by Pru Schuyler
Brooke leaves my side, and I hear her and Brady share a few sweet words.
“Stella?” Cade’s voice shakes with hesitation as he steps toward me.
I close my eyes and inhale deep, letting the cool air seep through me, calming me. My hands are rattling against my sides.
I slowly lift my head up, and my eyes see his shoes first—black Italian leather. I let my gaze continue to travel up his black dress pants, over the buttons on his coat, up the length of his deep green tie, past his square jaw, and straight into his mesmerizing emerald-green eyes. A flush sweeps over my cheeks. I bite the inside of my lip to stop it from spreading down my neck.
His lips part, and his eyes darken. He closes some distance between us, taking my hands in both of his. “You look …” His lips tip up into a half-smile, the one that melts my insides. He shakes his head in disbelief, expelling a quick breath. “You look perfect.” His voice is barely a whisper, echoing loud in my heart.
I didn’t realize until now how much I’d craved his approval, how much I’d wanted to impress him. My heart bursts in my chest.
“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” I chuckle, letting my eyes scan down his chest, stopping on his perfectly matching green tie.
“Shall we?” Cade lets go of one of my hands, keeping the other locked with his fingers, his thumb slowly stroking the back of my hand, and my heart falls into the rhythm of his caress.
“Yes, please.” A smile takes over my face, the kind that’s so big that it hurts.
Mrs. Carver snaps a few group photos and then individual ones of Brooke and Cade, and then Brooke and Brady.
It’s finally our turn, and Cade pulls me in front of him, his hands light on my waist. I lean into his touch, letting my back cradle into his chest. Cade inhales sharply, shifting his hips so they line up right behind mine, sending chills through my body.
He leans down, and his finger grazes my cheek. He swipes all the hair from the left side across my shoulder, falling on my back. A gentle kiss touches my cheek and those damn butterflies are going crazy. Mrs. Carver is eating it up, oohs and aahs coming from behind the constant flash of her camera. My mom would’ve loved this, but she got stuck at work.
His breath hits my ear, and a soft groan escapes his lips. “What are you doing to me, Stella Sullivan?”
A fire ignites under my skin, every part of my body craving every part of him.
Mrs. Carver stows her camera and gives Brooke a little kiss on the cheek. “Have a good night, you guys. Get home safe,” she calls to us as we head out.
I make it a foot out the door when my heart stops, eyes glued on our ride. Parked in front of the house is a shiny black stretch limousine. My mouth drops open.
A haughty chuckle escapes Cade. “Like it, huh?” he whispers into my ear, his smirk brushing my neck. “Come on.” He tugs my hand, waking my legs back up.
When he opens the door for us, I climb in, right behind Brooke and Brady. Cade and I take the seats opposite of them.
“Oh, before I forget,” Cade murmurs and shuffles to the mini fridge. He leans over and pulls out a small white box. “For you.”
For me?
I undo the clasp on the front of the cold white box and lift the lid, a gasp slips past my lips. Three white roses are attached to a pearl bracelet. A corsage. He got me a corsage.
My heart feels close to exploding. People always say it’s the little things, but I never realized how right they were.
“It’s beautiful.” I exhale the breath I was holding. “White roses, my favorite. How’d you know? The only person here who knows that is my—”
“Mom?” he asks, that sexy half-smile on his lips, full of arrogance.
My chest flutters. “You asked my mom what my favorite flowers were so that you could get me a corsage?” I say breathlessly, overwhelmed by the sweet gesture.
His brow furrows. He’s obviously confused by my reaction.
“Thank you. That’s so thoughtful and amazing. Really, Cade, thank you.” I look into his deep emerald eyes, hoping he can see my gratitude.
He leans in and plants a small kiss against my hairline. “Of course, Stels.”
I can’t believe I almost didn’t give this boy a chance because of Austin.
His fingers find mine again, and my whole body warms at his touch. I keep my gaze locked on his eyes, and all I can think about right now is kissing him, about how amazing his lips would feel on mine. My eyes instinctively drop to them.
Looking back up, I notice his eyes have darkened, desire coursing through them. My heart races, my skin igniting, as he strokes his fingers up my arm and then lets them fall onto my waist.
Ever so slightly, he leans closer. I mirror his movements, lifting my chin up. Two more inches, and I will finally get to know exactly what his lips feel like on mine. I close my eyes in anticipation. My heart jumps to my throat. My body hums. Every nerve ignites on my lips.
“We’re here,” the driver calls back to us, dropping reality back around us.
My heart sinks. An ache forms in my chest from the ruined moment. I sit back, pulling away from Cade. I frantically yank the corsage higher on my wrist and fumble out of the limo, still lost in the moment. Smooth has never really been my forte. Everyone else seems to gracefully step out. I give Brooke my phone since she has a clutch that she’s keeping our stuff in.
Cade falls into place beside me, sliding his fingers between mine as we walk into the building. As soon as the doors open, music pours out. Everyone is dancing to some pop song I don’t recognize.
Brady whisks Brooke off onto the dance floor, immediately twirling her all around. She and Brady have been in their own little world since they saw each other. I’m so glad she found someone to spend tonight with. I imagine this is just as hard for her as it is for me.
Cade slides his hand around my waist, grabbing my attention. “Do you want something to drink?”
“That’d be great actually,” I reply, unable to remember the last time I drank something today.
Cade saunters off to the drink table. I start scanning for Brooke and find her and Brady dancing in the middle of the floor. A smile tugs on my lips.
A familiar cool voice destroys it. “Nice dress.”
I turn to see Becca on the arm of some random football player. “Thanks. I actually picked it out just to impress you.” I scan her short white dress. “White? Bold move. Better be careful. I heard the punch is red.” I lift my eyebrow and flash a quick dead smile.
She scoffs and thankfully stomps away. Hopefully, I won’t have to deal with her much more tonight.
I turn my attention back to the dance floor, and the flashing lights outline a tall, dark silhouette. I’d recognize Cade’s outline anywhere. His black hair blends in with the dark lighting, but I could spot his beautiful green eyes a mile away. I bite back a smile as he approaches with two cups.
“My lady.” He hands me one.
I dip into a small curtsy, playing along, and reply in the best princess voice I can manage, “Thank you, kind sir.”
We both bust out in laughter. After finishing our drinks, we toss the cups.
The first few notes to “Halo” by Beyoncé glide through the speakers, grabbing my full attention, as it’s my favorite song.
Cade notices my shift immediately, reading me like a book. “Dance with me?” He offers me his hand.
My heart jumps out of my chest. “Of course.”
I slip my hand into his, and he leads me onto the dance floor. We find an empty spot in the corner, and I slide my hands up around his neck.
He glides his arms under mine, placing his hands low on my waist. He tugs me closer to him until my chest is one deep breath from being pushed up against his. His lips fall onto my forehead, and he takes a full breath before pressing the kiss in; I close my eyes at his gentleness.
Everything he does is sweet and kind, and he always makes sure I’m comfortable. What more could I ask for from him?
Anxiet
y twists deep within me. No matter how amazing he is, there is still a part of me just waiting for the shoe to drop, for him to turn on me. But he’s done absolutely nothing to cause me anxiety. Being with him gives me strength and bravery to try again regardless of the possible pains and heartbreak.
My heart rises in my chest. I never went looking for Cade. He has simply been patient. Waiting for me to finally admit what I’ve known all along, what he has known all along. That I’ve been falling for him since the first day I caught sight of him. I can’t let my fear rule me. I won’t. I want Cade. I want to kiss him and hold him and completely let him in.
I lift my head to find his captivating eyes once again. I can see his feelings for me in his stare. The way his eyes soften when they lock on mine. Like they look straight into my soul, seeing all my demons and darkness.
His eyes fall to my lips, and desire courses through me. I know what’s coming, what I’ve been waiting for.
He tilts his head to the side, and my heart shoots into my throat. I flutter my eyes closed and allow myself to feel everything.
To feel the nerves for our first kiss. To feel how much I really like him. To revel in the deepening of our connection. To feel what Austin took from me. To feel what I took back and to feel every moment of anticipation leading up to this.
Fireworks ignite as his lips brush against mine, and flames burn through my veins. He deepens the kiss. My lips part, craving more. His tongue grazes mine, and my stomach drops.
All of a sudden, it’s too much. It’s all too much.
Feeling his lips on mine went from pure bliss to pure hell. Austin is back. He’s here, and his lips are on mine. His hands are on my body. His tongue on my lips. His being consuming mine.
He controls my body, and I can’t do anything about it right now.
Terror grabs hold of me, my stomach churning. I pull away from Cade, and I start running.
My skin crawls as I barrel through couples on the dance floor. I run out into the biting cold air, letting the ice flow into me, freezing his touch. I flatten my hands against the wall outside, steadying and attempting to ground myself.
I should call my mom and have her come pick me up. Maybe I’ll just switch to online classes, and I can pretend Cade never existed. My heart twists. I will never forget about Cade.
But I can’t call him. My phone’s in Brooke’s clutch. I can’t listen to my song either. I’ve never had to calm myself down from a full attack without it.
“Breathe, Stella,” I whisper my words out between the gasps of air shooting in and out of my lungs. “Just breathe.”
Dammit! I smash my palm into the red brick wall, feeling my skin tear.
I hate myself for allowing Austin to take that moment from me. I hate myself for every moment he’s stolen before. He’s still winning, and I’m over it.
I’m over giving him any more power to my body and to my mind. I don’t want him to take over. I don’t want him to ever pop into my brain again. I wish he would just disappear forever.
But unfortunately, I don’t know if or when he ever will. I can’t keep expecting Cade to just sit around until Austin finally does go away. I can’t expect Cade to wait in the shadows until I’m finally free from Austin’s grasp.
The doors fly open next to me, and Cade bursts through. I see him scanning the parking lot. When his gaze finally finds me leaning against the wall, he stops breathing, blinking, walking. He completely freezes.
He opens his mouth to speak, but it takes him a second before his shaky words fall out. “Stella, I’m so sorry. I must’ve read that so wrong, and I’m sorry,” he stammers out, his words breaking.
My eyes slam shut. He thinks this is because of him. I ran out, and he thinks it was because I didn’t want to kiss him.
My heart drops, worsening the pit in my stomach. “Cade, it wasn’t you,” I offer him the only explanation I can give.
His brow furrows. “Wait, what? I’m so confused.”
He takes a step closer. I take one back, keeping our distance.
He deserves better than this, better than to have to deal with someone who can’t kiss him without having flashbacks. He deserves to be spoiled and loved and cherished. To be with a girl who will make him happy, a girl without a train full of baggage.
Unfortunately for me, I’m not that girl.
My eyes latch on to the red brick, separating my heart from my words. “Cade, I don’t think this can work between us. I need to go.”
I turn and start walking hastily away, tears falling onto my cheeks. I can’t wait around for the aftermath.
He calls out, “Wait! You don’t get to leave after a kiss like that and say you don’t think this will work! You don’t get to make me fall for you and then leave without even trying.”
My heart wrenches in pain. He can’t say that to me right now. I’m barely holding it together as it is.
He chases after me and swings in front of me, blocking my path but never touching me. “What do you mean, you don’t think it’ll work? Why not?” Pain creases his face.
I keep my eyes locked on his chest, on the emerald-green tie he picked out just to match my dress. “I’m just not the kind of girl you should worry about. Okay? Just trust me on this one. It’s for the best.”
He runs his hands through his black hair. “You don’t have any feelings for me?” he cries out.
My heart twists, deepening the ache. “Of course I have feelings for you, Cade! It’s not that. It’s never been that.”
My eyes shoot up to his. He steps closer, his eyes holding me in place.
“I know you feel what I feel, Stels. I’m crazy about you. I can’t get you out of my mind. You’re my first thought in the morning and my last at night. I’ve never felt this. I’ve dated lots of girls, but it was nothing even close to this. I can feel you’re scared. I can, okay? But please don’t push me away because of that. Just tell me what you are so scared of. Please. Please don’t walk away from this, Stella. Don’t walk away from me,” he pleads.
My heart cracks. Everything I’ve held in since that night with Austin floods over, spilling down my face. I drop to my knees, letting my pain run into the ground with my tears.
Cade collapses next to me and pulls me into his lap. He wraps his arms around me, gently rocking me. “Let it out, Stella. I will be here when it’s over. I promise,” he whispers into my ear, his voice a mile away.
Everything floods out of me in tears. For the nights Austin took from my sleep. For the nights I woke up, screaming his name. For all the moments he took from my mom and me, for the distance he drove between us—the shortened hugs, the walls I built, all of it. For the showers where I scrubbed my skin raw, never feeling fully clean.
He took so much from me that I will never get back.
Tears stream down my cheeks, soaking his tux.
For all the friends I drifted from, afraid of everyone I trusted. For the countless times I’ve overanalyzed being in a room with a guy. For planning my escape and attack for when they’d try to get me. For feeling crazy when they never did.
He took my sanity and my safety. He took my sleep and my dreams. He took my control, my life.
Cade has never once questioned my attitude toward him. He has never pushed me further than I wanted. He has been kind and patient and everything I never knew I needed. He’s gentle, passionate, and forward in all the right ways. He gives me peace and safety—two things I’ve gone long without.
I want to share it with him. I want to share the one secret I’ve never told anyone. I want to let him in. I want to give myself to him. I want to show him my darkness.
But what if he rejects me? What if my demons are too dark, too strong?
All I know is, I can’t keep doing this to him. I can’t keep doing this to me.
My sobs ease, and my breathing regains a calm rhythm. A newfound strength courses through me. “Last year …” My voice cracks over and over. “My ex-boyfriend …” I trail off. I’ve never said this
out loud to anyone but myself.
You got this. This is just one more thing you are taking back—your own story.
My voice breaks, barely a whisper. “He hurt me.”
Cade’s entire body stiffens.
“He-he-he made me do something I didn’t want to do.” I shudder against Cade. “His name is Austin, and he raped me.”
I exhale and take a deep breath in an attempt to steady my ragged breathing. All tension from my shoulders slowly lifts. All the control Austin held on my mind and my body fades. Control and ownership of my being burn through me. I took some more power back, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.
Cade’s quiet, still. He exhales a deep breath. “Stella …” His pained voice fills my ears. “I’m going to tell you something. The only things you ever need to know. I will never, ever make you do anything you don’t want to do. I will never make you feel like you need to. I will never hurt you. And I will never let anyone else hurt you again. I promise. I promise you, Stels.”
Tears steadily cascade down my cheeks. But for the first time tonight, they aren’t out of sadness.
How did I manage to find Cade? How did this amazing guy come into my life?
I curl deeper into his chest, and his arms tighten around me. The wounds Austin left behind will always be there. They will never fully go away, and I accept that. But for the first time, the pain has shifted and softened and is replaced by my feelings for Cade.
I don’t know how long we sit like that, but the tears have long ago dried on my cheeks. I lift myself out of his lap and get back on my own two feet, feeling invincible. He joins me, and his eyes are red and puffy. My heart swells for the boy who held me, for the boy who cried with me.
He takes my hands in his. “Stella, I like you. I really like you. I’m here for whatever you need, whenever you need it. This is one hundred percent at your pace, and we’ll only do what you are comfortable with.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “I want to be the one you choose, the one you want to be with. If you’ll have me, I’m yours.” Cade pours his heart right into mine.
My heightened emotions swell once more. Speechless for the first time, I nod my head.