I decided to go for a walk before we went out to dinner. I was apparently off in la la land because the next thing I knew I was on the ground.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I looked up and saw a very handsome man. I guess it was ok if I was knocked over by a cutie.
“It’s alright. I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going either,” I admitted.
“Here let me help you up,” he reached for my hand to pull me off the ground. “I’m Tim.”
“Sam,” I said.
“Nice to meet you, Sam. Sorry I ran into you. Literally.”
“It’s ok. Just don’t make a habit of knocking me on my ass,” I joked.
“No worries,” he smiled. “Well, I’d better run.”
“Yeah, me, too,” I said.
* * *
That night as we headed out to dinner Matt was acting strange again. Ok, this was getting annoying. There was a table set up for us in the back when we arrived. I quickly scanned the calendar in my head… no today was not a holiday. It was the next to last day of finals, so I guess that could qualify as an almost holiday. It was almost Christmas… still not a special day. Almost did not quite count. “Sam?” I heard my name and it snapped me out of my daze. The waiter was holding out my chair.
“Oops, sorry. Guess I was in my own little world.” I really needed to stop doing that. At least I did not visualize situations like J.D. on Scrubs. Zac Braf was hot though… ok refocus, Sam. I sat down so the waiter could get back to his job. “This place is very nice,” I said to Matt. It was a little fancy; definitely not somewhere I would go on a regular basis. Chili’s was more my speed. I loved me some fajitas.
“Everything looks great,” Matt said.
“Yeah, it does. Not really sure what foi gras is…” Not that it sounded yummy.
“Um, I think it’s some sort of duck or goose liver. Something not so tasty.”
“Ok, well that’s not an option. Let’s see,” I scanned the menu some more. “Ah, here we go. Chicken Cordon Bleu. I know what that is and I know I like it.” I put the menu down just as the waiter came back over.
“Are you all set?” he asked.
“Yes,” Matt said. He nodded to me to go first.
“I will have the Chicken Cordon Bleu and a diet coke,” I said.
“I would like the same but with a regular coke.”
“Ok, your drinks will be right out.”
I looked around the restaurant. There were many older people here. Ok, well not old old, but older like middle aged. Hey, I was only nineteen so middle aged was old. I was kind of wondering why Matt would take me to an old people restaurant.
“What are you thinking about, beautiful?” he asked.
“I was just wondering why you picked this particular restaurant. It’s a bit fancy,” I admitted.
“Well, I wanted it to be special.”
“For what?”
“For you, silly.”
I was apparently a little slow today.
“Sam,” he said seriously.
“Yes?”
“I love you,” he stated. Ok well that I was not expecting. I wondered if I should tell him that I loved him too. Was it too soon? I have never really been in love so how do I know if I am or not… I mean, I thought I was falling for him, but was it something that I wanted to put out there. I thought I loved Jason but now I realized that was just a young love thing and it did not really count. I guess I was taking too long to respond because Matt was starting to get a weird look on his face.
“I love you, too,” I finally said.
A huge smile crept onto his face. Meanwhile, I tried not to hyperventilate. Was I ready for this commitment? I did not want to mess anything up and I was afraid I would do something stupid. Just then, the waiter showed up with our food and interrupted my thoughts. The food looked delicious.
“Here you go. If you need anything please let me know.”
The rest of the meal was quiet. I was not sure what to say now and I had tons of thoughts running through my head. I cared about Matt a lot, but I had all these crazy doubts in my head. Maybe I just needed to get back on my anxiety medication. I really did not want to be on it when I left for school and I seemed to be doing ok… until now that was.
“Is everything ok?” the waiter asked.
“Delicious,” Matt said. I just nodded. Why was it every time they ask that I have a mouth full of food? Seriously, without fail, every time. Outrageous. After dinner was over, we skipped dessert because we were so stuffed.
I excused myself for a minute to go to the restroom. While I was in there I decided to do some quick thinking while I was not staring at Matt. It was distracting to do serious thinking about a person when they are right there with you and can read every thought that comes across your face. I eventually decided (quickly because I did not want him to think I had fallen in) that I was being ridiculous and at nineteen, I was too young to be this cynical. If I was afraid to get hurt, I could not love fully, and I did not want to love partially just because I did not want to get my heart broken. I took a deep breath and decided to dive right in and see where this goes.
I saw Matt sitting there waiting for me. I really am lucky. He was a great guy and I did not think I had anything to be worried about. So what if he talked to his ex-girlfriend occasionally? We established today that actually seeing her was a definite no. Although, I would much prefer he not even talk to her.
He smiled as I approached. “Are you ready to head out?”
“Sure,” I said. I grabbed my coat.
“What are your plans for Christmas?” he asked.
“I’m just going home. My parents are apparently having withdrawals. Being an only child does have some drawbacks.” Not to mention the cyber-stalking my mom had been doing. I did not know whose bright idea it was to introduce her to technology and the internet, but she questioned every away message on my instant messenger and she constantly asked what I was doing. (Leave me alone, Mom!)
“Your parents are awesome. You are lucky. At least yours are always around.” Matt’s parents were away on business trips a lot. At least he had a nice car out of the deal. My little Isuzu looked sad in comparison.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “Are you going home?”
“Yeah, my parents will be home for Christmas, but are heading out on a business trip for New Year’s Eve. I believe they said they will be in China.”
“And they didn’t ask if you wanted to go?”
“Actually, this time they did. I do not really want to go to China though. If they said Australia I would probably be all over that one.”
“Oooh, I would love to see Australia.” (I would. It was on my list of things to do before I die. That and meet Tom Cruise.)
“Yeah, it would be totally awesome.” He paused for a second. “Anyway, my parents won’t be home and I was hoping you would maybe want to come spend New Year’s Eve with me.”
“That could be arranged. I’m not sure I can tell my parents that I will be at your house, but I can come up with something.”
“I don’t want to create conflict with your parents, Sam. It’s ok, I will understand if you can’t.”
“I am so not missing out on this,” I said.
“Ok, but for the record, I tried not getting you in trouble.”
“Duly noted.”
For the rest of the ride home I was debating on whether or not to invite him up to my room. It was not as if he had not been in my room alone before but for some reason tonight felt different.
“Trinity is staying at Derek’s tonight,” I mentioned casually.
“Oh really?”
“Yup, so I’ll be all alone.” I was so subtle.
“I see. Would you like me to come and keep you safe?”
“I guess that could work. Mr. Bear is getting a little tired of always having that job.” Mr. Bear is my favorite stuffed animal and I of course had to bring him with me.
“Well, I will glad
ly give Mr. Bear the night off.”
“He will be so pleased.” By this point we were already back at the dorm. I turned my key and opened the door. Inside the room were dozens of candles and flowers everywhere. Since Matt had been with me all night, I could only assume Trinity had been in on this.
“What’s all this about?” I asked him.
“I wanted tonight to be special and memorable. I called Trinity while you were in the bathroom and let her know it was safe to decorate. I told her when we would be back so that the candles wouldn’t be lit forever.”
“You brat,” I stated. “I’m glad you were so sure I would invite you up tonight.”
“I can’t help it if you’re predictable.”
I slapped his arm and he feigned an injury. I somehow doubted I could possibly hurt his biceps. They were huge. “You wanted to know if it was safe to decorate?”
“I didn’t want this to be here if you didn’t feel the same way about me. I do have my pride to protect.”
“Ah.” He was so cute.
“Music or a movie?” he asked.
“I just bought City of Angels. We could watch that.”
“Yeah, I guess I could suck it up tonight and watch a chick flick.”
“Gee, thanks. You’re so kind,” I said sarcastically. “You owe me anyway. How many times have you made me watch the Godfather movies?”
“Well, those are classics,” he simply stated.
“Oh, well, in that case…” We put in the video (I was still too cheap to suck it up and get a DVD player. DVD’s were twice the price of a VHS tape and I was a poor college student, after all) and got comfortable on the bed. Why would dorm rooms have couches? We had to arrange the pillows just so because the bed itself is an extra-long twin, which meant it was extra-long and super skinny. Big football player and little ole me barely fit.
Matt played with my hair while we watched the movie. It was very distracting; he knew how much I liked that. As like any movie night, we, of course, started to make out. It was different tonight, though. I was a virgin. There, I said it. I was a little nervous about changing that status but tonight it just felt right. I knew that he did not tell me he loved me just to get me into bed. He was not like that.
“I’ll be right back.” I quickly grabbed something out of my closet and ran into the girls’ bathroom. I hurriedly changed out of my casual and comfortable undergarments and put on the cute lacy pair that I had packed, just in case.
Back in the room, I speedily shoved the other ones in my laundry basket. “Miss me?”
“You know I did. Come here, beautiful.” I sat back down on the bed with Matt. After a few more minutes of cuddling, he started kissing me. I let myself melt into his arms. I think even Matt could feel the change. His arms clung to me harder than before. He looked at me with a question in his eyes. I nodded. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Very much so,” I reassured him.
He ran his hands across my body. I shivered. My hand was finding its way down to the bulge in his pants. I heard Matt moan. The next thing I knew our clothes were on the floor and his mouth was kissing me all over. I could feel my body getting tingly. Slowly, he slid inside me. I gasped. It hurt a little at first but then all I felt was pleasure. I could not believe I had waited for this. It was amazing. After we were laying in bed, the movie was already over. No idea what happened. I vaguely remember Nicolas Cage wanting to become human. Matt was tenderly stroking my cheek.
“I love you, Samantha Rayne,” he said.
“I love you, too, Matthew Anderson.”
* * *
Finals were finally over. Freedom at last. The only downside was that I only had like three days to go shopping for Christmas presents. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting anyone. I had some extra time to buy Matt’s gift since I was not going to see him until New Year’s Eve. I was still trying to figure out just how I was going to get this by my mom. Trinity did not live too far from Matt so I was thinking that I could say I was going to stay with her for a week or so and obviously really stay with Matt. We would see. My mother could be completely perceptive when she wanted to be and unfortunately, it was usually to my detriment.
I stopped at Dunkin Donuts before I headed home. Matt was letting me borrow his car (YAY) to drive home. I just needed to drop him off at his house first. He lived near Albany, NY so he was on my way home and I got to drive the wicked awesome BMW and make all my home friends wicked jealous. I parked the car and ran inside. I usually go through the drive up but for some reason I decided to go in. As I waited in line, I saw a semi-familiar face walk in the door. I smiled.
“Hi, Sam, right?” Ok, how did this cute stranger know my name? Oh, duh, Sam, this was the guy who ran you over on your walk.
“Yeah, Tim?”
“Yup. How are you doing? Get run over by crazy people lately?” he joked.
I laughed. “Well, there was this guy a couple weeks ago... He was kind of strange.”
“Want me to go kick his ass?” he said.
“Nah, I think he’s harmless.”
He laughed. “So where are you headed?”
“Home for winter break. I need my caffeine. I have an eight hour drive ahead of me.”
“Well that sucks.”
“Actually, it’s not too bad. About two and a half of those hours I will be in the car with my boyfriend.” I nodded to the BMW outside.
“Ah, a boyfriend. Well that certainly makes things interesting,” Tim said.
I was confused. “Interesting how?”
“Well, I was going to ask for your number, but I’m thinking that wouldn’t be appropriate now.”
“Oh,” was all I could say. I was so articulate.
“Yup, so…”
The Dunkin Donuts girl interrupted us. “Can I help who is next?”
“Oops, that’s me,” I said. “I’ll have a medium regular light with three sugars and a medium iced regular light with four equal.”
“Will that be all?”
I glanced quickly at the food. Donuts were one of my weaknesses. “Actually, can I get a Boston crème and a chocolate glazed?”
“Sure, that will be $5.34.” I handed the girl my money. I turned to Tim, “I’ve got to run; I have a long drive ahead of me. I’ll see you around.” I grabbed my coffee and heard him say bye as I practically bolted out the door. Crap, why did he have to ask for my number? Ok, maybe I was a little rude at the end of the conversation but he freaked me out. I definitely was not expecting that.
I opened the car door and handed Matt his iced coffee. “Who was that?” he asked.
“Who was who?” I said.
“The guy you were flirting with inside Dunkin.”
I could feel myself start to get flush. “I was not flirting,” I said defensively.
“I know, Sam,” he said. “But seriously, who was that?”
“That’s Tim,” I said simply.
“And Tim would be?”
“He would be the runner who literally ran into me a couple of weeks ago.”
“You didn’t tell me about that.” He was starting to sound a little mad.
“I didn’t tell you about it because it was when I was mad at you,” I said. We had not even left the parking lot. I was NOT sitting in a car for almost three hours with him if he was going to be grouchy.
“Ok.” I could tell by the tone in his voice that he did not seem too pleased.
“Will you stop being jealous and get over it?” I said. “He’s just some friendly stranger and you have nothing to worry about.” He did not need to know he asked for my number. I did not give it to him that was the important part.
Chapter 4
* * *
So, the next six months went by and Matt and I were inseparable. He threw me a party for my birthday in February and we went to the Bahamas for Spring Break. His treat. It was nice having a rich boyfriend. Everything was great. That was until…
“So that’s it. You’re leaving me?” I sai
d.
“Sam, I don’t want to leave you. It’s a great opportunity.”
“Whatever.” Did I mean nothing to him?
“Baby, come on.”
“No.” I was being pouty.
“You know I love you. I would not go unless this was something I could not pass up and unfortunately, it’s not. Please understand.”
“Oh, I understand alright. I understand that you would rather put your career first and leave me in the dust.”
Ok, yes, it was an unbelievable opportunity, but he was leaving me. What was I going to do with him all the way in Chicago? Matt had been offered an incredible opportunity to intern for the Chicago Bears for the summer. However, that would mean he would be so far away from me and I could not help but be a little selfish… and jealous.
“You know it’s not like that. I want you to come with me.”
“I can’t and you know that. I want to finish here. I have an internship in the works at Fowler School. My life is here.”
“We will still talk and I’ll come visit you and you’ll come visit me.”
“Yes, Matt, because long distance relationships work out all the time,” I said sarcastically.
“Can’t we try?”
“I don’t know.” I would not cry.
“Come here, baby girl.” He squeezed me tight. “I love you so much and I wish you were coming with me.”
“I love you, too. I am sorry. I’m just going to miss you so much!”
“You know I will miss you. I will call you every day.”
“You’d better.”
“Come on. Let’s go get something to eat. I’m not leaving for another few weeks.”
“Fine, but we’re getting something Italian.”
He laughed. “I guess that would be acceptable.”
“K.”
* * *
The next few weeks went by way too fast. It was the end of the semester and we barely saw each other during finals week because we both had to study. We only had a week left before he left for Chicago. It was too depressing to think about. What was worse was that I was actually staying on campus for the summer because I was trying to stay ahead with my classes. I would actually like to graduate within four years. Anyway, Matt and I only had another week together and I wanted to make it special.
Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story Page 3