Then something buzzed.
I caught a green glow out of the corner of my eye.
Then it collided with my butt, which was in the air.
I tumbled onto the floor.
“Dammit!” I said.
“It’s Ensley!” Layla said. Ensley was the trickster fairy who’d put Nair in my shampoo before. At the time, little did I know, as the fairy king, he’d had an alliance with King Brightborn, Layla’s dad. But when push came to shove and Brightborn showed his true colors, he’d turned on him and helped me instead. He’d even left me with a dose of his powers.
Fairies were the only entities who could make gates between worlds and pass to and fro, provided they had a little help from a human or perhaps an elf or elven giant. It was a combination of fairy magic and typical Earth or elven magic that allowed gates to form.
If Ensley was here, it was serious.
Ensley perched on my knee.
“Urgent, urgent!” Ensley said. “The time is nigh! The redcoats are coming! The redcoats are coming!”
I cocked my head. “Ensley, slow down. What are you saying?”
“King Brightborn. Him and the legions. They defeated the elven giants.”
“They what?” Layla asked. “The elves and orcs…giants, rather, have been at war for centuries. And in a matter of a few days, you're saying the Night Legion has fallen to the elves?”
“The magic you vested in the ley lines,” Ensley said. “It revived New Albion. Mostly. But somehow, the elves had already cut off the ley lines. It only revived the magic in the region of the elves.”
Layla added, “Which left the elven giants vulnerable.”
“It was a slaughter,” Ensley said. “We tried to slow them down, but the legion is well-trained. Our numbers were too few. We warned the giants, but you know how they are. Proud. They insisted on standing and fighting.”
I sighed. “I can’t believe it! Brag’mok?”
“I saw him fall with my own eyes,” Ensley said. “I’m sorry, Caspar.”
I clenched my fist. It wasn’t just that the elven legion had won the war. I’d given them the power to do it, but I thought I’d saved their world. Instead, it was like I’d traveled back in time and given Hitler nuclear weapons. It was that horrible.
Layla squeezed my shoulder. “Well, we have about two weeks before the next full moon. At least we have that much.”
I nodded. “Maybe Aerin will let us overlook these tests or whatever. I mean, given the circumstances…”
“Maybe,” Layla said. “But I don’t know. She seemed pretty adamant. If anything, she might expedite them.”
“We have to try. And whatever they have to give, whatever they can teach me, we need to put all our personal feelings aside. At least for now.”
Layla bit her lip. “I still don’t trust her.”
“I’m not going to marry her, Layla,” I said. “My heart is yours.”
Layla smiled. “It’s not just that. There’s just something about them, the drow, that itches me in the wrong way.”
“Be that as it may,” I said, “I think we have no choice. I’m not powerful enough to stop the legion if they make it through, and if this cult has the world’s governments prepared to surrender…”
“We don’t know that they do,” Layla said. “Only that they intended to. Hector did, anyway, when he established their organization.”
I nodded. “Maybe I need to do these trials after all, if for no other reason than to convince them that I am the chosen one. That humanity has hope. So they don’t surrender.”
“But if you can’t stop them, Caspar, and you convince them to fight…”
I sighed. “More lives will be lost in a single day, they said, than in the history of all the world’s wars. I know.”
Layla nodded. “All right. Well, I believe in you. If they see your strength, your resolve, your ability the way I do, they’ll have to be convinced.”
“Surrender just isn’t an option. I’m not going to allow our whole world to be overtaken by a tyrant king, No offense. I know he’s your dad.”
“No,” Layla said. “You’re right. He is a tyrant. And we have to stop him.”
“Wait,” I said. “Where the hell did Ensley go?” Layla looked around, and I did the same.
“Caspar,” Layla said. “Where did Agnus go? That might be the better question.”
“Oh, shit,” I said, running to the bedroom. Agnus sat at the foot of the bed, his mouth full.
“Agnus!” I shouted. “Spit him out!”
“I thought fairies smelled bad to cats?” Layla asked.
“Yeah, so did I. What the hell, Agnus!”
Then Agnus looked at me. His eyes glowed green, and then he started heaving.
Uggghhh. Ekkkhh. Unnnngg.
Ensley flew out of his mouth like a bat out of hell before doing an about-face and charging Agnus head-on.
Agnus raised his paw and swiped him down like it was nothing.
“Don’t make me use magic, cat!” Ensley shouted.
I quickly scooped Agnus up. “Dude, really?”
Agnus snarled. “They smell like shit, but taste a little bit like chicken.”
“He’s a friend, Agnus,” I said.
Agnus sighed. “There are a few things about our species I must say I’m ashamed to admit. Our very few flaws. Our kryptonite.”
“Wait,” I said, pulling out my phone. “I’m going to record this.”
“Your phone won’t hear me, numbnuts. You only hear me because you’re attuned to magic.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Forgot. Still, what were you about to say?”
“There are a few things we cannot resist. One, laser pointers. Shoot one of those on the floor, and it’s like something comes over us. We obsess over catching the damned things. Yes, I know it’s impossible, but like I said, irresistible. And then, pretty much anything that flies. Something buzzes through the room, and we’re immediately enthralled.”
“I hate to break it to you, Agnus,” Layla told him, “but those aren’t secrets. Everyone knows about those things.”
“What? Who told! That’s top-secret stuff! No one is supposed to know.”
I shook my head. “Just go on YouTube and search for cats and laser pointers. Cats and flies. You’ll probably turn up hundreds of videos.”
“Hey, everyone!” Ensley butted in. “I’m fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“Sorry, Ensley,” I said. “Just trying to get the cat under control.”
Agnus huffed, displayed his hindquarters, and mumbled something under his breath.
“What did he just say?” I asked.
Layla laughed. “Something about our insolence, I think.”
I nodded. “He uses big words for a cat.”
“Anyway,” Ensley said. “Before I had to flee on account of that feline of yours, you said something about drow. Did I hear you right?”
I nodded. “Three of them showed up in town. Said they sensed my magic and they came with gifts for the chosen one. They want me to complete five trials, corresponding to each of the elements, to prove I am who they think.”
“Curious,” Ensley said. “The fairies, we are few in number, but if anyone was wielding magic on Earth, we should know it. And the drow, well…”
“Well what, Ensley?” Layla asked.
“We haven’t sensed anything from them for a thousand years.”
“How is that even possible?” I asked.
“Maybe the magic they are using,” Layla said, “isn’t of the Earth.”
“A possibility,” Ensley said. “If, for instance, they were drawing their magic from some other plane, perhaps the infernal or celestial realms, we wouldn’t be privy to it.”
“Infernal or celestial?” I asked. “You mean, like, hell or heaven?”
“Precisely,” Ensley said. “Angelic power. It precedes this world.”
“You don’t think the drow are borrowing magic from angels, do you?” I asked, turning to Layla. “S
eriously?”
Layla sighed. “I don’t know what to believe.”
I shook my head. “I swear, this magic shit messes with my worldview every other day. I didn’t even know angels and demons had magic. I thought they had powers that were innate to what they were.”
“Well, what do you think magic is?” Ensley asked.
I bit my lip. “Honestly, I haven’t the slightest clue. Some kind of power or energy, I suppose.”
“It’s spirit,” Ensley said. “Everything that has a spirit has magic. Not everyone can access it, but the capacity is there.”
“But the drow said there is a magic that corresponds with each element. And spirit, or aether, is only one of them.”
“Aether is disembodied spirit. Spirit without a container, if you will,” Ensley explained. “I don’t expect that it would make any sense to you. And that is not to say that the other elements do not have spirit in their way.”
“You’re telling me that water, air, fire—these things all have spirit within them?”
“And Earth,” Ensley said. “Don’t forget the Earth.”
“So, animism,” I said, shaking my head. “Another belief system my church condemns that I’m now hooked into.”
“Animism?” Ensley asked. “I do not know this word.”
“Me neither,” Layla said. “Sometimes when he gets to talking religion, I just smile and nod. Makes him feel better.”
I rolled my eyes. “You smile and nod a lot. Are you saying you do that when you don’t know what I’m talking about?”
Layla shook her head. “Not a clue.”
I chuckled. “Well, good to know. Animism is the belief that there’s a spirit in all things. Spirits of place. Spirits of elements. Exactly what you were telling me a second ago.”
“Sounds like your church is wrong again, Caspar,” Layla said.
I snorted. “Don’t tell them that. They think being wrong is like the unforgivable sin.”
Layla retrieved her phone from her pocket and glanced at it. “We’d better get that mustache glued to your lip. We need to leave in about fifteen minutes if we’re going to catch the bus.”
Chapter Ten
“I look like Wyatt-fucking-Earp,” I said, looking at myself in the mirror.
“I was going to say the Monopoly guy.”
I narrowed my eyes. “His mustache is white.”
“Okay,” Layla said. “Fair point.”
“At least Wyatt Earp was a badass Western sheriff. I can deal with that.”
“You look like a douche!” Agnus piped up, peeking around the corner.
I looked at Layla. “Told you.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “The whole point is that you don’t look like yourself.”
“Funny how different a mustache makes someone look,” I said.
Layla smiled with pride. “I told you I had this covered. Didn’t need to be anything elaborate.”
“Ensley,” I said, “since I have a bit of your magic inside me, any chance you could teach me anything that might help with these trials?”
“Not really,” Ensley said. “I could to a point. Teaching you to use this magic is sort of like you teaching a kid how to walk just because you know how to walk. You forget how you ever learned how to do it; you just do it. To teach it, I’d have to give that some thought.”
I nodded. “Well, in that case, hopefully I can figure something out if push comes to shove. You coming along, at least?”
“Of course,” Ensley said. “Wouldn’t miss it. But just in case, I might play it a little coy. Watch from a distance until I know how these drow are going to react to my presence.”
“Probably not a bad idea,” Layla said. “There will be cameras there too.”
“Ah, yes,” Ensley said. “We don’t show up well on cameras, though. Usually, we appear to be orbs, which people either mistake for ghosts or dust in the air.”
“All right,” I said. “I suppose you’ll just port yourself there?”
“Don’t even need directions,” Ensley said. “I can sniff you out from a thousand miles away.”
“See you there, buddy,” I said. Ensley nodded, and in a streak of green light, he disappeared.
“Ready?” Layla said.
I nodded, turned, opened the door, and stepped outside my apartment.
POP! POP! POP! POP!
“What the?”
I looked down. There was a piece of bubble wrap under my welcome mat.
“Ensley!” I shouted.
All I heard was giggling in the distance.
I looked at Layla, who was smiling. “Nice to know he hasn’t changed, right?”
“Hey, everyone!” Jag announced as we walked through the door. “The Iron Sheik has come to join us!”
I narrowed my eyes at Jag. “Iron Sheik? Seriously?”
Jag was trying to cover his mouth with his hand to hold back his laughter. “It looks glorious!”
I suppose being mistaken for a circa nineteen-eighties professional wrestler wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Hell, if the other chapters of the Elf Gate Cult thought the Iron Sheik had fulfilled the elven prophecy, it would be fine with me. All that mattered was that they believed someone had fulfilled it. That the chosen one had arrived. That humanity had hope. They didn’t need to recognize me.
I looked around the room. The whole place had been rearranged. The chairs that had previously been set up in rows in what used to be the church’s sanctuary had been moved to the perimeter.
In the center of the room were five large stones arranged in a circle, each much too large for anyone to lift by themselves.
Most of the people had congregated near the entrance when Layla and I walked in. Fred was among them. Layla and I waved at him, and he gave us a man-nod in response. You know, the way men casually acknowledge people while trying not to appear too enthusiastic. Because enthusiasm is for pussies.
Layla walked toward him, and I followed. Layla and Fred had worked together in the past, and he’d helped us with our Blade of Echoes switcheroo plan. It wasn’t that long ago, but so much had happened that a few months felt like years had passed.
Fred was wide-eyed and enthusiastic.
“Isn’t this thrilling!” he exclaimed.
“Almost as exciting as a renaissance festival,” I said, smiling. This was the first time I’d seen him when he wasn’t costumed as a faux king or a blacksmith.
Fred ignored my comment and looked at my companion. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Layla.”
She smiled. “The pleasure is ours.”
“These other elves. Who would have thought!” Fred exclaimed.
“Right. I certainly didn’t expect it.”
“They’re so exotic, so regal!”
“They’re all right,” Layla said.
Fred smiled at her. “Not nearly as beautiful as you, my princess.”
I snorted. Was the blacksmith/king/cult leader flirting with my girl?
Layla took it with stride. “Well, thank you, Your Highness!”
“Oh, they don’t call me that here,” Fred said. “I’m just the supreme leader.”
“Supreme leader?” I asked. “Isn’t that what they call that guy who runs North Korea?”
Again, he ignored my comment and focused on Layla.
“If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable for the trial, Layla, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“That’s too kind of you, Fred. Thank you for the hospitality.”
I would have gagged on my tongue if I wasn’t trying my best to remain cordial.
“Where’s Aerin and her boy toys?” I asked.
Before Fred could answer, they appeared from behind the stage, or what in our church, we’d call the altar area.
Aerin was wearing a long, colorful gown. It was translucent, and it didn’t hide much. You could see everything. As she walked toward us, it flowed against her body, accentuating her undeniably alluring frame.
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Layla elbowed me. “Eyes up, Caspar.”
I cleared my throat. “I wasn’t…ugh. Never mind.”
“A pleasure to see you again,” Aerin said, looking me up and down. “What’s with the—”
“The mustache?” I asked. “Concealing my identity for the cameras. Trying to avoid any unnecessary flak from people who might not appreciate my role in all this.”
Aerin cocked her head. “Why would anyone—”
“Long story,” I said.
Aerin nodded. “Very well. In that case, should we begin the first trial?”
“One thing you should know first,” Layla added. “On New Albion, the elven legion has defeated the giants. We have reason to believe that my father will be marching on the Earth when the gate opens on the next full moon.”
Aerin nodded. “In that case, we should begin in haste. And it would be wise to proceed through each trial, should you succeed, Caspar, as quickly as possible.”
“Can we knock all of them out tonight?” I asked.
Aerin frowned. “This is not possible. These trials are more than a test. They are also, in a manner of speaking, a sort of training.”
“Most of us, as it was with the druids of old, excel in one element. Perhaps two or three. But the chosen one must be a master of them all.” Aerin licked her lips in a way that was oddly seductive as she spoke.
I cleared my throat. “All right. So, what do you need me to do?”
“Each trial,” Aerin said, “will require you to subdue an elemental, a creature that represents each of the five elements. But the elements can only be subdued by magic that stems from one of the other elements. For instance, since you already possess a capacity to wield magic that corresponds with aether, the first element you will encounter will be water.”
“So, aether trumps water?” I asked.
“In the beginning,” Aerin explained, “the spirit, the aether, hovered over the deep. Spirit is the one element that existed before the waters were tamed.”
I nodded. “I know that from the book of Genesis. I mean, I never thought about it that way, but it makes sense.”
“Then tomorrow, should you prevail, you will encounter fire. If you subdue water, it will lend you its aid. Only with water at your side will you stand a chance against fire.”
Three Dogma Night (The Elven Prophecy Book 3) Page 7