by Mary Cope
Aidan leaned toward me. “What are you having, Liz?”
I reached in my pocket to grab some cash.
Aidan shook his head. “No, no I got this. What would you like?”
I could see Melissa’s eyes widen in my peripheral vision, but I didn’t look at her.
“Um… two grilled fish tacos and an iced tea, please.”
Aidan nodded his head.
After Mason took Melissa’s order, they went inside to purchase our food.
“What was that?” Melissa scooted in close and nudged me. “This almost seems like a date. What’s been going on in those tutoring sessions?” She raised a speculative eyebrow.
“Nothing’s been going on. He’s been sweet to me, that’s all.” I glanced over my shoulder to make sure they weren’t coming back yet. “You even said how he seems different. People can change… can’t they?” My confession made her frown.
“Yes, he seems… better… but, after… ya know… the almost kiss… I still don’t trust him. I’m worried about you. I don’t want you falling for him. I just don’t want you getting hurt.” Melissa scooted over while the guys sat down with our food.
The attempted kiss… she had to bring it up. Suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore.
Nibbling on my half-eaten taco, my eyes drifted from the conversation of our table and focused on two boys who looked familiar. The small one kept jumping around, weaving in and out of the patio tables, and the older one was leaning against a wall, texting. I was wracking my brain trying to place them. As soon as I saw their older brother, it hit me. Unable to tear my eyes away, I watched as he furrowed his brow at the younger one.
His voice was raised, so it was easy to hear him when he said, “Hey, buddy, people are eating here. You know better. Come on, let’s go.”
He handed the young boy a brown bag bearing the restaurant’s name then glanced up and caught my eye. It seemed as if he was trying to place me. He motioned to the older boy they were leaving and glanced over his shoulder. He caught my eye and smiled before he stepped off the sidewalk and walked toward the parking lot.
“Liz… Liz!” Mason snapped.
“What?”
“Are you gonna eat that?” He pointed to my remaining uneaten taco. I shook my head. Mason reached across the table and wolfed it down.
My eyes lingered on my neighbor as he maneuvered his way through the small parking lot.
Aidan leaned in next to me. “Do you know that guy?”
“Sorta.”
“What do you mean, sorta?” Aidan asked.
“I’ve never met him, but he’s my neighbor.”
“Hmm… seems like he’d like to know you.” Aidan kept his assessing eyes focused on my neighbor as he watched him get into his jeep.
Mason hopped up from the table and began picking up our plates. “You guys want to walk around?” He threw out our trash and wrapped his arms around Melissa.
“Sure, why not?” Aidan stood, answering for both of us.
Melissa and Mason led the way with Aidan and me trailing behind.
I wrapped my arms around myself as we strolled through the harbor. Aidan took off his black hoodie and held it open for me.
“No, it’s okay. I’m not cold.”
At that precise moment, a gust of wind blew through the harbor, causing goose bumps to rise on my exposed forearms. He chuckled and placed his jacket around me. I slipped my arms through his much-too-big hoodie and pushed up the sleeves. Aidan’s jacket smelled of him, a mixture of body wash or cologne. Whatever it was, the fresh scent had me inhaling deeply.
“Better?” he asked. I nodded while Aidan vigorously rubbed my arms. He stuffed his hands in his front pockets, and when we turned around, Melissa and Mason were way ahead of us. Aidan looked down at me with a smile that had my heart racing. “C’mon.” He nodded toward the harbor. “Looks like we’re on our own.”
We walked around not saying much of anything but it wasn’t awkward. Aidan caught my eye and a slow smile spread across his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Well… I want to say something, but I’m not sure if I should.”
We kept walking, but curiosity got the best of me. I turned my gaze to his. “What?”
Smiling crookedly, Aidan hesitated before he blurted out what he wanted to say. “You’ve lost so much weight you look like a different person.” Aidan stopped. “Did that sound as bad as I thought it did?”
“Don’t worry about it… I know I look different. It’s still hard for me when I see myself sometimes.” My eyes narrowed. “I have something to confess too…”
“Oh?” Aidan moved in close, but I took a step back.
“Do you remember when we first met? In the lunchroom?”
Aidan closed his eyes for a minute and then opened them. “Sort of…”
“You were hanging out with a bunch of girls, then you introduced yourself to me? Do you remember now?”
He still looked lost, like nothing was jarring his memory.
“I was eating a giant cinnamon roll.” I raised an eyebrow at him.
Finally, recognition washed over his face. “Yes!”
“Well, that was the day I decided to get serious and lose my weight.” Aidan’s eyes softened.
“Crap, Liz. What did I say? Was I a jerk?”
I dropped my head down, remembering how emotionally painful the day had been for me. Feeling like an idiot for having brought it up, I gazed over the boats in the harbor.
“No, Aidan, you were fine. You didn’t say anything. I just remember it being the day I started.” I lied but I didn’t want him to feel bad. I wasn’t even sure why I’d brought it up.
Aidan reached out for my hand, and his face softened. “If I did say something and you’re not telling me… I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t, so don’t worry. Okay?”
Aidan nodded, and I pulled his hand toward the boats that lined the harbor. “Which one would you want?”
Aidan’s bright eyes glided over the marina. “That one.” He let go of my hand and pointed to the largest yacht within our eyesight.
“It figures you’d want a yacht, and the biggest one out there.” I smiled as a stray lock of my hair blew in front of my face.
Aidan removed it and placed it behind my ear. Our eyes locked, and my heart started to pound as Aidan leaned in close. Melissa’s words echoed in my head.
“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you falling for him. I’m worried about you.”
The one and only thought that caused me to break eye contact and step back was that he had tried to kiss Melissa.
“I should probably text Mason. It’s getting kinda late, and… you must be freezing.”
Aidan seemed embarrassed.
I pulled my cell from my pocket and began texting as I walked away.
Chapter Six
Our birthday party was going to be next week. Kyle’s parents owned a beautiful home on Beach Road and had offered to let us use it for our celebration. Melissa and I were making all the arrangements. Because of Mason’s popularity and his band, I was certain a lot of people would be there. In anticipation for the upcoming party, I decided to ramp up my workout routine. Instead of my usual two-mile-a-day run, I added an extra mile, plus the stairs at Lantern Bay Park.
I had to get up and out early for my Saturday run. Aidan was coming over. His mid-term final was Monday, and he was feeling a little anxious. I quickly dressed in my work-out clothes, stuck my earbuds in, and blasted my music. Maggie pranced around me while I tied up my laces. Grabbing her leash, I dashed toward the front door and ran right into Aidan, literally.
Maggie’s leash dropped from my hand as my head smacked into his firm chest, knocking him against the door. He caught himself before he fell, but held onto me in the process. Aidan steadied himself and continued to hold me in an intimate embrace. He took a deep breath, leaned in, and smelled my hair. Aidan touched my cheek with the tips of his fingers then gently removed
an ear bud from one ear.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I whispered. I was expecting him to let me go, but he didn’t. Just like our night in the harbor, I felt overwhelmed. He held my gaze, but I snapped myself back into reality and shifted away from him, breaking the contact of our bodies. I bent down, picked up Maggie’s leash, and stepped outside the door.
“Sorry, Aidan.” I laughed it off. “You’re early.”
“I thought I’d hang with Mason until you were ready.”
“Okay, I’ll make it quick. I should be back in about forty minutes.” I didn’t look back, but I could feel his eyes on me as I picked up my pace and jogged away.
****
When I stopped at my usual stretching pole, my heart revved up at the sight of Mr. Dimples loading up his jeep. The back was open, and he was meticulously placing camping gear in the trunk space. California weather was always pretty good, but here it was early December, and he was going tent camping? My mind drifted, and I felt myself smile when I thought about how fun it would be to help him stay warm. A few minutes later I realized I was just standing there, staring like an idiot. I pulled myself together, remembered I had to get back to Aidan, and pushed the mental image of Mr. Hottie out of my head. I gave Maggie a tug, and we were on our way.
****
“So you don’t think we should get together one more time before mid-terms?” Aidan was nervously tapping his pencil on the desk.
“Nah, you’re gonna do great.” I handed Aidan his book and swept the eraser shavings on the floor.
Aidan placed the book in his backpack and tossed it next to my bed.
“Are you okay, Aidan? You’ve seem kinda out of it.” I wasn’t sure if he was acting strange because of the incident at the front door, or if it was something else. I gingerly took the pencil from his grasp, placed it in my coffee cup pencil holder, and shifted in my seat so I could give him my full attention.
“I’m alright…”
“I can tell something’s bugging you. What’s wrong?”
“Forget it, Liz…”
“No, tell me,” I pleaded.
Aidan glanced my way but didn’t respond.
“How ‘bout if I tell you some deep dark secret of mine and then you tell me why you’re so upset?” I bargained.
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“C’mon, Aidan, please? I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.”
A pained expression crossed his face, and after a few minutes he murmured, “It’s my mom.” He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s back in rehab.”
“Rehab… for what?”
“Meth.”
“Meth? I can’t believe you’ve never said anything.”
“It’s not something you tell people.” His arms were crossed, and he was focused on my bookcase across the room.
“How long has she been…?”
“She started when I was about four.” Aidan’s eyes shifted from the bookcase to me.
“After my mom had me, she struggled with weight and started using. I was too young to remember any of it… besides… she was good at hiding it. When my dad finally figured things out, he put her in rehab, thinking it would fix everything. It did for a while, I guess, but it didn’t last long, and eventually she’d start up again. My dad was gone a lot, so by the time I was seven, I was taking more care of her than she was of me. The sad part is, when I was a kid, I knew she wanted to quit… she was such a good mom when she wasn’t using, but she chose the drug over me… and my dad.”
“What about your dad? Does he…?”
“No, never.”
“How long were they married?”
“They got divorced when I was eight. I remember… I must have been about twelve. I was visiting her for the weekend, and she went on and on preaching to me about not doing drugs. Even then, I knew she was high as a kite. Such a hypocrite.” He scowled.
“I can’t even tell you how many times she’s been in and out of rehab. This time I thought she’d do it, but here we are again — I’m so sick of it!” His fist slammed down on my desk, rattling my pencil cup.
“I’m sorry.” I reached forward and placed my hand on his knee.
Aidan held my gaze, his pained eyes widened.
“When’s the last time you saw your mom?”
“I talk to her more than I see her. The last time we talked, she was doing so well… but now… it’s so frustrating. I worry about her all the time. I wish she could just get her life together. Every time things are going well for her, she ends up using again.” Aidan placed his head in his hands. “Maybe this time she’ll do it… I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.” His last sentence came out in a whisper.
My heart filled with compassion, watching his emotions unfold before me. His declaration tore me apart, so open and vulnerable.
He placed his hand over mine and held them. When he gazed into my eyes, his expression was broken and sad. After what seemed like minutes, he leaned in close.
My heart raced, the warmth of his breath was inches from my face.
“Aidan… wait…”
“Liz…” His lips hovered over mine.
Common sense deserted me as I focused on the sadness in his eyes and the desperation in his voice.
I felt myself tremble, then I whispered, “I’ve never been kissed before.”
Aidan’s eyes softened as he slowly brought his lips to mine. He cradled the back of my neck with his hand and gave me feather-light kisses. I closed my eyes, the warmth of his tongue skimmed across my tense lips, coaxing them to open.
I responded, awkwardly at first, but Aidan didn’t seem to care. His lips sealed over mine as my first kiss rolled into the next. I reached up, finally able to touch his hair. It was softer than I had imagined. I ran my hands down the silky strands to his strong shoulders and muscular arms. My grasp tightened, then he pulled me in close.
A soft moan escaped his lips as he kissed me again. His hands traveled to the small of my back, and he tightened his grip. He peppered my neck with kisses, and his warm breath whispered, “You’re beautiful.”
I felt myself shudder, and he kissed me again. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed.
Eventually, Aidan pulled away. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”
His honesty surprised me, and I instantly responded. “Me too.”
We held each other for a few more minutes, and he stroked my hair.
“So… what’s your secret?” he prompted.
“I lied to you.”
“Lied to me?”
I felt his body tense with my confession. “Yes… I guess you were part of the reason I wanted to lose my weight. I mean… I always wanted to. But, after I watched all those girls swarming around you, I wanted to know what it felt like to be one of them.”
Aidan hugged me tighter. “You’re so much more than that,” he whispered. Aidan kissed my forehead before he shifted and glanced at my alarm clock. “It’s almost noon. I gotta be at work by 1:00. I’d better get going.”
My heart was still racing as we walked to the front door. Aidan took a step outside the door before he leaned over and sweetly kissed me on the lips. “I’ll see ya, Liz.”
I closed the door, peered out the front window and watched him leave. Sad as it was to hear Aidan’s confession, I knew it was a good thing. He opened up to me… shared his past… and kissed me. My thoughts jumped to Melissa. Excitement filled me when I reached for my cell, but then… I placed it back in my pocket. What was I going to say to her? She didn’t want me with Aidan. But, how could I keep this from her? I walked in the kitchen and grabbed a diet soda from the fridge. I popped the top and took a long sip, contemplating if I should text her or not. The vibration of my cell phone freed me from my thoughts.
Aidan: Are you alright?
Me: Yes.
Aidan: I didn’t mean to dump all that crap on you.
Me: It’s okay.
&n
bsp; Staring at my cell phone, I had hoped he’d text me something more, but that was it. I sipped my soda as I climbed the stairs and had a brief feeling of regret but immediately dismissed it. I placed my drink on my bedside table and lay down. My eyes closed, and a smile crept across my face. It felt good knowing Aidan had confided in me, and I must be special to him… and my first kiss… was better than I had imagined.
****
The week prior to our birthday flew by. Between school, studying for midterms, and practicing for the church’s Christmas concert, I hardly had time to think about anything else… except Aidan.
I hadn’t seen him since the night we’d kissed. I tried to find him at school, but I never saw him. He didn’t park in his usual parking space. He was never in the lunchroom surrounded by his entourage. I even went to the grassy area of the lawn where the popular kids hung out. No luck.
My final attempt to confront him was when I went to his house. His truck was there. I knocked, but he didn’t answer the door.
By mid-week, I questioned if that day in my room had even happened at all. I was mad at myself for being taken in by him. Now I knew I was one of many. I wasn’t special. My humiliation was complete when I received a text from him thanking me for helping him pass calculus with a B. I felt like a fool. My only consolation was I’d never told Melissa. At least I didn’t have to deal with that embarrassment.
The music drifted into my room from the garage below. Today I would finally get some answers. He couldn’t avoid me. I knew Aidan wouldn’t miss practice, and I was desperate to talk to him. Spurred on by anger, I hurried downstairs. When I opened the garage door, my eyes focused on the old brown couch. The sound of Derek’s drums and Mason’s voice swirled around me. I plopped down on the worn-out cushions and allowed my gaze to find Aidan.
He didn’t show.
Leaving the garage, I went back to my bedroom, kicked off my boots, crawled into bed, and pulled my blanket around me. Staring at the ceiling, the tears began to fall.