by Catie Rhodes
I yanked open the door.
Tanner stood on my crumbling concrete steps. I’d thought of him at least once an hour since he’d stormed off that last time. But now that he stood right in front of me, I didn’t know how to react.
What on earth could he want with me? There weren’t many possibilities. He’d forgotten something and hoped I might still have it. He wanted to tell me he hated my guts. He was here on business. The last one made the most sense.
I took a good look at the man I still loved. The weak December sun shone off slacks made of some smooth, expensive material and rippled shadows over a white shirt that looked softer than anything I owned. His long hair fell in graceful waves over his shoulders. A man-style. His new California look. It agreed with him.
I wanted to be angry at him, to scorn his fancy clothes. It seemed the right thing to do. Look at the way he’d left me. But I couldn’t work up any anger. My love for him welled up, so big I couldn’t tell it no. I closed the space between us and hugged him. He returned my hug, laughing. He even smelled expensive.
I drew away. “You look great.”
“Not as great as you.” He hugged me again and kissed my neck.
The familiar thread of desire worked its way through me. I stared into his wild eyes. It was like facing down a jungle cat.
He glanced over my shoulder. “This your house?”
I stepped away from the door. “Yes. Sorry. Come in.”
Pregnancy test still in my hand, I showed Tanner the two bedrooms, one bathroom, and Eisenhower era kitchen. Tanner threw the test several pointed glances, but I pretended not to see.
Instead I swept one hand over my living room. “It needs work, but it’s got potential.”
He finally pointed at the test, eyebrows raised.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” I stuffed the test in my back pocket.
Tanner recoiled as though I’d slapped him. His eyes, swimming with hurt, searched mine for answers. But he was out of luck. This baby was none of his business. Time to get Tanner out of here. “This visit is a great surprise, but I’ve got…”
Tanner turned toward the door, even walked a few steps, but spun back to face me. The hurt was gone, replaced by determination. He strode to the kitchen table, sat down, and settled his gaze on mine.
“I didn’t come here just to turn right around and leave. Sit with me and talk. Please?” He held out one hand, and the tail of a new tattoo peeked out of his rolled-up sleeve. For all the world, it looked like bird feathers.
My heart picked up speed. Had he taken on the Gregg family mark? Surely he didn’t think he was coming back after the way he left. I caught myself. No need to put the carrot before the rabbit. The tattoo was probably some trendy thing his friends Dave and Neecie had turned him on to. Organic tattoos, done in the style of the ancients with an authentic antique hammer. That made me smile again. I sat down.
Tanner cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology.”
“It’s done. Let it go.” Conversations like this made me want to barf. Most things made me want to puke these days. But conversations like this made it even worse.
He held up one hand. “Let me say my piece. I’m a shithead for leaving. I was scared, so I let Dave and Neecie’s offer serve as the perfect excuse.”
“Scared of what?” I couldn’t even look at him.
He took my hand. “Every day we spent together, I loved you a little more. I could see our lives stretching out ahead of us. To the end. And endings hurt…”
I glanced up to see tears standing in his eyes.
“It almost killed me to lose Bea and the girls. I thought if I ran away, then I’d never have to face losing you.” One tear rolled down his cheek. He pulled his hand from mine and swiped it away.
I started to say something, to make some forgiving noise just to get him out of my house. He held up his hand to stop me.
“There I was in California, with nothing and nobody to hurt me. But then Nichole and I settled our differences.” He took a deep, quivering breath. “I found myself with another chance to have fun with my sister and her children. After I thought I’d lost them forever.” He sat up a little straighter, seemed to gather his courage. “So I came back to Texas to find you. To tell you I’m sorry I ran off like a coward.”
“You broke my heart. I loved you too.” Loved? Was I done with him? The ache in my heart said no. I still loved Tanner so much it hurt.
He stared across the table, leaning forward in expectation. He’d eaten roasted donkey nuts. Now he probably wanted to hear me apologize. My pride spoke up first. He doesn’t deserve an apology. He kicked me to the curb like a box of rancid garbage.
But then I remembered the conversation with Hannah right after Tanner left the first time. I swallowed my super-sized pride and forced out the words.
“I’m sorry I hated my existence so much. It made being with me scarier than it had to be.” Saying the words stung worse than a sunburn on the ass, but Hannah had been right. Tanner needed to hear me admit it.
He leaned back in his chair and regarded me. “We both had to die and be reborn so we could end up here.”
His words punched into me. Queenie’s tarot reading flashed in my mind. Maybe all that upheaval had been going on for Tanner too, and I just hadn’t known. But now the storm was over. We’d both survived, and it was time to start a new chapter in life. One where I admitted my wrongs even if it kicked my pride right in the ass.
“While I’m apologizing, I’m sorry for having a one-night stand with Wade.” I pulled the pregnancy test from my pocket and turned it where he could see the positive. “But I will never be sorry that this happened. I conceived the night Wade healed me.”
For the second time, Tanner flinched away from me. His brilliant eyes dulled. He dropped his head to stare at the scarred wood table. My face heated at the baldness of my statement but not the honesty of it. Tanner had to know this baby wasn’t his. If he left now, I’d find a way to live with it. At least I wouldn’t be a liar. Tanner raised his head.
“About Wade…” Redness crept over his broad cheekbones. “If I had called your phone and gotten a disconnected message…especially after I told you to call if you needed me, I’d have felt betrayed. Abandoned. The way I felt when I got back to California.”
Understanding passed between us. He’d tried to get back at me, or maybe just forget me, in California. Yet here he was. The most decent guy in the world. My chest tightened.
“And the baby?” I swallowed hard. My pulse picked up. Was I hoping he wanted to stay? Silly. Things didn’t work out like that. Not for girls like me.
“I’m excited for you. You’ll be a great mother.” He said it the way people wish each other luck when they’re never going to see each other again. I didn’t blame him. Tanner was a special man, but raising another man’s child? Who was I kidding?
Almost on cue, Tanner pushed his chair back and began to stand. He stopped midway up and dropped back into the chair. Brow crinkled in a frown, he stared at his fancy slacks, his inner turmoil so great it made my stomach hurt. Finally, he let out an angry snort. He raised his head and rolled his sleeve up to his elbow, eyes on mine. A new raven tattoo, very like mine, graced his forearm. My chest tightened. I’d been right. He’d taken the family mark.
“Give me another chance.” His raspy voice barely rose above a whisper. “Let me be your partner and a father to this baby.”
I started to remind him this baby wasn’t his. He’d be raising another man’s child. But he talked fast, his words running together.
“I know this baby is not mine. But Wade isn’t here to help you. I am. I want you, and now this baby is part of that package.” He stretched one hand across the table, reaching for me. “Just say I can stay. I don’t promise to be perfect. But I do promise to love both of you the best I can.”
The world seemed to stand still. I couldn’t take his hand. I couldn’t do anything. Now, after everything, Tanner wanted a second chance.
For us to ride off into the sunset together.
It was my wildest fantasy come to life. But fantasies are just that. Not real.
In reality, Tanner had run off like a dog with a scalded ass. How could I trust him not to leave next time he got scared? Or started missing his old life, the one he could never have with me? Even better, could he trust me?
The questions were good ones. And I needed to think hard about them. In seven months and some change, I’d have a baby in the mix. Despite Tanner’s promise to love it like his own, what if he left again? A baby didn’t need that kind of upheaval. I got ready to tell him no, that it just wouldn't work. But what I saw in Tanner’s eyes made the words lodge in my throat.
I saw fear. Vulnerability. But behind that, hope. Hope that I would say yes. And love. I saw his love for me.
He was willing to take a chance on having his ego crushed and his heart broken. Maybe his nose bloodied for good measure. But he’d loved me enough to come back. To chance it.
Now I held the key to the rest of my life in one breath. I could send the man I loved away. Spend the rest of my life guarding my heart like a crown jewel. Waiting for absolute proof I could trust.
But I’d be cheating myself. The baby too. I wanted my baby to have a father. Tanner would be both a good father and a good partner.
The fear tried to rise up again, a flurry of what ifs. I gave it a rude shove. Fear would not hold me back. Because I understood now.
The secret of living, and living well, was to jump. To take chances. Not wait for things to be perfect.
Perfect didn’t exist. There would never be proof things would be okay forever and ever.
Life was a ride at your own risk deal. To be lived as it came. A second at a time. Cry tears of joy when it worked out. Mourn when it didn’t. Love like it was forever. And fight the monsters when they came.
“What if I tell you no?” My voice came out choked.
Even with tears running down his face, Tanner smiled. “I’ll keep trying. I’ll beg. Do tricks. One day you’ll change your mind. Because this—us, you, me, and the baby—is worth it.”
I shoved my chair back, stumbled around the table, and kissed him. He kissed me back, hard, his citrusy cologne strong in my nose and his lips hot against mine. I broke the kiss.
“Did I show you my bedroom?” I knew I had.
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “No. I don’t think you did.”
He held out his hand, and I took it.
Life would never be perfect. No sure deals. But sometimes fate dealt you a good hand. I followed Tanner into the next chapter of my life.
Two weeks into the new year I sat in my uncle Jesse’s truck outside Hooty’s church in Gaslight City. An impossibly bright sun beamed down from one of those early January deep blue skies. Gorgeous day, but only thirty degrees. Which is arctic temperature in East Texas. I rubbed the chill bumps scattered over my bare arms.
“You cold?” Uncle Jesse adjusted the heater vent to blow on me.
I turned the vent back toward him. “I’d rather be cold than puke on my dress.”
Jesse smiled. “Wrong time of year for that sleeveless dress.”
The dress had been Hannah’s when she married her first husband. Esther Bruce, Rainey’s mother, had altered it to fit my much smaller frame. It was nicer than anything I’d have bought for myself.
“I know. But I wanted to do this before I really started showing.” Even though it was my second marriage, I wanted a church wedding. Walking down the aisle with a beach-ball stomach sticking out didn’t sound very glamorous. “Maybe I should have waited until after the baby comes.”
My uncle threw back his head and laughed. “You’d never get it done then. If you want to do this, you’re going about it the right way.”
Jesse’s phone buzzed. He put on his reading glasses and stared at the screen. “All right. My father-in-law says it’s time.” He got out of the truck and came around to my side.
“Is Hooty a good father-in-law?” I asked as Jesse helped me navigate the four feet to the ground without getting tangled up in my yards of dress.
“He’s almost over a guy he went to high school with marrying his only daughter.” Jesse gave me a wink and held out his arm.
I took it, and we walked down the sidewalk in front of the church, past the naked January trees, the stiff, sleeping shrubs, and the empty flowerbeds. Dormant, all of it, waiting for another spring. Over the sparse months of winter, even one as short as winter in East Texas, it was easy to believe renewal would never come.
But the perfect blue sky and blazing sun promised something different. Spring would come, and everything would be alive and vibrant again. Life worked the same way. In spite of all the deaths and the ends, a new beginning waited not too far down the road.
My new beginning started in a few minutes. Other than taking on the mantle and becoming the Gregorius Witch, I had never been so sure about anything. Marrying Tanner Letts was the first day of the rest of my life.
And it was going to be a good one. I knew because Tanner and I were good people. Good people don’t always get happy endings, but Tanner and I had gotten lucky.
Uncle Jesse opened the door. Guitar playing drifted out. Hannah sat on the church’s small stage, strumming her guitar and singing “Storybook Love.” Tubby leaned against the wall nearby, one hand on the cane he’d probably use the rest of his life.
Hooty waited in front of the pulpit. His dark eyes shone with tears. Tanner stood next to him. He broke into a smile as soon as he saw me. On the other side of Tanner stood a flickering figure. My father, Paul Mace. Forever young.
A huge rumble went through the room as everyone stood and turned to watch Jesse walk me down the aisle.
Faces of my loved ones, both living and dead, passed by too fast. Griff and Mysti stood near Jadine and Brad on the second row. Jadine reached out to let her fingers trail over my dress as I passed.
The front row seemed empty until I let my sight waver. Memaw stood next to my grandfather, George Mace. Both were younger than me. Cecil stood next to them, hands clasped in front of him, face solemn. Next to him, Shelly stood in the spot reserved for the mother of the bride, elegant in a mauve dress. Rainey stood with a little space between her and Shelly so Jesse could join them after he gave me away. Beyond her, Dillon and Finn struggled to hold their kids still.
Then Jesse and I stood in front of the pulpit, our backs to the congregation. Paul moved from his place beside Tanner to waver on the other side of me. He’d have been the one giving me away had he lived. But having Jesse, his twin brother, do it was just as good.
Hooty asked, “Who gives this woman in marriage?”
Uncle Jesse said, “Her aunt Shelly and I.”
Jesse let go of me and went to stand between Shelly and Rainey. He put his arm around his wife and kissed her on the cheek. The room rumbled again as everyone sat.
Hooty took a deep breath. “I’ve performed many weddings over the years. Hundreds. But marrying a woman who’s been like a daughter to you is…” He pressed his lips together and shook his head. He wiped a tear from his eye and swallowed. “It’s an indescribable honor.”
Hooty went through the standard wedding vows, which Tanner and I both had requested. But after we’d said our “I dos,” Hooty said something I hadn’t expected.
“The miracle of life isn’t the fact that we live. It’s that we weather life’s storms and survive them. I won’t wish you luck, Peri Jean and Tanner; I wish you strength and love. It’s those two things, mostly the latter, that keep you going.” He paused and smiled. “You may kiss the bride.”
I looked into my husband's wild jungle eyes and felt the world opening up for us, paving a new road for Tanner and me to travel together. Together we’d find a way to fishtail through the sharpest curves and speed up the steepest hills. Not because we had so much horsepower, but because we’d learned the secret to winning.
Knowing that we could.
&nb
sp; * * *
THE END
Keep reading for a special note from Catie.
Author’s Note
Dear Peri Jean Mace Fan,
Ever heard the saying, “A lady knows when to leave the party?” I’m no lady, but I did know—deep in my gut—that it was time to end the Peri Jean Mace Ghost Thrillers series.
Peri Jean deserved to go out with a bang and not a whimper.
Though I know I’ll never please every reader, I hope you got a kick out of Last Exit. It was a blast to write.
Which brings me to the reason I sat down to write this letter.
Thank you for accompanying me on this journey.
Writing these books has changed my life. It took me from an adulthood of dead-end jobs to realizing what I want to be when I grow up.
(I actually suspect I’ll never grow up. How can you and still do this job?)
The Peri Jean Mace Ghost Thrillers is far from perfect as a series. But this series will always hold a special place in my heart as the catalyst for huge change in my life. It’s the series that taught me I could.
But none of this would have been possible without you—Peri Jean’s fans. You brought the Peri Jean Mace Ghost Thrillers series to life.
Your interest let me know someone out there gave a shit. That I wasn’t just spinning my wheels.
And when you told me how real Peri Jean Mace felt to you? That was when I knew I wasn’t crazy.
Because all the characters in these books, all the settings, feel as real as anybody I’ve known or any place I’ve been.
And that brings me to my second reason for writing this letter.
Every thread in this story and every character came to the end that felt most natural and made the most sense. Not all of those endings were happy. But not all of life is happy.
Rising above adversity—finding your inner Six of Wands—is one of the themes of the Peri Jean Mace Ghost Thrillers series.