by HJ Welch
“I didn’t do much,” Corey joked, not wanting to dig too deep. But Reyse wasn’t letting him get away with that.
“Thank you for being brave,” he said. Although his voice was quiet it was also firm. “I was too scared to let you in again. Thank you for coming in here tonight. Thank you for coming back to my apartment.”
Corey stroked along the side of his face with the back of his knuckles. “I’m here to look after you,” he said. Damn it. Here went nothing. “Day and night. If you want, we can do this again. Just while we’re here.”
Reyse sighed and pressed his face against Corey’s neck, placing a kiss on his skin. “I want to look after you, too,” he said.
“You do,” Corey assured him, not really sure what he meant. But he felt it was true. He might be the one obviously administering the sexual healing, but Reyse gave him as much back, he was sure. Maybe it was simply how much Reyse wanted Corey. It made him feel validated. Part of something.
“If it’s not too much to ask,” Reyse said cautiously, “then, yes. I…I would love to spend more time with you. So long as we’re careful.”
He looked pained to add that last part, but Corey understood completely. He made the decision to take what he could get from this relationship.
“Discretion is no problem at all,” he assured Reyse. “Speaking of which, do you want to do something about this?” He laughed as he leaned back and pointed at the sticky mess sandwiched between their chests. “Then I should probably head back to my own room.”
Reyse laughed too and covered his eyes briefly. “I forgot how bad it can get when you’re not jerking off into a tissue,” he said. For some reason, Corey found the admission adorable.
“Come on,” he said, peeling himself off Reyse. “Is that a bathroom behind us?”
Reyse nodded, so Corey took him by the hand and led him across the room. They were comfortable around one another as they used washcloths to rinse the cum from their naked bodies. Corey couldn’t stop himself sneaking a little kiss on Reyse’s cheek, making him giggle. He was so cute.
“Do you have to go right away?” Reyse asked as he walked back to his bed, pausing to slip his briefs back on.
Corey did likewise, leaving the T-shirt off for now. It just felt better not having his junk swinging around during what felt like quite a tender moment. He shook his head. “I could stay a minute,” he said. Reyse got into bed then held the covers back, inviting Corey to join him.
It couldn’t hurt to cuddle for a bit, could it? Reyse smelled so good after sex, and Corey didn’t want him to think Corey was only interested in getting off. This visit had been about far more than just orgasms.
So he slid in easily beside Reyse, wrapping him in his arms and kissing the top of his damp hair. “Goodnight, Reyse,” he said fondly.
“Goodnight, Corey,” Reyse replied, holding on to Corey’s arms and snuggling against his body.
Just a few minutes, Corey promised himself as his shut his eyes and inhaled Reyse’s scent deeply. Then he would sneak back to his room. No one would find out he’d been here and their secret would remain safe.
15
Reyse
The knocking at the door was persistent enough to wake Reyse from his deep sleep. He was completely confused as to where he was, not to mention why there was an arm wrapped possessively around him.
It all came rushing back to him as his eyes flew open, blinking in the morning light. He was at his parents’ house. Corey had fallen asleep in his bed. And someone was about to walk in on them.
“Corey!” he hissed, batting his arm frantically. “Corey, wake up! You need to get into the en suite!”
“Reyse? Are you awake?” Damn. That was Aunt Evangeline’s voice. She was not going to wait much longer before barging in.
“Nuh fuh?” Corey mumbled. Panic was rising in Reyse’s chest. Shit, they were going to get caught!
“Corey!” he hissed, hating how hard he jolted Corey’s shoulder, but it did the trick. Corey’s eyes snapped open. “You have to hide!”
Corey frowned and blinked as he came back into consciousness. “Huh?”
“Young man,” Evangeline called out cheerfully. “I’ve given you more than enough time to stop masturbating. Either reply, or I’m coming in regardless on the count of three. One!”
“Fuck,” Corey gasped.
“Two!”
In one fluid motion, Corey rolled off the bed and underneath it.
“Three!”
Reyse had just enough time to gather his sheets around him to hide his morning wood before his aunt came sweeping in, looking far too glamorous for this early in the morning. The floral maxi dress could have been casual enough, but combined with the large diamond necklace, three-inch heels and full face of makeup, it was quite the sight to behold.
“Cat got your tongue?” she asked with a grin as she swept across the room and perched on the end of the bed. As usual, she had Foofy in her arms, a little green diamanté bow in her static-ridden hair and small tongue peeping out.
Reyse swallowed and shook his head. “Sorry,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I was dead asleep. Is everything okay?” A sudden fear gripped him. “Is Dad okay?”
But Evangeline nodded and let Foofy down on the bed so Evangeline could touch his knee. “He’s fine. No change. Stable but groggy. Your mom is still reluctant to visit again until he’s awake. But if you want, Dave is going over to the hospital this morning.”
Reyse felt torn. He’d expected to have seen his dad by now, but he wasn’t thrilled at the idea of going anywhere with Dave. “Maybe Mom and I can see how he’s doing this afternoon?” he suggested. A few more hours wouldn’t make a difference, not when his dad was essentially just sleeping the whole time.
Evangeline patted his knee again and nodded. “Quite sensible,” she agreed.
Foofy hopped off the bed, then turned and looked around. Underneath the bed frame. Reyse froze. “Uh, so, what can I do for you?” he asked Evangeline, trying not to sound or look alarmed as Foofy trotted under the bed and out of sight.
Evangeline smiled genuinely with no trace of humor or silliness. “I just wanted to see if you’d like some breakfast,” she said. “It’s been far too long since we caught up. I thought we could eat on the patio before it gets too hot.”
“Oh, yes,” Reyse stammered. “Th-that sounds lovely.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw a pair of hands place Foofy out from under the bed again. Foofy looked around confused, then pawed at Corey’s T-shirt, discarded on the floor from the night before, growling as she scratched it.
“Darling, what’s the matter?” Evangeline asked, bending down to her dog.
“Oh!” Reyse blurted too loudly. “That…T-shirt is really gross. I worked out in it. I should, uh, put it in the wash.”
He leaned down before she could and scooped it up, throwing it in the direction of his suitcase.
“Yes,” Evangeline said in approving tone. Mercifully, she sat back up. Unfortunately, deprived of her distraction, Foofy trotted back under the bed. “You should never let your standards slip, Ricky,” she said, wagging her finger at him. “No one wants to pick up your mucky underwear.”
Despite stressing that Corey was underneath them right now wrestling with a very determined Shih Tzu, Reyse had to admit this was nice. “I have missed hanging out, you know?” he told his aunt. “Give me five minutes to brush my teeth and I’ll meet you down for breakfast?” he suggested.
Evangeline nodded. “Marvelous,” she said. “Oh, where did Foofy get too?”
The pair of hands only just dropped the little dog back on the carpet before Evangeline looked down. Reyse scooped Foofy up before she could try and visit Corey again. “She’s so sweet,” Reyse said, trying to calm his heart rate down. “I hope she’s living up to her namesake?”
Evangeline took Foofy back and rolled her eyes. “Well, each Lady Bonniford Honeydew is different in her own right,” she said sagely, rising to her feet. “But I have to say this
little one will surprise you from time to time.” She winked at Reyse. “No rush, now. Meet me downstairs in half an hour?”
Relief washed over Reyse. “Sure,” he said.
Evangeline paused at the door’s threshold and looked back at Reyse, something sparkling in her eyes. “Let’s make the most of Dave’s absence, hmm? I’ll get Clementine to cook for us, and you rouse Corey. He’s probably still fast asleep at this hour, isn’t he?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” Reyse said. Fucking hell, he was normally a much better actor than this. But then, he wasn’t normally woken at the crack of dawn with the threat of his biggest secret being discovered. “I’ll go knock on his door.”
Foofy barked angrily and wriggled in Evangeline’s arms, trying to get back down again. Evangeline just smiled and snagged the door handle, pulling it behind her. “See you shortly,” she said.
Reyse held his breath until the door clicked shut, then flopped down on his bed, flinging his arms out. “Fuck me, that was close,” he whispered in case Evangeline was still close enough to hear.
Corey’s chuckles came from under the bed. His thick, disheveled hair and grinning face soon followed. “Well, that was fun,” he said, cocking an eyebrow.
Reyse knew he should be more freaked out, but his heart felt lighter just seeing Corey again. “Sorry,” he said, meaning it. He hated that Corey had to dive out of sight.
Luckily, Corey seemed over it. He bounced up from the floor and snuggled back in the bed beside Reyse without having to be asked. “Did they never catch you with a guy when you were at school or anything?” Corey asked. He brushed Reyse’s hair back and rubbed his back. The easy familiarity he was displaying with Reyse’s body was so nice it almost hurt.
Reyse managed a smile. “Nah,” he said ruefully. “I was always too terrified to make out with anyone I knew growing up. I guess I somehow knew deep down it could come back to bite me in the ass. Besides, I spent every minute I could hauling my ass to auditions and choir classes and all the other things my dad didn’t approve of.” He rolled his eyes. “I managed to sneak into some bars and clubs though, so until I landed Below Zero, any hookups were anonymous.” He felt a pang of sadness. “I never told those guys my real name and we always went back to theirs, so…”
Corey studied him for a moment or two. “And when you joined the band?” he asked, surprising Reyse by not probing any further into his childhood.
Reyse bit his lip. Did he want to talk about this?
He’d never really talked about it with anyone, though. Suddenly, he couldn’t bear it another second.
“His name was Jon,” Reyse began. Immediately, a lump rose in his throat and his eyes got itchy. But he wanted to own this part of his past for one damn time in his life. “He was a backing dancer on our second world tour, for the second album five years ago. He was…wonderful. A phenomenal dancer with a Pokémon obsession and a smile for everyone. He always set up a Buddhist shrine no matter how crappy his hotel room was, and burned this beautiful sandalwood incense.” He paused and sighed, recalling the scent all these years later. “We were very careful, but we spent most of that tour together, stealing every second we could. Then…then the tour ended and the record label dropped the band and suddenly I was the golden boy working twenty-four seven. It just wasn’t possible, and I couldn’t put him through all that. Especially after my first album went platinum.”
“You didn’t want to make him a dirty little secret?” Corey asked.
Reyse felt guilty confessing this to Corey. Like he was cheating on him or comparing the two of them. But it wasn’t like that. Jon was a lifetime ago. Corey was here and now.
“No,” Reyse agreed. “I had to let him go. I didn’t keep in touch, but I heard on the grapevine a while ago he’s married, even adopted a kid.” Reyse blinked back tears, not wanting to cry anymore over this. “I’m happy for him,” he said sincerely. “He was…such a beautiful light. He deserved everything. I didn’t want to take that away from him.”
For a while, Corey just hugged him. “That must have been so hard,” he said. There wasn’t a trace of envy in his words. Was that because he was secure enough in his own self? Or because he didn’t feel a need to be jealous as he knew there was no future between him and Reyse either? That their time was limited, so why get upset about a former lover?
It was stupid, but Reyse hoped it was the former. He liked to think of Corey as this resilient survivor, not threatened by Reyse’s past. Because if he was honest, it would hurt too much to think he didn’t care about what little time they had together.
“It was hard,” Reyse admitted. Then he decided to be fully honest, hoping his instinct that he could trust Cory was on the mark. “It still is, some days. Fuck, I hope you don’t think I’m this ungrateful brat. I’ve got everything I could ever want, right? A dream career I fucking love, incredible fans who I honestly adore – you should see some of the sympathy stuff coming through right now because of my dad. Videos and artwork and fanfiction and essay-length messages. I’ve managed to create a body of work that affects people all around the globe, that makes them want to care for me when I’m down. Yet…” He sighed heavily. “God, I’m so selfish.”
“Hey, no,” Corey said with a frown. “It’s not too much to ask to be yourself. Living a lie has got to be exhausting. I know it’s none of my business, but the guys at your label are fucking jerks for keeping you in this bind. It’s got to be shitty on your mental health.”
Reyse breathed slowly in and out for a minute, resting his head on Corey’s chest and stroking his fingers gently up and down the warm skin of his arm. “I don’t want this to sound like I’m anything less than completely thrilled for my best friends to have all found love and marriage and happiness. The boys from the band are my brothers, it doesn’t matter about blood.”
“But you’re the one that’s been left behind,” Corey guessed correctly.
Reyse bit his lip. “I know it was hard for them when they got dropped in favor of Sun City focusing on just me,” he said. “It was hard for us all not to see the divide. Especially Joey. God, it killed him.”
“But they’ve all landed on their feet,” Corey interjected. Reyse appreciated it. He knew the guys were all good, but he still felt a twinge of guilt at being the one selected to carry on with the solo career.
“Yeah, of course,” Reyse agreed. But, having been the one to get ahead to begin with, now I’m the one on my own and…” He gritted his teeth. This was the real kicker. The one he hated himself for, but he had to say it out loud, just once. “Blake, Raiden, TJ…they were never out as queer before. They didn’t know it about themselves. Joey was allowed to be out and I wasn’t and they did have the easier career paths. Yet they all met these amazing men and…oh fuck, I can’t believe how petty I am.”
“Reyse,” Corey said firmly. He took Reyse’s face between his hands. “It’s okay to be mad. In this day and age, your job shouldn’t hold your love life hostage. That’s nuts. But I’m telling you right now, it will change. Someday, soon. It has to. They can’t keep this up! It’s fucking homophobic and you’ve given them more than enough to prove your worth. They either see your value and accept you for who you are, or you part ways.”
And they keep the rights to my entire back catalog, Reyse thought to himself. But he didn’t want to poor cold water over Corey’s enthusiasm. So he smiled at him instead.
“That was quite the speech,” he said.
Corey huffed. “Yeah, well, the situation is fucked up. You need to realize the light is at the end of the tunnel. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next year. But…I believe it. One day, you’ll be able to sing and be with someone you love. Out, not in the closet.”
Just for a moment, Reyse studied Corey. But that person won’t be you, he thought with certainty. Corey was a fleeting moment. There was no way Reyse could ask him to hang around in the shadows until Reyse was free to come out. No matter how much he wanted to ask him to. It wasn’t fair.
He didn’t want to think about that, though, let alone talk about it. So he just snuggled back into Corey’s arms. They only had a few minutes before they needed to hustle and get ready for breakfast.
“Thank you,” he simply said in response to Corey’s optimism.
He needed to let Corey go back to his own room to shower. But, just for now, he could pretend that this was normal. That he wouldn’t lose Corey like he did Jon. At least Corey had been the one to come back, to suggest a short-term thing while they were in this little bubble of home. It made Reyse feel less needy. So long as nothing took a serious turn with his dad, Reyse could afford to take a little break from his crazy reality.
And the practical, logical side of his brain argued they would have to leave it when they went back to LA. But the other, wistful side of him argued that if they were in the same city, maybe they might run into each other again.
It didn’t do much harm to indulge in a private little fantasy. Reyse could have that for a moment before he checked the coast was clear, kissed Corey goodbye, and let him run back to the safety of his own room.
16
Corey
Corey could tell Reyse was on edge. Corey sympathized with his situation. He was clearly anxious to see his dad, but his mom didn’t want to hang around until Donny was awake properly. So Reyse still hadn’t visited the hospital, the whole purpose of this trip.
But the kicker was, Corey could tell Reyse was terrified of seeing his old man. The way a child is scared they’ve screwed up and they’re just waiting for the blowback. Or, at least, that was Corey’s own experience. He’d had a couple of foster dads with short tempers. And while he didn’t think Mr. Hickson was physically abusive – far from it – Reyse was scared of him for entirely different reasons.
He was scared of not being enough. Despite his crazy success, Reyse Hickson somehow didn’t live up to his own father’s expectations. That was pretty messed up, in Corey’s opinion.