"So the long and short of it is: you have a boyfriend and I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend's brother just happens to be my best friend. It's time we all did something together. You need to get to know what a great guy your brother is. You need to know I think he's perfect. Okay, I'm done. Did you have something you wanted to say?"
I'd left Jay out of ammunition. He looked up at me like I'd just told him a grand truth that changed his world and I had.
It never occurred to him that his brother Finch actually preferred big guys over tight muscled guys. "You never even considered this did you?"
"Do you think I was blinded by my own desires? The thing that bothers me though is realizing just how blind I am. I'm going for my master's degree in psychology for God's sake. I want to help other people fix their lives. How will I ever do that if I'm not open to their needs?"
"Jay, just think about it. Give me any arguments you have now. I need to make sure we've resolved this."
"No," he finally answered. "I don't think I have anything more to say. I guess you just about covered it. So, I outed Finch? You know I never even realized it. I guess I just never really understood that some guys like heavy men. I guess I'm kind of blind to what other guys even like. I knew there are guys who like big guys. It just wasn't something I thought about."
I just sat back and watched the lights go on in Jay's head one at a time. I watched as one light went on after another. It was nice to see him view his life through a different set of lenses. After a few seconds, he jumped up with a look of surprise, saying, "Oh, my God! Finch is right. I did pull away from him. I mean, I could have picked up the phone anytime, but I didn't."
"Finch is a man now, and so are you. You can't hold on to your childhood anger; it'll eat you up. Now why are we both standing? Sit down for God's sake."
We sat on the couch. Both of us were silent for a moment. Eventually, Jay spoke, as if still trying to make sense of his feelings. "This is so confusing. When you've believed something so long and then you find out you're the offender, it can be a shock. I think it was my fear of losing him that kept me angry. In the process, I pushed him away."
"Well, I don't think you have anything to fear now."
Jay couldn't sit still. Once again he leapt to his feet, announcing, "Logan, I'm not out! Not all the way anyway. My family meant the world to me. Losing mom was hard, but I never even looked for Finch. We had so much in common. I could have used the emotional support of a gay older brother, but I judged him. I took the loss of my mother and spread it to him. This is huge."
Jay looked at me, and I could see he was on the verge of tears. I wasn't far away myself. His life had been so filled with school and an occasional romp that he hadn't matured much with regard to his original family. He'd grown up fast in these last few minutes. It was like looking at somebody new.
Still glowing with his new-found knowledge, Jay started pacing again. "I didn't expect this conversation to go like this. I didn't think I'd sit here on this couch and grow as a person, and I didn't expect you to sit here and dismantle my closet for me. You know, for years it's just been easier to assume rejection. I think I was too frightened to test the waters. This has been a hell of a day."
I rose and put my arm around him, whispering, "And you got yourself a big brother."
That day, Jay got to finish coming out. He'd made a conscious decision to accept the idea that the people who insisted they loved him probably did and he deserved it. Jay seemed to want to change the subject. "Logan, can we talk a little more about our boyfriends?"
"Maybe if you sit down we can," I said, tapping my palm on the couch next to me as he had a few minutes earlier. "What else would we talk about?"
"First, a little more about Richard," he said, finally taking his seat.
"Not a little more. I want to hear everything."
"Well, he's been keeping me kind of busy. He's perfect too. Really seriously absolutely everything I want in a man. Everything! He wants to meet you too."
"Me?" I said, pointing to my chest in a slightly feminine way just to lighten the mood.
"The day you took care of Scratch, when he took me on that date, we hiked up Piestewa Peak, all the way to the top. We thought we were the only people up there. While we were resting at the top, he kissed me like you wouldn't believe, just in time for a group of hikers to turn the corner. I must have turned beet red."
"What did you do?"
"You wouldn't believe it. Richard took out his phone and ran over to them to ask if they would take a picture for us. Then he came back. The city of Phoenix was below us in the background. As the guy aimed the viewer on the phone, he pulled me into another kiss and the guy took the picture! Look here, I have a copy on my phone."
Pulling out the phone and flipping through the photos, he opened the picture of them kissing on top of the mountain.
For a cell phone picture, it was remarkably well done. The backpacks were sitting on the ground in front of them. The lighting was perfect, and most of all, the look in their eyes was genuine. "You need to have that framed."
"I know, right?" Taking the phone and putting it into his pocket, he continued his story. "During the hike up, we played a game. He got to ask me a question, and then I got to ask him one. He said it seemed like a practical way to learn general facts about each other fast. On the way down, the questions got better."
"Like what?"
Since you don't really know him yet I think I better hold off for now, but I can tell you we got into some really personal stuff. I don't think he'd want me to tell you. After you've met him, maybe…"
"What! Since when do you have things you can't tell me?"
"I guess since now. I will tell you this though: he asked questions about sex. They were 'have you ever' questions and 'would you consider' questions. He said he was trying to determine how adventurous I was and what my possible limits might be. He said sometimes people tell each other up front what their limits are, but since I don't know, it could take some discussion. Richard keeps a part of his life kind of private, and he's asked me to respect that. I'm not about to screw this up by telling you about it. At least not now."
Jay smiled, which was out of place with the seriousness of our conversation. "What are you smiling about?" I asked, just in case I could con him into giving me a hint about the big secret.
"Oh, was I smiling? I hadn't realized. I was thinking about walking down that mountain while Richard asked me if I'd ever done different things and how I might feel about them. I guess it lifted my mood. I know he'll show me those things one day, and the thought of it excites me. I also know there will be other things he'll tell me later, and I'm super curious. So far, we've agreed on everything. You know, he was about to tell me about some of the other things, but he stopped. When I asked him why, he said, 'There are things we will do later, if you agree to them, that might surprise you. I want you to experience that surprise without a lot of upfront warning.' He thinks I'll enjoy it more that way."
"No details?" I pleaded my best pitiful plea.
"Maybe someday I'll tell you more, but not now. This is too promising to screw it up." Richard wants to learn more about what I enjoy. He knows you're my best friend, and he specifically asked me to set up a day when we could all be together."
This was perfect, I thought. We can kill two birds with one stone. I could get Finch and Jay together with their new understanding, and at the same time, I could get to know the mystery boyfriend. "Maybe we could sort of double. What if you guys come over to my place? You and I can cook something, and we can all kind of spend the day here getting to know one another?"
Jay's face fell. "You want me to help cook? Johnny says I'm deadly in the kitchen."
"Well, you better learn, starting now. You have a boyfriend to take care of, and I'd be willing to bet he can't cook any better than you do. You guys bring your swimsuits and we can go for a dip in the pool. It's really warm and with fall right around the corner it won't be warm long.
> "You're going to put on a swimsuit and go out in public? As long as I've known you, swimming was strictly off limits. Now you're all 'let's go swimming?'"
"Finch loves my body. I know he does. He adores every little bulge. I'm not about to hide it from him or anyone else from now on. Besides, I could use a tan. I think he'd like that."
"It would be fun to change in front of Richard. I kind of lost control earlier, and he said he's taking over the responsibility for when we let go and let it happen. Honestly, I can't wait much longer. He said 'soon.' I think he's just trying to test my resolve."
"Wait a minute. This whole wait thing was your idea, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember, but I got weak and he took over. Logan, I just have this feeling our lives are going to be wonderful. I just know it. I have this strange confidence that everything's going to work out from now on. What do you suppose that's about?"
I took his hand and looked at his still smiling face. "It's about love, honey. This is what it feels like."
"You think I really love him? I mean…I feel like I do, but it's so soon. I don't want to mess this up. Even the way I feel, I think we should go slow."
You and all of your 'taking it slow' is starting to make me feel like a slut. Under the circumstances, I think I can live with that."
"So Finch is really the one? He's the guy that makes you see fireworks?"
"Promise to keep this a secret?" I said.
"Yeah, it's me. Of course I'll keep your secret, but don't get all detailed on me. There are some things I just don't want to know."
"Well, I'll be general then. I think he's wonderful in bed, but to tell you the truth, he's actually the only man I've ever slept with. I assume he's good, but I have nothing to compare it to."
Jay's eyes grew wide and he sat back a few inches, "What the hell was all that 'I know what it is to lie in the arms of a man who only wants to use you' crap?'"
"That wasn't crap. When I found myself there, I knew my plans for my first time didn't include lying beneath a slime ball that didn't have any feelings for me. Hey, I'm not stupid, and I damn well wasn't going to be desperate. I can tell when it's not right."
"Wait… Stop right there… You mean to tell me that Finch is the only guy you've ever… been with?"
"Yeah, the very first. I wasn't about to let him get away once I knew he wasn't the brother you believed him to be. I kind of pounced on him. Luckily he took over for me because I really didn't know what to do next."
"So how did you even know you were gay?"
I just looked at him like he was an idiot.
"Okay, stupid question," Jay admitted. "I knew before I did anything, or I don't think I'd have ever tried it. So, your very first guy is perfect? Now I'm the one that feels like a slut."
Scratch jumped up on the couch, lying down next to Jay and resting his head on his knee. He had a little you guys are boring me expression on his face.
Seeing Scratch, I started to think about my theory. "About Scratch—not to change the subject—but I've modified my theory. You know, about Scratch's special powers."
Rolling his eyes back like he'd expected to hear something totally crazy, Jay said, "So what's your new theory?"
"Well, I was thinking, maybe Scratch's power doesn't just find you romance. Maybe Scratch finds you THE ONE. You know, the perfect partner who satisfies every possible need. Maybe he delivers the one person who will worship the ground you walk on, the one who will make the rest of your life a heaven on earth."
Leaning forward and rubbing his arm, Jay no longer looked like he was resistant to my revelation. "Now you're giving me goosebumps. Let's hope that's exactly what it is. I guess we'll see in time."
This time I was the one who got up. It was time to go. "So look," I said. "You make a couple of calls. See when Richard is available, and call me. I'll check with Finch and we'll set it up. I have a pork roast in the freezer, I'll take it out to thaw the day before and put it in the crock pot that morning. Those things cook themselves."
"Okay, I'm going to make a couple of calls and you do the same."
Chapter Fourteen
Jay
Logan jumped up and scooted out the door. I headed to the telephone, picking up Scratch on the way and gave him a big kiss. He was panting with that little "I'm really smiling" look of his. I dialed Johnny and waited. I was getting ready to hang up when the phone was answered. It was a man's voice, but it wasn't Johnny.
"Hi, this is Jay. I'm trying to reach Johnny."
The strange voice replied, "Just a minute please," followed by a muffled, "It's Jay."
A second passed and Johnny was on the other end. "Hello."
"Hi, Johnny. How's everything?"
With joy in his voice, he answered, "Everything's just great! That was Devron who answered. You know, your landlord. We've spent almost all of our not-working time together. I'm glad you let me come with you to talk to him about your dog."
"Oh, really, that good? Seems to be a lot of that going around. Maybe we should all get together and get to know him a little better." Before he could answer, I jumped to the most important question, "Johnny, tell me something. Is he really special? I mean does it look like maybe he's the one?"
"Jay, I know it's only been like a week, but I have to say, I've really never met anyone quite like him. I'm really crazy about him." It was apparent that Johnny was talking loudly enough for Devron to hear.
"That's great, Johnny. I just had an idea that maybe he was special. How does he feel about you?"
"Well, I asked him to marry me last night, and he said 'yes,' if that's any indication."
There was a pause. I couldn't speak. Johnny wasn't the kind of guy to jump into things like this. "Johnny! After one week!"
"Not to worry. He said yes, but we're planning a very long engagement. How's Saturday?"
Louder than intended, I said, "That's not a long engagement."
"No, I don't mean the wedding! How about Saturday to get together with you and Devron?"
"Can we make it Sunday? I have something else on Saturday that's already in balance with everyone else. Will that work?"
"Sure, call your brothers. We'll plan something for Sunday. Oh, and Jay, bring that cute little dog of yours. How's noon sound?"
"Perfect. Can Robin and I invite Finch? We want him to meet you."
"That would be fine, but I thought…"
"I'll tell you all about it later. It's a long story. So I'll call you and we can confirm. Bye. Oh, and Johnny… I'm really happy for you." A tear started to run down my cheek. I hung up the phone and wiped the tear away. I wasn't sad, but for the first time Logan's new theory sparked a special, almost magical, hope within me that was overwhelming.
Wait till Logan hears about this, I thought. He is going to flip out... My next call was to Robin. I quickly punched in the numbers. Robin picked it up on the second ring. "Jay!"
"Robin, how's everything going?"
"Busy busy here. Do you remember last week when we took Johnny out for his birthday dinner?"
I thought this time, instead of asking a bunch of questions, I'd just sit back and listen. I knew what he was going to say, but I just had to hear it all unveiled. Grinning in anticipation, I answered him, "Yeah, I remember. Why?"
I could hear Robin taking a deep breath. "Well… during dinner, I met this guy. You know him, I think. He used to go to school with us. His name is Raymond Torres, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, he's that guy whose dad owns the restaurant where we took Dad, right?" I was getting nervous. For the first time, it occurred to me that if he told me a story other than the one I expected, my whole new magical hope for the future could be dashed.
"Yes, him. Well, what you don't know is I had a crush on him all through high school. Apparently he had a crush on me too. Anyway, he called me and we went out for dinner."
Pure joy filled his voice. I hadn't heard him like this in a long time. Knowing Logan's theory was still valid filled me with that same joy
. My brother and I were sharing a conversation where we were both seriously happy.
"Jay, I've been with him every day since. It's all I can do to get anything done."
"So, is he special, somehow different from other guys?" I knew this was going to take a while, and I really didn't want to be on the telephone all night. Scratch was beginning to paw me, losing patience and making it very clear he wanted my attention.
"Special? That's exactly what he is. I've never known a guy like him. He doesn't want to watch sports—you know I hate that. He doesn't try to control me like my old boyfriend did. Remember that Bob guy, the one who wanted to know where I was all the time? He's not like that at all. You have to meet him."
"Johnny wants us to come over to his place for lunch on Sunday. He's met someone too. He's crazy about him and he wants to introduce him to us."
"Maybe I could bring Raymond? What do you think?"
"I think maybe you should wait. I'm sure Johnny would be happy to have him, but you don't want to take away his thunder."
Slightly disappointed, Robin admitted he wasn't thinking about that. "There'll be time for that later. You're right; If he's that excited about this guy he doesn't need one of us competing for attention."
"I did ask him if we could invite Finch and he agreed."
The phone went silent for a few seconds. "You told him you wanted to invite Finch?"
"Yeah I did. It's time I put some of this behind me. The thing is, Finch is dating Logan, and Logan thinks I've seriously overreacted. It's time I gave him a chance."
"Wow, small world. You're right though, you need to let him back into your life. I've been talking with him a little bit.
"What about?"
"Oh, just stuff," he said. "I told him about your dog. Anyway, I'm in. I'll call Finch."
"No, let me call him, Robin. You're already talking to him. It's time he and I started talking more."
There was a moment of silence. I could hear the gears turning. "You're going to call Finch? Are you sure? I don't mind…really."
Scratch the Matchmaker Page 9