“Every time she’d smile down at me, like me waiting up for her made her the happiest person in the world. And I really believed it too. She’d set everything down and come sit in the recliner, letting me sit on her lap and tell her everything that happened that day at school.”
It fucking hurts remembering the small pieces of it that come to me. Things I didn’t even know I remembered.
“She’d always have a candy for me. Always. Sometimes there’d be a toy too, something small. Like things you’d get in a piñata.”
Chloe hums a small acknowledgment and lifts her leg to lay over mine as she peeks up at me. I pull her in closer, loving that she’s letting me tell her this.
“I always thought that she would go get something for me before coming home, you know?” I clear my throat, remembering how some nights if I wasn’t able to stay up, I actually felt bad. She’d gone through that trouble of getting me something, and I couldn’t even stay up for her. I remember wondering if that was why mom left. Because I didn’t stay up for her.
“I was six, I think when she died. And after the funeral, everyone came back to the house.” The depth of emotions that play in the soft blues of Chloe’s eyes force me to look at the ceiling rather than at her.
“And I didn’t know any of the people. I hardly recognized my own mother, because she’d been gone for years, but this one guy, an older guy with glasses, sat down in my grandmom’s recliner. And when he did, he pulled up a Zip-loc bag, and it had all the treats in it.”
I can feel Chloe’s eyes on me, but I can’t look down at her. It’s so stupid, but I can feel tears pricking my eyes.
“Grandmom had a stash I didn’t know about. She didn’t pick one out every night. It was right there all along.” I clear my throat and tell her, “I kicked him, Chlo. I kicked him hard and grabbed the bag from him. I grabbed it so hard that it tore, and the candy and little toys fell everywhere. They weren’t his though. They were Grandmom’s. It was her stash to give to me.”
I feel the tears on my chest at the same time as I hear Chloe sniffle.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I hold her closer to me.
“It’s all right, Chlo. Just a story I remembered.” I don’t tell her the rest. How my mom beat my ass in front of everyone and made me throw away all the candy. She struck me so hard I fell to the floor. I don’t tell her how I cried uncontrollably and my mother, who I hadn’t seen in years, held my face up for everyone to see that she was punishing her brat of a child who didn’t deserve any candy. And that was why she left. That’s what she told them. That she was cursed with a bad kid.
She was so proud that everyone got to see her being the mother she never was. And the only thing I had to hold on to, was that those tears weren’t for her. They were never for her.
“Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful person.”
“She was,” I tell her and we’re both quiet for a long time.
“Hey, if you could up and leave, where would you go?” I ask her even though I can see sleep taking her already. She’s going to pass out soon and then I need to take care of some shit. I’ll be careful; I won’t wake her up.
“Anywhere that would take me,” she says playfully.
“I’m serious. What would you do?” I ask her, wondering if she’s really thought about it. If she’d really run away one day. She props herself up on her elbow, still lying on her stomach and considers me.
“I think I could be a writer. Not like a reporter… but like my books. Fiction.”
“If you could do anything at all, you’d write?” It takes me a minute to visualize it. Her bundled up on a sofa, with a mug of tea beside her, jotting down notes or typing away. I could see it. She’d be good at it.
“I feel like that’s where I belong, you know? I can kind of be a little weird in person, but when I read or write, it’s so freeing.”
“I get that,” I tell her, feeling a knot growing in my throat. “You could do it, Chlo. You know?” I ask her even though everything in me is telling me not to put those thoughts in her head. I don’t want her to run away, I don’t want her to leave me.
She gives me a weak smile that mixes with her shyness as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear before settling back down and yawning.
“And what would you do?” she asks as she nudges me, peeking up at me to add, “If you could do anything.”
I think about her question for a long time, long after I shrug and tell her to go to bed. Long after she nuzzles up next to me and falls asleep in my arms. The only answer I can think of is if I could do anything in the world, I’d run away with her.
The only place I want to be is with her.
“Chlo,” I whisper her name not long after sleep’s taken her from me. Her brow is pinched and the sweet expression on her beautiful face has been replaced by something else. Something that lingers in the place between fear and worry. A small whimper is all I get from her as her nails dig into my arm, holding on to me for dear life. Whatever’s got her mind now isn’t what I want her thinking about.
The only thing on her mind should be thoughts of us together. It would only be fair since she’s the only thing I can think about anymore.
With one hand on her shoulder, I give her a gentle shake to wake her, hard enough to know I’ll snap her out of her sleep. “Chloe Rose.” I keep my voice gentle and soothing as her wide doe eyes peer up at me, the traces of fear still dancing in her gaze.
Her chest rises and falls with a slow and steadying breath as she looks past me, at the room and then back to my gaze. “You’re with me, Chloe Rose.” My words are meant to be soothing, but the reaction I get from her is more powerful than I could ever imagine. She pulls herself closer to me, molding every inch of her soft body to mine, kissing my neck, my collar, my chest. Her hands roam down my stomach and then she slips her hand up my chest, letting her fingers play with the small smattering of hair that trails down to my lower half.
The next time I say her name, it’s merely a stifled groan. “Chlo.” My dick is harder than it’s ever been before.
She wants me. She fucking wants me.
“Sebastian,” she whispers my name with desperation, brushing her lips against my neck again and letting her kisses trail everywhere they can.
She’s in need and so am I.
I roll her over onto her back, and she lets out a small squeal of surprise. It’s short-lived as I climb on top of her, kicking off my pants while her fingers spear through my hair and her lips hungrily find mine.
Her tongue brushes against the seam of my lips as I push my fingers inside of her. I have to pull away from the kiss, groaning deep and low in my chest from how hot and wet she is for me already.
“I need you,” she whispers and rocks her cunt against my dick.
I don’t make her wait, I push myself inside of her, getting harder from the sweet, tortured sounds she gives me in return. She’s still so tight, so fucking hot and wet too. It takes me far too long to be buried deep inside of her and when I finally am, giving her a moment to acclimate to my size, her heels dig into my ass, her nails at my back and she begs, fucking begs me, to take her hard.
I give her everything she wants. With one slam of my hips, she screams out my name. Another thrust and she’s biting her lip and muffling her cries, but her gaze stays on mine. Those beautiful hues of baby blue swirling with desire, and something else. Something deeper. Something that stirs the beast inside of me to do anything for her, give her anything she ever needs. And to make her mine.
All mine.
Rutting between her legs, I piston my hips, feeling the cold sweat spread along my skin as I hold back my need to cum.
“Bastian,” she moans my name as her pussy tightens and her back bows under me.
“Cum for me,” I command her in a voice I don’t recognize. One desperate and breathless. One that’s just for her.
And she does. She obeys me, instantly spasming on my cock. Her head falls back and her lips part as h
er orgasm rocks through her.
I don’t stop. The second her gaze is off mine, I fuck her harder, ruthlessly, riding through her orgasm and prolonging every bit of it that I can. Dragging it out of her.
She writhes under me and her head thrashes.
My heart beats hard against my chest, feeling hers in time with me.
She’s mine. All of her is mine. For always.
Fuck Romano; fuck this city.
I pound into her harder, wanting her to feel every emotion that’s raging through me. I’m staying with her.
Her gasp is followed with a strangled moan that fuels me to grip her hips harder, giving her every bit of me.
Nothing’s going to keep me from her.
Nothing.
Chloe
Sebastian’s phone keeps going off. I thought it was in my dream at first.
My mother was hissing something. I still hear her words as my eyes flutter open. She said, He’s lying to you. Her voice keeps me frozen under the warm sheets as the bed dips and Sebastian sits up to grab his phone.
I’m motionless as he moves. She was right here. I can still feel her. She was here.
His voice is groggy as I try to breathe and shake off the eerie feeling that my mother still haunts me in my sleep, even if I can’t remember what the dream was.
He’s lying to you.
“Yeah, what is it?” Sebastian’s voice sounds off. The worry that lingers in his tone grabs my full attention, leaving the thoughts of my mother and whatever had come to me in my sleep where it belongs, in the past. In my unconscious.
“No, no…” He rubs his brow and turns away from me as whoever it is who’s called him talks loud enough that I can almost hear the replies on the other end. “I’m sorry,” he says with a pained voice, “Yeah, yeah. Are you okay?”
The dread grows as I watch him, how he looks so hurt sitting on the edge of the bed and listening to whoever it is on the other line.
He swallows thickly before saying goodbye and tossing the phone on his nightstand. With his head hung low, I can hear him swallow.
“Who was it?” I dare to ask in a whisper as if speaking too loudly would cause the pain he’s feeling to cut even deeper.
I scoot closer to him, but slowly as he lifts his head to answer, “Carter.”
My stomach twists into a knot, just like the one in my heart as Bastian adds, “His mom died.”
My throat is tight as the swell of sadness rises. I didn’t know her at all, but I knew the end had to be closer after she was moved into their house for hospice.
It’s devastating to lose your mother, whether you know it’s coming or not.
“So much death.” The words escape me slowly as I tally up the number of gravestones.
“I care more about him than any of those assholes.” Bastian’s tone is harsh and unforgiving. I peek over at him as he rubs the sleep from his eyes angrily, his feet on the floor while he still sits on the bed. I’ve never seen him look so tired, so ragged from everything and the pain of it all forces me to move closer to him, pushing the sheets and covers away to just hold him. I rest my cheek to his back and wrap my arms around him from behind.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against his back and then lift myself up, so I can plant a small kiss on his neck. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him again.
I don’t know how close he was with Carter’s mom, but it doesn’t matter. He’s hurting. Lacing his fingers through mine, he kisses my inner wrist. “Are you okay?” he asks me, turning his head so he can look me in the eyes. Of all the things to ask, he wants to know if I’m all right.
His eyes are red with lack of sleep, his stubble is too long, and there are dark bags under his eyes as well. I have to slip my hand from his to cup his cheek and sit up to kiss him on his lips. A chaste, sweet kiss. My heart flutters every time I kiss him. It’s an odd feeling, like a magnetic pull to him.
I brush his lips with the pad of my thumb and whisper to him, “It’s not always about me, Bastian.” With his name on my lips, I look him in the eyes and say, “I’ll be okay.”
“You’re wrong,” he tells me, shifting to sit so he’s facing me. “It is always about you.”
His answer steals my breath, numbing me as he kisses my wrist again.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.” I can’t help but tell him as the words come to me.
His steely blue eyes catch me off guard; they pierce into me and hold me hostage as he asks, “And why is that?”
“You make me feel like I’m more to you than I am.” The words come unbidden, his simple question enough to draw the raw truth from me. I lick my lips as I blink away the haze of the spell he casts over me. Bringing my knees into my chest, I scoot away from him and wish I could take those words back.
“You’re wrong again,” he tells me, and I feel foolish.
“I know I’m an easy lay,” I tell him dully, feeling my heart squeeze in my chest. I would let him have me whenever he wanted.
“I didn't say you were. I don't do this; I don’t sleep around. I don't have girls stay over, so we're even there. So, whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.”
Guilt rises inside of me and makes me feel sick to my stomach. This is not the time, nor the place. I can feel his gaze on me, I know he’s waiting for me to simply agree and so I swallow the spiked knot and nod, but I can’t look him in the eyes.
“You know you mean more to me than that. You’re more than that.” His conviction is unmistakable, but I don’t know that. I only know what he’s told me, which is nothing.
He never tells me anything and I let him into my life because that’s where I want him. It’s as simple as that.
Taking a steadying breath, I turn to him.
“Tell me you know that,” he commands me, and my eyes are drawn to his throat as he swallows. “Tell me you know you’re more than just a lay for me.”
“I do,” I tell him. Things have always been more between us, but why? I don’t know. And tomorrow holds no promises for me.
“I want to have someone, Bastian,” I confess to him. “Even if I may lose them one day. I don’t want to be alone anymore.” I don’t know where the words come from. Maybe it’s the fatigue that still lingers. The sadness from hearing of Carter’s mom passing. Or maybe it’s because I feel a crack in Sebastian’s armor, he’s giving me a way in to tell him exactly how I feel.
It’s too quiet as I stare straight ahead at nothing in particular, rather than at Sebastian.
He cups the side of my face and forces me to look at him. His touch is hot and his gaze even hotter as he tells me, “Then let me be that someone.”
My heart beats in slow motion.
“What am I to you?” I whisper. Because deep in my soul, I already know Sebastian is that person for me. What I don’t know is whether or not I’m that person for him.
“You were just the sad girl who looked at me like you couldn’t wait to run from me. So, I refused to chase you, Chloe. Now that I have you, I’m begging you, don’t run from me.”
I love you is on the tip of my tongue, but the strength to let the words be heard is nowhere to be found.
“People know you’re with me now, anyway,” he tells me when I don’t say anything. “There’s nowhere to run.”
“I want to run away from here. I don’t know that I can stay here, Bastian.” I don’t know why that’s what comes out of me, but it’s all I can say.
His answer is simple and unexpected. “When you figure out where, tell me.”
His hand falls from my cheek and he gets off the bed, making my body sway where it is. My gaze drifts to him, watching him stand at the dresser and open a drawer, and then to the faint light of early morning filtering in through the window.
“Where are you going?” I ask him and then add, “To Carter’s?” He only nods solemnly. Of course, he’d want to be with him. I’m sure Carter needs him there too.
“Do you want me to go with you?” I offer. I’d do anything for hi
m.
“You keep looking for a way to run from me, Chloe Rose,” he says and although he isn’t facing me as he slips on a white cotton t-shirt, I can hear the smile that must be gracing his lips, “but I need you this time. You’re not allowed to leave now.”
“So, that’s a yes?” I push him for more, feeling a warmth spread through my body and cloaking the sadness still buried within.
“It’s a, ‘you should have known you’re coming with me.’”
Sebastian
I knew it was coming. We all did. But we’re dying every day, coming closer to the end of our time here on earth, and it’s never easy to accept.
It’s been four days since she passed. And four days of Carter not calling. I keep texting him, but he just gives me one-word answers. His dad was right, nothing can prepare you; I didn’t think Carter would push me away though, not when he needs someone there for him. Even if it’s just to sit around and do nothing, I don’t care what, I just want to be there for him.
But he has his brothers.
Let me know when I can come over, I text him. And it takes a few minutes with only the sound of the paper bags rustling from Chlo getting the Chinese food out before Carter replies that he will.
I think he’s lying though. I don’t think he’s going to ask for help or for anyone to come around. He’s not okay.
“You should go to him,” Chloe speaks up, dishing out the lo mein on both of the paper plates with the white plastic forks they threw in the bag. “I think he’d like that,” she adds. She’s on her knees in front of the coffee table in nothing but a shirt of mine.
Tossing my phone on the sofa, I get down on the floor with her. It’s awkward and I have to push the coffee table away a foot, so I can fit between it and the sofa.
The sound of her small laugh soothes a piece of me that’s hurting for Carter. I peer up at her with a smirk on my lips. “Not everyone’s a tiny little thing like you,” I tell her and watch that soft blush creep up in her cheeks.
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