by HJ Welch
He didn’t think he’d have the strength to break things off with Gabe while he was still living here. The pull was too strong. Joey had only said goodbye to him half an hour ago and already he felt a pang in his chest, wanting to be near him again.
But when he moved, that’s what he’d have to do.
“Sometimes,” his mom said softly. She was staring absently out the window into the backyard. “I forget what month it is. The days just…all seem the same.” She blinked and looked back at him, taking his hand once again. “That’s why it’s so lovely having you here. It makes a nice change.”
If Joey creeping out at dawn and in at dusk, banned from the dinner table, forbidden from even getting too close to his nephew was his mom’s idea of a ‘nice change,’ things were maybe worse than he thought. He was pretty sure she had depression, but bringing that up in this family would be a stupid idea, let alone suggesting she might go get some help.
“I’m glad,” he said to her. He didn’t really know what else he could do.
“Mom?”
Cathy’s voice rang through the house as the front door slammed. Joey and his mom instantly sprang apart. Initially, he felt guilty. But then he was angry at being made to feel guilty for just sitting and having coffee with his own mother.
So he didn’t move from the table as his sister-in-law bustled in with the baby. He sat up straight and looked her in the eye as she entered, taking a small amount of pleasure as she startled at the sight of him.
“Joey,” she said, rubbing Michael’s back as he wriggled around to look at him and his mom. “What are you-” She paused and licked her lips. “You’re not normally here during the day.”
“I was just leaving,” Joey said coolly. But first, he made a point of standing and pulling his mom into a hug. After all, she wasn’t Cathy’s mom. She didn’t give a crap that she was standing here, alone in the kitchen, crying her eyes out in the middle of the day.
“It’ll be okay,” he whispered.
He didn’t bother going down to the basement. Everything he owned was crammed into the backpack he’d left in the hall. So he tugged it on again and headed out into the cold, fall air.
The sad thing was, his first instinct was to go to Gabe. By now, he knew where he lived and the times he worked at the library, although he was pretty sure he had the rest of the day off after their trip.
But he couldn’t rely on Gabe. The way he made Joey feel was addictive, like a drug. If he got used to it, he’d end up stuck in this shitty town, just like his mom. She had loved his dad once. Now she was a ghost of who she used to be.
Joey began the familiar trudge towards the center of town. He could spend the rest of the day looking for rooms for rent and maybe even applying for bar work. The longer he could avoid seeing his dad and having to cough up the rent he wanted, the better. If Joey gave him a hundred bucks now, he’d struggle to make it into New York for any work that came up.
He stopped abruptly on the street and balled his fists. Why was nothing ever fair, or simple? Being with Gabe made him feel so good. He was hot and kind and thought Joey was fucking beautiful. Why the hell couldn’t he have more ambitions? That way they could try and escape this place together.
But no, as usual, Joey was on his own. Maybe it would be better if they didn’t see each other anymore. What the fuck had he been thinking? He’d obviously got caught up in the moment, suggesting they try and date. It was only going to cause them both heartache in the long run. More heartache.
He rubbed his chest and choked back a sob as he started walking again. Like he said to his mom, it would be okay. He’d spend the evening at one of the diners and fill up on cheap coffee while he searched for something, anything to get him back into the city where he belonged.
He’d had an amazing time with Gabe these past few days. If that was all he got, well, he’d just have to count his blessings.
He didn’t feel very blessed as he huddled against the wind though.
24
Gabe
It had been a long week. Gabe had kept himself as busy as he could with his other commitments. But it seemed like everywhere he went, he found himself having to explain again and again what was going on.
Just as he’d feared, rumors of his supposedly unsavory behavior had traveled like wildfire through town. And while his friends were fiercely loyal and dismissed the slander for the lie it was, Gabe had definitely noticed people he didn’t know, or didn’t know so well, giving him the side eye.
He had stopped eating almost entirely and struggled to get more than an hour or two’s sleep at a time. He was so consumed by worry and disgust it was making him grumpy and he knew he wasn’t fun to be around. Which was probably why he’d not minded that he and Joey hadn’t spoken much since their trip had ended.
There had been some communication, so Gabe wasn’t too worried. But he was so conscious of being terrible company that he hadn’t pushed to see Joey, and not reacted badly when Joey hadn’t offered any plans to meet up either. But there had been the odd hello, light chat and heart emojis. Gabe still got a thrill every time Joey’s name flashed up on his phone.
Gabe had decided not to tell Joey about the allegations and the legal trouble he would most likely be facing. The truth was, Debbie Slater might not have felt emboldened to make her claims if someone hadn’t snapped photos of Gabe and Joey in Chicago then plastered it all over Twitter. Even though Gabe absolutely did not blame Joey for his current predicament, Joey probably would naturally shoulder some of the guilt anyway. That was the last thing Gabe wanted.
Besides, Mitch was right. Hopefully this mess would all just blow over, and Gabe could tell Joey everything when he was in the clear.
In his more positive moments Gabe idly daydreamed of the best dates he could put together for Joey to really spoil him. He wanted to have him over for dinner again, but this time he would cook from scratch and properly wine and dine him. He thought they could go rock climbing; Joey would probably be great at it. Then there were lots of places they could drive out to that were picturesque or interesting.
That’s what Gabe kept coming back to when his thoughts got really dark. These people could be as salty as they wanted. However, Gabe had found someone he craved spending time with. Someone who liked him back, even if he was scared to admit it.
What it all came down to in the end was that Gabe had done nothing wrong, and that was the truth. He’d not acted even remotely inappropriately with anyone’s kids, and he and Joey had merely been seen in each other’s company. They weren’t even holding hands in any of the photos that had been put online. If people hadn’t already known they were gay, he doubted anyone would have guessed they could be dating at all.
So he had made it through the week. Saturday morning came in the form of a shift with the fire department. Gabe was grateful to be kept busy with several calls, none of which were too dangerous, but nobody had much time to ask him about his woes either.
He had reason to be cheerful though, a light at the end of the tunnel. Once his shift was over and he’d been able to head home to shower and change, he found himself strolling over the park near the baseball field to his favorite bench. This was where he’d come for years to sit and think whenever something was on his mind.
That was most likely why Lewis had suggested it as a good place to meet.
Gabe’s ex-boyfriend stood as Gabe approached, giving him a small wave. Gabe returned it, but he was soon distracted by the enormous golden streak that was charging his way.
“Max!” Gabe yelled. He dropped to his knees to greet the golden retriever, not caring if his jeans got muddy on the slightly damp grass. “Oh who’s a good boy? I missed you, yes I did.”
Max did his best to lick every inch of Gabe’s face as he laughed and ruffled his fur. His heart felt like it was going to burst with happiness. Irrationally, he also felt a pang that Joey wasn’t there to meet Gabe’s beloved dog as well. But that probably wouldn’t have gone down well considering
Gabe was specifically there to talk with Lewis for the first time since their breakup.
Speaking of which, he realized it was probably time to stand and face Lewis. Gabe felt slightly nervous, but it wasn’t nearly as painful as he’d imagined it would be as Lewis approached and pulled him into a hug.
“Hi,” Gabe said into his jacket.
“Hi,” Lewis said back.
He was handsome as ever, with dark blond hair, chiseled jaw and sparkling blue eyes. He was just as well built as Gabe remembered from all the years he’d spent touching his body. But now…now his physical presence did nothing for Gabe. It was almost a relief. If he had needed any encouragement that their split was the right decision, this was it.
He was definitely not in love with Lewis anymore. And he still wished stupidly that Joey was there by his side.
Lewis caught him smiling as they pulled apart and perhaps misunderstood. “It’s really good to see you,” he said. He reached out and touched Gabe’s cheek with the back of his fingers. It was something he always used to do. The familiarity of the gesture meant Gabe didn’t react or step away before it was over. But the intimacy made him a little uncomfortable.
“Thank you for coming,” he said, hoping to keep things formal. He motioned to the bench and they both took a seat side by side. Gabe was careful to steer Max between their knees so there was space between their thighs. He knew Lewis was just acting on old habits, but Joey was at the forefront of Gabe’s thoughts.
This wasn’t a social call.
“Did my message make sense?”
Lewis nodded, rubbing his hands together. “Some lady has decided she doesn’t want a gay man near her precious angel, and has decided to make some noise about getting you fired.”
Gabe sighed. “Yes, that’s about it I think.”
“Haven’t these people got anything better to do?”
Gabe chuckled. “I know, right? Anyway, my boss thinks I might need to go to the police to tackle this head-on. But his son’s in the force, and he thought it might be even better to send her a lawsuit for defamation of character. Scare her off before anything really gets going.”
Lewis smiled. It was still as dazzling as Gabe remembered, but it struck him now how it was also a little showy. It probably did Lewis very well in court, but to Gabe, it almost seemed a bit put-on.
“I think that’s a fantastic idea,” Lewis agreed.
Gabe pulled his gloves on, much to Max’s dismay as he had to stop stroking him for a moment. But as the daylight was fading, the temperature was dropping drastically, and despite his layers Gabe was already starting to shiver. Luckily, he had his hat, otherwise he’d be freezing by the time he walked back home again.
“The trouble is,” Gabe admitted. “I can’t afford a lawyer. Not when I don’t know how long this might stretch out for. I was really hoping you could give me a little bit of advice, then point me in the direction of anyone who might be willing to do pro bono around here.”
Gabe absolutely hated the idea of asking someone to work for free. But Mitch, and his police officer son Ollie, had insisted that because he was the blameless victim he should at least ask. Gabe was also being truthful about his finances. A lengthy lawsuit would destroy him unless he could get a pro-bono lawyer. So if there wasn’t anyone he could find, he’d have to just trust the police could make Debbie and her followers go away.
Because that was the worrying thing now. In the past week, she had got a petition of over fifty signatures demanding that Gabe’s suitability to work with kids be investigated thoroughly. There were fifty people out there who Gabe didn’t know had a problem with him, simply because he was gay.
The idea tore him up inside. He loved just like anyone else. He’d never cheated on a boyfriend, he was responsible, and he undoubtedly didn’t flaunt anything in anyone’s faces. Yet they still had joined in with the hate when someone else had found the guts to stand up first and protest. Part of his worst moments this week had been when he’d lost hours obsessing over who these people were.
Did he know any of them? Did he think of any of them as friends?
This was why he needed to make all these allegations go away as soon as he could. Otherwise, he would drive himself insane.
“I looked into local firms,” Lewis said in response to his question. “But they’re all too small to be able to afford to do pro bono. But,” he said before Gabe could react with disappointment. “My new firm insists we do a certain number of hours per year pro bono. So, how would you feel about me helping you out?”
Gabe’s mouth dropped open. “You’d do that?” he said, fighting back tears. The relief was palpable. “For me?”
Lewis gave him a smile. “Well,” he said. “I thought I could move back in for a few days. See how it goes.”
He slid his hand up Gabe’s thigh.
Gabe jumped so violently he almost dislodged himself from the bench. Max barked. “What the hell are you doing?” he demanded before he could think.
Lewis looked stunned. “Jesus, Gabe, calm down.”
Gabe’s heart was racing and he instinctively looked around to check if anyone was watching. “I, why…Lewis, we’re over.”
Lewis looked at him sadly. “I know. But, haven’t you thought about us at all? Maybe that we made a mistake?”
Gabe licked his lips. He didn’t want to hurt Lewis’s feelings, but the truth was he hadn’t missed him, not really. He’d definitely missed being a part of a couple in the early days. But he knew with absolute certainty that he and Lewis weren’t meant to be together. They never had that spark.
Not like he had with Joey.
The realization hit Gabe like a sledgehammer. He’d only known Joey for several weeks. And there was a logical part of Gabe’s brain that warned him he was probably just in the throes of honeymoon lust. But he couldn’t deny that Joey fit with him in a perfect way that Lewis never had. Even with all the friction they had – especially with the friction they had. He and Lewis had ticked along, a perfect, easy couple.
Love wasn’t easy. It was damn hard. Gabe thought maybe he knew that now.
“I’m sorry, Lewis,” he said carefully. He held his gaze and tried to make him understand. “I know it’s difficult, but I think our breakup was for the best. For both of us.”
Lewis leaned back and frowned. “You can’t know that,” he said. “You don’t know how I’m feeling.”
Gabe bit his lip and looked at his hands in his lap. “I know how I’m feeling.”
Lewis scoffed. “Fuck, Gabe,” he said, his voice catching. Gabe felt awful, but it would be crueler to string Lewis along when there was no hope. “It wasn’t that long ago we talked about getting married.”
“But we never got engaged, did we?” Gabe pointed out as kindly as he could.
Lewis ran his hand through his thick hair. Then he looked sharply back at Gabe. “Is there somebody else?”
He always had been astute. No wonder he went into practicing law.
Gabe rubbed his thumb against his chin. “It’s very new,” he said by way of confirmation.
Lewis jumped to his feet and Max scrambled backwards, startled. “Fucking hell,” he cried, throwing out his hands. “Did the sheets even get cold, Gabe?”
“Lewis, chill the fuck out,” Gabe snapped. “I wasn’t looking for anything, all right. It just happened.”
Lewis scoffed. “Oh, it ‘just happened.’ Do you expect me to believe that?” His eyes narrowed and he stepped back towards Gabe, finger pointing at him. “How long?”
“How long?” Gabe repeated, confused.
“How long were you guys fucking behind my back?”
Gabe spluttered he was so shocked. Heat rose into his cheeks despite the bitter wind. “No,” he shouted. “No, Lewis, absolutely nothing happened while we were still together. I didn’t even meet him until after you’d moved out! You’re being paranoid.”
Lewis looked absolutely disgusted at him. “You expect me to believe that in the few weeks I
’ve been gone, you met someone so great you won’t even consider giving us another shot?”
Gabe slumped. This was awful. He didn’t want to hurt Lewis, but he couldn’t lie either. “We had our shot, Lewis. If we couldn’t make it work in five years, it’s not going to. I really like this guy. I’m so sorry.”
Lewis snarled and turned away from him, his ears pink. “Fine, forget it,” he said over his shoulder. “Good luck with keeping your job.”
Now it was Gabe’s turn to stand, horror welling up in him. “You’re not going to help me with my lawsuit? Just because I won’t date you again?”
Lewis half-turned, his eyes glassy. “I’m not going to hang around and watch you make doe-eyes at someone else. I’ve got too much dignity for that.”
“But,” said Gabe. “You said none of the law firms around here can help me either. Is there someone else at your firm-?”
Lewis gave a hollow laugh. “That would come out to the sticks for a little case like this?” He shook his head. “No. I’m sure you’ll find someone in Connecticut though, if you look a bit further afield. Like I said,” he added through a clenched jaw. “Good luck.”
Gabe watched aghast as Lewis stormed off over the damp grass back towards the lot where he’d parked his car. Dusk was setting fast and Gabe wouldn’t be able to see him for much longer. But he didn’t call after him. What could he say? Lewis was being monumentally unfair, but if he wanted to try again, Gabe absolutely couldn’t offer that.
So he just stood there. Max stayed by his side until Lewis whistled for him from the shadows. Poor Max looked between Gabe and Lewis’s vanished form several times before the whistle came again, sharper this time. Being the good boy that he was, Max gave Gabe one last forlorn look then bolted after Lewis, leaving Gabe all alone.
What the fuck? He’d had a brief moment of relief and happiness before it had been torn away again, leaving him feeling even worse than before.