I love the warmer weather here.
Then I see him step out behind the truck—Michael. I can’t stop the panic that fills me to my core at the sight of him here from all the way from Michigan. His face is almost unrecognizable, it looks like someone beat him within an inch of his life. He smiles, and teeth are missing in the front.
“Michael,” I gasp and stop dead in my tracks. The girls surround me. Jessica takes out her phone and texts someone.
Michael is going to find out who these girls are. Jessica looks identical to me. “You’re coming home with me!” He points at me, screaming loudly. I flinch with every single word.
“She is not!” Jessica screams back at him.
Michael’s eyes narrow on me. “Yes she is. How do you think I found her? She left me once and I put a tracker in her ring,” he gloats, and my stomach sinks.
I pull the ring off my finger and throw it down on the ground. The ding ding of the ring hitting the concrete is piercing.
I take a step towards him, putting myself in front of the girls, “No, leave me alone!” I scream, unleashing so much of the anger I have for him.
His expression changes to one I recognize, one that caused me so much pain and suffering. “Bitch, you are going to pay for that.
Shivers move up my spine, every single hair on my body standing up. I can’t even fathom what he would do to me if he got ahold of me.
I know that I would probably be dead.
He steps closer to me, so close I can see every single pore on his face.
“She isn’t going to pay for anything. She isn’t going anywhere with you,” Jessica defends me.
He smiles at all three of us, “Oh yes she is.”
He starts in our direction. I look at the girls, going to tell them to run, but Jessica surprises me by taking a gun out of her bag. “Think again, fucker.” She points it directly in his face.
He stops dead in his tracks. “I…I…” he stutters and looks around like something is going to happen.
“I guess you didn’t expect me to be armed. On your fucking knees or I’ll blow your dick off,” Jessica demands, and my eyes widen. I look at River, who looks proud.
I watch as he pales and starts to kneel on the ground. Just then a truck roars into the parking lot, and Michael takes that opportunity to run.
He speeds out of the parking lot and Chase’s truck pulls up next to us. Chase runs straight to Jessica, taking her gun from her, pulling her to him.
I take River’s hand and pull her to me, keeping an eye out so she doesn’t come back. “What the fuck happened?” Chase asks.
“Michael was here. He had a tracker in my ring,” I answer, my voice cracking as the nerves set in.
“Fuck me!” Chase growls, and wraps his arms around all three of us, helping us into Jessica’s car. “You should go home. I need to go find that fucker.”
Chase hands her back her gun, and she slips it into her purse and slams the door shut.
I’m in the passenger seat and River’s in the back. Jessica drives halfway across the lot, and my heart drops to my stomach.
Michael is driving straight towards us. I grip Jessica’s arm and she puts the car in reverse, causing him to swerve around us.
Chase’s truck roars in front of us, putting himself in between us and Michael. Michael does a U-turn and then floors straight towards us again. Chase moves in front of us again so he’ll hit him instead of us.
Then Michael changes course and leaves, getting onto the interstate. My only hope is that he’s heading back to where he came from.
Hopefully this is the last time I’ll ever see him.
2
Bell
Three months later
I walk into Hunter’s room to see if he’s awake. He has been a bright light in my life.
The way he smiles, the way he laughs. He’s perfect. When the days get rough because of my past, he makes the pain go away.
Jessica already has him out of his crib and is holding him. I smile and walk over, running my hand down the back of his head. “Good morning, honey,” I tell Jessica.
“Good morning, Mom. Did you sleep good?”
“I did,” I answer. I slept as well as I can considering the nightmares that I just can’t escape from. I tried to take melatonin to help me rest, but I think it made the dreams worse. “I’m fixing to leave to go to therapy. I’ll be back home in a few hours. What are you guys planning on doing later?” I wonder if they want me to make dinner for them and give them the night off with Hunter.
“I think I may have an appointment.” Jessica sucks in her lips, like she’s trying not to smile.
It hits me when I reach the bottom of the stairs. I turn to look at her, my stomach filled with butterflies. “Are you?”
She smiles so beautifully. It makes me so happy to see both my daughters so happy. “The test said yes.”
I run to her. “Oh my god!” I say loudly and hug her tightly.
Jessica laughs and hugs back just as tight. Hunter’s wedged in between us and decides to join the hug too.
“Let me know what they say, honey.” I touch her cheek gently.
I wave as I walk out of the door and get in the car that Chase lets me use. It’s been hard for me to accept the gifts he has given me.
My first thought was, what am I going to have to do to pay him back?
After therapy, I’m volunteering at a women’s shelter. I’ve made a lot of great friends there. We’re going through this journey together.
The hardest part of volunteering there is seeing all of the kids, the haunted look in their eyes.
I want to take all of them home with me and promise them that no one will ever hurt them again.
The hardest part is when the mom goes back to their abuser and that means the kid has to go back too.
I walk into therapy and wave at the lady at the front desk. When I first started therapy, I went almost every single day. Now it’s just twice a week.
I made the realization there that I had been in—and grew up in—a cult.
I had my suspicions, but I was so blocked off from the world that it was all I knew. I didn't have a phone, a TV, nothing.
We had to wear white and we didn’t wear pants, ever. Our hair was not to be cut—there was so many rules.
If our husband thought we had sinned or disobeyed him, he had to punish his wife accordingly or the church would.
The church is filled with men who thrive on the power it gives them. We are nothing but bodies to them and we exist solely to give them pleasure.
“Hi Braelyn, how are you today?” I sit down in the chair.
She smiles. “I’m good. Xavier decided to throw up on me this morning, no biggie.”
I laugh. Only she would be so happy at her kid throwing up on her. “You ready to talk about what we’ve been putting off?” she asks.
I let out a deep breath, diving into it. “Yes.”
“Do you think you want to date?” she asks. It’s something we’ve mentioned but never really talked about.
“I’ve thought about it a great deal.” I shift in my seat so I can get more comfortable. “I think if someone comes into my life and I can find that happiness, I’m going to go for it.”
I have to learn to love myself and let myself realize that I do deserve good things to happen to me. “I am thirty-eight years old. I’m still young in a lot of ways,” I continue, getting lighter when I see the happiness on her face.
“So yes, I do want to date. I know that it will be hard for me, because I have PTSD, but I owe it to myself to let myself have that chance in life.”
Braelyn shuts her notebook. “I’m so incredibly proud of you, Bell. Look how far you’ve come. When you first got here, you freaked out if someone opened the door too abruptly.”
“You’ve helped me so much, Braelyn. You’ve made me realize that it’s time for me to live to the best of my ability. I’ve been robbed of many years of my life, but that is gone and past.”
I do have a fear that Michael will find me one day, but I can’t let that paralyze me.
“Do you think of kids?” Braelyn hesitantly asks.
I nod without hesitation. “I wouldn’t mind having kids. If I don't happen to find someone who can put up with my baggage, I’ve thought of adoption.”
Braelyn gives me a look, catching me self-doubting. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, Bell. You’re the strongest person I have ever met. You suffered abuse your whole life up until three months ago. You have gone beyond my expectations. You pushed yourself, you fought tooth and nail to bring yourself out of your hell. You grabbed onto life with both hands. If you aren’t the greatest success story, then I don’t know what is.”
I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried. Her words strike a part of me that doubted I could do this.
I walk over and hug Braelyn. I know it’s inappropriate, but I can’t help it. I have struggled with touch also. I never had healthy touching in my life, so I’ve had to learn to not flinch if someone raises their hand. Sometimes I am caught off guard and I almost fall to the floor, instinct and fear taking over.
It’s going to take time. Maybe I will always have triggers, but I don't care. I am forever grateful for the life I have now. I’m not sure how it could get better.
After our session, I drive down the road to the center, and one of the prospects at the gate lets me inside.
When I saw that this center was owned by a motorcycle club, I was wary. Everyone’s heard rumors and these places instill fear.
The members are nothing like I was expecting.
The Devil Souls MC are scary, don’t get me wrong, but I can tell the men are good men. They protect the girls there so they can be safe and heal without the fear of getting hurt.
I love it here.
I grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Hi Liam, how are you today?” I smile at him. He is Braelyn's younger brother.
He takes my purse from me like it’s too heavy for me to carry. “I’m good. Waiting on Paisley to come over. One of the kids fell, so she’s coming to check them out.”
I’m instantly concerned, “Oh no, which baby is it?”
I don’t care if the kids are teenagers. I call them all babies. Liam’s face softens when he looks at me, “Ronny.”
My heart hurts. He has been through so much. His mother is not the best——she’s one I just can’t seem to connect to. She’s mad at the world, and she has a right to be, but not with Ronny. She’s cruel to him and I don’t like it.
“I’ll go check on him.” Liam places my bag in my locker and locks it for me.
No one blinked twice at seeing Liam carrying a white purse on his arm. I find it cute that he doesn’t care.
I wave goodbye to Liam and walk into the “living room,” as I call it. It’s a huge space with couches, multiple TVs, and toys for the kids.
I spot Ronny to the side of the room immediately, looking sad, and I see the huge knot on the side of his face.
I approach carefully so I don't startle him, “Hey Ronny, you okay? I heard you bumped your head?”
He smiles at me. He is truly a beautiful child, with his beautiful mocha-colored skin and piercing blue eyes. He’s so happy considering the life he was given.
“I did, Bell.” He stops talking and looks over at his mother, who is glaring at him from one of the couches.
Alarms go off in my head at the expression on his face. I don’t like the look she’s giving him.
“I got you something,” I whisper, to get his attention away from his mother. I may try to speak to her again to see if I could somehow help her through what is causing her to be ill towards Ronny.
He practically shakes in his seat in excitement. Yesterday we were talking and he mentioned that he has been dying to read the next Percy Jackson book, so I went to the bookstore and got him one.
I present the book, wrapped of course, sliding it across the table and making sure not to touch him because I don’t know if that’s okay with him or not.
Most people wouldn’t think of small little things like that, but sometimes good touches can be too much to bear.
He opens it so slowly, like he’s trying to savor it. When he finally takes it out of the paper, his eyes widen so big and his mouth opens in disbelief.
His beautiful eyes turn to look at me. He swallows hard and touches the cover of the book like he can’t believe it’s actually there. “Did you really buy this for me, Bell?”
His expression brings me such joy. “Yes I did, honey. It’s all yours. Once you finish that, I can get the next one.”
He picks the book up and clutches it to his chest. “Do you mind if I read while you sit with me?”
I’ll do whatever he wants me to do, so I sit right next to him and pull out my own book on my phone, and we sit and read in silence.
I can feel his mother staring at both of us. It’s more of a glare, but I’m not going to acknowledge her.
I hope that she doesn’t abuse him physically, but in the end she’s not giving him the emotional support that he needs.
“Want to eat lunch with me before I have to leave?” I ask softly so as not to startle him as he reads.
He puts the book down and marks his place with a bookmark. He nods, his eyes lighter than I have seen since I first saw him here.
We walk together to the cafeteria, and I help him get his food. “Want to tell me about your book?”
He takes a bite of his sandwich. “Yes!” He starts off on an animated ramble talking about demigods and a lot of things that I have no clue about.
An hour passes and I have to go. “I have to go, Ronny, but I’ll be back tomorrow. If you ever need me, they have my number at the front desk.”
His beautiful eyes haunt me. I don't want to leave him. I wish I could hug him and take him away from here.
“I understand, Bell, see you tomorrow?” he says sweetly. He hugs the book to his chest like it’s giving him comfort.
He is too precious for this world. I would give anything to adopt him, but he has a mother and I pray that she changes and gives him a life he deserves.
She’s here, so maybe that’s a start?
I turn around, waving as I do so, and walk out the door. I let out a deep breath, rubbing my chest as the ache forms and a million thoughts race through my mind.
I decide in this moment to go to the bookstore and grab the other books to keep in my car so I can have them on hand the second he finishes the others.
If it brings him happiness and some kind of peace, then I want to give him that.
* * *
The next day
I can’t wait until I see Ronny. I hide the book in my bag in case he’s finished the one he’s reading.
I sign in when I walk inside. Braelyn followed me here since she works here part time throughout the week.
She walks to her room past the cafeteria and I make my way into the living room.
I spot Ronny right off the bat looking sad as he sits off to the side by himself. He’s still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I make a note to go shopping for him tomorrow before I come back.
His mother is sitting on the couch again, and she looks more pissed off than usual. She gives me a death glare as I walk past.
If she only knew that her glare means absolutely nothing to me. You don't go through what I have and be affected by that.
“Hi, Ronny, how are you today?” I ask and pull out a chair next to him.
He smiles at me. “I’m good! I sat up all night and finished my book. It was so good, Bell. Thank you for getting it for me.” He hugs the book to his chest.
“You’re so welcome, honey. I’m so glad you loved it.” My heart warms at the glow on his face as he looks through the pages of the book he just read.
“Want to eat lunch with me again, Bell?” he asks.
“Of course, you’re my favorite person. I can’t miss lunch with my favorite little man.”
He
stands up out of his seat like he’s going to leave, and I start to worry that I said something wrong, but he does the unthinkable.
He hugs me.
He wraps his arms around my neck and hugs me so tight it hurts, but I wouldn’t dare complain.
I hug him back, rubbing his back. He just hugs me and I let him for however long he wants.
He finally sits back down but pulls his seat a little closer. I think that I’ve finally gotten his trust.
He babbles on about his day, how he’s playing with his friends later and that he’s excited for the evening meal.
It comes too quick when I have to leave. Chase’s mother is having a dinner tonight to celebrate Jessica being pregnant.
“I have to go, Ronny, but I’ll be back tomorrow like usual. But I have a surprise for you.”
I reach inside of my bag and pull out the next book. He looks at it in shock and then runs to me, burying his face in my stomach.
“Thank you so much, Bell.” He sniffs and steps back, little tears in his eyes. I reach down and wipe them away. “You’re so welcome, honey. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hugs both of the books and walks back to his chair.
I watch him for a few minutes before I leave. It’s getting harder and harder to do so. If only his mother knew what an amazing child she has.
3
Bell
We pull up outside of Katherine’s gorgeous house and walk around back to where the party is.
Katherine’s romantic relationship is one that took me a minute to wrap my head around—she’s married to two guys.
I’m surrounded by amazingly beautiful relationships. It gives me such joy to see everyone so happy and to be surrounded by that.
The party is in full swing. I spot Katherine at the food table moving things around. I take off in her direction.
“Hi Katherine, need some help?” I ask her once I reach the table.
She smiles at me and lets out a deep breath. “Yes, I can always use the help.” I get to work helping her prepare the buffet.
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