Very soon now, he’d knot Gideon meaning he’d make himself pregnant.
Despite the wonderful feeling, Kiernan blinked away tears, knowing this pleasurable moment might be his last.
Chapter Seven
Gideon woke with a start.
When he turned over, the space next to him was empty. Perhaps he should get used to that since Kiernan was leaving anyway.
Although Gideon knew this, his heart was already torn. No, he wasn’t in love, but his emotions had spiraled out of control.
Hard to believe it only took one night, but he didn’t regret it.
“I’m glad you don’t.”
Gideon shifted in bed, finding Kiernan standing at the bathroom door. At the sight of him, Gideon’s breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat. Appearing as if he’d just come out of the shower, he was irresistible. Gideon desperately wanted to continue what they’d started well into the day. “I… um, know you need clothes, but I don’t really feel like going shopping.”
Kiernan snickered and pushed his hand through his hair. “Neither do I. I’ll just order something online. I only need…”
“Don’t.” Gideon held up his hand, not wanting to hear what Kiernan would say next.
“It is what it is, Gideon. I’ve gotta get back to my people.”
“Now you care about them?” Gideon sat up and massaged the back of his neck. “You’d already abandoned your position to come here. Why is it important to get back?”
“Because I made a mistake. I…” Kiernan dropped his gaze, shaking his head. He looked distraught. The usually bubbly alien was in a foul mood. “I need to go back. You were right about feelings. My best action would be to return immediately, but because I haven’t made up a story for Kiernan’s disappearance yet, I will stay for now.”
“That’s all you care about?” Gideon got up from the bed. While he wished he hadn’t gotten so wrapped up in Kiernan, he hoped to convince him to change his mind.
“I do care for you, Gideon. Don’t get me wrong, departing will be difficult, but it’s for the best. I… I’ve got to prepare for my shortened future. Pick someone to replace me in power, that sort of thing.”
“They can’t do that without you?” Gideon asked sadly. Kiernan seemed to be unaffected by what happened between them. He hadn’t moved from where he stood, seemingly afraid to come closer. That in itself told the story.
Kiernan lifted his head and bit his bottom lip. “They could and to answer your later question, I do feel something, but I worry our actions were too much for me.”
“How? You wanted it just as much as I did.” Gideon got up from the bed,
“While that is true…” Kiernan held his hands out. “Please, stay where you are.”
Gideon fell back. “So, you’re afraid of something more happening? That maybe you’ll stay if I come close?”
“No, it’s much bigger than that. Listen um…” Kiernan blew out a huge breath. “I enjoyed our time, but… I need to leave. I’m not departing yet, but I think it’s best I don’t stay at your home.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to Elijah’s house for a while to make plans for Kiernan. I shouldn’t care about a proper death for the idiot, but I do.” Kiernan said dismissively.
“So, just like that, we’re done.” Gideon couldn’t believe Kiernan’s complete about face from last night. At first, he was all about fun, now in less than twelve hours he wanted nothing to do with him.
“I want to be friends, but I need to put a little space between us. That’s all. I won’t leave before departing for Necetune. I promise.” Kiernan dashed to the chair and grabbed his clothing, putting one item on then another. Once he finished, he slipped into his shoes.
Gideon leaned back against the headboard. “Fine. I thought we could discuss my patient some more.” They already had, but perhaps focusing on work would take his mind off of being hurt.
Kiernan glanced at his reflection in the mirror. “Can we do it by phone? I’m still willing to hear the details, but I’m meeting with Elijah in an hour. I figure I will stay there to finish out the fashion show, then have him jump in the ocean, get swallowed by a shark or something. That way your people won’t be looking for a body.”
“Sounds about right.” Gideon said deadpan. He eyed Kiernan from behind, admiring his backside, his body. The one he snuggled up during the night. Despite being an alien, he was warm, smelled good, making Gideon feel safe. Comfortable. Alive. Now that Kiernan was leaving, Gideon would be going back to being alone and a dud.
“How about being all that without me?” Kiernan spun on his heel to look at Gideon. His hazel eyes shone from the sun peeking through the window. “Hasn’t our little time together taught you to enjoy life a little more? To slow down, and take some time for you? I left my position to have fun. If I can do that after governing a planet, you can too.”
“Don’t compare our stories.” Gideon snapped. “You’re right, but at the same time, things don’t have to be this way.”
“Yes, they do. They…” Kiernan’s mood appeared to switch again. “It’s complicated, okay? I wish I could tell you more, but I must go.”
“Do you want a ride?” Gideon said in a hurry. Though he was hurt, he wanted to spend a few more minutes with Kiernan. Even if this would be the last time they’d see each other, he wished to make them count.
“No. I’ll hail a cab or walk.” Kiernan strolled towards the bedroom door then stopped. He turned around to face Gideon. “Look, I… I know this is cold of me, but it’s for the best. I’ll come up with a way we can stay in touch after I depart.”
“M’kay.” Gideon said nonchalantly. “If you don’t hold up on your promise, have a nice life.” He tugged the sheet back over him, ignoring his morning wood. Even with this conversation the damn thing hadn’t calmed down.
“I will. I hope you do the same.” Kiernan placed his hand on the doorknob and opened it. “Gideon, please don’t let this turn you off of enjoying your life. You’ve got everything anyone could want.”
“Yeah, just not you?” Gideon cocked an eyebrow, waiting for a reaction.
“No… it’s not that. It’s me. I don’t have everything you could want.” Kiernan backed out. “Goodbye Gideon.” He turned around and left.
Gideon watched him disappear. His footsteps got further and further way until his front door opened then shut. He sighed aloud then closed his eyes, wishing it was all a bad dream.
Kiernan had intrigued and titillated Gideon only to leave him the very next day.
After figuring out that there was a reason for the alien’s intervention, how could fate be so cruel?
* * * *
“So, you left him?” Elijah asked Kiernan.
Kiernan lifted his hands and shrugged. “I had to. I thought I could have sex and not get pregnant, but dammit I let my guard down. I can’t interrupt his life with children.”
“But you can, especially if you’re going to let them go.” Elijah countered.
“But… I…” Kiernan looked down at his lap, already feeling the eggs form under his flesh. In a couple of Earthly days he’d have anywhere from two hundred to two thousand eggs to care for only to let them go once they were old enough to swim. Knowing he’d have to watch them depart, Kiernan couldn’t handle the heartbreak.
“You feel as I do.” Elijah said with a tinge of happiness in his voice.
Kiernan didn’t look back at Elijah or bother to answer.
“Ah, Kiernan, I knew you were a softie.”
“Am not! I… I just don’t wish to deal with that emotion. I don’t understand why I have to be attached to anyone.”
“You don’t have to, but at least you’d have the opportunity to live. I know you didn’t want that to occur, but again, as humans believe, all things happen for a reason.”
“And that is?”
“You need someone, Kiernan. Even if you never see Gideon again, you should have another being in your life. That mig
ht mean a child.”
“But I have no place to go, Elijah. I don’t want to take up space here, and again, I must get back to Necetune to select a replacement.”
“Okay. Do all that after the babies are born. Take them back, name your successor, then return to Earth. If you don’t want to live with Gideon, you can stay with us until you find a place of your own.”
Kiernan smiled at Elijah and patted his hand. “I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s not a problem. Despite our past differences, I won’t hesitate to help a fellow Necetune. I want to see you happy, Kiernan. You deserve that. All Necetune do.”
“I know, but…” Kiernan rose from the chair and strolled towards the window. He eyed Elijah’s husband Jaxon playing with their little ones by the beach. “How often do they visit?”
“All the time. They want to play with their sibling more often than not. And don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject.”
Kiernan dropped his head, fighting off the tears. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sniffed. “I hate this feeling. This… fucking ugly love feeling. Why do I have to love anybody? Children, a mate, anyone. Why can’t I love myself?”
“You can, but all beings crave some interaction. Why many of our people want to dismiss that is beyond me, but really, there’s nothing wrong with loving someone.”
“Caring about someone makes you vulnerable. I don’t like that helplessness, Elijah. When I lay the eggs, the more around them I am, the more I’ll get attached. Same thing with Gideon. I thought we could have the physical connection without the emotional or mental portion. My host seemed to do this, but I can’t. Makes no sense.”
“Just because you know most of his history doesn’t mean you’re aware of the full story. And even if that were true, how do you know it wasn’t something that happened to make him feel that way?”
“His parents divorced, but should that harden you the rest of your life?”
“Humans are complex creatures, Kiernan. The more I’ve talked with them about their problems, the more I understand. They bog themselves down with so many things. A lot of those anxieties are self-inflicted also.”
“Well, they don’t take care of each other. At least Necetune do something good for our planet. Humans have so many prejudices against one another.”
“It’s so true. I’ve experienced that firsthand.” Elijah said sounding annoyed.
“Really?”
“Don’t make me go over it again because it was quite disturbing. If I wasn’t aware that killing the person would do more harm than good, I would’ve.”
Kiernan spun on his heel to face Elijah. “Ooh. And you’re trying to tell me after events like that I should stay on this planet?”
“I’ve learned to accept the good with the bad. I love Jaxon more than life itself, but I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize Necetune. Anyway, that’s what it took to convince me, Kiernan. Jaxon is a wonderful person. A loving husband and father with a heart of gold. Gideon sounds like a wonderful person as well. Just what you need in your life.”
Kiernan raked his strands and sighed aloud. Admittedly, the more he thought about Gideon the more he missed him. Though he was awkward, he was charming and intelligent. He was kind, gentle, and from the night they’d spent together, he could tell how good of a lover he was.
“I feel the wheels spinning in your head, Kiernan. You’re thinking of a way to have a life with this human.”
Kiernan ambled to the recliner and sat down. “I care for him, but I wonder is he ready to take care of a bunch of eggs.” He laughed. “We could raise one or a few as you and Jaxon do.”
“Yes. Ugele has made it easier, but I don’t think they could take care of yours, mine, and their own.”
“No, I don’t expect that. I can appoint someone.”
“Just like you could pick your replacement. If you’d like to make that trip, make it quick. Don’t pass up this opportunity because of work.”
Kiernan lifted his head and stared at Elijah. “Wait, I…”
“Yes, you said the same thing to Gideon. That advice goes for doctors, rulers of faraway planets, and anyone else. Life should be enjoyed to the fullest no matter what. Never take anything for granted.”
“I suppose I could take my own advice.” Kiernan glanced out the window again, watching Jaxon walk towards the house with their baby squid in a large tank. “My goodness they’ve grown fast.”
“Haven’t they? We did give them a human name, though.”
“You did? What is their name?”
“Andrew.” Elijah got up from the sofa and walked to the patio door to meet Jaxon. “Well hello Andrew.” Elijah kissed his hand and patted the tank. He then planted one on Jaxon’s lips.
Kiernan quickly looked away. Though he no longer had strong feelings for Elijah, it still hurt to watch him with someone else.
“Darling, this is Kiernan. Kiernan? This is Jaxon and Andrew.”
“Heya.” Jaxon smiled, then grimaced when he adjusted the tank in his arms.
“Good to meet you.”
“Same. I’ve heard a lot about you, not all of it good.” Jaxon said matter-of-factly.
Kiernan was taken aback by that comment. “Well, I… things are in the past now. I’m glad Elijah has found happiness and managed to keep a little one close.”
“He’s not that little anymore,” Jaxon laughed. “In fact, he’s kind of heavy.”
“I told you we should’ve brought something to cart them around in.” Elijah scoffed.
“Eh, it’s mostly the tank. Anyway, let me go put them in their room. I’ll be back.” Jaxon kissed Elijah then left.
Elijah continued to eye his man from behind, not paying Kiernan any attention.
“I’m still here.” Kiernan teased.
Elijah snickered and eyed him. “I’m sorry. We’re still newlyweds so cut me some slack.” He returned to the couch.
“Some what?”
“Cut me some slack means go easy on me.” Elijah laughed. “Jaxon says it all the time, so of course I’ve picked it up.”
“Ah. And how long have you been married?”
“Almost six months. The honeymoon hasn’t ended either. Every night we… well, we copulate. He makes me feel reborn and alive, Kiernan. You could possibly get that with Gideon. Just give it a chance.”
Kiernan leaned back and crossed one leg over the other. There were so many pros and cons to staying, making this decision harder.
“You’re overthinking it. You want to live longer and see Earth, and possibly take a chance on Gideon, then you’ll stay. If those things aren’t important, then you leave. It’s that simple.”
Kiernan looked up at Elijah, wishing he could be as relaxed. Perhaps he was right about Kiernan making this harder than it needed to be, but his final decision affected everyone. If only he had thought things further before coming here, but his curiosities had gotten the best of him. His desires impacted everyone around him, including his unborn children.
Chapter Eight
Gideon couldn’t rest.
When he resolved he wouldn’t go back to sleep, he dressed and went for a walk. Although it was a beautiful day, Gideon didn’t feel up to going anywhere alone. Besides, anything he’d do would only remind him of the last couple of days with Kiernan.
This was his final day off before returning to work and he couldn’t enjoy it.
Attempting to forget, he’d tried watching television, listening to music, and reading, but nothing worked. Everything went back to watching Kiernan leave without regard for Gideon’s feelings. Despite all he’d said, Gideon didn’t think the man truly cared. All he thought about was returning to his planet, doing what was best for him or his people. In Gideon’s mind, not considering his feelings showed how selfish Kiernan was.
Other that the hurt, Gideon was mad at himself for allowing things to progress. He’d been drinking, but that was no excuse to let his guard down. If he would’ve known how it would feel to
let go of Kiernan, perhaps Gideon would’ve held back. He couldn’t recall the last instance where he felt so empty and lifeless. How could he have these emotions for a being he’d just met?
Either way, Gideon had to get ready for tomorrow. The specialist had sent him a text, asking to go over Mrs. Arrington’s chart as well as some similar cases to hers. They were to meet at seven a.m. for breakfast before visiting her later in the day. Maybe it was a good thing Kiernan wasn’t around to distract Gideon. If anything, Gideon would need all his brain power for the conversation with the specialist.
I’ll focus on work!
Just what Gideon needed to take his mind off Kiernan.
He grabbed his bag and slid the tablet out. After turning it on, he pressed his app to bring up Mrs. Arrington’s information.
Just then, Gideon remembered that he was supposed to discuss her condition with Kiernan which made him feel worse. At this point, anything Gideon did reminded him of Kiernan and he wouldn’t be able to shake that feeling for quite a while.
I gotta get over this.
Kiernan shut the tablet off and leaned back on the couch. He switched the tablet for his phone, wondering who to call. His parents were out because he didn’t want to hear them pressure him about getting married. His friends were probably enjoying time with their spouses. Knowing that, Gideon didn’t have anyone to get him out of this funk.
Just as Gideon was about to give up the phone rang. When he checked the screen, Janet’s name and number appeared. “Hello?”
“Hey Doc. Just checking on how you’re enjoying your days off.”
“I’m all right.” Gideon didn’t want to go into details about what happened. “Are you at home?”
“Yes, and bored as hell. Rosalda went to visit her mother. Those stairs in her house would’ve been hell so I stayed home.”
“That’s the best thing for you. Does this mean I won’t see you at work tomorrow?”
“Yep. When I went in for my appointment, my OB suggested I start my leave immediately.”
“I agree.” Gideon plopped his feet on the table in front of him. It was good to talk about someone else’s dilemma for a while. “You’re so far along.”
Love at First Clutch : A Gay Tentacle Romance Page 7