“It’s all that we have,” she said, reading his mind. “You think he’s blue now; you should have seen him before we gave oxygen, aye. They came downriver this morning. I am surprised the baby survived.”
Their facility was not a hospital, but this was not the first, nor would it be the last, family to show up with a medical problem. Wright looked at Amy and realized, even in the air-conditioned room, she was sweating. It was probably the reason she was in research and not clinical medicine, but the New Zealander doctor was a valuable part of their team. He had been as thrilled to hire her as he was to hire Leah. With training in internal medicine, epidemiology and endocrinology, she was a perfect fit for Zelutex and their development of bioidentical hormones.
“The mother is asking where you will take her baby,” Robert said.
“We’re flying them directly to KKH in Singapore,” Wright said.
“KKH?” Robert asked.
“The Kangdang Kerbau Hospital. It’s one of the best children’s hospitals in the world.” He nodded to him to interpret for the mother.
“And they know we’re coming?” Dr. Amy asked.
“Yes, I talked with their CEO, Mr. Kwek. It’s one of the perks of having built their newest wing.” He smiled. “I have Dr. Tang, the pediatric cardiac surgeon, waiting on us. I passed your finding on to him. You think the child has Tetralogy of Fallot?”
“Yes. I did an ultrasound, and the ventricular septal defect and the telltale thickened right ventricle were obvious.”
Wright tried to picture the hole between the chambers of the heart. He knew of the congenital heart defect only because one of the late-night show hosts in the US had a child with the condition and it was all over the news. A large hole in the heart allowed the unoxygenated blood to mix with the blood that carried oxygen, resulting in a blue skin tone. The only treatment was open heart surgery. “Dr. Tang said they would have the boy’s chest cracked open an hour after we arrive. I have no doubt.”
Robert was already translating for the mother, who looked even more frightened. She said something to Robert and tears fell from her eyes. He responded to her and turned to Wright.
“She broke an egg two weeks ago and thought it was why her baby was born blue.”
Wright looked at the mother, wrapped in a traditional sarong dress. The Iban were among the most superstitious people groups in the world, and their culture was filled with all sorts of taboos during pregnancy, including breaking eggs. A recent myth he’d heard said that the parent must not plant a banana tree or else the child will be born with a big head.
“Well, we know that’s not true,” Wright said and nodded to Robert to communicate the truth. Being a chief of his longhouse, Robert’s voice carried weight. Speaking with compassion, he held the young mother’s shoulders and answered her questions.
She appeared to be in her teens. Her olive skin and long black hair glowed with natural beauty. She was barefoot, and Wright wondered if they should try to find her some shoes. He also realized that this might be her first trip out of the jungle. What would she think of the towering skyscrapers of Singapore? Has she even seen a car before? Wright couldn’t wait to see her eyes as they lifted out of the heliport and she rose above her sheltered life.
He listened to their rhythmic Iban conversation. He understood the language better than he could speak it, but he was still learning.
“Ulat?” he interrupted Robert. He didn’t know the term, but the mother kept saying it and tilting her head toward the baby. “Is that his name?”
Robert gave him grin. “No, Master Paul. Ulat is what my people call their young. It means worm.” He smiled again but then turned serious. “We do not name our babies until they are almost one.”
He didn’t have to explain why. With the high infant mortality rate, it was bad luck to name the child too early.
“Well, time is wasting,” Wright said. “Let’s get the little worm to the helicopter. You’re coming, Doctor.” It was a statement not a question.
“Yes, of course. I need to talk to you and Ms. Boxler about some of the trends I see with the new drug. I am quite concerned.”
CHAPTER 5
BAPTISM
Nick and Chang stepped away from the elder Dr. Hart’s SUV.
“Sure you gentlemen don’t need a working set of eyes to get you there?” Nick’s dad called out his window.
“We’ll be fine,” Chang answered. Nick thought he’d rather be in the warm pool. But the Chinook winds continued to bring their warmth, and the sun shook off any remaining winter chill to the point that Nick couldn’t decide if he needed his down jacket and wool beanie.
“Are you sure about this?” Nick asked.
“Of course. A little field trip will do the heart good,” Chang said and extended his folding white cane. “I hate these things, but they’re a necessary evil so we don’t fall into the icy river,” he said with all seriousness, then gave a hearty laugh.
Nick put his arm through Chang’s; he wasn’t about to let that happen. The water pouring out of Glacier National Park this time of year was freezing, and they wouldn’t last a minute. He sensed Chang pause to get his bearings.
“This is one of my favorite spots in the world,” Chang said as they made their way down the pathway. “I think of it as one of the ‘thin places’ on earth.”
“Thin places?” Nick asked.
“Some people believe that there are places on earth where the separation between us and the divine is…thinned out somehow. Like we can hear His voice easier. Who knows? I just like it here. It’s called Running Eagle Falls, named after a Blackfeet warrior who happened to be a woman. It was unusual for a female to be honored like this, but legend has it that she spent four days here on a vision quest. Maybe even then the indigenous people thought of it as a thin place.”
“Oh, I didn’t know where we were going…I’ve been here before as a kid,” Nick said. “In the summer, my Dad and I used to jump from the rocks into the deep pool at the bottom of the waterfall. It was spectacular…when my eyes worked.”
“Well, today you get to see it with new eyes,” Chang said and continued down the trail.
* * *
Nick had grown up in the woods. It was his happy place until today. With the icy trail, the frigid river flowing alongside them and the roar of the falls, it was not comforting. At least they were safe from hibernating grizzly bears, but other creatures resented their intrusion. A crow and squirrel scolded them from nearby trees for disturbing their wintertime solitude.
They safely maneuvered the short distance to the falls, and Chang felt for a flat rock at the edge of the trail, where he swept away any remaining snow and spread a blanket. He helped Nick sit down.
“What a beautiful day, don’t you think?” Chang said, sitting next to him.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You think more on what we talked about yesterday?”
“Look, I’ve racked my brain until I can’t think anymore. I honestly don’t know if I was abused in any way,” Nick said. “Certainly not by my immediate family. I don’t have many memories outside our home before first grade. I guess I ran into my share of bullies, but I don’t remember something super bad happening.”
“That’s okay, Nicklaus. It was just a thought,” Chang reassured him. “Trauma in our lives comes from different sources. Maybe a one-time event or a steady diet of being beaten down. The one thing I have learned is that no one escapes life’s pain…no one.”
“So what do you do about it?”
“Well, you can internalize it and let it eat your stomach or your heart…or your mind.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a really productive option,” Nick said.
“That’s what so many people end up doing. I have also seen people spend thousands and thousands of dollars on medical appointments and still not get to the source of their sickness. Then they put their hope in other things like medications, self-help programs, supplements, and other ways to find wholene
ss.”
“Or even pool therapy?” Nick said coyly.
“Yes…touché, my friend.” Chang laughed. “Even therapy. Not that any of those things are bad. What I have seen and what I know is they all play a part. They can be helpful, but they are pieces of the jigsaw puzzle.”
Nick glanced in the direction of a chirping squirrel and sighed. “Chang, I know I’m depressed. Maybe I should start an antidepressant?”
“Possibly,” Chang said. “They can be life-saving, but we also know that cognitive therapy and exercise can be effective for depression as well. Good nutrition, exercise, and supplements put the body in an optimal environment. After all, our bodies are meant to heal themselves. Just look at bones. I know you bone guys think you’re something special, but I’ve seen your work. You guys get the bones close together and let God do the rest.”
“Yeah, something like that.” Nick smiled and paused. “I’d sure like to hear what God has to say about this mess.”
“Well, that’s a thought. The scriptures describe God’s voice like the sound of many waters. I think we’re in a good place to hear His voice, don’t you?”
Nick only shrugged.
“Nicklaus, I know you’re upset. You’re angry. You’re afraid. I get that. But we have to find some joy in your life.”
“I guess I have been unhappy for a while. Maybe even before I lost my sight.”
“Yes, that’s a good place to start. Do you know the difference between happiness and joy?”
“I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Happiness is rooted in circumstances. I’m happy when this happens; I’m sad when that happens. Joy is much deeper. It’s one of the foundational truths, one that we must choose. Joy is not dictated by good or bad circumstances.”
“I’m not sure I’ve experienced joy.”
“Then I pray as Paul did in Romans that ‘the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.’”
Nick listened to the falls splashing over the edge of the cliff and tumbling onto the boulders as he tried to understand.
“Nicklaus, I am sorry for what happened to you,” Chang said. “But you never know where these circumstances will lead you. You must put your faith in the divine…in your destiny.”
Chang paused to chuckle. “I know it’s hard to imagine, but growing up, I was a world class skier,” Chang continued. “My freshman year in high school, I took gold at the Junior Olympics in the Super-G. Two years later, I had my eye on the Winter Olympics but crashed qualifying for the team. When I spent three weeks in the hospital recovering, my desire to help people grew, and I decided to pursue medicine. When the problems with my eyes started, it was clear that season was ending as well. Not to diminish the pain or the challenges I’ve gone through, but I am so fulfilled with what I’m doing now.”
Chang draped his arm over Nick’s shoulders. “The thing is, circumstances won’t save you from bumping up against one of the age-old questions: What do you do when your life doesn’t measure up to your expectations?”
Nick did have expectations for his life, but now they were more out of reach than he could imagine. Grief inundated him like the water tumbling over the falls, and he wept.
Sorrow gushed from the depths of his soul. He let it flow. How did he get here? He had tried to be a good person. He worked hard. Yes, he made his share of mistakes, but he really tried. This was not how his life was supposed to turn out. Medical school was tough and residency even tougher, but he thought once he got his training, he was set for life. As an orthopedic surgeon, he would turn a high six-figure salary, affording him anything that his heart desired, including a beautiful wife—and who knew, children? Ski vacations, trips to Hawaii, maybe even a condo at one of those ritzy places? A nice car and home were a given. But now this. It was nothing that he had envisioned, nothing he had signed up for. Life didn’t match up to what he had imagined or prayed for. God, are you listening?
“Everything has been taken from me,” he sobbed. “Why has God allowed that?” Tears flowed over his cheeks. “Doesn’t God hear me?”
He held his head in his hands and squeezed his scalp, fighting for understanding. “The church says that God is good, but look at my life. I have lost everything. I’ve lost my best friend, I have lost my sight, I have lost my profession…I have lost my future.”
Nick was no longer able to control his own body from shaking. When he was in Guatemala and then in Turkey he thought he’d fallen to the bottom of the pit. He’d thought he couldn’t stand another ounce of pain. But here he was and the pain was worse.
Chang squeezed Nick’s shoulders. “That’s it, my friend, let it all pour out. There is no shame here, no judgment.”
Nick’s shoulders quaked and his tears fell like the waterfall.
“Yes, Nicklaus. Let that pain and that grief come out.”
“I don’t understand, Chang. I don’t understand. Maybe I was abused, and maybe I wasn’t, I don’t remember. But why does this battle rage inside of me?”
“Nicklaus, it’s hard to know. I will be honest with you. Life is tough. Not sure anyone ever helps us to prepare for that. This I know as a certainty—no one gets through without battle scars. But, Nicklaus, I’m going to tell you one of the most important things you need to hear.”
Chang paused and rested his hand on Nick’s shoulder.
“Your heart is made for God’s Kingdom…not for this world,” Chang said, squeezing his shoulder. “Our hearts know what has been lost and we spend our whole lives searching for it.”
“You mean Eden?”
“Yes, of course. Once you understand this, it will help explain so much for you. You were made for paradise, and this world is a very far cry from the garden. This will be a huge help to you, explaining your anger, your disappointment with life, your addictions…your hopelessness.”
“Why would God do that to us?”
“Because God has a glorious plan—because this life we live now is only a blip on the radar of eternity. Jesus does return, and when He returns He ushers in a renewal of all things.”
“You mean heaven?”
Chang laughed. “It would be good for you to read the scriptures, my dear friend, so you know how this crazy story ends. Jesus promises to make all things new again.”
“You mean the earth…and you and me?” Nick asked.
“Yes…all means all,” Chang said.
“Are you Christian?”
The question brought a surprisingly loud laugh from Chang and a slap on Nick’s back.
“Why yes, of course. I am a follower of the Way…of Jesus. Did you think that because I am Chinese, I am Buddhist?” Chang laughed louder.
“Well…” Nick fought to rephrase his words. “You kinda smell like my Buddhist friends from the incense you burn when you meditate.”
Nick’s words sent Chang into another fit of laughter. “Yes, yes…and I left my robe at home. How unlike a good monk. Thank you for the laugh, Nicklaus, it does the body good.”
“Well, I’m glad I can be so helpful.” The sarcasm in his voice was palpable.
“The more I study the scriptures, Nicklaus, the more hope fills me. I believe that in the end, we don’t wind up playing harps on some celestial cloud. God doesn’t destroy the earth but restores our bodies to live on a restored earth—on a glorious renewed planet. An earth as it once was, as He made it in the first place. That’s why I love this place. It gives us a glimpse of how the world was meant to be. How it will be again…our eternal home.”
“But what about now?”
“Yes, that’s an excellent question. God’s promises seem to be woven into our lives, but they come in glimpses. Somehow we see only the flickering of how life is supposed to be—like a far-off glow of a warm fire as we stumble through the darkness…a faint hope we can barely name. Hope against hope. Our journey now is to be reborn into a new awareness and experience what Jesus called t
he Kingdom of Heaven.”
“I agree with you that I have lost hope,” Nick said.
“You and much of the world. Part of the problem is we don’t know what to put our hope in, and the other is how we think about hope. The world has distilled hope down to wishes. I hope it doesn’t rain today. I hope I get that new job. I hope the results of my MRI scan are clear. But divine hope is so much more. The biblical definition of hope is the kind that makes you sit on the edge of your seat, beside yourself, because you know what is coming your way. It is like the child waiting for Christmas because they know what good is coming.”
“So what is it that we are hoping for?”
“It’s back to the renewal of all things. Your life may feel grim and ugly right now, but in the end, you must put your faith into God’s promises. In Romans, Saint Paul says that ‘when everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not based on what he saw he couldn’t do, but by what God said He would do!’ Abraham didn’t give up and think there was no way his hundred-year-old body could ever father a child. Neither did Sarah’s decades of infertility make him lose hope. He held onto the promise that God would make good on what he had said.”
“Maybe it was easier for Abraham.”
Chang snorted. “It wasn’t. In fact, the same passage says that ‘God made something out of Abraham when he was a nobody.’ That is the definition of hope against hope—to continue to hope even though the outlook does not warrant it.”
“Compared with Abraham, I’m a nobody. Even when I had my sight, I wasn’t sure whether I was doing well with my life, and now…” Sorrow overtook him again, and tears fell from his useless eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.”
“Nicklaus, that is where you are so mistaken. I know God has so much more for you. But the eyes of your heart must be opened to the truth that you are His child, gushing with more beauty and power than you thought possible. Every time I am with you, I see healing coming from your hands.”
The Rusted Scalpel Page 5