“Is he really leaving me alone now?”
“I told you, yesterday was about the bloody stupid flowers! You know Rose convinced him that you were scared and just trying to protect us. ” I looked down at the bed. “And that you didn’t mean to hurt him. ” That part I hadn’t told her before.
“Didn’t mean to hurt him,” she repeated, her eyes widening in disbelief. “I wanted to kill him. I still do. ” It was the loudest I had heard her speak in a long time. At least she had some fight left in her.
“Shh, they’ll hear you,” I hissed. “I know you do. I do too, but you can’t say that to anyone else. Promise me. ” God, we had only just managed to get him to agree to let her live, there was no way he would agree again, especially if he knew the truth.
She looked away from me and stared up at the ceiling again. I didn’t know what else to say. She hadn’t promised, but she knew she couldn’t risk doing something so stupid again. Violet still wanted to do something to fight back. Perhaps when she had healed we could plan something together. Poppy wouldn’t stop us; I knew that now. Rose might, but she would be outnumbered.
“Lily,” Poppy called from the doorway.
My breathing sped up and my heart felt like it was going to explode. He’s coming. I wanted to stay and pretend I wasn’t well, but I didn’t want him to come looking for me and see Violet. Sure, he had said he would leave her alone, but I wasn’t going to take any chances before she was better.
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I very slowly pushed myself off the bed and walked out. “I’ll be back soon,” I said and closed the bedroom door.
“Why don’t you just sit down now, Lily?” Poppy said and smiled too sweetly. She was trying too hard. She never tried too hard. I did what she said and prayed he wouldn’t speak to me. He would, though, of course.
The cellar door opened, and I froze. He walked down with a huge smile on his messed-up face. “Good morning, Flowers,” he said.
“Good morning,” we replied in unison. It was like reciting a line in a play now. We said it automatically, without even thinking about it, as if he’d shouted action.
He kissed Rose and Poppy on the cheek and turned to me. I gripped the sides of the chair and clenched my jaw as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips pressed against the side of my forehead and my stomach turned. Every time he touched me, I wanted to scream and run, but of course that was impossible. It was something I would only do if I ever reached the point where I lost all hope of escaping and just wanted to end it.
Rose had prepared a big breakfast with pancakes and fruit salad—and I couldn’t face eating any of it. When he kissed me, I could feel his skin on mine, his smell surrounding me, and his dark, beady eyes that burned into me. I managed as best as I could to feel that separate from Summer, to keep Lily and Summer as two different people. But it was hard.
I felt guilty, as if I were cheating on Lewis. I knew I wasn’t, but it still haunted me. What would his reaction be? Angry, hurt, and sick were the obvious ones. Betrayed too? No, he couldn’t feel that because I never wanted Clover and I never would. He took it. Lewis wouldn’t feel betrayed. Would he?
“So, what have you got planned today?” he asked loudly, breaking me out of my thoughts. We’re going to look after the girl whose ribs you rebroke yesterday, you sick bastard!
“We think some reading; we haven’t done much recently,” Rose replied and flashed me a warning look. I wanted to slap her, but I readjusted my hard expression, forcing myself to smile.
“I’ll have to remind myself to purchase you some new material soon. ”
Rose nodded. “That would be great, Clover, thank you. ”
“You’re welcome. ”
I wanted to puke at their sweet little exchange. I stabbed the plastic fork in a raspberry and took a deep breath. What would it take for me to be able to act properly around him? I always felt as if I wasn’t hiding how much I hated him very well at all. I looked around the room, anywhere but at him. My eyes landed on the calendar—it was Lewis’s birthday in one week. Would we spend that apart?
He wanted to go to the horse races for his birthday. We went with our families before we even got together and both loved it. He always said he wanted to go again so we had planned to go for his nineteenth. I hoped he would still go, even if I wasn’t there. He wouldn’t, of course, but I wanted him to have fun on his birthday.
“I was thinking of having a movie night soon,” he said between mouthfuls of food. I almost fell off my chair. Movie nights were what normal people do, not him. “I’ve not spent much time with you recently, and I feel guilty. ” Don’t worry about it, I wanted to say but bit my tongue.
“Sounds nice,” Poppy replied cautiously, biting her lip.
He smiled for a second and then his face dropped to his new nervous, edgy expression. “Good. That’s good. ”
Was it? I popped another raspberry in my mouth and chewed, staring at my plate. Rose and Poppy ate quietly as well, watching him too often. Usually there would be some conversation, but that was becoming rare. It was like they didn’t know what to say to him now, or they didn’t know how he would react to the things they would usually say.
Clover chewed his food for too long, his eyes darting around the room occasionally. He put his fork down, scratched his jaw, and then picked it up again. Rose watched him out of the corner of her eye, her head slightly down.
I bit my lip. My heart fluttered with unease. I kept myself small, eating what I could silently. I felt like we were all waiting for a volcano to erupt.
“Nice,” he muttered under his breath and shoved a forkful of beans and sausage into his mouth. No one responded, because he hadn’t said it to us. I wasn’t even sure it was about the food. I was anxious to get back to Violet and away from him.
“Well, thank you for breakfast,” he said and abruptly stood up. “I’ll see you for dinner. Have a good day. ”
Rose and Poppy busied themselves saying good-bye and getting up to clean. They were jumpy and moved too fast, as if they wanted everything to be clean doubly quick in case…what?
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Deciding to skip the cleanup and not wanting to drive myself crazy worrying and overthinking why they were so on edge, I went straight into the bedroom and sat on Violet’s bed.
“Hi,” she whispered, her eyes flicking open.
“Hi. You okay?” She nodded, although she clearly wasn’t okay. She looked pale and her hair was messy and greasy. “Want a shower?”
She frowned for a second. I could tell she was desperate for one. “You mind helping me?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know I don’t. ” Standing up, I held my hands out for her and helped her out of bed. She tried to hide her pain, but her eyes scrunched up. “We’re reading today apparently. ”
“Fabulous,” she replied, making me laugh. If it weren’t for Violet, I didn’t know what I would be like. She kept me sane—well, as sane as you could be down here. She understood how suffocating it was because she was just as eager to get out as I was.
“There you go,” I said as I pushed the bathroom door open. “I’ll just get you some oh-so-glamorous clothes and a towel. ”
Violet grinned and switched the shower on. “Thanks. ”
I gave her a fresh towel and the clothes that matched ours and went back into the bedroom. One week until Lewis turned nineteen. His last birthday being a teenager. It was something I desperately wanted to celebrate with him. How many other birthdays would I miss? Taking a deep breath, I flattened my already perfect hair and prepared for another boring day. Everything will be okay.
Wednesday, February 11th (2009)
Theo answered the door. “Where is he?” I asked.
He smirked. “It’s ten in the morning, so Lewis will still be in bed. ”
I scowled. “But it’s his birthday,” I said, tugging on the Happy Birthday balloon. I loved bir
thdays, anyone’s birthday.
Theo shrugged. “What can I say, my brother’s a lazy arse. ”
“Well, I’m making him get up. ” I strode in past Theo and stomped up the stairs. Who the heck slept in on special occasions? I pushed open his bedroom door and grinned at him sleeping with one arm thrown over his face. “Happy birthday!” I shouted and launched myself on his bed.
He gasped and jumped awake, looking around disorientedly. I giggled. He looked so funny when he was woken up. “What the…?” He groaned. “Sum, what’re you doing?”
I thrust the balloon string at him. “Happy birthday. ” Flopping back on the bed, he groaned again. “Oh, no, you don’t. Get up! Come on, it’s your seventeenth! You can legally drive now. Well, after you pass your test, but you can learn. ” I shook my head. “Anyway, what do you want to do to celebrate?”
“Sleep,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillows.
“Wow, you are not a morning person. ” I sighed and climbed on his lap. His eyes shot open. Well, that got his attention
“Hmm, I like this idea too. ” Of course you do. He ran his hands up my thighs, biting his lip.
“I’m sure you do, pervert, but unfortunately for you, I’m not easy. Get up. Your mum’s making pancakes and they smell so good. ” I leaned over and kissed him. My heart was doing somersaults. “Come on. ” I hopped off him and stood at the side of his bed. “You want me to go down and get you some while you get dressed?”
“I love you, Summer,” he said, looking deep into my eyes and completely ignoring my question. My heart felt like it was trying to burst out of my chest. Sometimes I didn’t believe him when he said it. Actually most of the time. He was…well, him, all gorgeous, tall, dark, and unbelievably handsome, and I was just me.
“Love you too, birthday boy. ”
He chuckled and got off the bed, pulling me into his arms. Whoa half-naked! He only had on cotton pajama pants and nothing else. I gulped. My hormones seemed to be in overdrive and my body burst into flames. Wow, wow, wow! I was secretly grateful for all the football and training he did because it did wonders for his chest.
“Now who’s the pervert?” he teased, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes and got up again, opening his wardrobe. “I kinda feel like a piece of meat. ”
“Well, either get used to it or cover up,” I replied and threw a T-shirt at him.
He caught it just before it smacked him in the face and pulled it over his head. “Let’s get this over with then. And thanks for that,” he said, nodding at the balloon that was now stuck to the ceiling.
“You’re welcome. That’s not your present by the way. ”
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His eyes lit up. “Is my present you?”
I sighed, discouraged. “Downstairs. Now. ” He saluted and marched out of the room. Following him downstairs, I grinned like an idiot to myself. I had wanted to be with him for years and now we were finally together. This was the first birthday we would spend together, where I could get him something decent because now he knew how crazy I was about him.
He stopped suddenly at the bottom of the stairs. “Did you know about this?” He questioned, gesturing his hand to all the birthday decorations.
“Of course I did. I chose most of them,” I said, smiling proudly. He frowned. “Don’t be a pain in the arse, Lewis. It’s your birthday and everyone’s excited!” Me mostly. Spending his birthday with him—properly with him—was like a dream come true so he could suck it up. Nothing was going to take away the excitement I felt, not even a grumpy arse.
“Fine,” he said and sighed dramatically. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me. “I know I said this like two seconds ago, but I really do love you. ” He pressed his forehead against mine and smiled.
“I know I said this like two seconds ago, but I really do love you too. ”
25
CLOVER
Monday, February 7th (Present)
I woke up early. The sun was still working its way over the horizon. My mind immediately flitted to the search for my Lily. Yawning and rubbing my eyes, I forced myself to get out of bed. I had to go to work. I had to keep it up. No one could suspect a thing. My whole family was on the line, and I had to continue my normal routine to protect us.
Looking in the mirror, I tried to recognize the man I was when Mother was alive. I wasn’t as strong, but I wanted to be. I tried to be. I didn’t want to let her down. I could make the world that little bit better while making my world a happy one. A nagging voice at the back of my head still chanted “Failure,” and I knew I would never stop until I had succeeded. I will prove her wrong and make her proud.
I showered, washing myself thoroughly—twice—and dressed in black trousers, a blue shirt, and blue tie. I didn’t look in the mirror again. All I saw now was a shadow of a man, barely holding on. You don’t need her; you can do this alone. I did need her, though, but I didn’t want to.
Growling in frustration, I slammed my bathroom door shut and went down to the girls. I needed to see them, to see how much they needed me, how they appreciated our family and me.
“Good morning, Flowers,” I said and walked down the stairs. The room was filled with the heavenly scent of toasted hot cross buns.
“Morning, Clover,” they replied in unison. Lily looked to the floor. Her shyness was both attractive and endearing. I did have hope for her coming out of her shell a little more, though. There really was no need for her to be so shy when she was among family.
I sat down and a plate of warm buns smothered in melting butter was placed before me. “Thank you, Lily. ”
She smiled and muttered, “You’re welcome. ” There was something sad about her. The smiles she offered never quite reached her eyes. “Are you not feeling well, Lily?”
“I’m fine,” she replied and sat down. Somehow I didn’t believe her. She was the type of young woman that didn’t complain at every ailment. I respected that. She was strong.
“So, what do you have planned today?” I asked them and took a large bite of the hot cross bun, closing my eyes at the comforting taste of the warm bun.
Rose smiled and it lit up her beautiful blue eyes. “We’re going to do some knitting. We haven’t done any in a while. Which reminds me, do you think you’ll be able to pick us up some more wool? We’re getting a little low. ”
“Of course, I’ll get some after work. ”
“Thank you,” she replied.
I took her hand over the table and gave it a squeeze. “You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure. ” Rose’s blue eyes danced with happiness. My heart constricted. Every touch from her meant so much to me—much more than anyone else’s. I wished I could go back in time and handle our meeting better.
“How is work?” she asked.
“Boring but fine. ”
Work wasn’t the problem. The fact that everyone now knows about the bodies is what concerned me. It was only a matter of time before the police would want to talk to Christy’s colleagues—which I was one of. If she hadn’t been such a disgusting whore, none of it would have happened. She deserved it.
Finishing my last bite, I stood up, not wanting to put off the inevitable any longer. The girls hadn’t finished, and I knew I was being rude by leaving, but this was too important. “Forgive me for not staying, but I have something I need to tend to. Thank you for breakfast. ”
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“Okay,” Rose said. “We’ll see you tonight. Have a good day. ”
I gave her a nod and smiled. “You too. Thank you. ”
***
I arrived at work and walked straight to my office. “Morning, Colin. Would you like a coffee?” Jemma asked as she pushed my door open.
“Good morning, Jemma. That would be lovely, thank you. ”
She left the room, and I turned on my computer. There were so many folders in my tray. What now? I thought and flippe
d the first one open.
When are they coming? I looked out of my window to the parking lot. Nothing. I tried to concentrate on work, but I couldn’t. My foot tapped the floor of its own accord and everything outside caught my attention—birds, a cat, cars, people, anything.
Jemma came back with a cup of coffee and placed it on my coaster. “Terrible about Christy, isn’t it? I can’t believe anyone would hurt her. ”
“Thank you. Yes, it is. She was such a bright young woman. ” Who made disgusting choices. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “In shock. I just can’t believe it. So many women in the canal too. It’s scary. ”
“You just make sure you’re safe. ”
She nodded. “Oh, I will be. My boyfriend is picking me up now. I don’t feel safe walking anywhere while a killer is on the loose. ” I blinked in shock and Jemma walked out of my office. Killer. That wasn’t what I was. There is a huge problem out there, and I act accordingly. Did people just think of me as a killer?
A knock on my door pulled me back. Sarah, the receptionist, pushed the door open. “Mr. Brown, the police are in reception. They’d like to speak to everyone, starting at management level. Can I show them in?”
My heart raced. I hadn’t seen a police car. Glancing out the window, I saw none. Front of the building perhaps. “Of course, Sarah. Please show them through. ” She nodded her head and retreated back out of my office. I took a deep breath to mentally prepare myself and then straightened the papers on my desk.
A minute or two later, two police officers entered my office and Sarah closed the door behind them. “Good morning. Please sit,” I said, gesturing toward the two chairs against the wall.
“Thank you. We won’t keep you long; we just have a few standard questions to ask. ”
I nodded. “Anything I can do to help. ” One of them, the female officer, flipped open a notepad and clicked the top of her pen.
“Thank you. I’m Detective Inspector Brook and this is DI McKinney,” the man, Brook, said.
“Christy was a lovely woman, always willing to help—never turned you down if you needed a chat. It’s such shame she got herself tied up in that awful mess. ”
“Mess?” the male officer asked. “What mess was that?”
“Oh, I assumed you would know by now. Christy and Greg Hart, also an employee here, were having an affair. ” They both looked up and the woman quickly scribbled something down on her pad. Good girl.
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