The guys were annoyingly excited about the fact that Skye and her friends would be at the party tomorrow night.
“Patricia told me there’s a small role in The Sorcerer she thinks Jane should audition for.”
My heart faltered. “No.” I cut my sister a dark look. “They just want her because she’s beautiful. Which is exploitation, FYI.”
She sighed. “They just want to see if she can act. She has the face for camera. And although I’m not sure I want her in this life, it should be up to Jane.”
Sometimes I wondered if my sister even enjoyed acting or if she only did it for the money. There were times I caught a flicker of darkness in her eyes that I didn’t like. But anytime I tried to talk to her about it, she shut me down. “No,” I repeated. There would be no bikini shots of Jane on my teammates’ phones.
“It’s not up to you, Jamie. You’re not her keeper, and I hope you won’t act like that if you two start seeing each other.”
I curled my lip in annoyance and tried not to say something I’d regret. Then I remembered who we were talking about. “Jane hates acting. She’ll never go for it.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about.”
But I would worry because Jane would do almost anything to make Skye happy. “Just don’t sell it as if it’s something you want.”
My big sister understood. “I won’t. I promise.”
Jane would say no.
I closed my eyes.
Fuck.
I’d never been a possessive guy … until now.
And I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with the depth of my feelings for Jane Doe.
However, I also knew I no longer had a choice in the matter.
Chapter 5
JANE
Seventeen years old
* * *
It seemed wrong to feel butterflies of excitement in my belly instead of the ones of dread I’d felt for the last eleven days.
However, yesterday, Jamie had successfully distracted me from my discomfort at school these days. He’d comforted me, held me, and he’d stared at me like he wanted me.
I’d had enough boys look at me with that heat in their eyes to recognize it when I saw it.
I just never thought I’d see it from Jamie.
And he’d flirted with me, hadn’t he?
Lorna’s rule from long ago about not crushing on her brother niggled at me. I didn’t want to cause problems between us, but no one made me feel alive like Jamie McKenna did, and I couldn’t ignore that. When he specifically asked if I’d be at his party, it felt like a different kind of invitation.
Something was changing between us, and I hoped that this party would be the start of it.
Dealing with Lorna would be worth it, if it meant I got to be with Jamie.
Music thudded from behind their door as I followed guests I didn’t recognize up the walk to their porch. Two big guys—hired security—stood at the door with a guest list. I relaxed a little, seeing them there. Sometimes I worried Skye didn’t take her own security seriously enough. Perhaps because there were other cast members invited to Jamie’s party, she’d decided to be cautious, for once.
The guy with the clipboard barely looked at me when I approached. “Name?”
Before I could open my mouth, Lorna suddenly appeared in the doorway. “There you are!” She reached out to grab my wrist and hauled me inside.
She slammed the door shut behind us. “What are you wearing?”
Taking in the strapless minidress and five-inch heels she wore, I reluctantly understood her accusatory question. I was wearing skinny jeans and a Red Hot Chili Peppers T-shirt. And ballet flats. Don’t forget the ballet flats.
I threw my hands up. “This is me, Lorna.”
“Yeah, hiding your hotness, like always.” She turned my hands palm upward. “Paint. You’re covered in paint.”
I wasn’t covered in paint. I had speckles of paint on my hands.
“More ways you cover your hotness.”
My best friend confused the hell out of me. Anytime she thought someone was paying me more attention than her, she freaked out. But anytime she thought I was “hiding my potential,” as she called it, she got in my face. There was no one more complicated than Lorna McKenna.
For example, after she kissed Chris Cruz, Chris attempted to win me over at school. A tough senior, Dana Rogers, known for slapping other girls around when she decided she didn’t like them, had a thing for Chris. When she got word that he had a thing for me, she jumped me in the girls’ restroom and busted my lip open.
When Lorna found out, she rounded up her friends and jumped Dana off school grounds. She broke Dana’s nose.
Skye was furious.
Jamie was impressed.
And my loyalty to Lorna re-cemented.
No matter how she hurt me, she had my back.
I didn’t know how to walk away from that and didn’t know if I could. Sometimes it felt like the only person in the world who truly needed me was Lorna McKenna.
“I had a feeling you might come dressed like this. You’re borrowing a dress from me.” She eyeballed my shoes. “The flats will just have to do, I guess.” Lorna and Skye both wore a shoe size bigger than me.
Still holding one of my wrists, Lorna maneuvered us through the very crowded living area. I searched for Jamie. I saw Skye and gave her a wave, but no birthday boy.
“You came.” I heard his deep voice seconds before I felt the heat of his hand on my lower back.
I tugged on Lorna, who stopped as I turned toward Jamie. The movement meant he dropped his hand from my back. A pang flared across my chest as the fluttering in my belly intensified. He wore his usual uniform of casual T-shirt and jeans, somehow always looking like a broody Calvin Klein model.
“Happy birthday.” I grinned and held out the wrapped present in my hand.
Lorna snatched it before Jamie could. “It goes on the pile.”
Jamie raised an eyebrow at her. He held out his hand for the gift. “Isn’t that up to me?”
“Nope. Now, go back to your harem. Jane needs to change.”
Harem? I frowned, suddenly realizing there was a group of college girls standing behind Jamie. One girl with champagne-blond hair glowered like she wanted a black hole to open behind me.
My heart sank.
“Change?” Jamie’s voice brought my attention back to him.
His staring made me shiver.
“Into something more party appropriate.”
“I keep trying to tell her this is me.”
Jamie’s gaze drifted down my body and back up again, and a flush of heat between my legs made me take a step back. He flicked an annoyed look at his sister. “There’s nothing wrong with her.”
“Says the guy who wouldn’t know what tailoring was if it bit him in the ass.”
“Jamie.” The champagne blond suddenly pressed her chest against Jamie’s arm. She flicked me a catty look before gazing at him in open invitation. “Why don’t you show me that book we were talking about it?”
“Now?”
She shrugged and trailed a fingertip over his heart. “Now.”
His eyes dropped to her mouth and my heart dropped out of my body.
I was such an idiot.
Lorna tugged on my wrist, and I followed her without knowing where I was going or what was happening. I was vaguely aware of her putting my present with a pile of other presents. It wasn’t until we dashed upstairs that I realized I needed to take that gift back.
Jamie would know what it cost me.
A huge chunk of my savings.
That gift was splaying my heart to him and asking him to punch a hole through it.
“Ugh, those college girls,” Lorna complained as she hauled me into her bedroom. She slammed the door shut and reached for the hem of my shirt.
I brushed her hands off in irritation. “I can dress myself.”
“Fine.” She raised her hands defensively. “Dress is on the bed.”
/> Was the champagne blond Jamie’s girlfriend? Had I made up the connection I’d felt growing between us these last few months? Feeling nauseated, my fingers trembled as I tore off my shirt and then unzipped my jeans.
“You know, I don’t get this thing about my brother,” Lorna huffed.
I tensed, my pulse racing a little faster. Does she know how I feel?
“All these girls, I mean. You know he’s made out with three since this party started.”
I swallowed hard.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to shove my face in a pillow somewhere and cry until it didn’t hurt so bad.
Was this love?
Because if it was, it sucked!
Biting my lip, forcing the burn in my eyes back, I reached for the dress Lorna had laid out for me on her bed.
“The blond. The one hanging all over him … no self-respect. Who watches a guy make out with three girls and volunteers to be the fourth?”
Who indeed? I thought bitterly.
“Anyway, enough about my lothario of a brother. There’s a guy here perfect for you. He’s one of Jamie’s teammates.”
Pulling the hem of the dress down, I wandered over to Lorna’s full-length mirror. The dress had straps, at least. Lorna knew my boobs could not hold up a strapless.
But it was scarlet red. And it clung to my curves, showing everything.
“Uh, I don’t think so.” I gestured to my reflection.
“I do think so. The red is great against your skin tone. It makes your eyes pop. And look at your boobs. There are women at that party who have paid surgeons a lot of money to have boobs like the ones God gave you.”
“Yes, and now everyone and his father can see what God gave me.”
Without answering, she took hold of my wrist again and led me out of her room and across the hall. “Wash your hands.”
“Yes, Mom.” I teased but did as I was told. Catching sight of my cleavage in the mirror above the sink, I sighed. “Seriously, Lorna, you know I’m not used to dressing like this.”
“I’m not arguing with you about it. The ballet flats calm down the look, okay. Heels would take this dress to slutty on you, but the flats leave it at sexy.”
“Don’t say slutty.”
She rolled her eyes. “PC Brigade alert.”
“We don’t need women perpetuating rhetoric that men use to denigrate our sex.”
“Can we, like, not?” Lorna took hold of my hand after I dried them and led me out of the bathroom.
“You know, for someone who wants to be a litigator, you don’t like conversations deeper than a kiddie pool,” I teased.
“Yeah.” Lorna cut me a serious look. “Right now, I don’t. I’ve spent the past few weeks having deep conversations and sleeping fitfully. Tonight, I want to be shallow. Is that okay with you?”
I squeezed her hand. “You know it is.”
She pulled me into her side, wrapping her arm around my shoulders as we walked downstairs. “I can’t wait to introduce you to Wex. I’m interested in his buddy Ryan.”
My instinct was to pull away. To tell her I didn’t want to flirt with some strange college guy. But from our vantage point on the stairs, I saw Jamie pressed against the wall in the far corner of the living room. The champagne blond was kissing the hell out of him, and he didn’t seem to do much to stop her.
I was an idiot.
Those damn tears burned my eyes again as I looked away. Unfortunately, they snagged on Skye, who was watching me. She stood with a few of her actor friends in a huddle in the kitchen. She glanced through the crowd toward Jamie and then back to me. Concern flickered across her expression.
“Come on.” Lorna pulled me down the last few stairs and past the kitchen.
I refused to look at Skye again.
She saw too much.
Wex and Ryan were out by the pool, sitting with the rest of Jamie’s team and some girls.
Despite no one being legal drinking age, Skye was cool with everyone of college age having a few beers, as long as she was there to supervise. Lorna and I were excluded from this rule, of course.
It didn’t stop my friend from plopping down on a guy’s lap and helping herself to his beer bottle. The guy had dark hair and eyes, and as he cupped Lorna’s hip and grinned at her, I saw he had an attractively crooked smile.
The guy next to Lorna’s playmate for the evening nudged him. “I don’t know how Jamie will feel about his sister being in your lap, Ryan.”
Ryan shrugged as Lorna whispered something in his ear that made his neck flush.
She pulled back, a wicked smile on her face, and gestured to me with the beer bottle. “Everyone, this is Jane, my best friend and the most beautiful soul you will ever meet.”
I flushed at her praise and threw her an annoyed look.
She knew I hated being the center of attention.
“Jane, this is Ryan, and this”—she pointed to the guy who’d warned Ryan—“is Wex. Wex, make room for Jane.”
Wex was tall with a similar build to Jamie. He had blue eyes that were startling against his dark coloring. Wex was good-looking. I could see that.
But he didn’t give me butterflies.
However, he was looking at me as if I had struck him dumb.
Ryan nudged him, laughter in his voice. “Are you going to speak again, idiot?”
“Uh, yeah.” Wex stood abruptly, not taking his eyes off me. “Here, please, sit.” He gestured to the lounger he was on. I didn’t really want to share the lounger with him, but it felt like the entire team was watching our interaction.
The image of Jamie and the champagne blond filled my head.
Maybe Lorna was right.
Maybe I should just let go for tonight after the hellishness of the last few weeks.
And Wex was cute.
I gave him a small smile, aware that my cheeks were probably sporting two bright spots of embarrassment.
“Remember, she’s seventeen,” Ryan teased under his breath, loud enough for me and Wex to hear.
Lorna giggled. “Uh, what age do you think I am?”
“Nah, you’ve been here before.” Ryan nuzzled her neck. “And you’re the devil.”
“You’re not wrong,” I said before I could stop myself.
“Hey!” Lorna laughed.
I felt Wex chuckle because his body was pressed against mine.
Glancing shyly at him, I pulled on the hem of Lorna’s stupid dress and inadvertently drew his attention to my legs. He swallowed hard and looked away from them. Our eyes met.
“So, you’re on Jamie’s team?”
“Yeah.” He held out his hand to me. “Wex. Pete Wexham. Everyone calls me Wex.”
I shook his hand. “I’m Jane.”
He held on far longer than appropriate and gave me a boyish smile when he released my hand. “Sorry.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I wasn’t exactly great at making small talk with strangers.
It turned out Wex was. He peppered me with questions about school and my interests, and I relaxed into the conversation, returning question for question. He seemed like a nice enough guy.
I didn’t know how much time passed, and I wasn’t aware of anything else going on around me because I was trying to focus on Wex and not on the horrifying thought of Jamie having sex with the champagne blond in his room above us.
That’s why when Wex suddenly leaned in to kiss me, I was completely taken aback.
I’d been kissed before, of course.
My first kiss was in the eighth grade when we played spin the bottle at a party Lorna forced me to go to.
The last few years, I’d even gone on a few dates that involved first-date kisses, but I’d never wanted it to go beyond a first date because I was hung up on Jamie.
Wex’s tongue flicked at my lips and I opened them on instinct, all the while screaming at myself, “What are you doing?!”
He groaned into my mouth as I kissed him back, and then his han
d was on my nape, clutching me closer.
It wasn’t a bad kiss.
What it was, though, was a mouth against mine, one that tasted of beer, and a strong hand on my neck.
I didn’t feel the kiss anywhere else.
I never did.
Was there something wrong with me?
I pulled back, pressing a hand to Wex’s chest. “No,” I said. “I can’t.”
“Shit. Sorry if I read you wrong.” He looked genuinely worried he had.
“I have to go.” I pushed up off the lounger and stepped around people who were sitting on the floor of the deck.
I was shaking.
Why was I shaking?
Because there’s something wrong with you. Something missing.
Wex seemed nice. And he was hot.
Why didn’t I want him to kiss me?
There were too many people inside the house. I needed somewhere to be alone. Remembering Jamie’s gift, I spotted it on the pile on the table in the kitchen, grabbed it, and hurried upstairs. I was dismayed to find the main bathroom occupied. Knowing Skye wouldn’t mind, I slipped into her bedroom and fumbled through the dark to her private bathroom.
With a sigh, I flipped the light switch and closed the door behind me. I threw Jamie’s gift on the counter and leaned on Skye’s cool porcelain sink. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I wished my happiness weren’t dependent on how other people felt about me. Wouldn’t life be easier if we weren’t all so preoccupied with the need to be loved, the need to be needed?
And if I was so desperate to be loved and needed, why didn’t I keep kissing Wex?
The door to the bathroom flew open, jerking me out of my musings. I jolted in fright.
The sight of Jamie storming through and slamming it shut made my breath catch.
There were those butterflies again.
And the heat … the heat that was always missing when someone else kissed me flared to life just being in Jamie’s presence.
At night, in bed, under the cover of darkness, when I slipped my hand beneath my underwear and touched myself, I did it imagining it was Jamie.
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