle.’
‘What happens if she…’ Anna couldn’t finish the thought.
Jonathan’s warm hand crept across the table to cover her own. ‘She won’t. She’ll wake up and get over this. She has to.’
‘I hope you’re right.’ Anna gave a slightly watery smile. ‘If it was Ellie lying in that bed, I wouldn’t want to leave her side for a second.’
‘That’s why you and Matthew are so good together. Your children mean the world to you. When Meredith comes home, I hope the four of you will be able to make a fresh start. Together.’ There was the barest of breaks in Jonathan’s voice.
‘Thank you,’ Anna said softly. ‘And perhaps in time…’
Jonathan shook his head. ‘Let’s not run before we can walk, darling.’ Giving her hand a final squeeze, he stood up from the table. ‘Anyway, I’ve spent enough time gossiping. I’d better get back to Dad’s and make sure he’s not ransacking the drinks cupboard in my absence.’
‘Does he make a habit of it?’ Anna asked.
A shadow passed over Jonathan’s face. ‘Since Meredith’s been in hospital, he’s been taking solace in the bottom of a whisky glass rather regularly.’ He gave Anna a sardonic grin. ‘Kind of goes with the territory, I’m afraid.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ Anna said gently. Raising her eyes to meet Jonathan’s, she gave him a small smile. ‘Thanks for coming over tonight.’
‘A pleasure, darling. Now go and get some rest. We all need as much energy as we can get at the moment.’ He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. ‘See you soon.’
Just as Anna closed the front door, her phone buzzed. Wandering over to the sofa where she’d left it, she was glad t
o see it was a text from Matthew.
Miss you. No change. Talk later. X
Texting a quick response, Anna decided to get an early night. She slept more soundly than she expected.
37
The next day, when Tara had left the hospital to get some fresh air, Matthew took the comfortable chair alone by Meredith’s bed. The beeps of the machines had become so commonplace he didn’t notice them, and, although Tara had very gently combed Meredith’s hair back from her face, the girl still looked blanched, small, defenceless.
‘Meredith,’ Matthew tried again, willing his daughter to wake up, ‘if you can hear me, please, try to open your eyes, squeeze my hand, anything, my darling.’ He took her hand, feeling it cool and soft in his own. His head ached, his eyes felt heavy, and, against every fibre of his being, his mind began to drift, until he was falling into the first vestiges of a troubled sleep. The hospital sheets made a starchy pillow as he rested his forehead where Meredith’s hand lay. He knew he’d give anything, anything at all, for Meredith to wake, and in his exhausted state, his mind started to play tricks. He imagined he could see her eyes opening, her breathing becoming deeper, the beginnings of some sarcastic comment or other on her lips. He was hoping so desperately for it, he could almost hear it.
‘D-Dad? Where am I?’
Her voice was barely a whisper, and in the semi-darkness of the hospital room, Matthew couldn’t even be sure he’d heard her. Days of wakefulness had given way to exhaustion and he hovered between sleep and waking. But at the sound of his daughter’s voice his head snapped up.
‘Merry? Meredith? Can you hear me?’
‘Dad?’ Confused tears began to slide down her pale cheeks as she tried to grasp where she was. ‘What happened? Where am I? Where’s Flynn?’
‘Don’t worry about that now – or him,’ Matthew murmured. Gingerly he put out a hand to stroke a strand of dark hair away from Meredith’s forehead.
‘What happened, Daddy?’