by Cara Dee
Confusion numbed my brain, and the only thing I registered for several beats was the pop from the toaster when my Pop-Tarts were done.
I swallowed against the dryness in my throat.
Boone shifted from one foot to the other and dragged a hand over his face. “I didn’t know what it meant back then.” His voice came out like he’d been smoking and drinking all day. “I remember being so damn angry. You kept wanting me near you, and I lived for those days. At the same time, if I caught you in a bad mood, you were talking about—maybe it wasn’t a good idea we lived together. So I was on pins and needles, just waiting for you to tell me it was time we went our separate ways.”
He punched the fight out of me with those words, replacing it with a massive pile of guilt.
“I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t cope without you,” he admitted. “Or that I had any other unhealthy attachment to you, so…”
Jesus Christ. What a perfect storm we’d created.
“I know I’m dumb sometimes.” He cleared his throat, and I instantly wanted to put those words back into his mouth. “But I would never intentionally hurt you, Case.”
I coughed into my fist, taken aback by a sudden onslaught of emotion. First things first, though. “That’s the last time you say that shit. I can call you dumb, because I don’t actually mean it. You can’t.”
He lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. “Doesn’t erase the fact that I’ve needed almost a decade to figure out what I feel for you,” he said quietly. “It was easier with women. I know what it is about them I’m attracted to. With you, I…I could never pin it down.”
I swallowed uneasily and folded my arms over my chest.
“When you said we were done, I stopped trying,” he went on. “I convinced myself that I was just missing you—that it hurt because I wasn’t part of your life anymore. And it worked for few years. Somewhat. I mean, I couldn’t shake the grief, but at least I could function like a normal human being most of the time. I could be there for Ace. I met up with friends every now and then, and I worked. Which is pretty much how I spent these past four years.” He took a break there, and I could tell he was struggling. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. “I started feeling worse before I saw you with the guy you were dating, but something in me snapped that day. I fuckin’ lost it. I became miserable.”
So that was when his depression or whatever had started?
With my internal armor powered down again, I felt less defensive and could think clearly. It’d been wrong of me to place all the blame on him and, most of all, make him think I believed he wanted to hurt me. It was so far from the truth.
I reached out to him and grabbed his hand, and I pulled him toward me.
The moment I got my arms around him, he let out a shuddering breath and buried his face against my neck.
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me intentionally,” I murmured. “I’m a dick.”
He sniffled and wrapped his arms around my neck.
“And I’m sorry I can be a controlling piece of shit,” I added.
He let out a tearful chuckle and shook his head. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I loved it when you got all bossy and demanded I should be by your side.”
The fucker was gonna make me mushy too. That was usually his job, to be sweet and occasionally emotional. I was the hotheaded and sometimes catty asshole.
“The part where I was a piece of shit confused me.” I smiled and dropped my forehead to his shoulder.
“Yeah, well. You can be both,” he muttered. “You should crank up the possessiveness now, though. I miss it.”
He was gonna be the end of me.
“You know that’s not normally a healthy trait in any kind of relationship, right?”
“We ain’t normal, Case.” He eased back enough to meet my gaze.
Fucking hell, he was gorgeous. I reached up and wiped my thumbs under his eyes.
“There was one thing I was always sure of,” he murmured. “And it kinda made me even more confused.”
“What was that?”
He cleared his throat and flicked his gaze to my shoulder for a quick moment. “Even when I couldn’t figure out if I was attracted to you or what the hell was going on with me, my obsession with you made it crystal clear that my life is nothing without you in it. It’s fucking embarrassing.”
What the— He had to ruin it. “I was getting ready to throw myself at you, until you said it was embarrassing.”
He smiled ruefully and rested his forehead to mine. “Fine. You want the sappy, unfiltered truth? I’ve been pushed through a proverbial meat grinder these past four years, and I took the first easy breath a few weeks ago when we buried the hatchet.” He palmed my cheeks. “Life without you is just survival.”
I bit my lip in a weak-ass attempt to hide my grin. “That’s much better. Now you just gotta figure out that you’re attracted to me and prefer me over all the women on the planet.”
He chuckled under his breath and ghosted his lips across mine. “Oh, I figured that out already—somewhere between fantasizing about raw-doggin’ you and comin’ on your face.”
I spluttered a laugh and had to kiss him—hard. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
He smiled against my lips, and it felt so fucking good when the tips of our tongues met and we eased into a deep, hungry kiss that closed an old chapter and opened a new one.
“I’m sorry I hurt you back then,” I mumbled into the kiss. “Running hot and cold, I mean.”
He hummed. “I’m sorry too.” He brushed his thumbs over my cheeks and inched away slightly. “I want you to know I wasn’t trying to drag this out. I was gonna talk to you about everything soon—but I got uncertain when it felt like you were pulling away. I need you to be as obsessed as I am.”
“Baby, I’ll fucking suffocate you if that’s what you want. You’ve owned me since we were kids.”
His eyes lit up with humor and affection. “Now we’re talkin’.”
We met in another kiss, and I got my arms around his neck instead so I could press myself closer to him. It was always where I wanted to be, impossibly close, and this time, I had no intention of stopping. No more holding back, trying to protect myself. He’d get all of me.
Eleven
Understanding the feelings I was harboring for the man who’d been my brother since I was a kid didn’t just show me the future I wanted. It opened up the floodgates to every urge I’d suppressed throughout my adulthood.
I wanted the world to know he was mine.
I hissed as he sucked on my neck and rubbed my cock through my jeans, which were in the fucking way.
“You’re not gonna make me wait any longer, are you?” I started pushing off his open shirt. I wanted him in just the beater with his jeans around his hips while he shoved his cock in and out of me.
He shook his head and captured my mouth in a bruising kiss, and he unzipped my jeans. “Couch?”
“Too far away.” I needed him to take me right here.
“Fuck,” he whispered, wrapping his fingers around my cock. “Then bend over for me, little brother.”
I swallowed a moan and bucked into his hand, and I reached blindly for the olive oil I kept on the counter. Not optimal, not bad. Desperate times and all. I finally found the bottle and handed it over to him, and he raised a brow and took a step back.
“Just do it,” I demanded. “I’m not exactly a virgin, and I want it to sting.”
For some reason, that irritated him. “I don’t wanna discuss your manwhoring days, Case.”
I sucked my teeth and pulled my tee over my head. “Fuck you, I’m tight. I just mean this ain’t my first time, and I know what I like.” Besides, did he think a dick was the only action my ass saw? I was a pro with toys and fingers.
“I wasn’t impl— You know what, we can bitch another time. Turn around.”
Maybe this was better. Boone had his hotheaded moments too, and I bet annoying him would turn him into a
rough motherfucker.
Once I had my back to him, he pushed down my jeans and my boxers with one hand, presumably using the other to slick up his cock. I braced myself against the counter and glanced back over my shoulder.
“I kinda like fighting with you.”
“I fuckin’ noticed.” He kept his stare downward, at his cock, at my ass, while he rubbed in the oil. “God forbid we say something sweet to each other. Maybe you’ve got intimacy issues?”
I barked out a laugh. Less than ten minutes ago, we’d basically declared a mutual obsession with each other, and I’d used a term of endearment on my own brother.
“You need a job,” I replied. “Sleeping on Ma’s couch and watching Dr. Phil all day doesn’t suit you.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, princess.” Without another word, he pressed the head of his cock against my ass, gripped my hips, and tore me a new one.
Sweet-mother-of-God, it felt that way. I gnashed my teeth and banged my fist against the countertop at the pain that blazed through me. A whimper slipped from my lips. Kill me, he was all in. Holy shit. All the way in. In a single thrust, he’d buried his monster cock in my Kegel-certified asshole, and now I couldn’t breathe.
“Are you okay?” Boone chuckled through a lust-filled groan. “Fucking hell, you weren’t lying about being tight.”
“I’m not sure it’s true anymore,” I wheezed out.
He rumbled a warm laugh and hugged me tightly from behind. Then he kissed my neck, each brush of his lips wiping away the traces of humor, and let his hands roam my chest.
I shuddered. A slow, white-hot wave of pleasure rolled over me, and I was left with a soaring sensation spurred on by a small voice at the back of my head that whispered, “He’s inside me, he’s fucking me, he’s taking me,” over and over.
I gasped raggedly once the initial burn started to fade, only to moan when he pulled out and pushed in again.
“That sound—when you moan…” He ground his pelvis against me to get deeper and grazed his teeth along my neck. A shiver ripped down my spine, and I couldn’t help but push back. “I wanna hear it every day for the rest of my life.”
Jesus.
I turned my head and met him in a messy kiss, and then I felt his fingers brush up the length of my cock. I groaned when he started stroking me, and I had a feeling it wouldn’t take me long to get off. Fuck, he was intense. Overpowering. The way he manipulated my body was mildly terrifying, and I hoped I had the same effect on him. I fucking better.
I took over after a while so he could focus on screwing me into next week. The urgency in his pace, in his hold on me, and in his breath became my fuel. I met every thrust and drowned in the fiery pleasure. Pleasure with a sharp bite—nothing could top that.
He growled a curse as he slammed into me, shoving me up against the counter, and sank his teeth into my shoulder.
My God, I was a pain slut. The fire from tiny razors that’d been dipped in lava spread within, and I succumbed to it. In that moment, my body obeyed only his command. The sensations he fucked into me consumed me completely.
I groaned and stroked myself faster.
He soothed the sting from his teeth by dropping an openmouthed kiss over the bite. “Tell me who owns this tight ass now, Case.”
“You,” I exhaled.
“That’s right.” One of his hands slid along my chest, past my sternum, and up to my throat.
My eyes closed of their own volition. I just took whatever he gave me. I drowned in it, craved more of it. Until the buildup became too much and I went off. Jesus Christ, I could barely support my own weight. I was sucked into the euphoria, and Boone held me up. He murmured something in my ear when I started coming, and it took me a beat to decipher the words.
“All fucking mine, Case. Come for me. That’s it. Keep coming.”
I fell forward as he pounded my ass through his own orgasm, and it wasn’t until my lungs began burning that I realized I wasn’t even breathing. Or that I’d let go of my cock. I blinked and saw both my elbows on the countertop, and the remnants of my orgasm trickled down the shaft.
Boone grew still, except for his heaving chest. And one hand that came up to my cock. He stroked it lazily and rubbed his fingers over the come.
I drew a shaky breath and wished we were in bed. My knees were about to give out.
“I need to be carried to bed,” I croaked.
He let out a breathless chuckle, and then he pulled out of me carefully.
I winced anyway. Fucking hell, my ass was raw.
Taking a step back, I surveyed the mess and felt a little proud of my artwork. I’d come both on the lower cupboard and on the countertop. Oh, and on my T-shirt on the floor too. Nice.
“Can we pour Coke over it and call housekeeping?” I asked, out of breath.
Boone smiled into the kiss he dropped at the back of my neck. “I’ll take care of it. Then I want us under the covers.”
Me too.
Before I squeezed past him, I leaned in and kissed him hard.
It earned me one of his carefree, a little dopey, sweet grins.
Then I made my way to the bathroom and washed up, tucked myself back into my boxer briefs, and righted my jeans.
With a glance in the bathroom mirror, I caught myself smiling like a lovesick idiot, and I guessed that was pretty accurate. A strange calm had washed over me lately, little by little, and I no longer felt the heavy sorrow or jealousy that’d been my companions for so long. Phantom stings still flared up when I thought back on certain memories, but I knew with every fiber of my being that those days were behind me.
Boone was mine. He had to be. Somehow, we were gonna make this work our way.
I left the bathroom and wondered if he’d be opposed to taking the rest of the day off. Maybe we could heat up our Chinese food and sit on the porch, shoot the shit, have a couple beers… But before I could ask, my iPad started blaring in the living room, which could only mean one thing.
AJ Lange was on the move and had diverted from his usual routes.
“What’s that?” Boone asked from the kitchen.
“The tracking app,” I replied, picking up the tablet from the table. “I added AJ’s regular routes to a list, and if he drives somewhere outside of that zone, I get an alert.”
“Clever.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and pulled up the GPS map on the app. Could he be heading for that shut-down brothel outside town again?
Hmm. Well, he was still in Vegas.
“Where is he?” Boone joined me in the living room.
“Near the airport,” I said. “If we’re smart, we follow him.” Because maybe he was meeting up with someone or picking someone up from the airport, though he was still sticking to the interstate. But it really fucking bugged me that we had absolutely no other people to keep track of. Alfred Lange’s big birthday bash was approaching fast, and yet all we had was his son. A son who was also the only one listed as a contact person in Allegra’s contract with the family.
It didn’t add up.
“I’m game. We barely ate our dinner, though,” Boone said.
“We’ll get something when we’re out,” I decided. “Lemme just grab some gear, and then we’ll go.”
“I swear, if you spill—” Boone gave me a warning look. “Stop treating my truck like a fucking disco.”
I scowled and stopped moving to the song. We should’ve taken my car instead. Convertible didn’t mean I didn’t have a roof at all. But nooo, he’d insisted we take his truck, in which you weren’t allowed to have fun.
Boone wasn’t done. He switched to muttering like an old man. “I clearly didn’t fuck you hard enough if you can bounce around like a coked-up toddler.”
Fucking rude. My ass hurt plenty. He should be happy for me that I’d found an angle that didn’t trigger my sphincter’s PTSD.
“You just love to suck the fun out of everything.” I closed my lips around my straw and drank from my milk shake.
“Ptcha.” He shrugged. “It worked with you.”
Hey. That was funny, but he wasn’t worth my laughter. Not when he’d put dance restrictions on Roxette’s “Joyride.”
“Be glad I let you bring a CD.” He lifted his binoculars and peered through them.
“Okay, commie.” I shoved some fries into my mouth, then followed suit. If he was gonna be boring, I might as well focus solely on work. “My binoculars are cooler than yours, by the way.” I looked through the scope and toward the end of the parking lot. They were still talking. Christ.
“The fuck they are,” Boone retorted.
I ignored his bullshit and focused on AJ.
I’d followed him on the iPad while Boone had taken us straight to a drive-thru for stakeout burgers and shakes, and then we’d stopped for a moment because AJ had driven around in a strange pattern, never stopping for more than a few seconds. Until here. When he’d pulled into one of the massive parking lots near Hard Rock, we’d been quick to come here too, though we were keeping our distance, parking in a spot right at the exit. With countless cars between us and under the cloak of darkness, no way were we on his radar.
But something was—or someone. Because the way he’d driven before coming here led me to believe he’d been trying to make sure no one was following him.
I chewed noisily on another handful of fries and watched AJ talk to his mystery friend. Whoever it was, we were gonna follow after they parted ways.
“Can you knock that off?” Boone growled and smacked my arm.
I grinned despite the life-threatening pain he’d inflicted. “I’m just expressing how much I love you.”
To my surprise, he didn’t answer.
Work sucked me in again, thankfully. I’d taken all the photos I needed, so I concentrated on coming up with theories. The man AJ was talking to wore a hoodie, indicating he wasn’t some fat cat living in a nice estate or penthouse. He drove an old F-150, and Boone would know more about that one.
“What generation do you think that Ford is?” I asked.
“I don’t think. I know it’s a ninth gen, introduced in ’92,” he replied. “Could be a ’95, but I’m not sure. Either way, it goes for around four grand.”