We’ve barely talked about our plans for spring break, but still haven’t decided whether I’ll be going there or if she’ll be coming here. Florida is obviously spring break central, but I don’t mind being holed up here. I don’t need the late-night beach parties or club scene. I’m content staying in and watching a movie. But I know Nova has friends out there, and they’re young and still willing to do all the pool parties and concerts, and immerse themselves in with thousands and thousands of tourists.
I don’t want to take that away from her. She should still have those experiences if that’s what she wants, but it’s nothing I’m interested in. Would I do it for her? Yes, of course. But she hasn’t really voiced her opinion on it yet.
We have two weeks, and the plane ticket prices are only getting higher the longer we wait. I decide to give her a call tonight to see if we can figure this thing out.
Our daily phone calls have dwindled a little bit. They don’t happen as often as they used to, and they don’t last for hours anymore. She’s always busy or ready to fall asleep by the time eleven o’clock comes around, and I’ve been busy with work as well. I’m not going to lie. It doesn’t give me the best feeling.
We’ve been separated for four and a half months, and we still don’t know what we’re doing. Last time I was there we tried to have a conversation about the future, but it didn’t get very far. And now I feel like Nova’s pulling away from me. Because she hasn’t set a date for me to go down there or for her to come here, I’m wondering if she wants to do it all. Maybe she’s ready for this to end.
With that thought in mind, I snatch up my phone and call her. I have to know what’s going on.
It rings four times before she picks up. “Hey,” she greets, out of breath.
“Hey, you busy?”
She grunts. “Yeah. Sorry. I’m at work, and then I gotta go home and submit my homework before midnight. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Okay.” There’s a pause, like she isn’t sure if she wants to say more, but she settles on, “Bye.”
I’m met with silence before I can say goodbye, and an ache in my chest begins to form. Charles M. Schulz said it best—Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.
Every day I’m not with Nova makes me look forward to seeing her again. I envision us reuniting and being able to spend every day together. I think about all the things we could do, and how great it’s going to feel to be able to see her face, hold her hand, and kiss her lips.
But the wait is a fucking pain in the ass, especially when you don’t know the end date. How long am I waiting for? When will I be able to stop dreaming about it and have it actually happen? I’ve been single for a long time, and then I was graced with her presence for a short period before being left alone again. It’s lonely in this house, and I’m starting to go crazy thinking I’ll never see her again.
Could I pack up my life and move to Florida?
Hours go by before my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Nova breathes down the line. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. You?”
“Just okay?” she questions.
I sigh. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I stretch out in the bed, groaning in the process. “How about you? How was your day?”
“Ugh. Busy. I worked an early shift as hostess, then I was off for about three hours, so I used that time to do homework, then I went back to work to close, this time working as a waitress. I swear to Jesus I better get a good paying job with this damn degree, because I’m working my ass off for very little money. Florida is expensive. I miss my job at the library.”
I hold my breath, trying not to allow this comment to give me too much hope. Gaspar is a small town, and it’s not an expensive place to live. Money stretches way more here than it could in Tampa.
“I think the library misses you, too. They hired someone else, but Annie is always getting onto her about talking on her phone.”
Nova laughs. “Miss Annie doesn’t play around.”
“No, she doesn’t,” I say with my own chuckle.
“So, spring break.” She leaves it out there, dangling, and I’m not sure what to expect next. “I have a few friends who invited me to go to Key West with them.”
Silence.
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
Four seconds.
Five seconds.
“Oh. Okay.” I draw out the second word a little, confused.
“Yeah, umm, I didn’t really want to go. But my sister thinks I should take a few days to just relax and stop worrying about work and school.”
I don’t mention that she could’ve done that with me; she seems to have made up her mind.
“Okay.”
“I know Ohio schools get out next month. Maybe we can get together then.”
“Next month. Sure.”
“I’m sorry, Elijah. I just don’t really ever hang out with my friends anymore. I don’t have time to do anything, really. I want to see you, but…” she trails off. “I don’t know. I feel like shit.”
As frustrated as I am, I still try to comfort her. “Hey, it’s okay. I get it. You have fun. We’ll see each other again.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m gonna go to sleep now, though. I have to get up early tomorrow.”
“Oh okay. Yeah. Talk to you later.”
“Bye, Nova.”
I don’t end up going to sleep, though. I’m up for hours, both upset and confused. Our time together comes so infrequently, so I don’t know why she’s willing to put it off another month and a half.
Like I thought before, Nova’s withdrawing, and I don’t know how to deal with that.
53
“I feel like shit.”
“Why are you doing this?” Gia asks.
“I’m twenty-one. I’m afraid if I don’t do all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re young, then I’ll never do them. What if Elijah and I settle down and then five years from now I resent doing that? I start regretting not getting shit-faced drunk with my friends and having these wild and crazy experiences. What if I blame him for not letting me be young?”
Gia sighs. “I understand where you’re coming from. But why do you have to lie to him about it? You’re not even going to Key West.”
“Yeah, but me and Meli are going out here. We’re still gonna party and drink.”
“Then why not say that?”
“Because then he’d still be able to come.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
It takes me a few seconds before I’m ready to open up. “Because I love him, G. I love him more than I ever thought possible. I had one boyfriend in high school, and it was barely serious. Then there was Mario, and let’s just skip right past him because that was a trash ass experience. I’ve only slept with two guys. How can I be ready to settle down already?”
“Who’s saying Elijah’s gonna be the last guy you’re with?”
“I just know it.”
Gia smiles at me. “If you know Elijah’s the last man you’ll be with, then what’s the problem? Does he make you laugh?”
“Yes.”
“Is he good in bed?”
“Oh yeah,” I say with a short laugh.
“Is he a good man who treats you right?”
“Yes, he’s perfect.”
Gia stares at me like I’m crazy. “What am I missing here?”
“You don’t think I’ll get older and regret not dating around more? Not partying?”
“Are you saying you’d be willing to break it off with Elijah right now and start dating and sleeping with other guys?”
I cringe. “No. I can’t imagine doing that.”
Gia throws her hands in the air before dropping them to her lap with a loud smack. “Then what the hell?”
“I don’t know if we’re g
oing to be together forever, G.”
“You just said you know he’d be it for you!”
“If I move back to Gaspar!” I yell back.
Gia’s shoulders drop. “What?”
“I know everything will work out if I move back to Ohio. But I don’t know if I’m moving back, and if I’m not, why do I keep bringing him around here, making me fall even more in love with him? Why continue to tease us both when nothing will ever come of it? I know he won’t move here, and I would never ask him to do that. He has family there. He lives in the house his parents raised him and his brothers in. It would be torture to rip him away from everything he has there, including a successful career. But…” I take a breath and look into my sister’s watery eyes. “But you’re here, and you’re my family. And I don’t know what to do.”
It takes several seconds for Gia to find her words. We both just watch each other with tears in our eyes. “I…I don’t know what to say,” she begins. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay here because of me.”
I reach for her hands as we sit next to each other on my bed. “I love being here with you.”
She grins and pats my hand. “But you’re growing up. You’re an adult for Christ’s sake!” she says with a little laugh. “You should be able to decide how and where you live your life.”
“But don’t you need me here?”
Gia smiles again. “I’d love for you to be here. You’re my best friend in the whole world, but I don’t need you to be here, Nova. When I needed you, you came, no questions asked. But I’m okay now. I’m on my feet, I’m working and making money.” She lowers her voice and moves in closer. “And don’t tell Greg, but I’m pretty sure he’s about to ask me to marry him.”
My eyes bulge as I bring my hand over my mouth. “What?” I whisper scream. “How do you know?”
She giggles. “I heard him practicing a speech in the bathroom.”
I shake my head. “Oh, Greg.”
“Please don’t think you have to make a choice. It’s not me or him. You can live there and still have me. I’ll come visit. I dare you to try to stop me. And you can come back. It’s like a two-hour flight.”
“What about all that other stuff? Tell me I’m not crazy.”
“What? About settling down?” I nod. “Momma was only twenty when she married Dad, and Dad was only twenty-two. They were so in love it was sickening,” she says with a laugh. “They didn’t regret settling down so young. Sometimes you just know. And don’t you think finding the love of your life and being happy is better than drinking and partying? Wouldn’t you rather have a man you know you can trust, and who you love, than to be dating these dusty ass guys from bars who are only going to disappoint you?”
I laugh. “I guess you have a point.”
“Don’t think about things that have yet to happen. You may have a few good years with Elijah, and you may have a lifetime. You don’t know. Nobody knows what’s going to happen when they start a relationship, but you hope for the best and enjoy the time you have. Don’t lie to him because you’re afraid of loving him.”
“I still have to finish school.” She shoots me a weird look. “What?”
“Why can’t you finish online?”
I tilt my head; the thought never crossed my mind. “I probably could.”
“Yeah, you can’t need many more credits. You’ve been doubling up. So, finish online and then you don’t have to re-enroll over there.”
My heart swells at the thought. I could be back in Ohio soon. “I’m gonna look into this. But, are you sure?”
She grabs my shoulders and stares deeply into my eyes. “Nova, I love you so much. You’re the best sister and friend anyone could have. I’m gonna miss you like fucking crazy, but we’re gonna talk all the time. We’re gonna visit each other. We’ll never stop being family. So, yes, I’m sure that it’s okay. You have to do what’s best for you.”
I wrap my arms around her and squeeze, never wanting to let go. “I love you. You’re the best, you know that?”
“I know.”
I giggle and snort. “You’re also super full of yourself.”
She laughs. “Figure out your life, chick. And call your man back. I’m gonna go hang out with Greg and see if he proposes.”
“Good luck,” I reply with a laugh.
Then I get to work.
54
It’s been two weeks since the phone call in which she told me she was going to Key West. Spring break comes and goes, and I only talk to Nova a few times. Cill and Royce invited me to join them at Midge’s family’s lake house, but it was going to be all couples, and I didn’t feel like being the only person without a partner there.
I’ve had plenty of time to think about the future, and Nova’s absence is breaking my heart little by little. She’s the best thing to happen to me, and without her, life isn’t as fun.
Relationships are so much more than sex. It’s a friendship. A partnership. I want to come home and have her here to talk to. I want to share my day with her, whether it was bad or good. I want her to share her experiences with me. I want to laugh and joke around. I want to try new things with her. If she’s having a bad day, I want to be the shoulder she cries on. I want to be able to make her feel better. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want life experiences and I want to create memories forever. And, God, I want to tell her that I love her.
After I make a few phone calls and have some long and deep conversations with my brothers, I pick up the phone to call Nova. I’m afraid if I wait too long, I’ll lose her forever.
It rings several times before she answers.
“Hello?”
“Nova, I have something to say, so please don’t stop me. I need to get this out.”
“Okay.” She sounds nervous and confused.
“I miss you like crazy. These past few months have been hell. Your short stay at my house changed me irrevocably. Your absence hurts. This house has been just that, a house. It hasn’t truly felt like a home since my parents lived here. But you, you made it feel like a home again.
“I told you once before that you breathed life into me, and that’s still true. You showed me what I’ve been missing, and since you’ve been gone, it’s been much worse. People sometimes don’t realize they’re unhappy until they know what true happiness feels like. You brought that into my life. And without you, my happiness is dissipating. How can I live like this when I’ve had a taste of what it should be like? How did I ever live without you before? I can’t do it, Nova.”
“Elijah,” she says softly.
I’m up, circling the island in my kitchen. “No, please let me continue.” I take a breath. “I know when we tried discussing the future before, you said I have family here that I wouldn’t leave, and you have family there. But what I know now more than ever is that I can’t have a life without you. So, tomorrow, I’m going to work and telling them I’m quitting at the end of this year. I’m packing up the house and I’m moving to Florida. If you still want me, I’ll move to be near you. Because what’s the point of living in this house without you? What’s the point of anything if I don’t have you? My brothers are grown and able to take care of themselves. I’ve already talked to them. They’ll be fine without me. I did my job many years ago, and now it’s time for me to live my life.”
“Elijah.” Her voice cracks this time, and she sniffles, letting me know she’s crying. “I can’t…”
“Nova, please.”
The doorbell rings, but I ignore it, needing to finish this conversation first.
“I should’ve told you this before. I wanted to, but I was afraid.”
The doorbell rings twice, and I slowly make my way to the door, pressing the phone closer to my ear, waiting for her response.
She’s quiet for a while, and all I can hear is the thunder rumbling outside, and the rain pelting my windows.
“Elijah,” she says once more.
“Yeah?”
I peek outsid
e through the narrow window on the right side of my door, and my heart starts jackhammering against my ribs.
Quickly unlocking the deadbolt, I snatch the door open and find Nova standing at my doorstep, completely soaked, and at her feet are three pieces of luggage.
Her curly hair is plastered to her forehead while droplets of water fall down her face. I’m so shocked by her being here that I’m frozen in place, wondering if this is a dream.
“I love you.” Those three words leave her lips and hit me straight in the heart.
I rush forward and pick her up, not caring about the weather. I hold her tight, never wanting to let go.
“I love you so fucking much,” I finally say. I lean back and she grabs the sides of my face. “You’re my everything, Nova. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”
She shakes her head and pulls me in for a kiss. When we separate, she says, “We can’t worry about the past. We’re here now.”
“You’re here.” I snap out of my delusional happy state and realize we’re both standing in the middle of a rainstorm. I place her on the floor of the foyer and grab her bags to bring them inside, too. “You’re here,” I say again. “With luggage.”
She grins while toeing off her shoes. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“I’m fucking shocked,” I say with short laugh. “Mission accomplished.”
“I’m here. Forever. If you want me to be.”
My eyes grow wide. “Are you kidding?”
She shakes her head, water dropping to the floor. “I talked to my sister. Everything’s okay. I’m going to finish my degree online, so I don’t have to re-enroll in college here. Me and my sister will make plans to visit. We’ll talk all the damn time, but I belong here. With you.”
I open my mouth. Close it. Open it again. “What…I’m just so taken aback. I was planning on moving there. I was ready to do it.”
“I know,” she says with a nod, stepping up to me and crossing her wrists behind my head. “And I love you even more for being willing to do that, but it’s not necessary. This is your home, Elijah. Your job is here.”
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