“Come sit with me, let me tell you a story.”
I hold out my hand, at the same I hold my breath, while I wait to see if she’ll take it. When her fingers tangle with mine, I relax, a little happy that she isn’t rushing out the door. Sitting on the sofa, I lean against the cushions and pull my legs up, before opening them and pulling her to sit between them. In my head, I think that if I tell her everything this way, I don’t have to see the disappointed or the look of hatred she’s going to have on her face. No, this way, I can just pretend that everything’s okay.
When we’re settled, her with her back to my chest and me with my arms wrapped around her waist, I start to talk.
“Back in Texas, there were these two families who practically ruled the state. They were big names, no-one messed with them because they own the world's biggest, oil company. They had more money than they knew what to do with and both families were literally joined at the hip. The folks even had their kids more or less at the same time. Anyway, they both produced boys that would one day takeover the company and carry on its success. The two boys became best friends, they went everywhere together. At school, they both played for the football team, they were even all set to go to the same college. They both had steady girlfriends; at weekends the best parties were thrown when their parents were away. They had a pretty fucking fantastic life.”
Knowing the hard part is coming up, I dip my head and place a kiss on top of her pink hair and inhale her scent of vanilla and coconut. Instantly, it calms my nerves and gives me the strength I need to carry on.
“The day the two of them graduated high school, the biggest party of the year was thrown, and I mean the entire senior class turned up. With the party in full swing, the drinks were flowing nicely. The two guys were hanging out with their group of friends around the fire pit out back and they heard a noise inside the house. The friend whose house it was, got up to go and check it out. Turned out some of the other seniors were having an arm-wrestling competition and it got a little out of hand. After he had thrown them out, he was just heading back to his friends. Out of nowhere his best friend's girlfriend came up to him and made him the offer of the year, or so he thought. Even though he had his own girlfriend, she was different and sexier. So, when she led him from the party and to his room upstairs, he didn’t even try and say no, or reject her advances. Long story short, time must have flown by and the next thing they knew, he was balls deep in the girl. While she faked her way through orgasm, after orgasm. Just as they were finished and were heading back down the stairs, there was shouting and screaming coming from the living area. When the guy, who had just fucked his best friend's girl saw what was panning out in front of him. He realized that the guys who were shouting, were looking for him. They were some football players from their rival team. He had tackled their quarterback to the ground in their last game of the season pretty bad. Turned out, he had spinal damage and he wouldn’t ever have the use of his legs again. They had come looking for revenge for him. Seeing that they had started smashing shit up, his best friend had come running into the house and got up in their faces. They hadn’t seen the guy they were looking for straight away, because he was standing behind them. It’s only when his friend told him discreetly to leave, that they knew he was there. When they turned and headed in his direction, his best friend came rushing over to his side. If they were going to get an ass kicking, then they were going to get one together. They knew they didn’t stand a chance, there were only the two of them, against six of the others from the other team.”
I pause for a moment and squeeze Pink to me; this next part is the part that still consumes my dreams at night. She wraps her arms over mine, silently encouraging me to carry on. So, I do.
“Just as they were coming at them, his best friend stepped in front of him to protect him, when really he shouldn’t have. I mean, he had just fucked his girlfriend behind his back. Pulling him back, he was told to leave by his friend, but he didn’t listen. He refused to step back and let his friend take the beating he deserved. Before anyone could blink, the leader of the group, pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans and shot him straight in the chest.”
The pain I always get in my chest, when I relive those final moments, comes and crushes me from the inside out. The guilt I’ve come to terms with, that will never go away, the what if’s, start to run wild in my brain…
What if I hadn’t of been screwing his girlfriend and had come in and faced them earlier?
What if he had just listened and moved when I told him to?
What if I hadn't crushed their quarterback? Then they would never have come looking for me.
These are all thoughts I’ve had before; they just never get answered, because he’s dead.
Turning around so her bare legs are bent underneath her ass, she faces me. Instead of me being the one to hold her up, she’s the one comforting me and being my crutch.
“Don’t blame yourself; do I think that screwing his girlfriend was a shitty thing to do? Yeah, of course I do, but you were a privileged teenager, who made some bad choices. I’m not going to hold that against you. As for the guys who came looking for revenge for their teammate, then that’s on them, not you. They knew when they joined the team that it was a contact sport and injuries could potentially happen. You told Cam to move, he didn’t listen. That’s on him. I can see why you live with the guilt, but you don’t need to. Do you understand me?”
I can hear what she’s saying. I’ve heard something similar before from Stace and Zak, the other night when I told the guys.
Yet, coming from her… I feel like I can start to get past everything that happened. That I didn’t deliberately put Cam in the firing line for the bullet that was meant for me.
Chapter Thirty
Daisy
The weeks slowly turn into three months, since I started working at Ink Nation. I can feel the changes happening within me. I feel stronger, each day I get that little bit more confident within myself. Which makes me stand taller and feel like I can take on the world around me. I have Trey to thank for all of that.
My custom designs are getting more popular each day at the studio. Now, I find myself working on two or three pieces a day for clients, that come in and request my work. Slowly, I’ve built a bond with Zak, Smith and Levi. Trey was right, they are like a family and they will protect the people who they consider their family. Apparently, I'm now a member.
Since the night we both bared our secrets, I eventually told him about the way Zoe found me on the kitchen floor. About the multiple attempts to end my miserable existence. To which he thanks me on a daily basis, that I’m still alive. He hasn’t pushed me for more. Although, I can tell every time we kiss or snuggle on his sofa, that it’s uncomfortable for him, due to the fact his dick springs to life when we touch. I’ve also found that I’m becoming a pro at masturbation from the dreams I keep having about him. Most nights, I wake up a hot and a panting mess, with my hands down my shorts. Until him, I would never have done such a thing.
Lying in my bed, I’m debating if I should tell Trey that I’m ready for more with him. That I want him to show me that sex doesn’t have to mean pain, blood and nightmares. If the way I know I’m starting to feel about him, then maybe, he can show me it’s all about love.
Sighing, I roll over and grab my cell from my nightstand to check the time. As I check and notice I have plenty of time before I need to be at work, I see I have a text and open it up…
Trey- Take the day off, I finish early today.
I’ll come and pick you up afterwards, I want to take you somewhere.
T. xx
My heart rate picks up speed at what he has planned.
Ever since our relationship developed, he’s tried to show me new things, made me experience things, I thought I was never capable of.
Quickly, I send him a reply…
Me- I’ll be waiting.
Xoxo
He sends back a
text with the blowing a kiss emoji and like a schoolgirl, I giggle.
Suddenly my bedroom door opens and in bursts Zoe.
“Come lazy ass, you have work in an hour.”
Sniggering, because she doesn’t know that I have the day off now. I sit up in bed and take the coffee that she’s brought me in and take a sip of the caffeine.
“Mmm, so good.” I mumble as I enjoy my morning wake up call. “I’m not going in today, Trey just text me and told me to take the day off. He’s coming by to pick me up, when he’s finished.” I inform her.
With excitement radiating from her, she jumps onto my bed and lies next to me.
“Do you love him, D?”
Her question knocks me off guard.
“Because, I’m one hundred percent certain that he loves you. I don’t know him the way you do, but I do know Zak. From what little comments he’s made, he’s never seen Trey be the way he is with you, with anybody else.”
Do I love him? I’m not sure. I’ve never felt love, so how would I know. I tell Zoe how I feel when I’m with him. Which is over the top happy, safe and protected and how I want to be with him all the time. How that even though we work together, it’s still not close enough. That every time I do see him, my heart beats so rapidly, I think it’s going to jump out of my chest at any moment. Even when he’s not touching me, but just near me, my skin prickles and senses that he’s close by.
Sitting up on her knees, she takes my hand in hers and looks me straight in the eye.
“That’s love, D. I’m guessing you get jealous as well when he speaks to other women. That you get a warm fuzzy feeling, takeover your body, every time you’re together?”
Surprised that she gets what I’m saying, I just nod along, agreeing with her. I would never have thought Zoe would know what love felt like with a man. Yeah, she’s dated and slept with guys, but they’ve never stuck around long enough for a serious relationship.
“You love him, there’s no doubt about it. Even if you didn’t tell me about the way he makes you feel; I see it every time in your eyes when your together, or his name is mentioned. I’m so happy for you, Daisy. If anyone deserves to be loved and adored, then it’s you. He adores you very much, my friend.”
With my conversation with Zoe this morning, still lingering in the back of my mind. I go about my day getting myself ready for when he comes and collects me. I recolor my hair, with the box of pink dye I keep in the bathroom. Before I dry it and curl my short-bobbed hair, into messy waves. Then I carefully pick out an outfit, that makes me look and feel that bit more confident. Deciding on some cut off denim shorts, that cover my thighs, I pull out my Rolling Stones t-shirt and Converse and get dressed.
Over the years, Zoe has tried to show me how to apply makeup, but eventually realized I was a lost cause and gave up. Remembering some of the lessons she tried to give me, I apply some eyeliner to my lids. A couple of layers of mascara to my lashes and some clear strawberry lip gloss, to my lips. Adding some of my leather bracelets to cover the scars on my wrists.
Looking at myself in the mirror, the girl staring back at me isn’t the same girl from three months ago. Of course, I still have my issues, but I’m now dealing with them. That overbearing fear and doubt that used to consume all my thoughts, is very minimal but it’s still there. The nightmares are no longer taking up residence when I sleep. Instead, I dream of the man that I shouldn’t want, but oh so desperately do.
When the knock on the door comes, I hurry to it and open it with so much excitement at seeing him. That I practically throw myself into his arms.
“Someone’s missed me, I see.”
He chuckles as I attack his mouth with mine.
“Well if that’s what I get for giving you the day off, I’ll have to do it more often.”
Slapping his shoulder with my palm, he lets me go and I go back inside to grab my purse and black leather jacket. It may be warm in the city at this time of year, but when the sun sets at night, it goes chilly. I have no idea where he’s taking me, so as a precaution, it’s coming with me.
Leaving my apartment building, the city is alive with people finishing work. Either going for a drink at one of the many bars, or home to their families. Traffic is crazy as it always is in New York, that’s one of the downfalls of this place. It makes me appreciate the fact that I like to walk everywhere.
“Are you good to walk or do you want to get a cab?” He asks pulling me into his side and out of my thoughts about the city.
Smiling up at him, I say…
“I’m good to walk, I love this city, that’s why I walk everywhere.”
“Walking it is then,” he confirms.
He leads me through the streets of New York, until we’re at the southern tip of Manhattan and entering the Battery Park, Overlook. I’ve only ever been here once and that was when I first arrived. So, I never took the time to appreciate the sight that’s in front of me. With the sun setting in the background behind all the skyscrapers, the view is spectacular, as I take in the New York harbor.
“This is beautiful, Trey.”
I’m in awe of the place. That in such a big city we have this space, that’s tranquil and invigorating.
“I come here every so often, when I just need to get away from it all, the guys don’t know I come here. Fuck me, I get enough shit from them as it is. Could you imagine ball busting I’d get, if they knew I came here?” He jokes, but I can see that the guys mean the world to him, when he talks about them.
“The day I found this place, I was an angry kid with no prospects and no idea what I was going to do with my life. I had just got here from Texas and I was so lost. I even thought about jumping off the harbor at one point. When I sat here on this grass though, everything all of sudden, became clear. This city was my fresh start, my new home. If I wanted to, I could rebuild my life and so that’s what I did. Sure, I carried the guilt around with me still, but I made myself get up and carry on. I had to make sure that Cam didn’t die for nothing.”
Pulling me closer to him, we just stand and watch the ferry boats on the water and enjoy the peace. Just as the last boat sails past us, a sigh comes from his mouth and he kisses the top of my head.
“I’ve done something I never thought I would, Pink. I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with you and it scares the crap out of me.”
An audible gasp leaves me, and I spin on my feet to face him. Zoe was right, the bitch always is.
“T… Trey.”
“No, please let me carry on, before I lose my nerve altogether.”
Tilting my head to one side, I give him the chance he’s asking me for.
“I know I don’t deserve you. Hell, we haven’t even slept together yet, but fucking hell, Daisy. You make me want to be a better person; you give me hope that I can have the life I’ve thought was well out of my reach.”
His words, the way he’s looking at me as if I’m his whole world, has me resigning to the fact that I love him too. I don’t know how it happened, or at what point it started, but it did. Stepping into his arms, I press my body against his and wrap my arms around his neck.
“I love you too. I don’t know what’s right or wrong in a relationship, I’ve never had one. I’m holding on to the hope that we can teach other, as we ride this crazy train together. What do you say?”
I shift on my feet, feeling uncomfortable that I’ve just spilled my entire feelings to a guy, for the very first time in my life. I don’t know what to expect.
Out of nowhere, I’m lifted off the ground and spun around. He laughs so loud, that birds that are in the trees, all fly away into the sky.
“You, my Pink Daisy have just made so fucking happy.”
Planting my feet back onto firm ground, we both meet in the middle, as we lean into each other. Instead of the gentle kisses he’s only ever given me, this one is full of love, passion and lust, all rolled into one.
“Can I take you back to my place?”<
br />
He asks with a skeptical look on his face, as if he thinks he’s crossing a line by asking me. We both know that once we’re there, things will be different than all the other times.
“I… I’m…”
Pressing my finger against his lips to silence him, I smile and with my voice full of promise and confidence, I tell him.
“I’m ready, Trey. Let’s go.”
Kissing me again, he gets my message with those few words. Then takes my hand and practically makes us run all the way back to his apartment. We laugh, touch each other, stop for quick, stolen kisses on the way. When we get to his building, he rushes us through the foyer. Throwing a quick wave at poor Joe who just laughs at us as we pass.
As we get to the elevator, it’s as if the gods are on our side. The doors slide open, just as we come to a stop, allowing us to get straight in. The doors close behind us, and Trey presses the number for his floor. The minute we start to rise up in the cart, he’s on me. I’m pushed up against the wall of the elevator, with him kissing the life out of my neck and the spot behind my ear. I’ve recently learnt that it’s one of my erogenous zones, which makes me go weak at the knees and my heartbeat, ricochet against my chest. When his groin pushes into the lower half of my body and I feel how turned on he is, and my body reacts. It’s like someone has poured a bucket of iced water over me and I freeze…
No, no, no. This can’t be happening to me right now.
Chapter Thirty-One
Trey
All day I’ve been a nervous fucking wreck. To the point where I nearly fucked up one of my regulars' tattoo, my hands were shaking that bad.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it came to my attention. That I fell in love with the damaged girl that has the pink hair, but I have. Every day since that night in my apartment, when I told her all about Cam, my instincts have got stronger. If I’m not with her, I want to be, or I worry myself sick until I am. If I haven’t been at the studio with her and she’s been at her place. I’ve found myself constantly texting her, just so I can speak to her.
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