CHAPTER 3
I ran. The warm, damp, morning air washed over my face, and I welcomed the new feeling. Colin’s Castle was always dry and cold. Those stupid torches were to blame, always flickering and that awful, cold, hard stone.
I tried thinking only about the present moment, the road ahead, how great it felt to run flat-out, what waited over the still-dark horizon. But Colin’s disapproving face kept interrupting. My thoughts returned to the Castle again and again. It was all I knew.
Since the morning had just dawned, the highway I ran next to didn’t have many cars on it. Enough though to convince me to stay focused on not being seen. I didn’t really like being in stealth-mode. But if Colin taught me anything, it was humans didn’t react well to seeing vampires.
He said the mere sight of us terrified them. Which, I supposed was why we weren’t allowed around them at all. Plus the fact that, even though it was absolutely forbidden, it was hard to resist wanting to feed on living humans.
Not that I would knew from experience.
As I ran, I took in everything I could. Cars had gotten bigger since I was human. I wasn’t supposed to, but I remembered little things about my human life. I knew the cars-on-steroids I saw on the road next to me were nothing like the tiny, toy cars from my time. They looked more like tanks.
It had only been two decades, but a lot could change in that amount of time.
I always clung to my old life, and my vampire family made me feel like a freak for it. But I liked those memories. I kept the little things that used to make me happy tucked away in my mind. Cheeseburgers. Butterscotch. My head hitting a fluffy pillow after a long day. The smell of autumn leaves. Standing in the rain. Smiles meant for no one but me.
I sighed.
Those small things were pretty much all I remembered. The big things? Family. Feelings. Actually being human. Those memories couldn’t be saved, no matter how hard I wished they could be. All of those memories were lost during the change, forced out of us right along with our humanity,
Some days, those little things are the root of all of my unhappiness. I wished I didn’t remember. I wished I could be like everyone else.
And some days, those little things are the only things keeping me from giving up, giving in and allowing myself to truly die and become one of them.
A mindless automaton. Like Henry and Mary.
A cold shiver crept down my back.
No, I’m not like them, I reminded myself. At least I know who I am. I kept my name. I’m Lena.
Vampires were given a new name when they were reborn, chosen by their sire. I was thankful Declan took so little interest in me. I wanted to remember who I was. I was Lena.
The scenery was rapidly changing around me. It was a distraction from my thoughts once again returning to the Castle. Even though my body was free from there, I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to free my mind along with it.
A city appeared out of nowhere as I climbed a hill, focusing even harder on remaining unseen because there were more tanks on the road here, where several highways met and all of the lanes converged onto a bridge above a brown river.
The tip of a huge, silver arch reflected the rising sun behind me and made me squint, but I didn’t want to look away. As I forced myself to go on, there was a stadium on my right that looked so close to the highway I ran on, it felt like I could reach out and touch it.
It was all so cool. So new.
I didn’t know how far I would run. I couldn’t do it forever, especially as the sun got higher in the sky and the tanks multiplied on the road.
As I passed the cityscape and continued along the highway, things became green again. There were plants and grass instead of concrete and buildings. I liked the green, so I took an exit and was in a large, lush park.
Humans walked their dogs. Humans biked along the perimeter and humans jogged in every direction.
Humans humans everywhere.
It was beginning to get to me. My stomach twisted with hunger. I hadn’t eaten with the rest of the family last night. Now I wished I had.
But today was my birthday, and I wanted to be alone. Not only was it my birthday, it was the day I became a vampire. Perhaps death day would be more accurate. Or maybe reborn day. But it was also my human birthday. I turned twenty on the day Declan took my life from me.
No one else remembered their birthdays. Or death days. Just me.
Though, to be fair, they were all centuries older than me. Maybe I’d forget my birthday someday too.
They expected me to be content, locked in a fortress, away from the world, never seeing anything new, never knowing if the things I remember used to make me happy could make me happy now.
The glamorous life of an immortal. Woohoo.
What was the point of living forever if you never got to experience anything?
The same old, boring conversations with the same old, boring people for all eternity? What a waste of an existence. How they never got sick of each other, I’d never know.
My thoughts went blank as a hurrying human ran shockingly close to me.
I froze.
Yes, I was hungry. My fangs extended and I felt a wave of shame because I was so weak. Controlling the demon inside had been easy when there was no temptation. That was probably the point of the Castle, of keeping us captive there.
Now I was outside, in a park, surrounded by so many fresh, blood-filled humans that smelled so tasty. I had to get a handle on myself. I just needed to breathe.
As another human walked right by me, my fangs grew so long it was difficult to keep my mouth closed. I knew I needed to do something, go somewhere, take some time to get used to the sounds all around. Before I did something I would regret.
There were no buildings or shelter of any kind in sight. My hands began to shake and I could feel my slow-beating heart quicken in my chest.
Fangs filling my mouth, hunger and a heat pulsating behind my eyes.
Feed! The need slammed into me.
All I could see were leaves. Humans, red, and leaves. I ran to the closest tree and fell into it, wrapping my arms around its thick trunk.
Apparently I could be very stupid. Maybe I hadn’t thought my escape through too well.
Obviously.
The bark of the tree was damp and rough, and I clung to it so tightly my strong arms dented it. My skin was durable, but my strength could break through with this rough bark’s help if I couldn’t get myself under control.
Big if.
Human blood was all we drank, I’d been told. But bags filled with the red liquid were brought in for us. That blood was always cold and slightly bland. It smelled like plastic and medicine. Not exactly appetizing.
The enticing blood I smelled now, though, was rich. Clean. Hot. Pulsing and thumping a rhythm all around me, from every direction.
What a complete idiot I was. What did I think would happen? I’d fit in? Fangs, super strength, thirst for fresh blood and all?
Colin and Declan’s judging faces popped into my thoughts. I couldn’t help it. Even though I knew they couldn’t be lurking in the shadows, monitoring my every movement, it felt like they were.
Colin. Maybe because I hated him, I didn’t believe him when he explained the rules to me twenty years ago.
“The rules are simple,” he’d said in his superior tone that made me want to kick him in the face, even the first day. “Stay in the confines of my Castle. Be loyal and attentive to your consort. If you are ever to leave my Castle, you are never to drink the blood of a living human. And keep our existence secret upon penalty of death. No human must ever know we exist.”
I even remembered back then thinking of the problems with his speech. If we were never supposed to leave the manor, how could we expose ourselves as vampires? Or drink from a living human? And what if I didn’t like my consort? I didn’t choose him. Didn’t I get a say?<
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Colin literally threw me into a room with Declan that night. So, obviously not.
Declan was my sire, and my consort, but I preferred the term partner. Mate sounded gross. Consort sounded prehistoric. That was how it worked. A male vampire chose his female partner who was supposedly the only living human a vampire was allowed to feed on, and only during the ritual turning the human into a vampire.
Pretty messed up.
Declan wasn’t all bad. He sucked up to Colin too much for my liking, and was annoyingly detached, always moping around. But he was quieter than the rest of the family, which I appreciated. We all have pale blue eyes, because Colin has pale blue eyes, but Declan has a ring of gold around his iris, which I also have. It was intriguing.
And he was beautiful, of course. But we all were.
Declan was patient with me for the first few years. I remember him repeating over and over we had eternity to be together, so we didn’t have to be in a hurry. Sometimes, more often than he was supposed to, he’d even let me be alone, leaving our room and willingly giving me time to myself even if it encouraged Colin’s ridicule.
I just couldn’t bring myself to love the creature that murdered me.
He resented me too, of course. I saw it in his eyes whenever he looked at me. Declan had carefully chosen me among all of the female humans he’d stalked that year. Lucky me.
Around the eleventh year, we began fighting. He’d snap at me or outright ignore me and I’d mock him and tell him I hated him.
It wasn’t really true, but it may as well have been. If I could never love him like I was supposed to, I was worthless to him, and to the family. I was a liability to Colin, and he never let me forget it.
Colin made it seem like it was my fault I didn’t belong. He acted like I should have been able to just flip a switch and be like him.
Our Master suggested to Declan to dispose of me then. That was actually the word he used. Dispose. Like trash. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes intended partners didn’t work out, and he could try to find a new female to turn.
I’d overheard them. One of the benefits of being a loner was no one expected you to be around. I was still certain they didn’t know I was there which was why I never seriously considered escaping before.
Declan refused Colin’s offer, actually raised his voice to the Master of our family for the first time I knew of. He was offended. Declan wouldn’t give up on me. He couldn’t live if I were dead. Really dead.
That was what I had overheard, and that was why I tried.
I did my duty for the next few years. I struggled to be better, to accept the new life. It wasn’t like I could change things, and the alternative was death. Sometimes I wish I’d taken the death option instead. Not that they actually gave me the option. But, I didn’t. I tried to change, but I couldn’t deny who I really was, no matter how hard I tried.
And the past began repeating with the mocking and the fighting. But mostly with the ignoring.
I wondered more than once if Declan regretted not taking Colin’s offer that day. But despite the fights and my alleged bizarre behavior, he kept trying.
It might have been possible I’d miss him. Declan. My Declan. But not more than I’d miss Annabelle. Not my true sister, but the closest thing I could imagine real family to be. Vampire families were supposed to share the same physical traits, hair color, eye color, skin color. So I always thought it was neat how Annabelle and Lennox were blonde while the rest of us had dark hair.
Annabelle got me. She encouraged me to follow the rules and be normal, but she understood how much I struggled.
Her partner, Lennox was like my brother. He cared about me, if any vampire was capable of caring. Things were easy between us, almost instinctual, how I imagined human siblings to be. And he was so understanding of Annabelle, so kind and gentle and loving towards her. They made me see even clearer what was missing between me and Declan.
Annabelle and Lennox I’d miss the most.
“Um…excuse me?”
I jumped. Fear tickled my neck and fingertips. I’d thought I was still hidden, but my useful ability required concentration, and my thoughts were carelessly focused on not eating anyone.
My fingers dug into the other side of the tree which crackled beneath my grip. I wondered faintly if I’d finally broken my skin when I processed someone was standing very close.
So close.
Grabbing the human would be so effortless.
Concentrating on the things that brought me to this place was keeping me under control. Birth. Death. Angsty ramblings. Butterscotch. Declan. Annabelle.
It was funny how, now that I was away from my family, I found comfort in thinking about them. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. They were the only people I knew.
“Uh. Excuse me? Are you okay?”
A male voice. A human male. I wondered what he’d look like. He sounded young. Would he be attractive in any way, or completely disgusting to my keen eyes?
“Hello?”
I heard myself grunt. Maybe I said something intelligible, but I couldn’t be sure. The sound of his racing heart, of the moist, rich blood squishing through his body drowned out everything else. My canines extended so I kept my lips firmly together to hide them.
I’d never been so aware of my fangs before.
“Do you need some help?”
Maybe I made another sound, or maybe I didn’t. I knew if I let go of the tree even a little, I’d kill the human next to me in an instant. In front of a park filled with humans. It’d be on the news. Colin and Declan would know where I was. I wouldn’t let myself do it.
Or maybe I could. It would be easy. I could probably…
No! I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t. I dug my fingertips further into the tree trunk and my skin finally broke under my force. I could feel the bark against raw, open flesh and smell my blood.
There was only one way I could stop myself from killing this human. I wasn’t sure if it would be enough to stop me or draw more suspicion, but it had to be worth the risk. Was I no better than Declan? Than Viola or Colin or Henry and Mary? I had to be better than that. Anything was better than murdering someone.
Pulling my head back away from the tree trunk, I wondered what the reaction this human would have to what I was about to do. Perhaps he would run away, or guess what I was. I doubted by the way I was being watched that this was considered normal human behavior.
With all of my strength, I forced the most vulnerable part of my head into the tree. My left temple hit the wood with a crack sounding like one big explosion.
It didn’t hurt in the traditional sense. The memory of human pain was faint, hidden in my mind, but it was there. Pain that paralyzed, drew tears. This felt like pressure. Uncomfortable, yes. But nothing I couldn’t handle.
I noticed in the next few seconds of consciousness many human heads turning to gawk at me, but I couldn’t hear their blood anymore. I also noticed the male who had asked if I was okay did not run away. He came closer.
I hazily felt fear for him. I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to hurt him or not as my body frantically worked to repair the wound I’d inflicted. If he got close enough, I probably could have still killed him.
Man, I did not think this through. The human wasn’t leaving, he was coming to help me. And he thought the right thing to do was take me to the hospital, where there was more blood and more humans.
Oh, bad idea.
I opened my mouth and tried to speak, only vaguely hoping my fangs had retracted enough to go unnoticed. Maybe if I told this person to leave, or to keep me away from people. Or…
Dizziness overtook me and the world went black.
Harsh Light of Day Page 4