“Perfect. I’ll meet you at your dorm.”
“Ok, I will see you then.” I hung up the phone. My roommates were all staring at me. “What?”
“What do you mean what? What did he say?” Miranda asked. Obviously, no one figured out what they wanted to eat; they were all too busy eavesdropping on my conversation.
“He said he had a good time the past couple of nights and we are getting together tomorrow.”
“And you didn’t even want to go out with him,” Trinity pointed out.
“Yeah yeah… he’s a nice guy. I can’t just enjoy hanging out with him?”
“Yeah that’s it. You just enjoy it because he’s such a sweet guy,” Trinity said sarcastically.
“He is and yes.”
“It has nothing to do with the awesome kiss you got at the end of your first date?” Kiley added.
“No,” I said. “Or the kiss that I got yesterday,” I smirked.
“I knew it!” Trinity threw a throw pillow at me. Well, I guess that was how they got their name. “You really like him!”
“Ok, ok, I really like him. He is a sweetheart,” Trinity started to say something but I cut her off. “But we all know that I thought someone else was a sweetheart and look where that got me. I am just going to take things slow and see what happens. And it is still weirding me out that he is Tim’s brother.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” Trinity said. “Well, that’s a minor problem.”
I laughed. “Not that minor. I kind of need to make sure I get rid of the feelings I’m harboring for his brother for our relationship to even have a chance.”
“Relationship?” they all said.
“Well, whatever this thing is.” I grabbed the menu off the table. “Can we just order dinner now? I’m starving!”
“Sure, change the subject,” Trinity said.
“I can’t be subjected to the third degree on an empty stomach.”
“Fine, but this isn’t over,” she said. She was right, though. The Danny and Tim thing was far from over.
* * *
Danny and I went out the next night and the night after that and the night after that. We went to dinner, the pool hall, bowling and studying. He was amazing and the more time I spent with him the more I liked him. He volunteered at the senior center down the street from school a couple times a week and volunteered at the Boys and Girls Club once a week. I really was not sure how he found time for school and homework but he did. He wanted me to go with him the next time he went to the senior center. Fortunately, I was in class the time he went. Yes, I said fortunately. I was all for volunteering; however, I had to be honest, old people scared me. I did not know why exactly but they truly creeped me out. I was not ready to divulge that information to Danny quite yet, so I was glad class could postpone that awkward conversation.
After a couple of weeks of spending pretty much every night together, Danny and I had the “What are we?” discussion. “Sooo….” I said staring at my iced coffee.
“Yeah….” He played with his straw. “So, yeah… I guess I’ll just throw this out there.” He took a deep breath. “I really like you, Sam. I enjoy spending time with you and I hope you feel the same. I do not know about you but I have not been seeing anyone else and I do not want to see anyone else. What I’m saying is, do you want to be exclusive?”
I really did not think there was any way to have this talk not be awkward. “Danny, I don’t have time to see anyone else. We’ve been spending so much time together, I’m lucky I’m still passing my classes.”
He smiled. “So…”
“So, yeah, silly.” He scooted next to me on the bench and kissed me. We were at the park so it was not a full on make-out kind of kiss as if I wished we could do, that would have to wait until later.
I still could not believe that I had feelings for him. I was so determined not to let in another guy, at least for quite some time. Danny was so sweet, though, it was hard not to. Matt really screwed me up for a couple months and I was finally starting to get my head on straight. Sure, I had a small, harmless crush on Tim but that was minor. Right?
Chapter 8
* * *
“Sam, you have gotten yourself into quite a predicament,” Trinity pointed out.
“Thanks for stating the obvious,” I said. I had not been planning to date anyone but Danny was a nice guy. Why did he have to be Tim’s brother? I stomped my way to the bed and flung myself down. “Ahh!”
“I know. Is Tim still seeing Stacy?” she asked innocently.
“Oh, that’s the best part. He wants to freaking double date.” I still was not sure where I wanted this to go with Danny but now I was feeling thrown into something. Ok, I did agree to be exclusive and it had been a few weeks since we decided that. However, it had also been a few Wednesdays that I had seen Tim. I was stupid and could not get him out of my head. I would not be just hurting Danny, I would be hurting my friendship with Tim. And that was all it was, friendship.
This was unbelievable. On the plus side, I would get to hang out with Tim more; however, that was also a major con. How did you get over someone if you were spending more time with them? “Oh, I have an idea!” I exclaimed. “You and Derek can come, too. You are friends with Danny so that will make it far less awkward. Well, you and about five Cosmos.”
Trinity laughed. “You’re too much, Sam. I will ask Derek. When is this happening?”
“Friday.”
“I think we’re free but I’m going to be keeping an eye on you!”
“That’s the point,” I said. “You need to make sure I’m flirting with the right brother!” I looked at my books and sighed. “Ok, time to study. I have another test this week. I swear these professors are trying to kill what little social life I have.”
“Yeah, me too,” she agreed. “I have a history paper due tomorrow and an English one next week.” Trinity grabbed her bag. “I will be in the library all day. See you later.”
I tried to study after Trinity left, I swear. I just could not stop thinking about the situation I had gotten myself into. I already had a thing for Tim before I started dating Danny and I had already decided something between Tim and I was not going to happen. Now I had feelings for both of them. Just because I told myself not to care about Tim did not mean I listened. Danny was such a sweet guy. He was everything and more than I could ask for. Then there was Tim. The unavailable one who I had felt a connection with since the day he ran into me.
I found myself doodling and daydreaming instead of studying. I did end up writing a halfway decent poem though. Yeah, somewhere in between my crazy life I tried to squeeze in writing. Usually it ended up being when I should be doing something else. Class was usually a productive outlet for me writing wise. This is what I ended up with:
Do I try to fight it because I do not want it?
Or do I fight it because I do?
You are not the one that I love,
But you are all I can think of.
Go away, far away.
Get out of my head.
Leave me with the one I adore.
Not the one I want more.
Not exactly E.E. Cummings or Elizabeth Barrett Browning but hey, what do you expect from an amateur. I picked up my books and put everything away. I definitely was not going to get anything accomplished right now. I decided to see if Miranda wanted to go for a run but she was sleeping. I glanced at the clock. It was only 3:30. Trinity would not even be back from the library until later. She tended to stay there all day when she had to cram. I changed into my running clothes and went for a run anyway. I did not feel like sticking to the track and I did not want to run into Zack if he was there. The guy was weird. I blasted my music and hoped it would drown out the thoughts in my head. Of course, I was not really paying attention to where I was going and my mind clearly hated me because I ended up in front of Tim’s apartment.
“Really?” I asked the sky. The only reason I even knew where he lived was because before one
of our non-dates he had to run in to get his wallet. As my luck would have it, Tim chose that moment to come home. “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled. I really needed to stop talking to myself. Someone was going to start thinking I was crazy.
“Hey, Sam. What are you doing here?” Why would he not ask what I was randomly doing in front of his apartment? It was five miles or so from campus. I obviously was not paying attention to how far I had gone and silently cursed myself because that meant I would need to run just as far back to campus.
“Hey,” I needed to come up with a good non-stalker excuse. “I went for a run and just realized how far I ran. I really need to start paying attention to my surroundings.” Lame, but semi-true.
“Fun. Well, while you’re here, care to join me?” he asked. “I just picked up some beer, pizza and a movie.”
Ok, well he bought my ridiculous excuse. “Pizza, eh?” I was hungry. “What movie?”
“The Ring.”
I contemplated for a moment. “Sure, I had wanted to see that.” This was already bad. What was I doing? We went upstairs and he gave me a quick tour of the apartment. Last time I just waited in the car. It was nice. A typical bachelor pad.
“Sorry it’s a tad messy. I wasn’t expecting company.” He put the movie in and grabbed us plates for the pizza. “It’s Buffalo Chicken. Hope that’s ok.”
“My favorite, but I can go if you’d rather be alone.” I felt guilty for intruding.
“Sam, I wouldn’t have asked you up if I didn’t want to. Besides,” he looked out the window. “I did you a favor. It’s pouring out now.” He was not kidding. When I glanced out the window, it was coming down hard and fast.
“Fantastic.”
“Don’t you check the weather before you go for a ten mile run?” he kidded.
“Apparently not. Thanks for pointing out my faults,” I joked back. That really would have been a shitty run home. I cursed myself because I totally left my cell phone at the dorm, too. Pay phones were rare nowadays, and that would have required me to have brought change with me. I was doing swell today.
“So now you’re stuck here because I’m watching the movie before I bring you back.”
“You don’t have to bring me home. I can get a cab,” I offered. (Yes, I know I have no money but I had to offer, right?)
“I would never even ask you to. Now sit,” he gestured to the couch. “And enjoy your dinner and a movie.”
“Aye aye, captain.” I took a slice and made myself comfortable on the couch. He did the same.
The movie started ok but as soon as the girl started coming out of the freaking television I grabbed a throw pillow and hid my face. Tim started laughing. “I thought you wanted to see this,” he said.
I was caught. “I did. This is just why I can’t watch these movies alone.”
“Here,” he lifted up part of the blanket he was under. “I’ll protect you from the TV monster.” Every ounce of my body told me this was a bad idea.
“Ok, fine.” I was a glutton for punishment apparently because this clearly was not going to help my feelings go away.
I snuggled under the blanket with my throw pillow. I knew I was tense under there and I hoped he would think that it was from the movie. Towards the end, it started to get very weird (the movie that was) and I was totally bugged out. I did not think the three beers I had helped either or the one to follow. I had given up using the pillow and adopted Tim’s shoulder instead. Oddly, he did not seem to mind. At a couple of points, I think he wanted to use mine.
I found my whole body under the blanket at the end of the movie, head included. It was definitely an awkward situation in the making. Tim poked his head under, “Hey, scaredy cat. The movie is over.”
“Ok,” I said but I did not move.
“Are you coming out?” It was a very legitimate question.
“Someday,” I responded.
He laughed. “Be right back.” I heard movement. He lifted the blanket. “Ok, here.” He handed me another beer and some Doritos.
I gave him a weird look. “What’s this for?”
“Well, if you’re going to live under the blanket, you’re going to need supplies.”
Now I laughed. “Beer and Doritos are supplies?”
“Yup.” He was still under there with me. He smelled so good. I could not breathe. I had to get out but he was so close. My heart was pounding. I chugged down the beer hoping that would help.
“Whoa, there. Thirsty much?
“Actually, yeah. Do you have any water?”
“Yeah.” He left. I could breathe again. I got out from under the blanket because now I just felt silly under there. Tim came back with a glass of water and the next thing I knew I was drenched.
“Oh my God, Sam. I am so sorry! I tripped on the computer wire.”
“Geez, Tim. You could have let me run home if you wanted me to get wet,” I joked.
He laughed. “I’ll remember that next time. Let me get you a dry shirt.”
Good thing I was not wearing a white shirt, I thought. He came back with a T-shirt and I went into the bathroom to change. I was feeling a bit tipsy at this point and checked things out. I did not see any extra toothbrushes or girly things. Hmm…When I came out I asked how Stacy was doing.
“Uh,” he hesitated. “We broke up.”
Interesting. “Oh, really? Danny said we were supposed to double on Friday.”
“Yeah, it kind of just happened this morning and I haven’t talked to him yet.”
“Oh, well, I’m sorry. That’s too bad about Stacy.” Woo hoo! I mean, that was horrible.
“Is it?” He suddenly had a strange look on his face.
“Um, I guess?” He smelled like heaven. He was also still staring at me.
“Sam, I’m glad you came by.”
“Unintentionally,” I added.
“Unintentionally.” We kind of stood there looking at each other for a moment. I could feel my heart racing again. I needed to move. He was too close. Much much too close. “You smell good,” he said.
“I what? I went for a run and I am wearing your shirt. I smell like sweat and you.”
He touched my arm. Goosebumps. What the heck? Danny. Think of Danny. You like him. A lot. “You do not smell like sweat. You smell amazing. And I’m ok with you smelling like me because that means you were in my arms.” He leaned in to kiss me. I was too stunned and enjoyed it too much to move. Finally, my brain remembered I was kissing the wrong brother.
I stepped back. “We shouldn’t. We can’t. Danny.” Yeah, almost with complete sentences.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me,” he demanded. Well, that would be somewhat hard to deny since I really wanted to kiss him again.
“I don’t want to hurt Danny. And neither do you. You’re the one who told me not to hurt him.” That was the truth.
“I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t get you out of my head, Sam. And when you ended up on my doorstep tonight it felt like fate…” Oh boy.
“Look, Tim. I cannot deny that I have feelings for you. Nevertheless, I also care a lot about Danny. Maybe for now it would be best if we didn’t see each other and I can see where this goes with him.” When did I get rational? I chose NOW for this mature crap?
“Even when you’re with the wrong brother?” he asked.
“Right now, I’m not sure he is.” I grabbed my stuff. “Can you bring me back to the dorms now?”
He looked hurt. Good. “Yeah.” The drive to campus seemed to take forever and it was a very silent drive. It was only eight by this point but no one was home when I got upstairs. I put my things away and went to take a shower. I started sobbing in the shower and could not tell the difference between my tears or the water. What did I just do?
Chapter 9
* * *
I felt like crap. I kept avoiding Danny’s calls because I did not know what to say to him. Did I tell him that his brother made a move on me? I still did not know what the tension was b
etween them sometimes. Should I even tell him I saw Tim? I would think it might be hard to explain why I was at Tim’s in the first place. That really did not look good on my part. Fuck. Aargh. Grr… and any other exasperated word.
I finally had to tell Trinity what happened. I must have looked like a complete wreck because she would not stop grilling me with twenty questions. “Wow, Sam. That’s just shitty.”
“Thanks for the words of encouragement, Trin. Really.”
“Hey, I’m sorry. I warned you this was an awkward situation. I really did not see the kiss coming though. I guess we’re not triple dating on Friday, huh?”
“Ya think?” My phone rang again. It was Danny, of course.
“Just answer it, Sam. He’s going to wonder why you’re not answering and think something’s wrong,” she said.
“Something is wrong! I kissed his brother!” I exclaimed.
“Technically, his brother kissed you and you left. So you really did nothing wrong.” Ok, she had a point.
“Yes, but I enjoyed it and can’t stop thinking about it and that makes me equally guilty.”
“I wouldn’t say equally, but you feel guilty for other reasons.” She paused to get a drink from the kitchen. “Just talk to him.”
I thought about it for a minute. “Ok, I am not going to tell him because that would hurt his relationship with his brother and I don’t want that to happen. Danny has had a rough time of it and I do not want to be the one that breaks up the only family he really has. I cannot do that. I will just stay away from Tim unless absolutely necessary.”
“Ok, but I somehow don’t think this is over.” Boy was she right.
I finally called Danny back that night. I could not avoid him forever. He answered right away. “Hey gorgeous, where ya been?” he asked.
“Hey, studying. These professors are trying to kill me.”
“I hear ya. So I talked to Tim today,” he said. Oh, crap.
Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story Page 7