“I get it,” Layla said. “I suppose I’m acting a little jealous. I mean, I’ve disowned my family and betrayed my kingdom because I believe in you, Caspar. You’re the chosen one. I don’t need to put you through a barrage of tests to know it’s true.”
“But if I recall,” I said, “that night when I was stabbed, when I overheard you speaking to your father through that crystal, even you were surprised that a human might be the chosen one.”
Layla nodded. “We’d always assumed it would be an elf.”
“Perhaps the drow have some assumptions about the elven prophecy that aren’t entirely accurate also.”
Layla put her hand around my waist. “I know, and you’re right. But I still don’t like this. I don’t trust her.”
“I don’t trust her either,” I said, putting my arm around Layla’s shoulders. “But I don’t have a good reason to distrust her, not yet. And whether we like it or not, these drow are part of all this, and they could be powerful allies.”
“Maybe,” Layla said. “But we need to be careful.”
I nodded. “I agree. And we will be. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to hear them out?”
“I suppose you’re right,” Layla said. “She just rubbed me the wrong way.”
“You guys ready?” Jag asked, jogging up behind us. “I assume you could use a ride back to your apartment.”
I nodded. “Yeah, Jag. That would be fantastic.”
My car was still out of commission, being in need of four new tires—a long story. I hadn’t taken care of it yet for a variety of reasons, the biggest being that I just didn’t have the time. And, with both Earth and fairy magic at my disposal, I now had a few other ways to get around town. Including, of course, the Metro as a last resort.
But Jag had come to my apartment to let us know about the arrival of the drow, and letting him give us a ride home was preferable to any of the other methods of travel at our disposal.
“So,” Jag said, “that Aerin is pretty hot, don’t you think?”
Layla grunted.
I cleared my throat. “I think I’m going to decline to answer that question right now, Jag.”
Jag laughed. “Sorry. I mean, you’re hot too, Layla. If it means anything, I’d do you both.”
I cocked my head. “Jag, seriously?”
“Sorry,” Jag said. “We still on for tomorrow?”
I nodded. “I don’t see why not.”
“We’ll be at the gym first thing in the morning,” Layla agreed.
“Are you going to take over Caspar’s training again?” Jag asked. “I mean, now that you’re back?”
Layla smiled. “You two seem to be working well together, and Caspar is making more progress with you than when I was training him.”
“Cool!” Jag said, clicking his key fob and unlocking the doors to his Hummer. “So, what did you guys think?”
“About the drow?” I asked, climbing into the back seat. I figured I’d allow Layla to ride shotgun, but she climbed in next to me, which made me smile. We were still at that stage in our relationship, I suppose, when we preferred sitting side by side in someone’s backseat while leaving the front seat vacant.
Jag nodded. “They kind of came out of left field, didn’t they?’
“Just curious, Jag,” Layla said. “What does the Order think about all that’s happened lately?”
Jag replied, “We’re reevaluating things, but there’s a lot of disagreement about the position we should take.”
“How so?” I asked.
“Until now,” Jag explained, “we were focused on the inevitability of the new elven order. Some members are concerned that by helping you and the drow, we might put ourselves at odds with the New Albion elves’ rule once they take over.”
“If they take over,” I said.
“Right,” Jag said. “We were meeting tonight to vote on which side we’d take—our side or them—but then the drow showed up. I have no idea how that might change things now. I mean, I was prepared for what was probably going to be a schism in the order.”
“The Order was going to split?” Layla asked.
“Probably,” Jag said. “I mean, we’re pretty evenly divided, and I don’t see one side giving in to the other. It’s not like we’re disagreeing over trivial shit.”
“It’s kind of fundamental,” I said. “I mean, are you going to help thwart the invasion or position yourselves to embrace it? Not a lot of room for compromise.”
“Exactly,” Jag said. “But don’t worry about me. I’m totally on your side.”
“Good to know,” I said, smiling. “What about Fred? I mean, he’s, what, the supreme leader, right? What side is he on?”
“Beats me,” Jag said. “He’s tried to stay neutral. He said it’s his job to lead the whole Order. I suppose he doesn’t want to be seen as the enemy if whatever side he takes doesn’t prevail.”
I nodded. “Makes sense, I guess. The safe position. Far be it from a leader to take a stand and lead.”
“Caspar!” Layla snapped. “I don’t think that’s the issue.”
“Whatever. Any sense at all, Jag, of how the drow showing up might change things?”
Jag thought for a minute. “It’s hard to say. I mean, everyone is pretty taken with the new elves. I’m hoping it might help save the Order or at least cause the other side to reconsider. And if you pass these trials…”
“Wait,” I said. “You are meeting to see this happen tomorrow, too?”
“Of course,” Jag said. “We wouldn’t miss it. And think about it, Caspar. If you pass these trials, if the whole Order sees what you can do, how could they not follow?”
I nodded. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“He’ll pass,” Layla said. “I have no doubt about it.”
“I mean, right now, the other side thinks you’re a fraud. I think they’re hoping to see you fail.”
“Hoping?” I asked. “They realize that if I’m not the chosen one, it means humanity loses, right?”
Jag nodded as he turned the key in the ignition. “I think some of our original members, the ones who were here at the start, who were loyal to Hector… I mean, if these prophecies are true, a lot of people are going to die, right?”
Layla sighed. “Unfortunately, it looks that way.”
“So you can see why some would prefer to see the elves come and simply take power?”
I shook my head. “They think the elven legion would march to Earth, and there’d be a peaceful transition of power?”
Jag nodded. “That’s one of the purposes of the Order. I mean, from the beginning. To spread the message and prepare the government to be ready to cede power.”
I snorted. “A group that a lot of people think is a fringe cult is going to convince the US government to just give up? Not to mention the rest of the world’s governments?”
Jag nodded. “You don’t know how extensive the influence of the Order is, do you?”
I shook my head. “I just figured you were a fringe group. I mean, who listens?”
“We have members in high places, Caspar. This is just one chapter here in St. Louis, but new chapters are forming all around the country. Even in Washington.”
Layla and I exchanged glances. “Would we know who some of these members are?”
Jag nodded. “You probably voted for a few of them.”
“So, this vote tonight,” I said, “before the drow showed up. It wasn’t just a vote for what this group was going to do?”
Jag shrugged. “Even if everyone in our chapter voted one way, there’s no telling how the rest of the Order might go.”
I sighed. “And if the rest of your Order doesn’t see what happens tomorrow?”
“They’ll see it,” Jag said. “Haven’t you ever heard of Facebook Live?”
“Shit,” I said. “I’m going to be on a broadcast doing whatever the hell these drow are planning to put me through?”
Jag nodded. “Don’t worry, Casp. I mean,
when you succeed, you will change history.”
I shook my head. “No pressure, then.”
Chapter Four
“I can’t believe I didn’t see this before,” Layla said as we walked back into the apartment. “I mean before Hector died. I figured he was just here to get the Blade of Echoes back to my father.”
“It sounds like he was an ambassador,” I said. “Like, an emissary sent to Earth to try to encourage the governments of the world to surrender in advance.”
“That’s what it looks like,” Layla said. “But I can’t believe it would have worked.”
“Probably wouldn’t have,” I said, plopping down on the couch. “Not right away. I guess if we hadn’t stopped your dad from marching his legions to Earth before, though, it wouldn’t take long with all the magic you said they’d be able to wield to convince people in power that Hector had told them the truth.”
Layla sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Once again, I found out how little I was told about what my people were planning. They sent me to Earth to gather more information on human culture, they told me. If our world failed, we needed to be able to assimilate.”
“Why wouldn’t they just tell you the truth?” I asked as Agnus sauntered his way over and nuzzled my shin.
“Tuna. Tuna. Tuna. Tuna.”
I reached down and scratched Agnus behind the ears. “Just a minute, buddy.”
“I think it’s because I appreciated so much about this world. I mean, not everything, but the culture, the music…”
“You brought our music to the elf kingdom?” I asked.
“A little. Mostly the classics. Barbie Girl. Who Let the Dogs Out. Gangnam Style.”
I snorted. “The classics? And you didn’t mean Bach, Beethoven, or Handel?”
“Lord no,” Layla said. “I didn’t want to put everyone to sleep. Not to mention, they were looking for music that is influential.”
I cocked my head. “You seriously think that Who Let the Dogs Out is more influential in our society than, say, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony?”
“Well, I mean, those songs teach the people about human values. Sort of.”
I scratched my head. “I’m not sure the lyrics of Barbie Girl shed the best light on western cultural achievement.”
Layla said, “I don’t know; they sort of do. Well, it’s not a cross-cultural masterpiece like Gangnam Style.”
Agnus nuzzled Layla’s shin this time. He was like a child, parent-hopping and asking the second when the first told him no or wait a minute.
“Ehhhhhhhhhhh, sexy lady!” Agnus said.
We both looked down at him.
He stared at us. “Oppan can of tuna.”
I snorted. “See what you’ve done? By mentioning Gangnam Style, you’ve got our cat making remixes.”
Layla laughed. “I told you; it’s a culture-crossing masterpiece, even bridging the gaps between humans and felines.”
“What can I say?” Agnus asked. “Cats just wanna have fun.”
Layla laughed. “Doesn’t have the same ring to it as Trolls, or even ‘Girls just wanna have fun.’”
I shook my head. “And it’s not even true. Cats just wanna piss and moan!”
Layla scratched her head. “Not sure that lyric would fit the song.”
“Excuse me!” Agnus interrupted. “Cat here. Still needs tuna. Open can now. Or else.”
I stared at Agnus. “See what I mean? Pissing and moaning.”
“It is written,” Agnus said, locking his eyes on mine. “Thou shalt not put the cat to the test.”
“It’s the Lord, your God,” I said, correcting my cat’s intentional misquotation of scripture.
“What’s the difference?” Agnus asked. “Give me tuna, or I shall smite you.”
“You’ll smite me?” I asked.
“Don’t make me piss in your laundry again.”
I sighed, stood up, and went to the kitchen. “I still don’t know why you did that.”
“As the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts, declareth the lord your cat.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know how you got from misquoting bad pop songs to misquoting the Bible in two minutes.”
“I still don’t know what other music you think I should have brought back to New Albion,” Layla said, ignoring my banter with Agnus. “I mean, if I brought back country, it would make this world seem like a sad, sad place. And if I brought rock music, well, it’s a bit aggressive, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know,” I said, twisting the handle on my can opener to open the tuna can. “I mean, you could have brought back less annoying songs. Maybe a diverse sample from important times in history. Like some Elvis or the Beatles. A little Sinatra. Something from Michael Jackson. Maybe Pink Floyd. Nirvana. I don’t know. Just more variety. I mean, you seriously shared Barbie Girl with your father?”
“It’s got a catchy tune!”
I shook my head as I dumped the tuna into Agnus’ bowl and set it on the ground. “No wonder he wants to conquer us.”
Layla shrugged. “You don’t get it. I mean, the elves enjoyed it. You should have seen the royal court parade around the castle like supermodels when I brought them Right Said Fred.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re seriously telling me you brought I’m Too Sexy to New Albion?”
“I do my little turn on the catwalk, I shake my little tush on the catwalk,” Agnus said, dropping his voice a few octaves and wagging his hindquarters. I’d say he sang the words, but I don’t think there is any actual singing in that song.
“You realize,” I said, “virtually every song you shared with them, at least the ones you mentioned, were like one-hit wonders. Hardly anyone knows any other song that any of those groups ever released.”
“It’s not true,” Layla said. “I also brought over MMMBop, and those girls had a lot of hits.”
“No, they didn’t,” I said. “And they weren’t girls; they were brothers.”
“What about the Spice Girls?” Layla asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “They were girls.”
“No,” Layla said. “Were they one-hit wonders, too?”
I cocked my head. “I don’t think so, but I can only think of one song of theirs off the top of my head.”
“If you wanna be my lover,” Agnus sang, his voice falsetto. His face was buried in his bowl of tuna.
“Just because you listen to weird nineties alternative all the time doesn’t mean that your playlist would be the best choice to demonstrate the depths of Earth culture to my father,” Layla said.
“On my list, I didn’t mention nineties alternative bands,” I said. “I had the King of Rock on there. The King of Pop. And no one has ever been bigger than the Beatles. Only Nirvana sort of qualifies as nineties alternative, but technically speaking, they are better classified as grunge.”
“Again,” Layla said. “All the musicians you mentioned are a part of western culture. My list was far more diverse.”
“Not true,” I said. “I mean, the Beatles had an experimental phase. George Harrison played the sitar.”
“And how many of those songs do you remember?” Layla asked.
“Well, off the top of my head…”
“Exactly,” Layla said. “But when I say Who Let the Dogs Out, everyone knows how to respond.”
“Who. Who. Who. Who. Who,” Agnus said, still eating.
“Agnus,” I said. “You’re seriously singing a song about dogs? Isn’t that sort of beneath you?”
“The whole song is a warning,” Agnus said, licking his chops. “It also has a mystery to it. It’s a true who-done-it. You can’t stop listening because you want to find out. Who let the dogs out? Who committed the crime of the century!”
“They don’t tell you in the end,” I reminded him.
Agnus said, “It’s a little postmodern. You’re left asking yourself serious, profound questions. Who d
id it? Was it me all along? Did I let the dogs out? Is it about dogs at all? Perhaps, ‘dogs’ represents something deeper, an unleashing of carnal desire, of passion, or maybe gas. That song will blow your mind.”
I shook my head. “No one asks those questions, Agnus. Usually, in the end, everyone is just glad that the song is over.”
“That’s what repeat is for!” Layla said. “Hey, Alexa, play Who Let the Dogs Out!”
I sighed. “Alexa, stop!”
“What?” Layla asked. “Don’t you want to dance a little?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, we have a lot of serious shit to talk about.”
“I thought we settled it,” Layla said. “You’re going to kick these trials’ asses. You’re going to prove that you’re the chosen one and that the drow are wrong about the prophecy. That you’re not supposed to marry her.”
I nodded. “Proving her wrong. Yeah, that’s a great motivator. As if fighting over interpretations over obscure prophecies written centuries ago hasn’t occupied too much of my life already.”
“Then do it because you seem to think that having them on our side would be a huge help!” Layla said. “Either way, it’s not like we can just blow them off.”
“I’m not saying I shouldn’t do it. But look, we just learned that this whole Elf Gate Cult is a lot larger than either of us ever expected. And they want to live stream this thing? What if someone from the church sees me on a video broadcasted by a cult?”
Layla shrugged. “Then they kick you out again.”
I chuckled a little under my breath. “You realize I’m hoping that won’t happen, right?”
“I get it,” Layla said. “But the last we heard, the archbishop or whoever wasn’t going to take action against you because after you healed all those folks, it wouldn’t look good on their part to kick you out.”
I nodded. “That’s true. They’re concerned about the public relations aspect of it all, but they’re also questioning what I actually did. They think it might have all been a charade. If they see me participating in what will probably look like a magic show online, sponsored by a group they consider a cult…”
“Then wear a disguise,” Layla said. “I mean, nothing says you have to look like yourself when you do the tests.”
Three Dogma Night (The Elven Prophecy Book 3) Page 3