by Abel, E. M.
I sat there, staring at him, although it was hard to see through the tears clouding my eyes. I blinked, releasing them, and they slid down my cheeks. Marcus lifted his hand, and his knuckles touched my jaw as his thumb wiped the tears off my face. His eyes were studying me, and I bit my bottom lip, willing the tears to stop. Marcus looked down at my lip before leaning in to give me a light kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“I’m tellin’ Shaun,” he said again.
“I need time,” I whispered because I did.
This was all too much, too fast. I needed time to think. I needed time to decide if I could do this, if I could really give my heart to Marcus all over again.
Marcus shook his head. “I’m tellin’ him today. He deserves to know. If you don’t want to be there, I get it, but I’m not lettin’ you run away from me, Asia. I’m not lettin’ you run from us just because you’re scared.”
That was when I got pissed. Not only was he telling me we were starting a relationship, but he was also refusing to give me time to think things through. I glared at him.
“Are you telling me I don’t have a choice? Are you telling me I’m supposed to just agree to start a relationship with you because now, all of a sudden, you think you want one?”
“Asia—”
“No, Marcus! Since you’ve never been in a relationship, I’ll clue you in. It fuckin’ hurts! It fuckin’ hurts when you put yourself out there, when you give yourself to someone, and he doesn’t fuckin’ want you! It fuckin’ hurts when you give yourself to someone, and he walks away from you without looking back. And yeah, maybe I am scared. Or maybe, I’m trying to learn from my mistakes, so I don’t have to fuckin’ hurt anymore!”
Marcus stayed crouched in front of me, his expression looking like his face had been slapped, but I didn’t care. I was pissed, and it felt good to finally let that out. I had to let him know how it had felt when he left, when he broke my heart.
“I’ll wait,” he whispered.
I looked into his eyes. “What?”
“Go for your run. I’ll wait,” he told me before standing up and walking out of my room.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been running. I hadn’t looked at my watch when I left, but I knew I’d run to my favorite park and then three laps around the trail that surrounded it. When I finally stopped for water, I was drenched in sweat and breathing so hard that I had to walk around in circles with my forearms resting on top of my head. The worst part was I still had no idea what to do about Marcus.
When I caught my breath, I sat down on a bench and pulled down my headphones, so they were draped around my neck, music still playing. I stared out at the field in front of me, and the image of Marcus walking toward me, sweaty and wearing his basketball shorts, flashed in my mind. I instantly felt a tightening in my chest as my nerves flared. He was right. I was scared. No, I was terrified.
I wondered why Marcus was so sure and what happened to make him suddenly decide that he was ready to be in a relationship with me. Sighing, I sat back on the bench, pulling up my feet onto the seat. I hugged my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees.
That was when I heard Christina Perri’s song, “Arms,” coming out of my headphones. I listened to her sing about being home in someone’s arms, feeling scared of getting too close, and hoping someone catches her because she had already fallen.
And then, I knew. No matter how scared I was, no matter how much I wanted to fight it, it was too late. Marcus had my heart. I gave it to him a long time ago, and as much as I tried to convince myself that I had taken it back, at this moment, I knew…I was his.
As I walked toward my apartment building, I noticed Marcus’s Chevelle was gone. Part of me was relieved, but the larger part was worried. When I got inside, I went straight down the hall toward my room, but then I stopped when I was outside Marcus’s door.
It was open, so I leaned in the doorway and looked inside. His surfboard was leaning in the corner of the room, and his skateboard was sitting on the floor in front of his closet, but besides that, everything was put away. His bed was even made. I’d never really paid attention to how clean he kept everything, but now, that I was thinking about it, I realized that even his car was always spotless. Marcus might have lived a crazy lifestyle, but he kept his space organized and controlled.
I pushed myself off the door frame and walked the rest of the way to my room to take a shower, hoping that Marcus would be back when I got out. We had a lot to talk about.
When I walked out of my bathroom and into my room, the smell hit me instantly. Crabs. I heard metal clanking and the sink running in the kitchen. Marcus is back, and he’s cooking? I put on my teal silk tank top and a pair of my favorite faded jeans before pulling my wet hair back into a messy bun on top of my head.
After I made my way down the hall and toward the living room, I saw Marcus in the kitchen, facing the stove. He was wearing a white T-shirt that hugged his shoulders and biceps and a pair of khaki cargo shorts. I watched as he shook something into the big silver pot sitting on the stove. When he heard my footsteps, Marcus turned his head to look at me over his shoulder.
He grinned. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I walked into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter behind him. “Smells good.”
Marcus put the Old Bay Seasoning container down on the counter beside the stove. Turning around, he stepped toward me.
“How was your run?”
He placed his hands on the sides of my legs. Our faces were only inches apart.
“It was good.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhmm.”
Looking down, Marcus watched his hand as he slowly ran his finger up and down my thigh.
“So, you okay with me inviting Shaun over later?” he asked as he peered up at me through his lashes.
I had no idea how I ever thought I would be able to reject this man. His looks alone were enough to make me putty in his hands.
“I have some questions.”
Marcus reached up and tucked some strands of hair behind my ear. “You do?”
“Yeah,” I answered as I admired Marcus’s full lips, staring at them as they curled into a small smile.
“Well, you gonna ask ‘em?”
I tore my eyes away from Marcus’s mouth and gazed into his beautiful eyes. “Why? I mean, what made you suddenly decide that you’re ready to be in a relationship…with me?”
“Yesterday, when I watched you skating on my board…that was when I realized I was ready. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I convinced myself that you deserved better. When I saw all my friends staring at you, like they wanted a taste of you, I knew there was no way I’d let that happen. There’s no way I’m lettin’ you go again. I already wasted too much time, and I’m not wastin’ any more.”
As I sat on my kitchen counter, listening to Marcus tell me that he wasn’t letting me go again, I felt my heart pushing its way out of the box I’d put around it. This time, I didn’t fight it. I knew there was no point. Marcus already had me. I was his.
“I’m already yours, Marcus,” I whispered, reaching down to put my hand on top of his. “It’s always been you.”
Marcus lifted his hand and slowly rubbed the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip, watching it as it moved. I felt my chest tighten as his hand slipped behind my neck. With his fingers sliding into my hair, he leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and soft. Perfect. With that kiss, whatever was left of that box around my heart fell to pieces. My heart was free, and it belonged to him. I just prayed that he would be careful with it.
Two hours later, Marcus and I were stuffed full of crabmeat, corn, and potatoes. I had changed into one of my T-shirts, so I wouldn’t stain my silk tank top.
Lying on my couch, my head was resting on a throw pillow at one end while Marcus was sitting at the other end with my feet in his lap, massaging them, as he drank a beer. We were watching The Departed. I’d demanded it when I found out he had never seen it before.
Since I had already seen it five times, I was able to focus on the fuzzy, warm feeling growing in my stomach. I’m in a relationship with Marcus Avery. He cooked me dinner, and now, he’s rubbing my feet. It felt so natural and so good to just be with him the way I’d always wanted to. This was way better than I had ever dreamed because it was real. It was actually happening.
I turned away from the TV to look at Marcus. I watched his profile for a few seconds as he concentrated on the movie. When his eyes cut over to me, I was grinning like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it.
“What?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips.
Just as I was about to answer, my phone began to ring on my coffee table. I picked it up and saw that Hailey was calling. I was so caught up in the drama of my day that I hadn’t thought about how I would break the news to her. She probably wouldn’t react as violently as Shaun would, but she would still be pissed.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey, girl. What’s up?”
I pulled my feet off of Marcus’s lap and mouthed Hailey to him as I sat up on the couch. He smiled at me before taking another swig from his beer. When he turned his eyes back to the TV, I decided to go talk in my room, so he could focus on the movie.
“Nothin’ much. Just watching a movie.”
“Is Marcus there?”
I could almost picture her narrowing her eyes.
“Yes.” I walked into my room and sat on my bed.
“How’s that going?”
“Fine.”
“Fine? That’s it? Fine?”
I sighed, and looking up, I inspected my ceiling.
“We have a lot to talk about,” I muttered as I closed my eyes.
“I knew it!” she screeched in my ear. “You fucked him, didn’t you? Asia! What the hell were you thinking?”
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. “It’s not like that, Hailey. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s not. It started off like that, but now…it’s different.”
“What do you mean it started off like that? How long has this been going on?”
I winced. This was not going to be good. “A week,” I answered, although it sounded more like a question.
“What? He’s only been living there a week!” she screeched in my ear again.
“We had sex last Sunday. I didn’t plan it. It just happened, and then it was supposed to be just sex, and it was just sex…until this morning.”
Hailey was silent for a while, and I waited for her to respond. I could hear her take in a deep breath.
“What happened this morning? I swear to God if that asshole fucked you over again—”
“We’re in a relationship now.”
“What?”
“This morning, Marcus told me he wants to make things official. He plans to tell Shaun. He told me he wasn’t letting me go this time.”
She was silent for a few seconds. “And you believe him?”
“Yeah, Hailey. I do. I know what you’re thinking. I know you don’t trust him. I struggled with it, too, but I believe him, Hailey.”
She sighed into the phone. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“If I’ve learned anything in the last few months, Asia, it’s that the only people who really know what’s going on in a relationship are the people in the relationship. I also know you’re going to do what you want to do, no matter how I feel about it. So, I’m choosing to have your back…but mark my words, if he fucks this up, I will personally kick. His. Ass.”
I smiled to myself as I pictured Hailey trying to kick Marcus’s ass. “I love you, girl.”
“You better fucking love me. You have no idea how bad I want to go off on you right now. I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this shit from me! You’re my best friend! This goes completely against all best friend rules. You do know that, don’t you?”
I chuckled. “Best friend rules?”
“Yes, Asia. Best. Friend. Rules. Rule number one: When you have sex with a guy, you tell your best friend!”
I shook my head but kept smiling. “Well, I would have told you sooner if I knew you weren’t going to cuss me out. Then again, if I told you this a week ago, you probably would have.”
“Hell yeah, I would! What the hell were you thinking, trying to be fuck buddies with Marcus Avery? Marcus Avery, Asia? I mean, really. You’ve only been in love with him since high school. I love you, Puff, but you had to know that was fuckin’ stupid.”
I dropped my forehead into the palm of my hand. “I know.”
“Good thing he finally got his head out of his ass and figured out what he was missing.”
I smiled down at my floor.
“Aw, Hailey, you really do love me!” I teased.
“Oh, shut the fuck up. We’re having another girls’ night next weekend at The Lounge. We need to discuss the wedding, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Damn, this wedding shit is making Hailey even bossier than usual.
“Okay. Can Nick come? He volunteered to help me with the bachelorette party, and he’s really excited to help. He’s fuckin’ weird.”
“It is not weird to want to help with a wedding, Asia,” she snapped.
I was not going there. She knew how I felt about weddings.
“Saturday night. Tell Nick he can come,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Now, go watch your movie with your boyfriend,” she said mockingly.
I smiled as I stood up. My boyfriend. My chest tightened again.
“Love you, Hailey.”
“You, too, Puffy.”
I hung up and looked down at my phone. One down.
When I walked back into the living room, Marcus had his feet propped up on my coffee table with his right arm draped over the back cushions of my couch. The movie was almost over, and the ending was the best part. Marcus looked over at me as I approached the couch.
“How’d it go?”
“Shh! Watch! This is the best part! You have to pay attention.”
I scurried over to the couch and sat next to Marcus. I curled myself into his side, bringing my knees up to my chest. He chuckled as he wrapped his arm over my shoulders. Marcus complied and sat quietly, watching the end of the movie with me.
When it was over, I turned and lifted my chin to look up at him. “Good movie, huh?”
“That was fucked-up.”
“I know, right? I love it!”
Marcus laughed. Using his arm still wrapped around my shoulders, he pulled me in closer and kissed me. The kiss was long, wet, and sweet. When he pulled his lips from mine, it took me a second to open my eyes. I was dazed in a kiss fog.
“So, how did it go?”
“Huh?” I mumbled as I tried to focus my eyes on him.
Marcus smiled at me. “With Hailey.”
“Oh. Fine. She said she would kick your ass if you fucked up though, so I would be careful if I were you.”
Marcus chuckled before giving me another peck on the lips. “So, you ready for me to call Shaun?”
“Um…no.”
Marcus’s head jerked back as he raised his eyebrows. “No?”
“Marcus, I don’t think you’ve really thought this through. This is Shaun we’re talking about. He’ll probably try to punch you or break something. I mean, he’s my brother, and we fight all the time, but you’re his best friend. What if he refuses to talk to you again?”
He grinned at me and squeezed my shoulders. “It’s okay, babe. It might take him a while, but he’ll get over it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because Shaun knows me.”
“Yeah…and?”
“And he knows I wouldn’t start a relationship with someone, especially you, unless I was serious.”
I just sat there, studying his eyes, as his last four words replayed over in my mind. “Well, what if things go bad between us? Then, he’ll be stuck in the middle.”
“Things won’t go bad.”
“How do you know?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
“I just do.”
I sighed and glanced up at the ceiling before looking back to see Marcus smiling at me.
“Well, he doesn’t know that. I don’t want this to come between you two. My family is all you…we’re—”
Marcus put his finger over my lips to shut me up. “It’s worth the risk, babe,” he whispered.
I just stared into his hazel-green eyes as I realized he was right. It is worth the risk. He is worth the risk.
“Okay,” I whispered against his finger.
With a smile, he dropped his hand and gave me another soft peck on the lips.
“I’m gonna tell him to come over.”
“Okay,” I said again.
With that, he stood up and went to get his phone.
While inspecting my closet for clothes to wear to work, I paused when I heard Shaun walk into the apartment. My nerves flared, and my palms got sweaty as his deep voice rumbled down the hall.
He said something to Marcus, and I could hear Marcus reply but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I decided to give them a few seconds alone before I went out there. I was hoping that Shaun would surprise me by being supportive the way Hailey had…but this was my brother we were talking about. He wasn’t exactly levelheaded when it came to my dating life, and he was about to find out I was dating his best friend.
I peered up at my ceiling. “Please, God, don’t let Shaun freak out,” I whispered.
I gave up on my closet search and walked out into my room. I could still hear Marcus and Shaun talking, but they weren’t yelling, so I figured Marcus hadn’t broken the news yet. I thought I should be there when he told Shaun. Marcus shouldn’t have to do it alone.
I took a deep breath and walked down the hall.
And that was when I heard it. It wasn’t a yell. It was more like a deep roar.
“What the fuck!”
I was guessing Marcus had broken the news.
As I got closer, I saw Marcus and Shaun sitting at the dining room table. Marcus’s back was to me, but Shaun was facing the hallway. I was right. He looked pissed. I took one more step, and Shaun’s eyes cut to me. Marcus straightened his back and turned to look at me over his shoulder.