My fucking head throbbed. Body aching and spirit moaning. Missing and missing and missing.
The road came to a fork at the top of the hill. Rhys’ childhood home was on the left, ours was on the right.
Taking the right, I eased up to park in front of the darkened house. The unassuming two-story was done in natural stained woods, quaint and peaceful and close to plain, the home surrounded by trees.
The stalls and barns were out back, and our younger brother, Lincoln, had a house he’d built out on the farthest section of the property.
I physically cringed when I saw Royce’s rental car parked at the side of the house.
“Shit,” I mumbled as I put the truck in park and killed the engine.
Wary, I climbed out.
Instantly, I felt the stir in the air. The hostility and anger and confusion.
She had every right to them.
She was sitting on the top step, and Royce was leaning on the railing off to the side.
Two of them waiting.
Royce cut me a glance of apology.
He was doing this for his fiancée.
I pushed out a sigh and roughed a hand through my hair. “Fuck…I messed up your party.”
Emily pushed to her feet.
“No. The evenin’ was over, anyway. We stayed until everyone left.”
“And weren’t you supposed to be staying at the hotel tonight?”
I hiked a brow.
Royce chuckled. “Don’t worry…we’re heading back. Doubt very much your parents want to hear what I have planned for Emily tonight.”
Emily huffed at him, but it was in pure affection. “Royce.”
He shrugged. “What?”
“Do you have to be so crass all the time?”
“Uh…yes?”
A light chuckle fell from my tongue. Two of them this perfect contradiction.
She turned back to focus on me. Even through the lapping darkness, I could see the concern on her face. “I don’t understand, Richard. What did I see back there? Why would you treat her that way? She was my guest.”
My teeth clamped down on my bottom lip to keep from shouting a thousand curses. To stop myself from giving her information she couldn’t have. “What happens between Violet and me is between Violet and me. I told you that before.”
“Yeah, and what happens between she and I should be my own business, too, shouldn’t it? I invited her—one of my best friends—someone I care about deeply.” She touched her chest in a plea. “And you made her feel like an outcast. Like some kind of reject.”
My own frustration burned through my blood. “I asked you not to invite her, Emily. That was my one request, coming here and staying here, and you did it, anyway. Imagine my surprise when I saw her standing across the room. Can you not give me that one ounce of respect?”
“It was my engagement party.” She looked at me in disbelief.
Yeah, and this was our lives.
My head shook in frustration.
“I know that, Emily. But I asked you not to invite one person. One fucking person, and you couldn’t give me that.”
“I’ve been asking you to let me in for years. Beggin’ you to make me understand why you would do this. What you’re going through. I know there’s something there, and after everything? After Cory getting arrested and us being signed with Stone Industries instead? After you know what happened to me? And you still keep me in the dark?”
“Fuck,” I muttered, looking toward the ground like it would afford me patience. Or maybe I could find a hole and bury myself to escape the guilt that was going to eat me alive.
No atonement for what had been done.
Emily and I had gone round and round for the last few years.
Fighting.
Me coming off like a prick at every turn.
But she didn’t understand what was at stake.
That I had always been on her side.
That I wanted nothing more than to make this better.
I hadn’t known the brutality she’d been subjected to because of me.
What that bastard Cory Douglas had held over her, used as twisted manipulation.
I couldn’t wait to see that fucker burn. She wanted answers for those pictures I was in. Problem was, those were answers I still couldn’t give her.
That was what happened when your life was made up of lies. When you’d been cut off at the knees, bartered through blackmail and intimidation.
I took a step toward her, my head angled low in a bid to reach her. “You think I keep you in the dark to protect myself, Emily? Because I’m some twisted fuck keepin’ deranged secrets? I keep you in the dark because it’s the only chance I have of making this right.”
“I know that. I just don’t understand what it has to do with Violet,” she begged. “Why you would treat her that way. She was…”
She trailed off, but I knew.
She was amazing.
Kind and good and genuine.
Every-fucking-thing I’d wanted and had proved I didn’t deserve.
Fuck. I wanted to yank every last hair from my head.
Royce moved to stand behind Emily. He set his hands on her shoulders, and his voice turned soothing, “Emily…come on, baby, take a deep breath. You don’t know what he might be going through. We talked about this, yeah? About everything needing to run its course before it’s revealed. Besides, that’s his ex we’re talking about.”
Emily stared over at me with hurt on her face.
“But this is different. This is Violet we’re talking about.” Her head shook while Royce continued to support her from behind. “I…I just don’t understand you, Richard. She loved you like crazy. Would have done anything for you. You should have offered her the same.”
I surged forward. “Please. Just don’t, Emily. Don’t. She’s in the past. I need her to stay there.”
She had to.
“I love her like a sister. I want the best for her. She needs us, Rich. Her mama and Daisy…” She trailed off with the implication.
She might as well have finished with the way her declaration smashed through my being.
Grief constricting airflow. Throat closing off. Chest squeezing like a bitch.
The words were haggard when I stumbled forward and urged from two feet away, “If you care about either of us, then let her go.”
I climbed the steps, winding around her to head inside.
I had to put an end to this.
Leave that girl in the past where she belonged.
Pretend like it didn’t matter.
I had the screen door open when Emily’s voice hit me from behind. “What if I can’t do that?”
I spoke toward the still closed door, holding onto the handle like it might keep me from getting blown away by this storm I felt brewing. “If you want the best for her then you will.”
“I asked her to be in the weddin’. She accepted.”
Every word felt like a dagger being stabbed in my back.
My teeth ground.
Anger and dread surged.
Overwhelming.
I punched the wall next to the door, roaring as I did it. Pain shattered from my knuckles to my wrist. Anything to divert the fury.
Emily yelped like she was the innocent one in the situation. But the truth was, she had no clue what she was doing. What she was inciting. Thinking she was fighting for the good when she was only going to ruin me a little more.
I turned around to look at her. “Great, Emily. Just fuckin’ great.”
Because I didn’t know how to be in Violet’s space without losin’ my damn mind.
Didn’t know how to look at her without breaking every damn promise I’d made.
Didn’t know how to walk this thin line.
Without looking back, I tossed the door open, stormed inside, and moved into the dining room where I grabbed a bottle of bourbon from my father’s stash in the cabinet.
They say you can’t drink away your problems.
<
br /> Well, I sure as fuck was going to try.
Five
Violet
Sunlight flooded through the sheer drapes in my room and nudged me from the last dregs of the horrible night of sleep I’d had. Tossing and turning, falling asleep only to jolt awake from the dreams that wouldn’t leave me alone.
My skin still tingled with the phantom vestiges of his touch. My senses still filled with the aura of the man.
I sat up in bed, my knees drawn to my chest, and I rubbed at my wrist that still burned from his caress while my ears continued to ring with the cruelty of his words.
Standing in his presence had made me feel like I was being ripped to shreds by a tornado. Tossed from one direction to another. Lost somewhere between the torment of his eyes and the rejection that had blazed from his body.
I guessed maybe the hardest part of it was the connection that flamed and lapped underneath it all.
Electricity.
That bolt of intuition I’d forever felt whenever he’d come near.
The man like destiny.
A force that could not be denied.
No matter how hard we tried to dismiss it, it was there. Clear where it held fast to the atmosphere.
And if I wasn’t already slugging through the dregs of turmoil, the man had had the audacity to follow me home.
The overwhelming presence steady and unwavering as it’d pulsed through the night.
I’d had to stop myself about fifteen times from pulling over and demanding that he leave me alone. That I couldn’t handle whatever game he played. To beg him to stay.
Captivating and repelling. The refusal in the same second it felt as if he had me caught in a snare.
Hunting me for the sole purpose to annihilate.
I blew out a sigh, when I heard the indistinct chatter of voices and the clanking of dishes that drifted up from downstairs. I refused to allow myself to lie there and waste any more time on a man who didn’t care about me.
I tossed off the covers and forced myself from bed.
I used the restroom, brushed my teeth, and took the small set of stairs that led down into the kitchen.
I was struck with the scents of a typical Sunday morning.
Coffee and biscuits and bacon.
A soft smile tugged at one side of my mouth as I stopped at the threshold at the landing and peered through the blaze of morning light that speared through the cozy room.
The kitchen filled with so much country warmth that it was impossible not to feel at home.
At peace.
My chest stretched tight as I gazed at my father at the stove where he was whipping up his specialty of eggs, bacon, and pancakes while he sang an old Spanish song under his breath.
Daisy was at the table, trying to sing along.
The only person missing was my mama.
My heart clutched, but I did my best to force it down and not to bring a dark cloud over the sweet scene playing out in front of me.
I edged forward and the old wood floors creaked beneath my bare feet. My father’s attention swept toward me, a grin splitting his face. “Ah, mi amor.”
Daisy’s head popped up, all too eager to parrot her papa. “Mi amor!”
Light laughter slipped passed my lips, and I edged farther into the kitchen, heading for my father and pushing onto my toes so I could press a kiss to his cheek. “Good morning, Daddy.”
He eyed me, speculation lifting a single brow. “I hope you’re hungry?”
I had a feeling he wanted to ask a whole lot more questions than that one.
I nodded. “I am. It smells delicious.”
He grinned. The deep wrinkles around his eyes crinkled, making him look older than fifty-eight. The last few years had come on harder and harder.
“Good. Our Daisy here might have dumped in the whole box of pancake batter.” He tossed her a massive smile over his shoulder before he sent me a wink.
“I am starvin’ marvin’. We needed the whole big box,” she said, not bothering to look up as she focused on coloring in her book, her tongue poked out at the side as she concentrated.
My spirit lifted. Shivered and shook as I crossed the room. I leaned over the chair where she sat on her knees and planted a kiss on the top of her head, lingering as I inhaled, the child smelling like orange juice and bubblegum.
Sunshine.
A single ray of light cast into the darkness.
“Good morning, sweet girl. Were you good for Nana and Papa?”
“Mornin’, Mommy. I was the best, right, Papa?” she coaxed.
No doubt, she wouldn’t accept a different answer.
“Oh, yes. An angel,” he told her in his Spanish accent.
She nodded in fierce agreement. “See. An angel.”
Affection tightened my chest, and I gently ran my fingers through her black hair.
“Did you have all the fun last night at the party?” She tipped her head backward to look at me, her sweetness oozing out.
All the fun?
Not so much.
I cleared the roughness from my throat. “I did. I got to see my old friend and tell her congratulations.”
“’Cause she’s gettin’ married?”
“Yep, that’s right.”
I could almost see the lightbulb go off in her little mind, and her eyes went wide with excitement. “Is the weddin’ gonna be here in the special place? Can I go? Remember we got to go to Polly’s and I got to be the flowers girl and I was the prettiest princess in the whole world?”
Panic flashed across my flesh, and a stone of dread sank to the pit of my stomach.
God, what had I gotten myself into, agreeing to be a part of the ceremony? This was going to be a nightmare.
I pulled out a chair so I could sit down in front of her. Reaching out, I lovingly tipped up her chin, doin’ my best to keep the words from quivering. “I do remember, and you were the prettiest. But I’m not sure of the details yet on this one.”
“I sure hopes so! Love weddin’s…but only if there’s dancin’. Dancin’ is my favorite in the whole world. Except for horses. I like horses even better. I’m the best dancer, right?” she prattled on, her chubby cheeks puffed out and her pink cherub lips pursed in question.
Her dark hair was cut in a bob, though it naturally curled out at the shoulders, the child so pretty she looked like a missing piece of the porcelain seraphim collection my mama had inherited from her mother and now had displayed in a case in the formal living room.
“Ooo…ooo…” She raised her hand as if to volunteer. “Do you think I could be the flowers girl for this weddin’, too? I got my fancy new shoes. I could go gets ’em real fast.”
I would have laughed if I wasn’t tied up in a thousand knots.
I blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m sure they have already made plans. You might be getting out ahead of yourself.”
Way ahead of herself.
But that was Daisy’s way. Running into life head-on. No reservations. No fear.
“Pancakes are almost finished. Can you get the tray ready, Daisy Doolittle?” my father cut in.
“Oh, yes, Papa!” She scrambled down from her chair, ran across the kitchen, and pushed the step stool to the cupboard so she could reach the tray and dishes.
Interrogation forgotten.
I glanced at my father.
He sent me a wink.
Daddy to the rescue, as always.
He plated two pancakes and a small bit of scrambled eggs, and Daisy put the small container of syrup beside it, plus a knife and fork and a napkin.
“One more thing!” She hopped down and ran to her coloring book, ripping out the page and folding it in two. She climbed back onto her perch and placed it on the tray. “There. All ready.”
Pride shined from her dark eyes.
I kissed her forehead. “Perfect.”
I picked up the tray, and I glanced at my daddy. “I’ll take it to her.”
His expression faded to somberness. To
that weary sadness that he fought to keep contained but would bleed out the second he let down his guard. “I’ll be up in a minute. I’m going to clean up a bit.”
I sent him a soft smile. “Okay. Take all the time you need.”
Daisy raced out the swinging door of the kitchen ahead of me, her little feet pounding on hardwood floors. She darted up the stairs, taking two at a time, and I followed along as quickly as I could.
She hit the top floor landing and burst through the bedroom door to the left, her little voice drifting down as I started up the stairs. “Nana, breakfast is served!” she sang as she banged inside. “You is gonna be so excited!”
I could barely make out the distorted, raspy voice mixed with Daisy’s boisterous shout, and my chest tightened and squeezed and panged with each step that I climbed.
I did my best to pin a smile onto my face when I rounded to the door, but I could feel it slipping when I looked inside and found my mama struggling to sit up against the headboard.
Her face ashen, as if she’d aged a thousand days in the last week, the cancer sucking the life right out of her body.
It took everything I had not to drop to my knees and weep.
“Violet,” she whispered when she saw me standing there, and even with the pain I could see written on her failing body, she smiled the most brilliant smile.
One wholly directed at me.
Dark eyes the same color as mine brimming with the love she had. That single expression alone left no question of who I was to her. What I’d always meant.
It was something no distance or space or circumstance could ever change, but that didn’t mean that made this any easier.
“Good morning, Mama.” I tried to keep the warble of emotion from my voice. It still cracked.
Her smile shifted to stark somberness. My mama reading me the way she always could.
In tune with my emotions.
Heck, she’d written the dictionary on them.
And considering those emotions were tugging at me from every direction, there was no question she felt me unraveling.
“Come inside.” She patted the bed beside her.
Daisy took that as an invitation and jumped onto the spot on her knees, bouncing all over the place and jostling Mama.
Falling into You Page 4