I scratched behind my ear. Crap. Now I was picking up on Milo’s nervous habits. Next thing I’d be having sympathetic stomach issues. “Not sure I know what you mean.”
As usual, Mom saw right through me. Her whole face sagged. “Oh, Jasper…”
“He’s changed.” The assertion came quickly but so did the second-guessing. “I think.”
Shoulders slumping further, she blew the bangs off her forehead. “I hope you’re right. He used to be such a nice boy. I don’t know what happened there.”
I did, at least some of it, but I couldn’t share any of it with her. I’d promised, and my word meant something to me.
“I—”
“Jasper, will you play with me?” A little girl I had seen once before came over, balancing on her crutches and saving me from more Mom questions I didn’t have answers for.
“Sure thing.”
“I’ll be back.” Mom sent me a warning look as I grabbed two decks. The conversation would be revisited, I was sure, but at least I had a reprieve while she headed for coffee. I didn’t like her being all overprotective like this, but given my history with Milo, I could understand her not believing that he’d changed. Hell, I was struggling with it too. As much as I was enjoying spending time with him, a part of me was still cautious, putting up barricades around my heart and warning me against trusting too much too soon.
Grabbing a seat next to Milo and Chase, I smiled at Chase who was patiently explaining how to block a two-headed creature to Milo. I turned my attention to my own game, but every so often I spared a glance for them, my insides doing that weird flutter again as Milo fetched some water for Chase. Eventually, Chase declared himself too tired for a rematch.
“Okay, buddy. Another time?”
“Yeah.” Chase’s smile made all the work of talking Milo into cosplaying worth it.
“Come and play with Alexandra and me,” I offered. “We can teach you some tricks for multiplayer style.”
“Thanks.” Milo pulled up a chair, and we were all deep into the game when my mom returned.
“Here you go.” She slipped me a bottle of some organic soda I’d never heard of along with a cryptic look as her eyes darted back and forth between Milo and me. She settled in to talk with Alexandra’s mom on one of the nearby couches. Backing up some of his bragging, Milo turned out to have some good instincts—he was brash, quick to attack, willing to take risks. However, he kept forgetting to plan multiple turns in advance.
“You can’t go all in every time,” I advised, and Alexandra nodded. “Try to visualize your optimal board state a few turns from now.”
“But attacking is fun. I don’t like being on the defensive.”
“I know.” And boy, did I. Less than one game and I could already see Milo hated being exposed and open to attack. In keeping with his personality and our long history, he preferred to make quick, ill-advised attacks to avoid being a sitting duck. “You’re going to lose to Alex three turns from now, though, if you don’t sit tight. Trust me.”
Milo made a pained face like I was asking him to wax his eyebrows. “Nah. I better attack this turn, or I won’t be around in three turns because you’ll take me out.”
“Actually, I won’t. That would leave me open to Alex, and I’d prefer to win this round. Like I said, think ahead. But suit yourself.”
“Fine,” he huffed, then smiled for Alexandra. “You winning wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”
“I win a lot.” Her eyes sparkled. “What happened to your leg? I’m here because I had surgery on mine. Again.”
Milo was silent for a long moment. “A mistake. A mistake happened. And I had surgery too. More than one. Swear the second was worse than the first.”
“Word.” She gave him an awkward high five. “Anesthesia makes me puke.”
“Me too.”
“Somehow I’m not surprised,” I added.
“Hey, I don’t always hurl.”
“But when you do, it’s generally spectacularly awful.” This sort of teasing felt good, almost too good, like no time at all had passed and we were back to joking about the amusement-park trip the summer before freshman year.
“You might have a point,” Milo agreed before ending his turn. Alex, who was surprisingly bloodthirsty, took me out on her next turn despite my best plans to avoid defeat. That left her and Milo, who drew a card and frowned. “Heck.”
“You can’t bluff worth s—”
“Alex,” her mother warned, looking up from her crocheting.
“Sorry.” Alex’s smile didn’t dim one bit. “Come at me.”
And Milo did, losing in short order. “Heck. Good game.”
“Warned you,” I reminded him a short time later as we cleaned up the cards.
“That you did.”
“Jasper, are you coming for dinner? I’ve got chili in the slow cooker.” My mom already had her purse and coat, and she barely spared a glance for Milo.
“Uh.” I had been planning to do more card searching with Milo, but I didn’t want to admit that to her and risk a lecture later. “I have plans. And a test to study for. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Stop by tomorrow any time. I’ll have some leftovers for you in the fridge.”
“Thanks.” I gave her a fast kiss before she and April headed out.
“So…” Milo shuffled his feet. “Guess I’ll get changed. Good luck with your test.”
“Dork,” I teased, the light mood from earlier carrying over. “The plans are with you. Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
“Nah. We’re on.” Milo’s smile in that moment was close to perfect, warm and open and dangerous. Dangerous because it made me want in a way I hadn’t wanted in a very long time. With each interaction, Milo was wearing down my defenses, making me forget all the reasons why we couldn’t be friends—or anything else.
Chapter Sixteen
Milo
“Back to regular me.” Jasper’s smile seemed a little down as he met me in the bathroom after we finished changing. We stowed the costumes and headed to the hall.
“You sound sad about getting changed,” I teased him. We’d been in a light, good place all afternoon, and I wanted to keep it going.
“The Frog Wizard is more fun than me.” Jasper’s tone was still a little mournful, and I couldn’t tell how serious he was. I liked him in costume a lot more than I’d thought I would, but I also liked him like this, in his scruffy jeans and a sweatshirt with a twenty-sided die on it. I tried to decide how sincere a compliment to give him as we approached the cafeteria.
“I wouldn’t say that. You’re—”
Jasper cut me off as he pulled up short. “What’s that smell?”
“Ugh.” It was truly rank. Not at all the coffee and roasted-meat smell of the week prior. My stomach gave a precarious lurch. “Burned cabbage? Flaming kale? Whatever it is, my stomach is seriously rebelling.”
“Hot-dog machine malfunction,” the bored cashier standing near us supplied.
“We can’t work here.” Groaning, Jasper adjusted his bags. “Which sucks because I had ideas for you I wanted to go over.”
I had plans, too, plans to enjoy his company. I had…thoughts on him not telling his mom that we were going to hang out, but I had no room to complain. Besides, she’d glared my way more than once that afternoon. I couldn’t blame Jasper for not wanting to hear her opinion on us being…whatever this was. I didn’t know what to call someone who sent me pics of sexy drawings and who teased me almost like flirting but who might still hate me with good reason. And even with all that uncertainty, I’d still been looking forward to this.
“Dang it. Maybe—” I was about to propose sucking it up and working here anyway, but then a fresh wave of the stench hit my nose. My stomach had definite opinions about this smell, and none of them were good. Sighing, I shuffled my f
eet. “Nah, I guess you’re right.”
Instead of heading for the exit like I’d expected, Jasper stood there, head tilted and mouth pursed. Damn, he was cute when he was thinking.
“Hey. You still like pizza?”
“Is the sun yellow?” When I was younger, I was pretty convinced the only food better than pizza was my grandmother’s ravioli. And damn was I tired of various variations on canned soup.
“There’s a new place near the university. Hipster vibe. Lots of California-type flavor combos. If I’m running you home anyway, maybe we could split a pie first?”
“Uh…” Was he asking me out? And if so, how did I feel about that? Also, what if we ran into some of his fancy college friends? The questions racing through my brain must have taken longer than a split second because Jasper frowned.
“Never mind. Forgot you need to keep our…association on the down low.”
“I don’t,” I said quickly because somehow I knew this chance might never come again. I’d made that mistake once before, and no way was I doing it again. “We can go. The pause was me doing mental math. You know how it goes.”
It was a little white lie, and not that far from the truth because there was always more week than cash lately.
“Oh, that I can relate to. I get paid Friday and it was my idea. I’ll treat you.”
Now that was even closer to a date. But I’d kind of backed myself into a corner. “Okay, but next time’s on me.”
“It’s a plan.” Jasper’s smile was worth any nervousness on my part. And I’d pretty much sealed the deal on not one but two outings. He marched toward the exit with purposeful strides. “Come on. Let’s find my car. You’ve seen it before, right? Don’t go expecting too much.”
“What? You think I’m some sort of car snob?” I faked offense, letting his answering laugh warm me even as the chilly air greeted us outside.
“Ha. Not only is mine tiny, old, and in dubious repair, but it’s also messy.” Jasper headed to the parking garage at a fast clip, then slowed, glancing down at my leg. “Oops. Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I hated slowing him down, but there was also no denying that my earlier trot from the bus stop already had the surgically repaired leg aching. “And no surprises there on you being messy.”
“Yeah, much to my mom’s frustration, I never did figure out the whole clean-as-you-go philosophy of hers.” Jasper stopped by a little compact that had probably started life white but was now dingy and dusty with more dents than I could count and an assortment of bumper stickers.
I didn’t miss the two with little rainbows on them, but I wasn’t repeating my earlier mistake and making him think I was uncomfortable to be seen with someone who was proudly out. Forcing my eyes away from the bumper stickers, I slipped into the passenger seat as soon as he unlocked the door, moving aside an assortment of soda bottles, textbooks, and gaming supplies. I hefted my bag onto my lap while he stowed his collection of stuff in the back seat.
“You want to put your bag back here?”
“Nah. I’m okay. I’m used to more cramped spaces on the bus.” My pulse sped up as I remembered what I’d finished up while waiting for the bus. I wasn’t ready to have Jasper poring over my sketchbooks, but I’d done something specifically to show him. As he got in the driver’s seat, I opened my bag. “You still want to see one of my drawings?”
Jasper’s eyes went wide and bright. “Totally. Did any of my picture spam inspire you?”
“Sort of. I’ve been working on this one. I tried Neptune all sexy, but that was just weird—”
“I’d still like to see that.” Jasper winked.
“Not now.” It was hard enough getting up the courage to show him this one thing. I held out the page I’d already removed from the sketchbook. “So, this is kinda crap, but it’s my version of Neptune as a Disney prince.”
“Oh. My. God.” Jasper did a fake swoon, which was pretty fucking gratifying, even as my heart still pounded. “This is incredible. I had no idea you’d kept working on your art and become this good. Have you been in shows? Were you an art major?”
“Slow down.” I gave a shaky laugh. “Like this right here? This is the first I’ve shown something to someone since my dad had opinions on why I wanted to take art instead of shop in high school.”
“Uh, because you’re good at it? Seriously, you’re way too good at this not to show it off.”
“Feels weird,” I admitted. “And I’m not that good. Watching some tutorial videos isn’t the same as being art-major talented. It’s just something I do when I’ve got restless energy.”
“Well, I disagree. Keep doing it.” Jasper nodded like he’d made a royal proclamation as he turned on the car. “And maybe some time you’ll let me see more?”
“Maybe.” After I purged all my doodles of him from my sketchbooks, perhaps then I could find the courage to show him more. He did seem to like it at least and wasn’t actively laughing at me.
We headed back downtown toward the university and the little shops that lined the streets closest to campus. Jasper drove like zombies were chasing us.
“I’m reconsidering teaching you to drive a stick.” I chuckled as my teeth rattled. “Where did you learn to drive, anyway?”
“My mom.”
“Explains a lot.” For a nice lady who drove a minivan, Jasper’s mother tended to drive like she was going for a personal best. “And I’m kidding. I’ll teach you, but my baby doesn’t like rough handling.”
“Oh?” Jasper’s voice dropped. Fuck. I hadn’t meant to make a dirty joke, but now here I was with more thoughts about his hands and where I’d like them.
I made a choking sound right as he parked—an adventure in and of itself. “Careful.”
“You forget I’m a math genius. Estimation and rapid calculations are strengths of mine.”
“Maybe so, but I saw the dings on your bumper,” I retorted, laughing again. I’d forgotten how fun he could be to joke with.
“Those were there when I got the car.” His eyebrow wag made my face heat, and I wasn’t entirely sure why. “Come on. Let’s get some food.”
The small pizza place was between a barbershop and a coffee shop packed with students.
“Almost forgot to ask. What’s your test in?” I asked as we walked up the sidewalk from where we’d had to park.
“Stochastic processes. It looks at mathematical modeling including discrete and continuous-time Markov chains and Poisson processes.”
“I don’t understand a word you said,” I admitted as we entered the pizza parlor. It had more of a hippie vibe than Italian, with light wood decor, beachy colors, and bold fonts on a giant wall menu.
“Oh, it’s fun,” he said and launched into a detailed explanation as we got in line to give our orders. I tried to follow along with his mini-math class as I surveyed the potential places for us to sit.
As in the coffee shop, clumps of students dominated the tables, many with books and laptops out. Most were in groups of three or four, but the smaller tables along the far wall were all occupied by twosomes. Some were clearly friends, but others were probably couples. Trying to guess which were which was a fun game. Two guys with ball caps at the back of the room were deep in conversation. Probably frat bros. Then one touched the other’s hand, holding it as he smiled. Okay. Not bros.
And now I was back to wondering if people would assume Jasper and I were on a date. And if we were, how did I feel about that? Like, part of me definitely wanted this to be a date, preferably one that ended in another try to be not-terrible at kissing. The other part wanted it, too, but that part was a little seasick at the idea of all those eyeballs on me.
“See anything you want?” Jasper smiled at me, wide and unrestrained, hair still wild from his quick costume change, light reflecting in his summer-sky eyes. I’d suffer more than a little discomfort to earn more
of those smiles.
“Yeah.” My voice came out too husky.
“And? Which flavor?”
Oops. He’d meant pizza. “You know me. More meat the better. Anything from the carnivore section of the board would work. Or whatever you want. You’re the one who’s been here before.”
“I am.” He nodded solemnly, and I still wasn’t entirely sure we were talking about pizza. “Trust me?”
“Absolutely.” That much was never in doubt.
“Good. Go snag us that table over there. I need room for the laptop. I’m going to surprise you with something delicious.”
“I can’t wait.” My steps were almost Jasper-level bouncy as I hurried to claim the table. I liked him giving me orders and didn’t want to dwell on why that was. And it was true. I couldn’t wait for whatever came next.
Chapter Seventeen
Jasper
Telling myself that this wasn’t a date didn’t make my pulse slow one bit as I made my way to the table Milo had claimed. To my surprise, he wasn’t on his phone as he waited, but rather he had a mini sketchbook out, expression intent as his pencil moved across the page. I allowed myself the pleasure of watching him work for a few moments before I set the little plastic tent with our order number on the table.
“Oh, there you are.” His smile made my toes curl inside my sneakers. “Gonna tell me what you got?”
“Nope.” I grinned at him. “Gonna show me your sketch?”
“I don’t usually draw around people I know, but I had this idea and you didn’t laugh at my earlier one—”
“Of course not!” I glared at him. He was crazy-talented and couldn’t seem to see it. His Neptune had looked exactly like a promo piece for a Disney movie. Preferably one where the prince got his guy.
“Okay, okay. This is a rough idea of something I might do bigger if you don’t think it would be too stupid.” He tore the sheet out of the book and passed it over.
My breath literally caught, as if my oxygen had snagged on all the too-sharp emotions assaulting me. It was Chase, but not Chase like he’d been that afternoon, tired and hurting. Rather, it was Chase as a superhero, cape flapping behind him, wearing a big smile like the one he’d had for Milo that first day.
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