by Regina Frame
"Don't worry about it. I'll give them a call and they'll send some people out." Chance pulled his cell from the front pocket of his faded jeans and began to speak immediately. I guessed being in their position; they had to have them on speed dial.
Jinx headed up the stairs to Levi's room while Honesty, Honor, and I headed to the kitchen to make some sandwiches. I probably wouldn't be able to get him to eat, but I needed to try. He was going to need his strength for the days to come.
"They're out there," Honor said, from where she stood at one of the kitchen windows. I looked her way and she tilted her head for me to look. I walked over and stood beside her, sure enough there were photographers with long zoom lens, standing at the edge of the property. I flew through the kitchen and living room, closing all the curtains and blinds. It was a damn shame that they couldn't let people morn in private. Did they have to plaster every detail of their lives across the pages of magazines or social media? Of course they did. "That's what happens when you live in the public eye." I remember Levi telling me that after being photographed pulling out of his garage at home. He had said, "Even though I live in a secured neighborhood, there's always someone lurking around the corner with a camera or phone, looking to make a fast buck for a glimpse of one of the band members. Chance and Linc suddenly stood and I turned to see why. Jinx walked down the stairs followed by Levi. His hair was sticking up everywhere and his five o'clock shadow was taking over his handsome face. I stood on tiptoes, and placed a warm kiss on his stubbly cheek.
"We made sandwiches, come eat something." I grabbed his hand and tried to steer him toward the kitchen.
"Why is it so fucking dark in here?" he growled, and let go of my hand. He stalked over to the curtains in the room and flung them open. In the distance, you could see the flash of cameras going off. "Who the fuck do they think they are?" He swore, stormed to the door, and flung it open. He thundered out onto the damp grass with his bare feet. "You're a bunch of fucking vultures! Have you no respect? My mom died this morning and all you can think about is selling a picture?" Jinx and Linc were at his side trying to persuade him, unsuccessfully, to come back inside and ignore the photographers. "Well, here I am. I'm fucking grieving, my heart is broken into a million pieces, and I hope you get your damn picture." He flung his arms open wide as the flashes continued from a distance. Jinx and Linc grabbed his arms and physically hauled him back into the house.
"Levi, man, come on, let's grab a sandwich and talk. You need to fill us in on the plans," Jinx told him. I grabbed the plates from the china cabinet while Honesty placed the platter of sandwiches in the center of the table. Levi filled everyone in on what he'd been doing in his room all morning. He'd made the funeral arrangements, called the cemetery, and even picked out the dress that his mother was to be buried in. He did all of this without me. Why? I wanted to ask why he didn't let me help, but he was radiating something that I'd never felt before from him. Anger. So, I decided to let it go and move forward. The funeral was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon with a graveside service. The words he spoke next, shocked us all.
"I'll be back in the studio Monday, and then we have the fundraiser Saturday, and from there . . ."
"Levi, you do realize today is Friday. You're gonna need some time . . ." He turned his stormy blue eyes on me, eyes so cold; they sent a shiver down my spine, and not the good kind of shiver.
"Peyton, I'm well aware that today is Friday and that tomorrow, I'll put my mom in the ground, next to my dad. I don't need anyone babying me. I'm twenty-six fucking years old and I full well, know what I need. So, if you don't mind," he stared at me for a long few seconds—almost as if he were daring me to speak. I could practically feel myself shrink in my chair.
"Dude, calm the fuck down. She's only trying to help," Chance said, looking back and forth between Levi and me. Honor reached out and placed her small hand on my arm in an attempt to comfort me, but there was nothing in this moment that was going to help with that. I was sitting here helpless watching the man I loved deal with the loss of his mother and he wouldn't let me help him. I guess it was true that everyone dealt with grief in his or her own way. I just hoped we made it through this, because if this were any other circumstance, I'd have already taken my shoe off and thrown it at his head.
The next morning, I slipped into the black dress and heels that Honesty was kind enough to bring me and headed across the hall in search of Levi. I stopped just outside his door when I heard music coming from his room. It wasn't just any music. He was playing his guitar and singing softly. His voice was beautiful, soft, smooth, and angelic. I slowly cracked the door open and I could see him sitting in a chair with his back to the door and his guitar resting on his knee. He was singing about love and loss, heartbreak and sorrow. The lyrics were beautiful but soul crushing at the same time. I cleared my throat and his body froze. I cautiously pushed open the door and crossed the room to where he sat. I placed my hands on his strong shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze.
"That was beautiful," I told him.
"It was one of my mom's favorite songs. I wrote it for her when I came for a visit sometime last year. I thought I might sing it at the funeral today." He lowered his guitar to the stand in front of him and stood to face me. He was wearing a pair of black slacks that looked tailored made and a crisp, white button-up shirt with a black tie hanging loose around his neck. His tattoos were peaking out just above the collar.
"I can't tie this damn thing." He flicked the fabric of the tie. I took it in my hands and made quick work of tying it for him. "I'm sorry about yesterday." I looked up at him through my thick lashes.
"It's okay. You're hurting and I'm not made of glass. I understand." I smoothed out the fabric across his broad shoulders and chest. He cupped my face in his strong hands and looked down at me with stormy blue eyes.
"It's never okay to treat you like that. I'm sorry. Please forgive me." His forehead touched mine, and our eyes locked. "I love you."
"I love you too, Levi." I glanced at the clock on his nightstand. We were going to need to leave soon. "Where's your jacket, sweetheart?" Levi asked as he looked down at me, gave me a weak smile, and then tilted his head toward the closet. I watched as he slid it up over his arms and onto his strong shoulders—shoulders that were carrying so much right now. He grabbed his guitar and we headed downstairs where the others were waiting for us.
When we reached the bottom step, he turned toward the kitchen instead of joining the others in the den. I watched as he pulled a bottle of some kind of liquor from the cabinet, took a healthy gulp and then another, before placing it back on the shelf and closing the door. I opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it. If he needed it to get through this day, who was I to say no to him.
"We need to head out man. The car is out front," Jinx informed us from the doorway in the kitchen. He gave Levi a long look before turning and walking toward the front door. I wondered about the look they shared, but I didn't have time to think about it. Levi looked at me and didn't even blink as he placed his hand at the small of my back and ushered me out the door and into the black limo that was waiting in the driveway. The limo ride to the gravesite was silent. Everyone stared out the window, except for the occasional glance in Levi's direction, and the death grip he had on my knee was almost brutal. I was sure there'd be fingertip bruises on my skin later.
"You look nice." He glanced down at me with a weak smile that I'm sure was forced. I just gave his hand a little squeeze and a weak smile of my own. The limo rolled to a stop and the black tent at the gravesite came into view. Levi's body stiffened beside me and he took a deep breath. Everyone filed out and stood beside the car waiting for us to exit, but I didn't move. I gave him all the time he needed and when he was ready, we all made our way to the front row that was reserved for family.
As we sat there listening to the minister, I realized that there was no other family—only friends and probably co-workers from his mom’s past employment. Levi had no s
iblings and now both of his parents were gone. Another piece of my heart crumbled for this man. The band was now the only family he had left. I knew they were a close-knit bunch and for that, I thanked God that he had them.
There was security all around us, but beyond them, were the paparazzi and a few fans scattered between. They made their presence known when Levi stood at his mother's casket and sang one last song for her. I wanted to stand up and scream and shout at them. I wanted to hurl insults their way. Have some respect for the grieving, but I kept my mouth shut, kept it all inside, and concentrated on my broken man as he sang one last song for his mom.
When the service was over, Levi didn't wait around to speak with anyone. He took me by the hand and led me back to the limo as the others followed us.
"You didn't want to speak with . . ." He cut me off before I could finish.
"No . . . I didn't," was all he said. He made a sound in the back of his throat and I glanced up to see his eyes welled with tears. If anyone else noticed, they did a good job of hiding it, because no one said a word. They just stared out the window in another bout of total silence. I unbuckled my seatbelt and crawled into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and lightly kissed his cheek.
"Thank you,” he murmured against where his head had dropped against my shoulder.
"For what?"
"For, being you. For loving me the way you do." My heart melted and I squeezed him a little tighter, rubbing my hands up and down his strong back.
Peyton
That
night we sent one of the guards out for food. We all sat around the coffee table in the living room eating Chinese food from little boxes, while the guys shared stories about being on the road, and how all the groupies threw themselves at Levi because he had the Ken doll look about him. They were obviously trying to keep the mood light and lift his spirits, if that was even possible. It actually worked for a short period.
"Hence the tattoos, baby," he said, looking at me with a wink.
"You actually thought that would turn them off of you?" I laughed. He nodded his head and then shrugged.
"Boy were you wrong!" I laughed. "Babe, tattoos are chick magnets. Every hot-blooded woman loves a bad boy with tattoos."
"Amen to that," Honesty said, giving Linc goo-goo eyes.
"You can say that again," Honor said, flipping her pink and blond hair over her shoulder and then smiled at Chance, who was sitting across from her.
"I'm gonna head upstairs guys," Levi said, holding out his hand for me to take. I placed my fingers in his warm hand and said goodnight to the others before following Levi up the stairs.
"Goodnight, sweet . . ." His mouth crashed down on mine, he pulled me into his bedroom, and closed door with his foot.
"Need you in here tonight, babe," he said against my lips. I didn't argue. I started with the buttons on his shirt because he'd already stripped himself of his tie. Each open button revealed tanned, toned abs and as I moved my way up hard pecks with colorful ink across his broad chest. I slid the shirt from his shoulders and along his inked arms, until it hit the ground at our feet.
I placed a kiss on each of his flat nipples while my fingers worked their magic on his belt and the button of his black slacks. With one push, they landed around his ankles and he stepped out of them, leaving him standing in front of me in all his naked glory. Muscles upon muscles; ink upon beautiful ink. I traced my fingers over his pecks and then they feathered along the indentions of each well-defined muscle and straight to the deep-V that led me strait to glory land. I dropped to my knees and wrapped my small hand around his hard cock that stood proudly, begging for my attention. He sucked in a breath and his head fell back on a groan.
"Baby, you don't have to do this,” he breathed, but I could tell it was what he wanted.
"Shush. This is about you Levi, just relax, and enjoy," I said, gripping his muscled thighs for support as I slowly took him into my warm mouth. I worked him in and out, up and down. My fingers ghosted lightly up the insides of his thigh until I reached his heavy sac. I palmed his balls, lightly traced my fingers through the light sprinkling of hair there. I licked him from root to tip and then swirled my tongue around the velvet head, stopping long enough to lick the pre-cum from the tip. It tasted salty and so good. I lowered my head and licked his balls before taking each one into my mouth and flicking it with my tongue. His body stiffened and two strong hands landed on my shoulders, bringing me to my feet in one swift movement. For a moment, I thought I'd done something wrong, but his mouth crashed down on mine in a hungry, demanding kiss.
"Too many clothes." His hand went for the zipper at the back of my dress and when he got frustrated with it, he ripped it down the back. The dress lay on the floor in two pieces. How was I going to explain that to Honesty? He tossed me back onto his bed and stared down at me, lying there in nothing but my little, black thong. His hand slowly slid up my legs until he reached my underwear and slid his thumbs under the thin elastic on each side, snapping them in two. He tossed the ripped underwear over his shoulder and smirked down at me, causing me to giggle.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you more.” There went another little piece of my heart.
The moment his body entered mine, I realized that he was not fucking me. He was making love to me. Our bodies moved as one, in a beautiful rhythm of a love song. He'd become a part of me, a beautiful lyric that warmed my heart and made my soul sing. It was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. That night we slept wrapped in each other's arms, or so I thought. The next morning when I awoke, the bed was empty, and Levi was nowhere to be found. I dug around in his dresser drawers, until I found his old sweat pants and a t-shirt. I knew all of my clothes were across the hall in the guest room and I didn't want to take a chance at someone seeing me run across the hall naked. I found the others sitting around the kitchen table, discussing something in a loud manner. Everyone stopped and looked up when I entered the room.
"Morning," I said, crossing the room to grab a cup of coffee.
"Morning," Honesty said. I looked around the room and the one person I wanted to see the most was not here either.
"Have any of you seen, Levi?"
"Come, have a sit with us." Honesty motioned to the empty chair beside her. I immediately knew something was up because the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end.
"What's going on? Where's Levi?"
"That's what we were just discussing." This came from Jinx. "He left early this morning. He said there was something that he really needed to take care of and that you'd be riding back with us." He said this like it was old news to me. It was anything but. I thought we were a team. Teams did things together. I thought we established that last night.
Oh. My. God. What if he was actually saying goodbye to me last night? I jumped from my chair and ran upstairs. I felt as though I was going to be sick. I entered his room and sure enough, all of his things were gone, even his guitar. How did he not wake me in the middle of his packing? I stared around the room, the room where just last night, we made love; the sheets still crumpled in the middle of the bed.
"There's something you probably should know about Levi," Jinx said from behind me. I turned slowly to face him and then sat on the side of the bed when he motioned me to do so. "Levi is a recovering alcoholic." I sucked in a breath. That explained the silent exchange between he and Levi yesterday before the funeral. I nodded my head.
"I had no idea."
"He went to rehab when he was twenty, spent almost a year there. ever since . . . since then he's drank a lot less. But, when he took that drink before the funeral, I knew we were in for trouble. He drinks to numb himself. I'm sure he would have told you in time, it's just not something he's very proud of. Levi is a strong man, but alcohol has always been his weakness. He woke me up early this morning to tell me he was leaving. He said you'd be riding back with us. I assumed you knew," Jinx explained. I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't help it. I fel
l apart. When I say, I fell apart, I mean at the seams. Tears poured from my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt the bed dip on both sides and two sets of arms wrapped around me. Honesty and Honor. They held me and let me cry until I couldn't cry any longer.
Peyton
I
entered the recording studio for the third day in a row, in hopes of seeing Levi. No such luck. No one had seen nor heard from him. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to call but after the second day and no word, I gave in and texted. No response. I called. No response. I was worried, sick. Visions of my mom drugged out of her mind and passed out on our old, ratty couch played through my mind on a constant loop. Those replays eventually turned into Levi's face. It was he I saw passed out somewhere, with who knows whom, taking advantage of him, or even worse, he could be dead!
"Has anyone been to his condo?" I asked as I sat my laptop on the wooden table in the conference/dining area for the guys.
"Went yesterday, but nobody came to the door. I walked around back and peaked into the garage and saw that his Camaro was gone," Chance said.
"I've called his cell repeatedly, but no luck. I can't believe he hasn't contacted you." Jinx looked at me with disbelief.
"Do you guys think we should call the police? I-Has he ever done anything like this before you know-when he was drinking?"
"He's done it once before, and if that's where he is, we'll never know until he makes it known," Jinx replied. I didn't know why, but I felt as if there was some kind of hidden message there. Something the guys knew that I didn't.
I flipped open my computer and began scanning through social media. There were pictures of Levi standing on his lawn, arms flung wide, as the photographers got their money shots of my broken-hearted man. There were nicer pics, ones of a candlelight vigil, outside the neighborhood gate where Levi lived. There were even well wishes for Levi and the band. I scanned through the usual Facebook and Twitter accounts. Each of the guys were thanking the fans for their condolences and reminding them to come out to support Levi's charity event, this Saturday. Damn! That was only a few days away. What if he didn't surface by then, and if he does, what if he wasn’t in any shape to play? When I came to Levi's page, the only words he'd written were; "Off the grid for a while." That was written early Sunday morning. There had been nothing since.