by Tara Hart
Still holding my lip between my teeth, I reached between us, my fingers touching him as if he were mine to touch.
“Don’t,” he warned, half-heartedly.
My fingers continued to travel, up his leg and then inside his thigh…
He moved fast, his fingers encircled my wrist like a vice.
“Don’t play your fucking games with me.” His words were laced by pure hatred and it scared me. I didn’t recognize Jared anymore and I had to wonder, was he always like this or had I made him this way?
My eyes went wide. “Let go of me.”
For the first time ever, I feared what Jared might do to me. I’d never seen the iciness pool in his pale blue eyes until that night.
I don’t even know why I went to the house. It was as if I was searching for something, some kind of confirmation that this was it—this was the end, but I couldn’t help myself. There he was all naked and full of angst, just begging me to touch him.
When he called me Savannah it conjured emotions that I didn’t want to acknowledge. Every time he compared me to my twin sister, I wanted to destroy him. We may have looked the same, but that’s where the similarities ended.
He tightened his grip around my wrist and I writhed against him.
“Let go,” I seethed between clenched teeth.
Our eyes met for an unbearably long time, neither of us blinking. He tightened his grasp around my wrist before finally letting go.
I fell back on the bed. The skin of my wrist was red and slightly swollen. If he wanted to scare me, mission accomplished. Jared wasn’t playing games anymore and neither was I.
Taking my purse from the floor, I threw it over my shoulder and walked toward the door for the last time.
“Lose the key, Selina.” His voice rang through to my ears.
I dug around at the bottom of my bag for the single silver key. I spun around and threw my shoulder back as I lurched it across the room. It missed his head and fell to the floor.
He chuckled because he knew I’d never come close to hitting him.
“Asshole,” I muttered under my breath as I walked through the door and out of his life.
Theo was right. I wasn’t gaining anything from being back in Seattle. It was time to cut my losses and leave. Jared’s money wouldn’t make me happy any more than it was making him happy.
He looked miserable, and as I would find out later, he was very close to losing everything that mattered to him also.
Savannah was everything he ever wanted.
And he was about to fuck it all up.
Chapter 23
I stood on her doorstep, cradling a bottle of wine in my arms. It was my attempt at a peace offering. One I hoped she’d accept.
I hadn’t spoken to Savannah in days and I knew I had to reach out to her before the damage was irreversible.
If Savannah wasn’t my sister, I don’t know where I’d be. I would have derailed years ago. She always kept my emotions in check—always stopped me from walking into situations ruled by my heart over my head. She was my voice of reason. She had always been a better version of me. She was more than a sister. She was my best friend that I’d pushed her too far. I’d royally fucked things up with her and I vowed to make things right.
I knocked on the door twice and waited with bated breath for her to come to the door. When I didn’t hear any movement inside, I knocked three more times and shuffled from foot-to-foot, the nervous anticipation coursing through my veins. What if she refused to speak to me?
The door swung open. Her usually clear green eyes looked tired and bloodshot. Dark circles had settled beneath her lashes and the rest of her face was paler than usual.
“Savvy, what is it?”
I stepped inside without being invited in. The look on her face was one of defeat. She wasn’t going to turn me away. Not now.
She slumped onto the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her. The room was cold and dark. I reached to open the curtain, but Savannah stopped me.
“Don’t.” She shielded her face with her hands. “Please don’t.”
With a shrug I sat on the sofa across from her, leaning forward in my seat as I studied her face. She didn’t resemble the beautiful woman I’d grown accustomed to seeing. She looked tired and dreary as if she’d given up on life—given up on it all.
When she didn’t speak again, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had to fix this. I owed her that much.
“Savannah, look at me.”
Her eyes eventually traveled to me, even then, they struggled to focus on my face.
“Jared?” His name sounded tainted when it fell from my tongue. It’s as if it wasn’t my right to say his name anymore.
Savannah nodded her head hopelessly.
“What did he do?”
She shook her head. “I can’t tell you, Lina.”
I scoffed. “Of course you can. I’m your sister.”
She stopped sobbing long enough to look me in the eye. It was this moment of clarity between us. This one moment of truth that should have come weeks ago.
“I don’t know who you are anymore.” Her voice was soft, but I heard her words.
I was speechless. Not because her comment shocked me, but because I agreed with her. I didn’t recognize myself either.
I shook my head. “I know I’ve done some awful things...and asked you to do some horrible things on my behalf, but I can see my errors now. I see all my faults, clear as day.”
Savannah scoffed. She didn’t believe me and I could hardly blame her. I had been so hot and cold in recent years. I was unpredictable and moody, but I vowed to make things right.
“What did he do anyway?” I felt the need to ask.
What had Jared done to make my poor sister look this miserable?
She tucked her legs against her chest, her chin resting on the ball of one knee.
She sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “He slept with someone. I don’t know who. Someone he met at a bar.”
“Oh, Savvy.”
The irony wasn’t wasted on me. I was comforting my sister because my husband cheated on her. That kind of crazy was usually saved for a daytime soap opera, but that crazy had become our reality.
“How did you find out?”
She shook her head. “I went to his house. He came home drunk and ashamed. I didn’t stick around to hear his excuses. I just got the hell out of there and he’s been calling me ever since.”
She gestured toward her cellphone that sat on the coffee table between us. I wanted to take her phone in my hand and dial Jared’s number and tell him what a sorry piece of shit he really was. It was then that I realized, I was over him. I was rooting for their relationship from the sidelines.
“Don’t use this as ammunition in your court case,” Savannah warned me, her finger sticking straight in the air.
I scoffed. “Of course not.” The thought had momentarily crossed my mind. “I just don’t understand why he’d do such a thing,” I questioned genuinely.
Savannah sniffled, the tears had dried up and she was now ready to talk. “He’s changed, that’s why.”
My eyebrows knit together. “How so?”
“I don’t recognize him anymore.”
I haven’t recognized the man I married in years, but I wasn’t about to admit that to Savannah. She would question why I stuck around for so long and we all knew the answer was in the form of dollar signs.
“Ever since that night.” She paused for effect, ensuring I knew what night she was referring to. “He’s been a different person. It’s like by threatening him, you’ve taken away his identity—you’ve taken away who he is.”
“Are you insinuating that I broke Jared?” The accusation was as absurd as the prospect that he was mine to break. Jared’s heart belonged to Savannah, not me.
I searched Savannah’s face as if searching for the answer to a rhetorical question that would remain unanswered for the rest of my days. How much power did I have ove
r these people? Was their happiness really resting in the palm of my hands?
“You think it’s my fault?” I questioned, my tone high-pitched and whiny. “You’re blaming me for Jared sleeping with some random girl?”
I stood up, resting my hands on my hips.
“If you can’t see what’s in front of you then I can’t help you, Selina.”
“What do you mean?” I furrowed my brow.
“You need Jared’s money to fund your lavish love affair with a man you have always loved and you don’t care who you hurt in the process.”
Boom, there it was. The cold hard truth laid out before me. I don’t know if it was the iciness in her words or the way she said it, but Savannah was right. The only other person I cared about was Theo. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost sight of the people who had been by my side every day that he wasn’t.
All of a sudden, I found it hard to swallow. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose.
“Excuse me,” I mumbled as I rushed through the hallway and into the bathroom.
I lurched the contents of my stomach into the basin. My stomach ached as my chest heaved. I didn’t feel so good.
Turning the tap to hot, I let the steam hit my face and the scolding hot water sterilize my hands. The room started to fog and I breathed the moisture into my lungs.
I splashed water over my face before looking in the mirror. Tiny beads covered my face as I studied my reflection, but I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. Who had I become?
Pulling my cell from my pocket, I took a step back and sat on the edge of the bath. I pushed the call button and waited for him to answer.
“Hello.” He sounded surprised that I was calling. I didn’t know what time it was in France, but I didn’t care. I needed to speak to him at that moment. I needed to commit to this before I did a complete one-eighty.
“What is it, Selina?” Trepidation was clear in his voice, but he had no reason to be concerned.
I had so many things to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words.
“I’ve made a decision,” I said because that was the first step in correcting everything I’d done wrong.
“What decision?” His soft voice filled my ears.
I’d made a decision to end it all.
Chapter 24
The terminal was packed full of travelers arriving in Lyon for the holiday season. There was a palpable energy in the air, many people here to take in the many famous sights of a city they’d only seen in the movies.
For me, my journey would end here because this was my final destination and where I was meant to be.
I searched the crowds expectantly, hoping to find his face staring back at me, but as I scanned the sea full of people, I didn’t find his smiling face staring back at me.
I collected the four suitcases that contained everything I deemed essential and stacked them on the rigid silver trolley. Cooper was sitting in the bag that was draped over my shoulder. He was heavy, but I needed to keep him close, for my benefit more than his.
“We’re here, boy,” I told him. “We’re home.”
By this stage, I was flustered. I’d chipped a nail picking up my cases and my hair was a mess. This wasn’t how I envisaged my reunion with Theo playing out.
Walking through the terminal doors, the French afternoon greeted me like a warm hug from an old friend.
I searched the sidewalk expectantly, hoping he would spring into my line of vision. He didn’t. Instead, I felt his presence in another way.
I smelled him first. That strong masculine scent. Like cigarettes and rosé on a warm summers day.
I felt warm, forceful hands wrap around my middle, pulling me back against his waiting body. I didn’t need to see his face to know it was him.
I sensed it. The rampant energy radiating from the palms of his hands and through my body. For the first time, I knew what it was like to feel a man’s energy completely empower me.
I turned in his arms, my cherry red lips pressed together as I took him in all over again.
His facial hair had grown and the bags under his eyes told a story of their own. He looked rugged but sexy as hell.
He kissed each of my cheeks and then pecked my lips.
“My American girl.” His arms wrapped around me tightly as his chin rested against my shoulder. “You found me once again,” he breathed into my hair.
“Of course I did.”
“Thank you for coming back to me,” he uttered the words against my skin.
For the first time it occurred to me, he thought I wasn’t coming back. He was surprised to see me—relieved almost.
“Don’t be silly.” My chin rested against his heaving chest as I looked into his eyes. “I was always coming back to you. You know that, right?”
He nodded his head, but it wasn’t convincing. “Of course.”
Cooper was sniffing him through the mesh window of his carry case. “Hello,” Theo said adoringly. “I’m your new father.”
I giggled as Theo smiled at both of us.
“We’re a family now.”
I nodded my head. Yes, we were.
He grabbed my hands in his, lacing our fingers together, tugging on my arm for me to follow him. “Our car awaits.”
He led me to a waiting blue van. It looked like it rolled in from the Seventies. Complete with dreamcatcher hanging over the mirror and peace sign decal stuck on the back window.
“This is how we’re getting home?” I giggled, not trying to hide my amusement.
His hand clapped against the side of the pale blue van. “I bought this for us.”
“Wha—What?” The air caught in the back of my throat.
My mouth fell open as my eyes traveled over the van.
“Get in, mon cheri. I’ll put your bags in the back.” He smiled genuinely, not noticing the sheer embarrassment plastered over my face.
I cautiously approached the passenger door as if the peeling metal door would give me rabies. Inside wasn’t much better. The brown seats were torn and there were electrical cords hanging from the back of the steering wheel. This thing was a death trap.
I hopped inside, placing Cooper next to the door so he could feel the wind on his face.
When Theo rounded the van and hopped in the driver’s seat, he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.
“You like?”
I forced a smile, which was harder than it should have been. “Of course.” I grit my teeth as he turned the key to start the van.
It took three revs to get it going and a cloud of smoke blew from the exhaust.
“It drives like a dream.” He tapped the steering wheel with his fingers as if in tune with the rattle of the exhaust pipe. “Maybe you can drive when we get closer to home.”
“Maybe.” I looked out the window as I thought of the car I left behind. An Audi convertible that hadn’t even had its first birthday yet.
The rollercoaster of emotions came overwhelmed me. Tears filled my eyes as Theo started to sing along to the song that vibrated through the speakers.
The streets passed by, each of them as unfamiliar as the last. Tears were now streaming down my cheeks as I second-guessed every decision I’d made leading up to this point.
I’d made a terrible mistake. I should have stayed with Jared in Seattle and kept traveling to France for fun. Theo deserved someone fun and carefree. Someone who didn’t give a shit about cars and handbags or money.
He would see right through me soon enough and then what?
I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand as I searched my purse for a Kleenex. If I looked hard enough there were probably tissues on the floor from the original owner in 1972. I cringed at the thought.
“What do you need, my love?” Theo offered me a sideways glance and that’s when he noticed—I was a mass of tears and snot.
The van swerved off the road and hit the rocky sidewalk hard. The back of the van skid on the rocks as Theo’s foot slammed on the brakes.
> “What is it?” He unbuckled his seatbelt and moved to touch me.
I pulled away, shrugging my shoulder out of his reach. I couldn’t let him see me like this. I opened the door and rushed away from the van. My feet were struggling to keep up with my brain as they hit the uneven path. I couldn’t compose myself fast enough, tripping on the roots of an overgrown tree and falling to the ground hard.
“Mon cheri.” His arms were around me in no time, picking me up and holding me until he was sure I was steady on my feet.
He looked at my face and sighed. “How could I have gotten this so wrong.”
He brushed my defiant hair behind my ears before brushing the pad of his thumb against my cheek.
I blinked repeatedly as I struggled to focus on his face. “What did you get wrong?” My voice was soft as if I was afraid of his answer.
“You and me,” he said simply. “We were only meant to be for a short moment in time. Anything more was always going to be too much of a good thing.”
He smiled softly, his eyes wrinkling at the sides as he studied my face.
“I left my life for you.” I threw my arms in the air hopelessly. “My house, my friends, my family...”
“Your husband.” He had a great poker-face. He gave nothing away.
I shook my head. This had nothing to do with Jared. “I came here to be with you,” I added as I attempted to compose myself.
He scoffed. “Then why do you look as miserable as hell?”
I didn’t know how to answer his question. I had been excited to come here, I couldn’t wait to be reunited with the love of my life. Then something happened. Reality hit me as hard as a punch in the face. This was my life now. Fifty-year-old cars and wind chimes. Maxi dresses and ankle boots. This life suited me as much as Theo was suited to America. We were an odd couple and everyone could see that.
He sighed heavily, his fingers running over the overgrown stubble that lined his chin.
“I don’t have money,” he said simply. “I don’t have money and that bothers you.”
“No.” When the word left my mouth it sounded weak and unconvincing.
My gaze traveled to the van that sat idling behind us. The engine sounded as though it was about to give out at any moment.