If I’m being honest, everything aches. My heart especially.
At the last rest stop, I decided to charge my phone, using the charger that Aiden had left in here.
I know Jack and Alex have been trying to call me. There are missed calls and countless messages from both of them.
There are missed calls and messages from Charly, too. But I won’t listen to them.
I don’t want to talk to anyone, and I especially don’t want to talk to her.
What does she need to talk to me about? I think everything that needed to be said was said back at the hotel.
But I should call Jack. I know he’ll be worried about me.
I press Call on his number and wait for it to connect.
He answers on the first ring, “Where the hell are you?”
“I’m fine. I just need some time alone.”
I don’t tell him I’m home. Even though Jack’s never been here, I know he’d come charging down here and get me to go back to Vegas. And, right now, that’s the last place I want to be.
“You need to get your ass back here. I’ve got the press on the phone nonstop. Brandon’s freaking out. You’re supposed to be back on set tomorrow.”
I sigh. “Tell Brandon I’m sorry. And that I’ll call him soon.”
“You’re sorry? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I won’t be there tomorrow, Jack.”
“You can’t just run out on a film, Vaughn. You’re committed to this. You signed a contract.”
“I know. I just need a few days.”
“The delay will cost millions, Vaughn. Brandon could sue.”
“So, let him sue me. Or ask him to just give me two days, and then I’ll be back.”
“He won’t like it.”
“I know. But he doesn’t have a choice.”
There’s a pause.
Then, Jacks says, “Stupid question, but how are you doing?”
I laugh humorlessly. “I’ve had better days.”
“She’s gone,” he tells me in a lowered voice. “Left not long after you did.”
I want to ask if he knows where she was going. But part of me already knows. She’s going back to him. Her husband.
“You should’ve told me—about you and her. I could’ve done a background—”
“Not now, Jack, okay?”
“Okay.” He sighs. “So, I’ll see you in a few days?”
“You will.” I disconnect the call and turn my phone off.
I take the turn onto my parents’ farm. Driving up the track, I see the lights are still on at their house. Then, I look at my house off in the distance.
The last time I was there, I was with her.
I turn off to my parents’ house and park out front there. I can’t stay in my house tonight.
My mom comes out the front door just as I climb out of the car.
“Hey, baby,” she says, a sad smile on her face.
“Hi, Mom.”
I walk over to her, and she wraps her arms around me, hugging me.
“It’s going to be okay,” she tells me.
“I know,” I say, but I don’t believe it.
Because nothing about this feels like it’s ever going to be okay.
I thought what I felt after Cain betrayed me was bad. But this, with Charly…it’s a million times more painful.
Chapter 39
Charly
“I’m so, so sorry,” I tell Nick on the phone.
“Charly, it’s not your fault.”
It is. It’s all my fault. But I don’t bother arguing with him. I know Nick will never see the bad in me. Just like I never would in him.
After Vaughn walked out on me, I was left there in his hotel suite with Jack and Alex. Uncomfortable didn’t even cut it. So, I walked out without a word to either of them and came to my hotel.
The room was too silent, so I made the stupid mistake of putting the TV on. The first thing that came on was E! News, and the presenters were discussing Vaughn and me. The moment I heard the word cheater, I switched it off and rang Nick.
“Are they still out there?” I ask.
“The press? Yeah, there’s a bunch of them hanging around the front of our building.”
I cover my face with my hand. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“It’s gonna be fine, gorgeous.”
“No, it’s not!” I cry. “The whole world thinks I’m a cheating whore. The press is camped outside our building, hounding you. And Vaughn hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“You didn’t see the way he looked at me right before he left.”
“You’re impossible to hate.”
“Stop trying to make me feel better.”
“You want me to make you feel worse? Homewrecker. Is that better?”
“A little.” I sigh. “What are we going to do, Nick?”
“Right now, we are going to do nothing.”
“But what about immigration? They’ll know what’s happened with Vaughn. Everyone knows.”
“I’m a US resident now, Charly. As far as immigration is concerned, you had an affair. Even if we get divorced, it won’t change anything to do with my residency. We only stayed married to make it seem real. You having an affair seems real enough.” He chuckles.
“Not funny.”
“Sorry.”
I let out a sad sigh, picking at the hem of my top. “He’s never going to forgive me.”
“Vaughn? He will when you tell him the truth.”
“I was going to. I just didn’t get the chance.”
“You should have talked to me, Charly. Told me how serious it was getting between the two of you. I would have encouraged you to tell him about you and me. We could have started the divorce proceedings.”
“I know. I fucked up. Big time. I’m sorry.” I feel like that’s all I’ve been saying. “I should have discussed it with you first before considering telling Vaughn. But the decision was taken out of my hands.”
“Do you trust Vaughn?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation.
“Then, I trust him, too. Go see him, and tell him everything. He’s gotta be hurting a hell of a lot right now. The very least he deserves is to know that what the press is saying isn’t exactly the truth.”
“But I don’t know where he is, Nick. He left hours ago, and he hasn’t been back since. Alex says he doesn’t know where he is, that he can’t get ahold of him. Not that he would tell me even if he did know where he was.”
“I’m guessing he wants to be alone right now. Do you know of any places where he would go to do that?”
I don’t even need to think about it. “He’d go home.”
God, his family. What must they think of me? They’re going to hate me for what I’ve done to him.
The thought makes my heart break just that little bit more.
“So, go there. Talk to him.”
“What if he won’t listen to me?”
“Then, make him listen. You can be pretty persuasive when you want to be.”
“And you’ll be okay there with the press?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Nick?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too, gorgeous. Now, go get your man.”
I hang up with Nick and look up flights to Oregon. There’s one leaving in three hours. There are no direct flights. I’ll have to fly from Vegas to Portland. Then, from Portland to Klamath Falls. It’ll take five hours to get there. There’s no private jet to get me there in two hours now. And the ticket is nearly four hundred dollars. But it’s worth it. Even if I just get to see him one last time.
Using my credit card, I book the ticket.
I quickly pack my things into my case, and then I call down to the front desk and ask them to call me a cab, for it to pick me up outside the parking garage. I don’t want to risk running into any press outside the hotel.
; Before I leave my hotel room, I fire off a quick text to Ava, telling her that I’m leaving and that I’m sorry and I’ll call her soon. I’m too chickenshit to call her right now.
I drop my phone in my bag and let myself out of the room.
I manage to make it to the lobby. I drop my key into the quick checkout box. The studio is paying for my room, so the hotel will just invoice them.
I take the elevator down to the parking garage. I walk up to the car entry and slip out under the barrier. Then, I wait by the wall for my cab.
It appears a few minutes later. The cabbie gets out and puts my case in the trunk.
“The airport,” I tell him as I climb into the backseat.
I hear my phone beep a text.
My heart races. I wonder if it could be Vaughn, but I know it won’t be.
It’s Ava.
Ava: Don’t worry. I understand. Just call me as soon as you can. Let me know you’re okay. Love ya. xx
In that moment, my heart swells. She didn’t even try to question me about Vaughn. She just cares that I’m okay.
Maybe I do have more good friends than I realized.
Eight hours later, five of them spent on two different planes, and I’m back in Klamath Falls Airport where I flew out of a day ago with Vaughn.
I can’t believe how much has changed in twenty-four hours.
I head outside to the taxi area and toward a waiting cab.
Then, I realize that I don’t actually know Vaughn’s address. Shit.
“Where to, love?” he asks me through the open window.
“Keno. About a mile past the elementary school. I’ll know it when I get there.”
“Okay,” he says. “You want your case in the trunk?”
“Please.”
He gets out of the car and takes my case from me. I climb into the backseat and put my seat belt on.
He gets back in the car, and then we’re moving.
I sit on my hands and try to pretend that they aren’t shaking and that my heart isn’t racing.
Twenty minutes later, the cabbie is driving past the elementary school. I recognize the upcoming turn.
“Left here,” I tell the cabbie.
He takes the turn and starts to drive down the driveway toward the farm.
“Keep going past the first house,” I tell him.
He drives past Vaughn’s parents’ house and then up to Vaughn’s house.
“Nice place,” he comments.
I pay him the fare and climb out. “I’ll get my case; don’t worry,” I tell him.
I lug my case from the trunk, and the cab pulls away.
I stare up at Vaughn’s house.
You can do this, Charly.
I take a deep breath. Legs trembling, I pull my case up onto the porch and knock on his door.
It’s silent. There’s no movement.
I knock again louder and wait. After a few minutes, I finally accept that he’s not here.
Shit.
What do I do?
I came all this way, thinking he’d be here, that I hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t be.
I can go to his parents’, but honestly, I’m afraid to face them. What they must think of me.
I can wait here, but if he doesn’t come, then I’m stuck.
Fuck. I didn’t think this through at all.
A lump thickens in my throat. And I feel like I might cry. Only I can’t fucking cry. Not even yesterday when I had to tell Vaughn that I was married. My eyes welled with tears, but they never fell.
I’m broken.
I’m a screwed up, broken, fucking idiotic twathole of a person.
And I’m staring at his front door like it’s somehow going to magically open.
I turn around, unsure of what to do, and then all thoughts fall from my mind. Because he’s standing there at the front of his driveway, staring at me.
He looks beautiful. Tired but beautiful. My heart actually starts to ache from his nearness. My hands itch to touch him.
“What are you doing here?” he says in a low, hard voice.
I take a strengthening breath in. “I need to talk to you.”
“I already told you back in Vegas that I heard all I needed to. Shouldn’t you be in New York right now? I think you owe your husband a bigger explanation than you do with me. You did promise to honor him and not screw around behind his back.”
“I’ve already spoken to Nick. And I wasn’t screwing around behind his back.”
“You’re married! And you were screwing me! Most people would call that cheating, Charly. Decent people at least.”
Okay, so that hurt. But it’s nothing I don’t deserve.
“You don’t know everything.” I take a step forward.
He takes one back. “And I don’t want to. We’re done here.”
He turns to walk away from me.
“We’re nowhere near done!” I yell. “I came all the way here, and you will listen to what I have to tell you!”
“The hell I will!” He turns back to me. “I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say! You lied to me! Jesus! You even told me about Nick, that he was your gay roommate, and all along, he was your fucking husband! How fucking warped is your mind?”
“Nick is gay! And he is my roommate! He’s my best friend and my family! And he’s Canadian! He came here on a student visa, and when he graduated, he couldn’t get residency because he didn’t have a permanent job. He was looking at deportation, so I came up with the idea that we get married, so he could stay in the country because he was all I had in the world, and I didn’t want to lose him!” I break off, panting.
Vaughn is just standing there, staring at me, saying nothing.
“I wanted to tell you,” I say in a softer voice. “I was going to tell you when we got back to Vegas because I realized that I wanted…you. All of you. And I knew I couldn’t have you without you knowing the truth. But the press beat me to it, and I’m so sorry for that, Vaughn. You don’t know how sorry I am.” I press my hand to my chest, making my way off the porch and onto the drive, so there are only a few feet left between us.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I couldn’t tell you in the beginning because we were just sleeping together, and what I did, marrying Nick…I broke the law. If the authorities found out, then I would face jail, and Nick would be deported.”
“So, why are you telling me now? I could go to the police. Tell them. Have Nick deported.”
I swallow down. “Because you have a right to know the truth. The actual truth. You deserve to know. And I trust you. But, if you need to tell the authorities, then I’ll face that, whatever happens. But Nick…he has no one back in Canada. His family threw him out when he came out to them. His whole life, his career, is in New York.” My throat is starting to burn, my eyes stinging with tears. “Punish me for hurting you. But not him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
He sighs and scrubs his hands over his face. “Okay,” he says, dropping his hands.
“Okay?”
“Okay. You’ve told me. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“But you and I are done.”
And my heart shatters into a million pieces.
“I admire what you did for your friend. Even though it’s illegal, it was a selfless thing to do. But you lied to me, Charly. You lied for months. You looked me in the eye day after day and didn’t tell me. I don’t trust you anymore.” He rubs his hands over his head. “And you humiliated me, and I have been humiliated enough this year to last me a fucking lifetime.”
He doesn’t want me anymore.
“You…you said you loved me…that you’re in love with me.” The words physically hurt me.
He looks away. “I don’t trust you anymore. And, without that, we have nothing.”
And there it is.
I’m never going to see him again. Except that I will see his face everywhere, in magazines and on-screen.
>
It’s going to be so hard to be reminded that I had him and I lost him, and I only have myself to blame.
I’ll never get to be close to him again. Never kiss him or hold him or make love to him.
A ball of pain forms in my chest and ruptures. I’ve never felt anything like it.
I press a hand to my chest, expecting to see blood there.
But there’s nothing.
Then, something wet and hot runs down my cheek, hitting my lip.
I touch a finger to it. Pulling it away, I see a tear sitting on the tip of it.
I’m crying.
I swallow past the aching, burning pain I feel. “Vaughn.”
He looks up at me.
“I love you. I’m not saying that to try and win you back. I know that I had my chance, and I ruined it. But I couldn’t leave without telling you.” I brush the falling tears away with the back of my hand.
Forcing myself to move, I go back up the porch and get my case.
It’s time to go.
I walk toward him, not taking my eyes from him. He’s not looking at me. His eyes are on the ground.
I will him to look at me, but he doesn’t.
Reaching him, I stop a foot away. But the gap between us feels an awful lot bigger.
Silence stretches.
He finally looks at me.
I force myself to smile. I know it’s a sad smile, but it’s the best I can manage while my heart is breaking. “What we had…it was and always will be the most important time in my life. I’ll remember it and you forever.”
I go to touch him one last time. I step closer, just to touch my hand to his arm, but he moves away.
He doesn’t even want me to touch him.
The rejection stings my cheeks and brings on a fresh set of tears. I force myself to smile through them even though my lips are trembling and my heart is dying.
“Have the best life, Vaughn West. Be happy. You, more than anyone, deserve it.”
One last look at him, and then I walk away, pulling my case behind me. I don’t look back.
Tears are streaming down my face. I bite my lip to stop the sob that wants to burst out of me.
All I want is to lie down on the grass and curl up into a ball, but I force myself to keep going while my hand rubs away tears that won’t stop falling.
I guess, when you open the dam, a fuck-load of water comes rushing out.
Keep This Promise Page 111