by Kate Meader
“Had a previous appointment. I only expected to take an hour. That’s usually how these things go, to start, but once I started talking, it seems I couldn’t shut up.”
Her eyes welled with tears.
“Sadie, honey, don’t get upset.”
“You went to therapy? On a Saturday?”
He nodded. “Dante spoke with the team psychologist, but she thought it would be better to refer me to someone who deals with complicated grief. This therapist doesn’t usually meet with patients on Saturdays but I didn’t want to wait a minute longer. I wanted to be able to tell you immediately that I’ve started seeking professional help.”
Sadie had never been more proud. “You’re doing it, Gunnar. You’re on the road.”
“First step, though …” He paused. Restarted. “Actually, I’m further along than I thought. The first step was about nine months ago when someone answered my text. A cry for help, really. I didn’t block that number. I continued the conversation, talked with someone who listened without judgment, who heard me calling out for a connection. Then I gave up my summer to teach kids how to play hockey, mostly because I didn’t want to be alone. All those decisions, every one a step toward you. Toward healing.
“And when you told me you loved me, Sadie, I panicked. I said things. Awful things. Blaming you for what I’d lost, for cutting off that connection to Kelly. I wasn’t ready to accept what you were so willing to give. That big, beautiful heart of yours. But then the night Lauren went missing, I thought I could do this. I could empty my soul on that phone. Pour it out like you want, and I’d be fixed. We’d be fixed. This woman loves me and hell, I know I love her. But I hadn’t taken enough of those steps yet. Like you said, I hadn’t put in the work and telling that story was just the beginning. You knew that. You knew it before I did.”
He was giving her too much credit. He’d merely needed a nudge to get there. “When I read those texts, all those months ago, I could have stayed out of it. I could have blocked that number. But I stuck my nose in because I sensed something in you. A soul in pain, but also a fracture I could help mend. And then other things happened that set me on this path to find you. My father being a dumbass. Coming to Chicago to look after Lauren. All those decisions, every one a step toward you. Toward love.”
His eyes softened with such tenderness she didn’t think she could stand it.
“Kurt sent a video of Danny and it broke my heart, Sadie, but then it reformed in that moment, stronger than ever. It gave me hope that I’m not numb or dead or incapable of moving on. You did that for me. I won’t lean on you for everything but if I could rely on you a little …” He squeezed her tight to him. “Maybe you can keep my heart safe.”
She sniffed and tried to inhale, but her lungs had gone on hiatus.
“Sadie?”
“Sorry, it’s just I …” Her emotion got the better of her and she waved a hand in front of her face, a move that all women seemed to think staved off tears.
It did not.
“Hell, is this too much?”
“No! Not at all, I’m just a mess.” Unforgettable ended and Sam Smith’s Stay with Me came on. She had all these words she wanted to use, things she longed to say, love she yearned to express, but nothing came out.
So she stopped dancing, snaked her arms around Gunnar Bond’s neck, and kissed him hard. His moan filled her heart and soul, and they stood there for an age, making out and up in the best possible way.
He pulled back and wiped her tears with those strong, talented thumbs. “I love you, Sadie. I know it’s only been a few weeks in person but I’ve been falling for my angel for months in this other lifetime.”
“And I love you,” she whispered. “I’m so proud of you for getting the help you need. I’m here for you. For everything.” One step, one breath, one beat at a time. And then she said the thing she had always been afraid to ask for from the people closest to her heart. “And I need you to be here for me, Gunnar. I need your strength and solidity.”
Sam sung it out. Won’t you stay with me? ’Cause you’re all I need.
“It’s yours. Everything I am, everything I have, is yours.”
He initiated the kiss this time, his gift to her complete. She felt utterly loved, at peace with herself after a long time warring with her heart.
She looked over to Lauren who was chatting with Elle and Theo, but spotted her spying and gave a small wave before returning to the circle of friends that had welcomed them both. As they continued to dance, Sadie sent up three prayers of thanks.
To Zoe for letting Lauren keep Iggy.
To Kelly for showing Gunnar how to love hard and long.
And finally, to those fuckers at AT&T.
Epilogue
Remember when we’d look at each other and you’d ask without saying a word: is this crazy? And I’d tell you silently: probably but do it anyway.
That’s how I used to feel when I texted you, Kel. Like I was hanging off the edge of a cliff by my fingernails. Like this was the only thing keeping my organs inside my body and my bones inside my skin. Texting you kept me sane but it also put me on this new path.
Texting you led me to Sadie.
You’d like her, Kel. She’s no-nonsense and not afraid to push back when I’m being an ass. She calls me out when I’m down on myself and lifts me up when I need it. Like you, she’s a smart cookie. And super talented. Harper is investing in her dress design business (Sadie wouldn’t take a penny from me) and I know she’s going to be a huge success. She already has a waiting list a mile long for orders.
I’ve been talking to Kurt more. Even went to visit him and the family. Carrie has a ton of videos of us, and you’re just like I remembered you, with Janie and Danny. My therapist—yeah, don’t laugh—says I need to embrace the good we had and recognize it as one chapter of many in my life. An important one, of course. And while it’s okay for me to reread those chapters, it’s healthiest for me to write new ones.
In these new ones, I’m creating a story with Sadie and Lauren. With Theo and Elle, who just welcomed a little one, Hatch. With Dante and Cade and their baby girl, Rosie. (They were born a couple of weeks apart so they’re being labeled Chicago Rebel twins. Or an arranged marriage, per Kershaw.) With my new band of brothers. Harper’s been there for me, too. I’d never have expected it from the CEO of a pro hockey franchise, but that’s what I’ve skated into. A new family.
Sometimes I wake up and you’re not the first thing I think about. I don’t dream about the accident anymore, either. I still feel guilty that you and the kids are no longer my constant, or even in my dreams. The therapist says that’s part of the process. We let go, then we labor over whether that’s the right thing to do. My brain already knows it is and I expect my heart will catch up. It’s the only way I can be the man that Sadie needs. It’s the best way I can forgive myself.
Thanks for giving me some of the best years of my life. Thanks for blessing me with two beautiful children. And thanks for being the woman who shaped me into the man I am today, one that’s strong enough to survive and generous enough to open my heart to someone else.
I love you, Kel. Always.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed Gunnar and Sadie’s story of heartbreak, love, and redemption. Please leave an honest review on your favorite book platform. I would so appreciate it.
Ready for more Rebels? Next up is Mia, Vadim Petrov’s sister, who needs help seducing the man of her dreams. That man is … not Cal Foreman, notorious ladies’ man, thorn in her side, and her brother’s best friend. But the hottie hockey hunk might have a few tips on how Mia can nail her target, which makes him the perfect FOREPLAYER.
Are you wondering how Levi snagged his best friend’s widow, ace reporter Jordan or how a one-night stand between Theo and Elle turned into so much more? GOOD GUY and INSTACRUSH are available now.
New to the Chicago Rebels world? Meet the original crew! Three estranged sisters inherit their late father’s failing hockey f
ranchise and are forced to confront a man’s world, their family’s demons, and the battle-hardened ice warriors skating into their hearts. Start right now with the free prequel, IN SKATES TROUBLE.
Are you a fan of hot and heartfelt romance featuring found families? Check out the Hot in Chicago series about firefighting foster siblings honoring the father who saved them while they follow in his footsteps. The Dempseys’ motto: fire is stronger than blood and defend the people you love to the last ember.
Finally, to stay in touch about new releases, sales, and what I’m working on, sign up for my newsletter or join my reader group, Kate’s Kittens on Facebook.
Acknowledgments
Because she saved my butt big time on this book, my editor Kristi Yanta deserves both a dedication and an acknowledgment for the amazing job she did here. Let’s face it: the first draft of this was a mess. But Kristi asked all the right questions and got to the heart of what I was trying to do. This book would be a shell without her insightful input. Thank you, K!
Thanks also to copyeditor Kim Cannon for not balking when I pushed back the delivery date and for working through a holiday to get it to me on time. I’m so grateful for her attention to detail and stellar work ethic.
To my agent, Nicole Resciniti, who always has my back. Thanks for supporting me on every path and detour on this journey and finding new opportunities for me.
And finally, Jimmie, I’m blessed to have you in my life. Thanks for being my support, especially in this crazy, upside down, is-it-over-yet year.
About the Author
Originally from Ireland, USA Today bestselling author Kate Meader cut her romance reader teeth on Maeve Binchy and Jilly Cooper novels, with some Harlequins thrown in for variety. Give her tales about brooding mill owners, oversexed equestrians, and men who can rock an apron, a fire hose, or a hockey stick, and she’s there. Now based in Chicago, she writes sexy contemporary featuring strong heroes and amazing women and men who can match their guys quip for quip.
Also by Kate Meader
Rookie Rebels
GOOD GUY
INSTACRUSH
MAN DOWN
FOREPLAYER
Chicago Rebels
IN SKATES TROUBLE
IRRESISTIBLE YOU
SO OVER YOU
UNDONE BY YOU
HOOKED ON YOU
WRAPPED UP IN YOU
Laws of Attraction
DOWN WITH LOVE
ILLEGALLY YOURS
THEN CAME YOU
Hot in Chicago
REKINDLE THE FLAME
FLIRTING WITH FIRE
MELTING POINT
PLAYING WITH FIRE
SPARKING THE FIRE
FOREVER IN FIRE
COMING IN HOT
Tall, Dark, and Texan
EVEN THE SCORE
TAKING THE SCORE
ONE WEEK TO SCORE
Hot in the Kitchen
FEEL THE HEAT
ALL FIRED UP
HOT AND BOTHERED
For updates, giveaways, and new release information,
sign up for Kate’s newsletter.