by HJ Welch
“Both is good,” said Seth. He turned his laptop back around. “Get’s people talking. I bet our ratings will double again if we keep this up.”
“What do you mean, keep it up?” said Mrs. Jackson. “This is a dance show, not some vehicle to promote the gay agenda.”
“Ahh, the gay agenda,” said Elion with a smirk. He leaned back and crossed his arms. “Yes, next week we’ll make all the kids dress up in drag and point out that Jesus doesn’t actually hate fags.”
“Young man,” said Mr. Jackson. He felt Blake flinch beside him. “You are in my house and you will show some respect.”
“Why should I?” Elion shot back. “Your stupid show has used me and all you’ve done since I arrived is insult me. Now people are posting death threats in the YouTube comments and probably on Twitter too.”
“Actually,” said Jodi, leaning forwards. Watson lifted her head, but she still didn’t move from Elion’s feet. Jodi was smiling. “There’s loads of really amazing stuff on here too.”
She stood up and came to sit by Blake. Elion spotted the girl with the ear gauges twitch, as if to pick up one of the cameras. But Seth surprisingly shook his head.
Jodi held up her phone. “Yeah, some people are saying you’re doing it for attention since the band split up, and other horrid things, but look at all theses.”
“You’re an inspiration,” Blake read aloud, scanning the tweets. “Good for you. We love you Blake. Below Zero love forever. #Proud. #ElionIsHot.”
“Let me see that one,” said Elion, leaning forwards.
“Here’s what I propose,” said Seth, seizing their attention. “We incorporate the love story into the series arc. If people respond well, we ham it up. If it dwindles, or starts doing more harm than good, we stage a breakup.”
The big guy and girl with the ear gauges nodded at each other. “Could work really well,” said the girl.
“Only if the view ratings are as good as you say,” said Mrs. Jackson.
“I am not comfortable with this at all,” said Mr. Jackson. He folded his hands on the table in front of him and glowered at Seth. “Making my son out to be a homosexual was not part of the agreement.”
“No,” said Seth. “The agreement was to make the show work. And so far, it is.”
“Dad,” said Blake. His fists were clenched by his sides. “You’re making it sound like they made me look like something bad.”
Mr. Jackson scoffed. “To a lot of people, it is bad. Highly un-Christian.”
“And to a lot of people, it’s an inspiration,” said Elion. Un-Christian his gay-fucking-ass. Since he was feeling particularly reckless, he reached over and took Blake’s hand. “If there’s just one kid who watches this show and feels slightly less alone, then I’ll do it. I’ll be Blake’s boyfriend for a couple of episodes.”
He could feel everyone in the room looking at him. But he was only looking at Mr. Jackson.
He got a bad feeling from this guy. He didn’t like the way big, tough Blake was flinching from him. It was almost imperceptible, but Elion could see it was there. He wanted to defy him just for Blake’s sake alone.
And he meant it. If the ratings really were that high, and amidst the usual ‘You’re going to burn in hell!’ shit there really were as many positive comments as Jodi said, maybe they could make a difference. He would have given anything to see a happy gay couple on TV when he was a kid.
“Really?” said Blake. Elion turned to regard him. “You’d put yourself out there like that?”
Elion shrugged. “I’m already out there. Like you said, the other options are to admit it was all a lie, or have us break up in episode two. That would seriously upset all those LGBT kids that have written in to support you.”
“And the LGBT allies,” said Jodi firmly.
“I’d predict it would kill the show,” Seth said, his eyes glued to his laptop screen.
Elion felt a small spark of pride from their support. “So, yeah, no problem.”
Elion was tempted to add that it would scarcely be a hardship to pretend to date such a gorgeous guy. But with Blake’s family all around them, not to mention the stone-faced crew, he held his tongue.
“Okay,” said Blake slowly. He’d not let go of Elion’s hand yet. In fact, he was clinging to it. It made Elion happy to think he might be offering him some comfort. “I feel bad pretending to be bi, but that ship has sort of sailed, hasn’t it?”
Jodi snorted. “Just a little.”
Blake nodded, then turned to Elion. “Well, this would be one way to hang out, right?” He laughed.
Elion had to school his reaction. Blake had been intending to hang out more? Play it cool, he commanded himself.
He winked. “You wait baby, I’ll be the best fake boyfriend you ever had.”
Yeah. So cool.
10
Blake
Blake felt like he really could have done with walking to the studio the next day to help clear his head. But, of course, his mom wouldn’t hear of it.
“What would people think?” she asked with a shrill laugh.
That I was out for a walk, Blake thought to himself. He didn’t dare say it out loud though. So instead, he sat up front in his mom’s SUV and listened to her chatter over the too-loud radio about her plans for filming that day. They had their first afternoon of lessons, and she was keen to gloss over yesterday’s drama.
“Did Elion say he was coming?” she asked with an air of nonchalance.
Blake felt a flair of irritation, but he was able to keep it to himself. She was much more amenable to Elion now Seth had shown her the comparable ratings for other shows. The LGBT community had spread the word like wildfire online, and views had steadily been increasing overnight.
Blake was torn. On one hand, he was pleased with the amount of comments Jodi had shown him from people around the world saying how great it was to have someone ‘like them’ being represented in a show. There were already several blogs reviewing their pilot episode, praising the show for its fast pace, drama and diversity.
No matter how well he spun it to himself though, Blake always came back to the fact that it was all a lie. He wasn’t bisexual and he wasn’t with Elion. If anyone ever found out, he’d be so ashamed he wasn’t sure he could live with himself.
The only silver lining was that if he had to pretend to date a guy, Elion seemed like the perfect option. He didn’t know him all that well yet, but they already got along well. That was undeniable. And last night, when they’d made a start by holding hands, that didn’t feel weird to him.
Being best friends with Joey had meant that, over the years, he had wondered from time to time if there was something more there. He and Joey had even tried to kiss once, but it was over before they started, with both of them cracking up and making puking noises.
But with Elion…well, it had been nice to hold hands. He felt comfortable around him, and he made Blake laugh too. He guessed that if they were going to pretend to be boyfriends, they would need to do more PDA. Maybe they would have to even kiss? Blake shifted in his seat and tried to work out how he felt about that. He’d kissed actresses in music videos. It would probably be the same sort of thing. That didn’t explain why his stomach felt like it was flipping at the idea though, so he decided to worry about it if it happened.
“Yeah,” he said with a tight smile. “He’s coming after his shift. So, you know. Be nice to him.”
Unexpectedly, his mom lurched forwards and slammed the radio off, plunging them into silence. Blake huffed and rolled his eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.
“I just mean,” he said carefully, trying to think how best to placate her. “You were pretty worried about people thinking I was gay. And I get that, I totally do. There have been some really nasty things said online. But, if we could just make sure that worry doesn’t come across as our homophobia, I think Elion would really appreciate that.”
His mom relaxed in the driver’s seat.
“Oh, of course. We’re not homophobic, after all.” She nodded and flicked on the indicator to make a turn. “That’s very thoughtful, honey. You’re so caring.”
He breathed a sigh of relief but didn’t say anything more in case it upset the balance again. They drove the rest of the way in silence. He loved his mom, but their relationship was better when they only spoke over the phone a couple of times a week. He was going to have to keep himself in check now he was back home. Otherwise, the fights would be daily.
She only wanted what was best for him, he knew that.
“So, I was thinking,” she said as she parked the car. They hopped out into the heat of the parking lot. “You’ve got your first class with Karyn today. I think her and Nessa should go head to head, then she can cry, then you can defend her. Sound good?”
Blake managed to smile, though it probably didn’t reach his eyes. “Sure.”
As they traversed the lot towards the community center, Blake spotted a couple of people loitering by the entrance way. Unfortunately, so did his mom.
“Oh Christ,” she said with a click of her tongue. “That’s one of the rejects. Just ignore them honey. The crew know who to film and who not.”
Do they? Blake didn’t want to bring up Elion again, so he kept that to himself.
“It’s fine, Mom,” he assured her. “You go ahead and I’ll be in in just a second.”
She didn’t reply, but she turned her nose up and marched by the young girl and a woman Blake guessed to be her mom. It was like she didn’t even see them there.
Luckily, they were more interested in talking to Blake. “Mr. Jackson?” the woman asked.
“Hi,” he said. He stopped in front of them and readjusted his bag on his shoulder. “It’s Mercy, right?”
The girl nodded. She was about ten-years-old, black and quite chubby. Her mom was much the same. This was one of the kids he’d been so desperate to accept. She definitely showed potential, but the production team had thought otherwise.
The woman had her head held high and a hand protectively on her daughter’s back. Their clothes didn’t suggest they came from much money, and neither did her purse. But their hair was meticulously braided, their shoes scuff-free and the mom’s makeup was nicely done.
Blake had pinned Mercy as a hard worker. His observations now only added to that.
“Yes sir, that’s me,” said Mercy.
Mercy’s mom squared her shoulders. “My daughter has a question for you. Go on, sweetie.”
She rolled her hands and looked up at Blake with wide, watery eyes. “I just wondered what I did wrong, Mr. Jackson?”
Blake dropped his bag to the ground and knelt before the girl. He was angry she would even think that. “Oh no hon, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just a lot of kids auditioned, and they had more experience than you. But I tell you what.” He pulled a notebook out of his backpack and a pen. “We’re having auditions again in the fall, as well as some fun summer classes.” He’d not told anybody that, but this was his damn school and he’d get his way on this or he’d quit. “That gives you a couple of months to work on your stretches and technique.”
His hand flew over the paper, listing several websites and YouTube channels to subscribe to. Mercy leaned over and watched what he was writing. “What’s that?” she asked, biting her lip.
“This is homework for you to do,” he told her. “I know if you work really hard, you’ll get better. And I’d love nothing more to have you in my class. Do you think you can do that?”
He ripped the page from the book and handed it to her. She accepted it with reverence. “Yes, Mr. Jackson. I can do that.” She nodded and smiled at him. “I swear I’ll work real hard.”
“Good girl,” he said.
He raised his hand for a high five, which she gave him with all the strength she had. It was barely more than a tap, but Blake shook his hand out.
“Wow, watch it there, missy. You’re super strong.” She giggled and he winked at her. “Now you look after your mom for me. And work on those kicks and turns, alright?”
“Yes, sir,” she said with the kind of genuine sincerity that only children could manage. He waved them off then turned back to the community center.
Elion was leaning against the door frame, watching him with a smile.
Something unidentifiable swooped through Blake’s insides. Guilt, like he’d been caught doing a bad thing. But also happiness at seeing Elion when he wasn’t expecting him. It was strange, he hardly knew the guy. But compared to everyone else around him in his life right now, he was the one Blake felt most relaxed around.
Except maybe Jodi and Watson. But his sister was at softball training and the center didn’t allow animals inside unless they were service dogs. But with Elion there, suddenly Blake didn’t feel like he was quite so alone.
“Hey,” he said.
Elion nodded at Mercy and her mom getting into their car. “That was nice. What you did.”
Blake shrugged, unsure what to say. He just did what he thought was fair.
Instead of answering, he began slowly walking into the community center. Elion fell into step with him, his hands in his pockets.
“So, this is the first lesson, huh?”
Blake nodded. “I’ve never actually taught a whole room of kids before,” he admitted. With all the upset over the stupid show, he’d forgotten how nervous he was about standing up in front of a class.
He’d choreographed a hell of a lot over the years. But it had always been for routines he himself was a part of. What if these guys hated his moves, thought he was dumb? He’d be crushed, for sure. But the show would fail as well. Then his parents would be pissed as anything. What if-
“Blake?”
He realized that Elion had his hand on his arm, a concerned look on his face. “Hmm?” It seemed especially warm where Elion’s palm laid on his skin. Almost like it tingled.
“You zoned out,” said Elion. “Are you okay? Do you need a minute?”
Blake’s pulse was running a little fast. But he took a breath and shook his head. “Just first-time jitters,” he said.
Elion waggled his eyebrows at him. “I can help with first-times,” he said, his voice laden with innuendo.
Blake snorted with laughter and immediately felt better. “Shut up,” he said. They continued walking down the hall.
The place still had a vague smell of new paint, but that would soon go with the competing odors of kids’ shoes and sweat and spilled juice from their snack packs. For now though, the pale blue flooring and cream walls were unblemished, filled with potential.
“So,” said Elion. “How, um, do you want to play this?” His hands were back in his jeans pockets and he licked his lips. He was nervous too.
That made Blake feel reassured.
“I only ever had one girlfriend,” he admitted in a rush. “Which is pretty lame for a celebrity,” he added with a chuckle. “But I never dated anyone in L.A. or on the road. Lola and I were together in high school, but then she went off to college on the East Coast, and, well, I didn’t.”
Lola had been sweet and smart with a great sense of humor. They’d tried to make it work for a couple of months. In the end, Blake had felt it wasn’t fair on her. They’d remained friends and he wondered if one day they might reconnect. It still hurt sometimes to think of what they’d lost.
He shook himself out of his melancholy. That wasn’t the point.
“I’m not sure how to be a boyfriend. Especially, um, with a guy.”
Elion didn’t seem fazed. “Just like with a girl. We can hug a bit and hold hands, and I’ll watch you adoringly when you dance.”
Blake rolled his eyes. “Please don’t.”
“Fine,” Elion huffed. “I’ll drool and pretend I can’t contain my boner. Better?”
Blake laughed loudly. They were at the studio doors and he paused, not wanting to face the students or the cameras just yet.
Elion frowned at him and licked his lips. �
�That doesn’t bother you, does it?”
“What?”
Elion rubbed his hand through his hair. The fuchsia tips really suited his dark complexion. Blake assumed he was Latinx but he hadn’t asked any more about it. Raiden had taught him it was rude to ask people where their families were from. Blake wanted to show Elion more respect than his parents had thus far.
“The flirting. I don’t mean to do it half the time, but it’s like a default setting.” Elion laughed then bit his lip. “But it does make straight guys uncomfortable sometimes.”
“Oh,” said Blake. He’d not really thought about it. “Well, I mean, we’re friends now, right? Or getting that way. And, well, you know…”
Elion looked at him blankly. Then he clicked his fingers. “Oh, you mean that thing where several thousand people think we’re dating?”
“Yeah, that,” said Blake with a smile. There was never any pressure from Elion. Hopefully he would be fun to hang around with. “I think a small amount of flirting is necessary to keep that up.”
“Well then,” said Elion. He leaned in to whisper in his ear. Blake could see people inside the studio turn their heads to watch. “I better do a good job then.”
He winked and pushed the door open. Try as he might, Blake couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down his spine.
Maybe there was a small part of him that enjoyed Elion’s flirtations?
Would that be so bad?
He’d just have to find out.
11
Elion
The main studio was in a complete frenzy. There were a dozen or so producers, camera operators, sound people and makeup artists. P.A.s were trying to corral parents (mostly moms) into the allocated seating area when all they wanted to do was fuss over their kid’s hair or give last minute advice.
This was the senior class, so there were tweens and teenagers loitering along every wall, self-conscious of where to stand. Some were cocky and preening in the floor to ceiling mirrors that lined three out of the four walls fixing their lip gloss or stretching their legs way further than Elion thought nature could have possibly intended.