“You know this band?” I asked.
“Never heard of them.” Jay pressed the cigar to his lips and blew out a cloud of smoke, his gaze locked on the stage.
No. Not the stage. One of the members in particular.
The guy at the piano wore a black fedora and had his suit jacket folded beside him on the bench. The other guys in the band were older, but he looked to be mid-twenties at the oldest. His undershirt was pushed up on his toned forearms, and as he played, he smiled and moved his upper body to the music. The guy was hot.
“Ah,” I said, drawing Jay’s attention. “I see what’s going on.”
“What?” His brow pulled together, but not even the wrinkles from the action took away from his good looks. “Why the hell are you smiling like that?”
“Someone has a crush on the piano man.”
Jay scoffed and placed his cigar on the ashtray in front of him. “I don’t get crushes, Cross. I see someone I want, and I pursue them. Simple as that.”
“So, why haven’t you pursued Mr. Fedora over there?”
“Because fuck you, that’s why.”
“Someone’s getting defensive.” I finished my beer and pushed the bottle toward the edge of the table for the waiter to take.
“He’s not my type,” Jay said, an obvious lie. And maybe the dim lighting was playing tricks on me, but it looked like his cheeks darkened.
“Wow, I’m speechless here, Foley. I’ve never seen you get like this before.”
“If you’re speechless, then why are you talking?” He picked his cigar back up and took a puff. “Be quiet and enjoy the music.”
The waiter brought us another round of beers, and I smiled when Jay looked back at the stage. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the guy.
“Ask him out,” I said, when the band took a break and the members got off the stage to grab drinks and walk around a moment.
“Why are you so interested in my sex life?” Jay downed his beer before ordering something stronger. “I told you. He’s not my type. So drop it.”
“Okay.”
He eyed me over his glass as he took a drink. After setting it back on the table, he started talking about a case we were working on. A master at changing the subject.
Maybe I’d been wrong and misread the signals. Wouldn’t be the first time.
However, when the band returned to the stage, and that piano started playing, Jay stopped mid-sentence and looked over at him again. But then he turned his back to the guy and picked back up where he’d left off in the conversation.
Interesting.
But I let the topic drop. It wasn’t my business anyway.
“Another beer?” Jay asked.
“Sure.”
Jay ordered the drinks and settled back in place. “Did I tell you my brother and his son finally moved down?”
“You didn’t.” I glanced up as the waiter dropped off our beers and left again. “How’s that going?”
“Going well,” he answered. “Ivan is my opposite in every way, but I’d do anything for him and Foster. Don’t go tellin’ anyone I’m soft, though, got it? I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Lord forbid anyone learn Jay Foley has a heart,” I teased.
“Damn straight.” He took a drink.
The night out was exactly what I needed to loosen up.
Chapter 21
Cason
“I think my dad is seeing someone,” Ryan said as we sat in his dorm playing his Xbox.
Oh, fuck.
My face heated, and I tried to play it cool even though my heart was beating out of my chest. “Oh yeah? What makes you say that?”
“I went over last Sunday and I’m, like, ninety-nine percent sure someone was in the room with him.” Ryan tossed the controller when his character died again, and he grabbed the bag of chips, shoving some into his mouth. “Dad acted weird at first, like I’d interrupted him. And he closed his bedroom door. Which he never does. Then today, I caught him smiling as he texted someone. He said it was a friend, but I’m not a damn moron.”
“How would you feel if he was seeing someone?” I asked, trying not to seem too interested in his answer.
“I don’t know.” He ate more chips and watched me play. “Like, it’s still weird for me that he’s into dudes, but I’m trying to look past that. I’ve hated being so distant with him lately. If he is seeing someone… I guess it’s okay as long as he’s happy.”
“Do you have any idea who it could be?”
“Maybe it’s that blond guy,” Ryan guessed, shrugging. “I hope not, though. That guy seems like a class A asshole.”
That’d been my first impression of the mysterious Jay as well. But if Emery liked him, he must not have been all bad.
“Faith posted a pic of you guys on Facebook,” Ryan said, showing me the picture. It was one we’d taken a few days ago when I ran into her at the mall while looking for some new jeans. In it, we were sticking our tongues out and being silly. The caption she put with it was This guy is a dork but I love him. “You sure you’re not banging her?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “We’re just friends. Nothing sexual or romantic going on there.”
“Hmm.” Ryan went back to scrolling on his phone. “I just don’t get it, man. All these girls are into you, but you’re still single and not even fucking anyone.”
“How do you know I’m not fucking anyone?” I blurted out defensively.
I’m such an idiot.
“Dude, seriously?” Ryan’s face lit up, and he slapped my arm. “Tell me who it is and where you met her. And show me a picture of her right fucking now.”
Her.
I’m tired of the secrets.
I had wanted to wait until we went off to college to tell him, but keeping the truth from him was so damn exhausting. I was tired of hiding. The trip to War Eagle with Emery where we’d been so open about our relationship had created a deep craving in my chest. I wanted to be that way with him every day, not just when we were hours from home.
“I need to tell you something,” I said, and my hands started shaking so bad I had to set down the game controller.
“What’s up?” Ryan’s previous smile fell as he took in my grave expression.
Just say it. I’m gay.
Yet, the words caught in my throat, as if my heart had reached up and grabbed them, holding them back.
“Come on, Cas,” Ryan said, pushing my chest. “What has you looking like a constipated goat?”
“A goat?”
“First animal I thought of.”
“I… well, you see, I…” Was it possible to be so nervous that your heart stopped beating? “The person I’m—”
Ryan’s phone rang.
“Dude, it’s that girl from the gym,” Ryan said, a huge grin spreading across his face. Then, he answered it. “Hey, gorgeous. Oh, just sitting in my dorm. What about you?”
My confidence wavered even more as I sat there listening to him flirt and totally forget that I’d had something important to tell him. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through it, more as a distraction from my knotting gut.
Faith messaged me, her chat bubble popping up on my screen.
Faith: Hey, you! So, I started watching a new, totally messed-up anime and I kinda love it. You need to add Angels of Death to your list ASAP!!
Me: Ok. Cool.
Faith: You okay?
Me: Idk. Was just about to tell Ryan I was gay becuz he keeps asking if I’m banging anyone and I’m fucking tired of keeping it from him. But now he’s flirting with some girl and couldn’t care less.
Faith: I’m sorry.
“Hey, so what were you going to tell me?” Ryan asked, no longer on the phone. “Is it about the girl you’re screwing around with?”
Maybe it was the hurt from him disregarding me to talk to some stupid girl or maybe it was the months of secrecy, but rage bubbled up inside me and came pouring out like one of those science project volcanoes.
“What makes
you think it’s a girl?” I snapped.
Ryan’s mouth popped open. “What?”
“I’m gay!” I practically shouted, standing from the floor and looking down at him.
“Stop playin’,” Ryan eventually said, cracking a smile. “You’re not gay. I’d know if you were.”
“How would you know?” I asked, my voice rising. “All you care about is yourself, Ryan. Every time we’re together, you’re always blabbing about some girl you’re fucking or a girl you want to fuck, and when you actually talk to me, it’s to see if I’m fucking any girls, and if so, what do they look like? I’m sick of it.”
The revelation made tears surface in my eyes. Through my anger, I felt relieved that I’d finally told him. I also felt disappointed that this was how it happened.
“Are you serious?” He rose to his feet.
With my eyes burning with unshed tears, I nodded.
“So, the day I told you about my dad, you knew you were gay?” he asked, walking closer. “And you didn’t think to tell me then?”
“How could I? You weren’t exactly happy about your dad being gay. You treated it like some massive embarrassment.” A tear slipped free and ran down my cheek. “I’ve wanted to tell you for months, but I was afraid of how you’d react.”
Ryan squared his jaw and kept glaring at me.
The door opened and his roommate came in with a few other guys behind him. “Hey, roomie. The dudes in Building C are throwing a huge party and we were about to head over. Wanna go?”
“Yeah,” Ryan answered, tearing his gaze from me to look at Milo. “Let’s go.”
Milo and his friends fist-bumped before leaving the dorm. Ryan followed behind them without a word to me, and it felt like I’d taken a two-by-four straight to the chest.
I stared at him, my anger dissolving as sadness took its place. My voice cracked as I said, “Ry.”
“Go home, Cason,” he said, stopping in the doorway but not looking at me. “I want you out of here by the time I get back.”
As I left the dormitory and walked toward my car, more tears welled in my eyes and I choked out a small sob. It was exactly as I’d feared. Ryan had rejected me. I wanted to call Emery, but my hands were shaking too much. I could barely even unlock my car door. Once inside the cab, I slammed the door and hung my head, finally letting the tears fall.
I hated crying, but I couldn’t hold it back. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. Once pulling myself together, I drove out of the parking lot. It was eleven thirty, and I didn’t know if Emery was still out with Jay, but I drove to his house.
It was the only place I wanted to be right then.
Arriving, I parked in the driveway and called him.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” My voice was hoarse from all the crying. “Are you home?”
“Yes.” I heard shuffling on his end of the line. “Are you okay? You sound off.”
“I’m in your driveway right now. Can you open the garage?”
Moments later, the garage door opened and I drove inside. As it closed again, I got out of my car and went toward the door that led into the house. It swung open before I reached it, and then Emery was pulling me into his arms.
“What happened?” he asked, pressing his face against the side of my head.
“Just hold me.”
His arms tightened around me, and his lips pressed to my temple. I shut my eyes and leaned into him, taking every bit of comfort he offered. Eventually, he steered me inside and took me to his bedroom. Neither of us said a word as I kicked off my shoes, took off my shirt, and slid into bed.
Emery pulled me back into his arms, and I buried my face against his neck and breathed in his scent, a mix of spice and aftershave. He also smelled like cigars.
“Did you have fun with Jay?” I mumbled against his skin.
“I did. I got home around eleven.”
“Why so early?”
“Early? It’s late for me,” he said with a slight laugh in his voice. His lips touched my forehead, and they lingered there a moment before he asked, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Did something happen with Ryan?”
“I came out to him,” I whispered, my eyes stinging with fresh tears.
Emery stilled, and his heart beat faster. “And?”
“And he didn’t take it well. As expected.”
“Did you tell him about us?”
“Of course not,” I said, irritated he’d even think that. “I wouldn’t tell him without talking to you first.”
“What did he say?” Emery ran his fingers through my hair.
“Not much. At first, he thought I was joking. Then when he realized it wasn’t a joke, he got quiet and looked pissed. His roommate invited him to party, and then Ryan told me to leave. So I did.”
Emery tilted my chin up and kissed me then, and I whimpered against his lips. He didn’t try to convince me everything would be okay, and I appreciated it. Because everything might not be okay. Ryan was impulsive and unpredictable. I had no idea what he’d do or if he’d even want to see me again.
I didn’t need any bullshit positivity to give me hope.
“Stay with me tonight,” Emery said, shifting his weight to where he was on top of me. His blue eyes held so much kindness. And love. “Let me take care of you.”
“Take care of me? I don’t need a babysitter.”
He kissed my throat, and I closed my eyes with a sigh. His hand moved down my chest and dipped beneath the waistband of my boxers, taking hold of my semi-erect cock.
“Oh,” I said, clinging onto his broad shoulders. “You mean that kind of take care of me.”
I felt him smile against my neck.
For the rest of the night, Emery made me forget about the pain in my heart. He kissed me gently, fucked me hard, and took me to the stars. By the time I came down again, he was right there to catch me.
“I love you,” he panted, holding my face in his hands. We’d just finished having sex and were trying to catch our breaths.
“I love you too.” I nestled against him and closed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart.
No matter what happened with Ryan, I prayed I’d never lose this with Emery—the love, comfort, and security. I wouldn’t be able to handle losing him too.
Chapter 22
Emery
“I’m going to take a shower,” Cason said the next morning after I pounded his ass again. “If I can find the will to move anyway.”
I chuckled and pecked him on the lips before getting out of bed. “I’ll take one after you.”
“Why not just take one with me.” He gave a sleepy smile as he stretched his arms above his head.
“Because we’d never get clean.” I fought the urge to lie back down with him and found my sleep pants where he had thrown them last night. “I’ll start some coffee.”
“Make it strong,” he called after me as I left the room.
Walking down the hall toward the kitchen, I finally let my smile fall a little. Ever since Cason had told me about Ryan’s reaction to his coming out, I had tried to stay strong for him. I knew the type of pain he must’ve been feeling, and I hadn’t wanted to make it worse.
Part of me wanted to call Ryan and gripe at him for hurting Cason. However, then I’d have to explain how I even knew about it in the first place, and that was a conversation for another day. Jay had been right, though. Ryan needed to know the full truth sooner rather than later. With how he reacted to Cason coming out, I suspected it wouldn’t be pleasant either.
I heard the shower turn on as I measured out the coffee. As it began to brew, I walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of eggs and the package of bacon.
A knock sounded at the front door.
I hadn’t been expecting anyone, so I assumed it was a Jehovah’s Witness or someone trying to sell me something. I went over and opened the door before completely freezing.
“Ryan,” I said in shock as I looked at him on the
doorstep. He looked rough. Messy hair and tired eyes. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, fidgeting with his hair. “Well, no. I mean…” He sighed and glanced up at me, his eyes glassy. “Can I come in?”
I opened the door to let him inside before closing it and following him into the kitchen. He looked lost and a little dazed as he turned to me.
“Sorry for stopping by like this,” he said, his voice reflecting the emotion in his sad eyes. “At least I knocked, though, instead of just coming in.”
“Never apologize for coming to see me,” I responded, motioning to the barstool. “Have a seat.”
It didn’t occur to me until then how horrible the situation could get. Cason was showering in the other room and had no idea Ryan had come over. I could only hope he’d heard the door and knew to be cautious before walking in there.
“Something happened last night,” Ryan said, interlocking his fingers behind his head as he rested his arms on the island countertop. “You’re the only person I know to talk to.”
“What’s wrong?” I hated playing dumb, but I had to.
“Cason told me he’s gay.” Ryan pinned me with a look of desperation, his bottom lip quivering. “And I got mad at ’em. Told him to leave my dorm. I haven’t heard from him since then, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Why did you get mad?”
“That’s the thing,” Ryan said. “I wasn’t really mad. I was just shocked and I guess a little hurt that he’d kept it from me for so long. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. But he’s my best friend, and I don’t wanna lose him.”
“I think you should tell him that,” I said, leaning against the counter. “You don’t always have to say the right thing, Ryan. You just have to talk to him. Tell him you aren’t sure what to say but he’s still your friend. Because I’m sure he feels pretty shitty right now.”
Ryan sucked in a shaky breath and wiped at his eyes. “I’m sure you felt shitty, too, with how I treated you.”
“That’s in the past,” I said, not wanting to make him feel even worse.
“I don’t know why I push away everyone I love,” Ryan whispered, glaring at the countertop. “It’s like I’m broken or something.”
His Temptation Page 21