by Pru Schuyler
Honestly, since I admitted to myself what Austin had done to me, I’ve felt more powerful, and right now, in this outfit, I feel badass as hell.
Once we’re ready to go, Brooke and I head to the stadium. After we park, Brooke leads us through the stands to our seats. It’s a full house tonight. Our entire side of the field is pitch-black, thanks to everyone going all out with the dress code. We take our seats at the end of a set of bleachers. Thankfully, the seat to my right is empty, so I’ll have a quick exit if I get a panic or anxiety attack. But I want to be strong for Brooke; she needs me right now. That thought alone puts my anxiety at ease.
The whistle blows, announcing the start of the game. If I knew anything about football, I would have some clue as to what is happening right now. I get the whole get to the end zone part. But other than that, I’m practically helpless. Brooke joins in on the cheers to help welcome the starting lineup. Callum Jones is announced as quarterback.
“Go, Panthers! Go!” she screams to the field, clapping along with the crowd.
I love how much she throws herself into this.
“Come on! Cheer with me! Don’t be a weenie!” she shouts down to me.
“A weenie?” I mock, lifting my eyebrows.
She shoots daggers my way.
This girl is truly magical. There is no one else in the world who could get me to do what I’m about to do.
I stand up next to her, clap my hands to the beat of everyone, and scream, “Go, Panthers!”
In the sea of shouts, it’s only one in a million. But to me, it’s a moment in the spotlight—a place I’ve avoided for a long, long time.
Brooke turns to me and pulls me into a hug. “See, I knew you’d have fun.”
I guess if the one in a million is Brooke, it’s the only one that matters.
I’m focused on Brooke and cheering as loud as I can when I feel someone sit down next to me in the empty seat. A cold shiver shoots down my back, and my heart rate picks up.
You’re okay.
I turn to see who it is when a familiar deep voice fills my right ear.
“I didn’t take you for the cheerleader type, Stels.” I can feel the smirk in his husky voice.
I turn to face him and am caught off guard by his emerald-green eyes. They never fail to take my breath away.
“I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve. I didn’t peg you for a Friday Night Lights kinda guy.” I poke Cade in the arm.
He smiles and stretches up, placing both of his arms behind his head. His black leather jacket rises up along with his black tee, revealing a small sliver of skin. On each side of his hips is a sharp dip.
Holy heavens.
I drag my gaze away and force myself to focus on his eyes. Which just turns into another distraction. There is not one part of his body that I don’t think I could get lost in.
Cade leans down, and his lips brush my ear. Shock waves ripple low in my stomach.
“This is actually the first game I’ve been to.” His deep, smooth voice leaves me a little breathless. He doesn’t pull away.
“Your first one ever? Why start your senior year then?” I shoot the question at him, crossing my arms over my chest.
He plays along, crossing his arms. “Yep, first one ever. I didn’t plan on it. But then you went, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away. I had Brooke pick me up a ticket when she got your guys’.”
My heart rises to my throat, and my entire body flushes, spreading from his lips whispering in my ear. He presses an ever-so-gentle little kiss to my ear and pulls back.
He flashes me a full smile before focusing on the field. My heart races even faster. No boy in this entire universe should be as good-looking as Cade.
I tune the world back in and hear Brooke cheering as loud as ever. She’s up on her feet, waving around her black foam finger like a maniac.
She turns to me, winks, and mouths, You’re welcome.
I really owe this girl a lot.
Envy slaps me across the face. How can she do that? How can she put herself out there, so pronounced and forward, knowing what could happen? Screaming at the top of her lungs with no care who could hear. She thrives in the spotlight, craving the attention. But the spotlight looks awfully blue to me, like a bug zapper.
She is one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life, and she’s hiding the same gigantic secret I am. She was raped, and here she is, fooling the world.
It hits me then. Her eyes. That’s what drew me to her. I recognized myself in her eyes, the window to the soul. I didn’t know it the night we met, but I connected to her in a way I never had with anyone else. It was instant. Her demons sought mine out, and together, they are slowly destroying each other’s darkness.
Cade bumps my leg with his, grabbing my attention. “I’m going to go get a drink. Do you want to come with me?” His eyes glimmer with hope.
I nod my head, unable to find the words. I tug on Brooke’s jacket, and she takes her seat, turning to me.
“Hey, do you want a drink? Cade and I are going to grab one,” I try to shout over the noisy crowd.
“Two waters, please. I’m not going to have a voice by the end of this.” Her laugh breaks halfway through, proving her point.
I shake my head and smile. I could learn a thing or two from her about school spirit.
Cade stands, and he lets me lead the way. I can feel his eyes on me the entire walk. We get our spot in line, behind at least ten people. This is going to take forever.
Cade stands directly behind me. The heat coming off his chest is tickling the back of my neck. Goose bumps light up the bare skin.
He breaks the silence first. Leaning close to my ear, he asks, “So, what did she have to do to get you to go to this tonight?”
I’m honest, as always when I’m with him. “She asked me at least five times this week and held my morning cocoa hostage until I finally gave in.” I laugh.
And the guilt of reading her private journal. Maybe not completely honest.
“Sounds about right. She’s not one to give up till she gets her way. She’s tough.” He pauses, admiring his sister. “There was a boy in elementary school who poured glue in her backpack. The next day, she somehow convinced the teacher to leave the classroom, and she poured glue right on his head. That was the first time I ever got in a fight.” He laughs at the cherished memory.
I lose track of time, hearing stories about young Brooke.
The cashier yells, “Next,” to Cade and me, and he steps forward to order for us.
Why hasn’t she gone after the guy who did this to her? Why hasn’t she looked for him?
Anger surges through me once again. I will find who did this to her. Whoever snuffed out the flame in her has hell to pay to the Devil himself.
Cade returns back from ordering with four waters in hand. He hands one to me, and we head back to our seats. He tucks the three water bottles in his arm, freeing up one hand. His emerald eyes lock with mine, and he tilts a corner of his lips up. Ever so slowly, he lifts his hand out, gesturing for mine.
Butterflies soar in my stomach, and my entire body flushes. He wants to hold my hand? In public? In front of all of these people? Can I do this?
If I’d never taken a chance with Brooke, I wouldn’t have gotten the best friend I’ve ever had. And I wouldn’t be able to find out who did this to her. If I’d never taken a chance on her, I wouldn’t even be in this moment with Cade.
I’m tired of living in fear of the what-ifs. I want to be more like Brooke, to fearlessly put myself out there. It’s time to take some more power back from Austin. Who says I can’t try with a guy ever again? I just need to go slow, at my own pace.
Maybe once in a while, leaving my comfort zone will have more reward than risk.
I look up to his gaze and see right inside, no barriers between us.
I lift my hand and place it in his. Warmth spreads up through my fingertips. My shoulders relax, and he threads his fingers through mine. A sense of s
afety washes over me. He leads us back to our seats, and Brooke turns to us, her gaze dropping straight to our connected hands.
A big smile takes over her face. “About time.”
Cade throws her waters at her, and she misses both of them. They crash to the floor, but somehow, neither of them busts open. We all laugh and take our seats.
Throughout the rest of the game, I join Brooke in her cheers every now and then, just to see her smile.
The only time Cade’s hand leaves mine is when he goes to use the restroom. But once he returns, his hand finds mine again.
We win twenty-one to seven.
After the game, we head home, and Cade walks me to my door, placing a small, angel-soft kiss on my cheek.
Never in a million years would I have thought that I’d attend a football game this year with my new bestie and with … well, whatever Cade is. I had real fun. I laughed, and I smiled, and it felt normal. I felt like me again tonight.
I lie in bed, and I can’t keep a smile off my face. I replay the night over and over. I owe so much to Brooke for what she’s already given me. She gave me the courage tonight to hold Cade’s hand and the courage to just live.
I plan on doing the same thing for her. Anger flares in me again. I need to find who hurt her, but I’m out of leads right now.
I need more information, and there are only two ways I can get that. The first one seems like the most honest option—confront Brooke, tell her I know, and ask more about what happened. But then I’d risk losing her for good.
The only way I can find out more information without asking Brooke is by going through her journal. Which means, I’m going to have to get a little sneaky. I need to get my hands on it again. I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s being forced to tell her story to anyone. It’s her story.
But I want to—no, I need to find him. If invading her privacy one more time is the only way, then just call it a necessary evil.
ELEVEN
The weekend flew by, and I still have no idea how I’m going to get ahold of her journal.
I came up with a thousand ideas that all turned out to have a fatal flaw when I really thought it through or attempted it.
My first idea was to check her backpack at school since she had it in there after she left it at my house. But when we got to school, I realized something. She would think someone at school took it, and knowing how outspoken she is, it would turn into a scene. I definitely don’t want this to become a public thing.
My second idea was to sneak it out of her house when I was over there, but every time I got my chance, she would come back to her room too quickly, killing my grab-and-stash.
The bell rings, ending fourth period, pulling me out of my journal-snatching plans. I put my notebook in my backpack and head to meet Brooke for lunch.
I turn the corner, and apparently, the universe wants to make today suck because I smack right into Becca, Cade’s ex.
“Watch where you’re going, freak,” she snaps at me. She sneers down at me with her arms crossed over her designer sweater.
“Oh, sorry.” I don’t hide the sarcasm.
She squints her eyes at me. “I saw your and Cade’s little hand-holding show at the game Friday. I see you’ve decided not to take my threat seriously. This year’s going to be lots. Of. Fun.” She shoots her words at me like bullets, twirling her cup in her hand.
I roll my eyes and turn away. All of a sudden, freezing cold liquid attacks my shoulder, soaking into my shirt. I turn to see what happened, and my anger roars up. Dripping down my body is pink ice cream with strawberry chunks.
This bitch poured her freaking shake all over me!
“Are you serious right now?” My words are like daggers. “You really don’t wanna play this game with me.”
She smiles, baring all teeth, an evil gleam in her eyes. “Oh, honey, you might want to change. You look a little cold.” She laughs, all menacingly, and then turns sharply, her hair whipping my face.
A year ago or even a month ago, I would have taken this, bitten my tongue, and turned away. I don’t know when this shift happened within me. But what I do know is that what I do next will forever shock me.
I twist the top off of my red Gatorade while she’s not looking, lost in gossip with her clique.
I call to her, my tone tooth-achingly sweet, “Oh, Becca.”
She turns around, a deep scowl etched on her face. She opens her mouth to spit more nasty words out, but I don’t give her a chance to speak.
I lift the bottle up and pour it straight over her head, all the way down the super-white dress she shouldn’t have worn today.
“What is wrong with you?!” she squeaks out, shaking like a dog.
I clear my throat and mirror the evil look she gave me. “Oh, honey, you might want to change. You look a little cold.” I smirk, grab my backpack, and walk away, pride beaming in my chest.
Maybe I shouldn’t have sunk to her level, but I’m done being walked all over. Stella Sullivan will be no one’s doormat. Never again.
Thank God Brooke has, like, ten spare outfits in her trunk. I call her right after the drink fiasco and fill her in with every detail. She can’t believe I poured my drink all over Becca Chambers. When I meet her by her car, she is clapping for me as I approach.
“Well, well, well, look what we have here. A little badass among us.” She laughs and hands me a few napkins to get some of the milkshake off of my arm.
I slide into her car and change into the outfit she picked: a red hoodie and leggings—pretty casual for Brooke, to be honest. But perfect for me. This girl is starting to know me like the back of her hand.
“Movie night tonight?” I ask, retying my shoes.
She rolls her eyes. “Can’t. Dumb family dinner. Everyone has to go, no exceptions.” She mocks her mom’s tone, spot-on.
A lightbulb goes off in my head. “Everyone’s going? Even your dad?” I joke because Mr. Carver is always at work and rarely home.
“Oh, yeah. It’s for a case he just won, so we are all going out to celebrate. You can come if you want. I’m sure Cade wouldn’t mind.” Her lips tip up into a playful half-smile.
As much as I’d love to see him in some fancy black suit, I think I might just have plans of my own tomorrow night. Guilt and pride battle to take the spotlight in my chest.
“I can’t. I think my mom and I are doing something. She’s been complaining that I haven’t been spending enough time with her,” I say in an even tone. It’s not technically a lie.
We might be doing something, just probably not. She really has been saying I need to spend some time with her when she’s home, which is totally fair. But if every person is going to be out of Brooke’s house tomorrow night, then that might be my only chance to get ahold of the journal with little to no risk.
I’m starving at this point. I climb out of her car, and her lip is set in a deep pout. She wants me to go to dinner with them. I shake my head, looping my arm through hers as we make our way back to class.
My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I haven’t eaten. Thanks to Becca, I didn’t have time to. I stop at my locker to grab my textbook, and Cade is waiting, leaning against his. When he sees me, his eyes light up, tugging at my heart.
“Just the woman I was looking for.” He smiles, a small dimple appearing on his cheek.
“Sorry. I sort of had an incident and needed a wardrobe change.” I laugh and wonder if word has spread of what happened between Becca and me. We certainly had a crowd by the end of it.
He chuckles, telling me he did indeed hear about it. “I picked up a thing or two in the halls during break. Something about a shake and red Gatorade?” He smirks, humor twinkling in his eyes.
“Something like that,” I joke and close my locker.
He throws his arm around my shoulders, electricity burning between us. “Guess no one messes with Stella Sullivan,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Nope, not anymore.” I puff my chest out.
; “Good.” His deep green eyes peer down to me, pride glowing. “So, I have this family dinner thing tonight, but if I have a good enough excuse, I can probably get out of it. So, I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner and a movie with me?” His eyes stay locked on mine.
My heart does a backflip.
Holy shit. Cade just asked me out. Say something!
My voice shakes. “Like a date?”
He looks down at me, smug arrogance in his eyes. “Oh, yeah, definitely a date.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. Any other day but tonight. The journal. The stupid journal. I have to sneak in—or politely break in—to get the journal while they’re gone.
I’m torn. Completely torn. I need to do this for Brooke. I have to help her.
But Cade. Oh, Cade.
I have feelings for him that I never even felt with Austin. Cade makes me forget about him, forget about my painful past. He makes me want to try again, to fall in love again.
But this is my only shot, the only chance I have to get more info about the guy. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The decision is obvious.
When I open them, Cade’s deep green eyes are pouring into me, making me start to regret my decision.
“I would absolutely love to go on a date with you, but I can’t tonight. I’m sorry.” My heart breaks a little.
“So, you’d love to go on a date with me but just not tonight?” he reiterates my words, emotionless.
“Exactly,” I say, leaning further into his arm.
He sighs. “Okay, deal. But one of these days, I’m taking you out on a real date, Stels.”
He doesn’t pry into whatever plans I might have, which only makes me like him more.
I bite my lip, the guilt of lying sinking bone deep. “Deal.”
The rest of the day, I can barely focus on my classes. My mind is planning my little excursion for tonight. Their dinner reservation is at five. I can’t imagine it taking less than an hour. I don’t have to rush exactly, but I don’t have time to lollygag.