“I’ll speak to you later,” I tell her, my smile falling once the door closes behind her.
“Come on then, get it over with,” I say, clearing the coffee mugs off the small lounge table.
“Why is it such a bad thing for me to want to look out for you?” he asks.
“Because I want to look after myself. I don’t need your money for me. If you want to help with baby stuff then go ahead but when it comes to me, back off.”
I don’t know why I can’t I take Alannah’s advice and let him look after me?
“I take it you got the job then?”
“I did,” I smile, not trying to hide my happiness just because he isn’t happy about it.
“You were sick to the point you were in hospital a few weeks ago and now you’re gonna put yourself in a situation you don’t have to.”
Just because he is speaking in a calm voice doesn’t fool me, I know he is seething underneath.
“I’m fine now. It’s mostly sit down work and besides, many women still work while they’re pregnant. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal when it’s my woman,” he grunts.
“I’m not your woman,” I say through gritted teeth.
“That’s your opinion and I’m not goin’ over this again, I’m too fuckin’ tired. You want me as much as I want you. When you’re done being so fuckin’ stubborn, call me. Until then, I’m tellin’ you this, I want to know everything that happens with the baby and I will be paying for everything it needs.”
I don’t know what to say so I say nothing. I slip onto the couch and put the mugs back on the table.
“I won’t apologize for wanting to help you. The last thing I want you to feel is like I’m tryin’ to control you but you gotta to see it from where I’m standing. You’re the first woman I’ve wanted this way and every time we get somewhere, I lose you again and again. Now you’re havin’ our baby and it isn’t workin’ out like I imagined it would.”
“And you have got to see it from my where I’m standing. I’m not going to come running just because you want me. We have to find some sort of compromise, this going round in circles isn’t good for either of us. I’m not playing games with you and I’m not asking you to wait for me. You’re right, I do want you but at the moment I want my own life more. It probably sounds selfish to someone like you but the last few weeks here have been amazing for me and now I have this job. I’m building myself up from the bottom and I like who I’m becoming,” I say, trying to explain the confusing thoughts that swarm my mind on a daily basis.
We sit in silence while he thinks what to say. I’ve said all I have to say on the matter and if he pushes on then I don’t know where we go from here.
“I hear you. I’ll compromise with you but not today. I haven’t slept since yesterday and I can’t fuckin’ think straight. Before I go, I should tell you that we didn’t find Joe. The phones we tracked were dumped in a bar and by the time we got there he was long gone. So please, will you make sure you’re safe when I’m not around.”
“I will,” I promise.
“I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll sort this out,” he says, standing up.
After I nod he leaves without any more arguing. I don’t stop to think too much about it. I pick up the mugs for a second time and take them through to the kitchen. I have my own space and as of tomorrow I have my own little job. I plan on concentrating on me for a while and whatever happens in the future happens but I know that I will be making the decisions, not abiding by them because I’m told to.
Chapter Twenty
Bonnie...
Life is as good as it can be right now. I daren’t say it out loud or even think it too much but I can honestly say I am happy, the happiest I’ve ever been.
I rub my eight and a half month swollen stomach as I look around my home. I could squeal in delight calling it my home. It has taken a few months but I have finally put my stamp on it. I love every inch of this house.
The independence of living on my own is exhilarating. I do what I like when I like. That isn’t to say I don’t miss Sparky to the point I cry myself to sleep some nights because I do. Sparky is my downfall but other than that, life is perfect.
The temporary job at the solicitor’s office has been great, the sense of independence is exhilarating. Each time I receive my pay check it strengthens me to know I am useful after all and that I am valued. Sparky stills thinks I should let him support me and for the last six months, he shows up once a month and throws me too much money and begs me to quit. It always results in him walking out as usual after a shouting match between us.
Sometimes at night, I think I hear a bike engine ride past the house. It comforts me to think he checks up on me, but then I worry it is Joe or Tommy. By morning I forget about it and carry on with life.
A few times Sparky has tried talking me into giving it another go. It is horrible being without him but as it’s twice as horrible when he hurts me, so I remain with the lesser devil and hurt alone.
The day we had a scan I was caught up in the joy of finding out we are having a boy and that he was healthy, so I relented and let Sparky talk me into going to the club to celebrate.
Of course everyone was happy for us. The drinks began flowing and then it all went downhill from there.
My hormones were magnifying every emotion I had and I was starting to think maybe Sparky had changed, that we could make it work without any more secrets between us. I watched him from across the bar lean against a pool table and pull one of the whores against him and nuzzle into her neck.
At least it wasn’t Jilly this time.
He caught me looking and smiled. I quickly said goodbye to Alannah and left only to have him follow me out and catch me up just as I got to my car.
“If you want me Bon, just say and I’ll let her go. No one but you,” he said.
“My next check-up is in three weeks. I’ll see you then Sparky,” I told him, completely ignoring his growl at my persistence of keeping him away. His plan to make me jealous totally backfired.
I drove away hating the fact he gets to me so much.
Now, he has taken to calling me every day as we near the due date to make sure I am okay. The calls are always full of unspoken words and it drives me crazy. Although he hasn’t called me yet today and I leave for work soon so hopefully I can put him off till tomorrow?
Washing my breakfast bowl and coffee mug up, I get ready for work. I’m just about ready when the doorbell goes.
No wonder he hasn’t called me yet, he is here in person.
I pull open the door ready to give him a piece of my mind to find Joe bouncing from foot to foot.
Months it has taken me to build my confidence and strength up, and then in one second it feels like I’ve reverted to the old weak, defenceless Bonnie.
He doesn’t say anything. He just walks straight past me and eyes everything in his sight.
“What are you doing here Joe?” I ask.
“I’ve been thinking about everything, and I’ve decided you need to come home, even if you are carryin’ that cunt’s kid. It’s still my niece or nephew.”
What? My child will never know he has an uncle. Where the hell is all this coming from? I haven’t seen Joe in months.
“Are you high?” I ask.
He certainly looks it. His eyes are bugging and he can’t stand still and if he keeps scratching himself, I’m worried he is going to leave fleas.
“Things aren’t good Bon. I need my family back,” he says.
“I am not going with you, this is my home now. If I go back Tommy will kill me, you know that don’t you Joe?”
“Tommy can’t do shit. He’s dead Bonnie, has been for months. I reckon it was your man, the bald tattooed one. Got no proof though,” he says.
“Tommy’s gone?”
“As if you didn’t know,” Joe snaps, bringing me out of my shock. “Did the Lost Souls have anything to do with it?”
“I don’t know,�
� I tell him. “But I’m surprised you didn’t retaliate.”
“Yeah, well, no proof. Don’t know how they got him but they done a number on him. Only knew it was him because of his cut on his burnt corpse,”
I feel sick. Tommy deserves everything he got but I’d rather not talk or think about it. And since when did my brother ever need proof for revenge?
“Last time, come home Bonnie,” he says firmly.
“No.”
“Then you’re my enemy.”
“Always have been, I’m used to it. What’s really going on Joe, why are you really here? Because you don’t care about me, you never have. You only look out for yourself.”
His face is unreadable. He walks to the back door and unlocks it.
“Goodbye sis.”
No reply or explanation, just goodbye. I laugh into an empty kitchen. I can’t believe that just happened. He wants me to come home, always referring to me as sister. The whole thing leaves me laughing instead of trembling with fear like usual.
Looking at the clock, he has made me five minutes late. Slipping into my shoes, I lock the back door again and leave through the front. Wrapped up in my thoughts as to what games Joe’s playing and the fact that Tommy is dead, I misjudge the three steps down to the path and stumble flat on my stomach and face.
The knock to my head leaves me dizzy and is soon joined by shooting pains in my stomach.
Panicking I have hurt the baby, I call Sparky to come and get me and take me to hospital. I cry out in pain as his phone rings and rings. No answer. Shit.
I end the call and dial nine-one-one.
Feeling wetness slowly creep down between my legs, I gingerly touch myself and find my fingers red with blood when I look at them. I’ve killed my baby I think, as I begin to scream out for help.
Sparky...
Another fucking day, another fucking headache. Reaching for my smokes off the floor, I light one up and inhale deeply.
“Morning baby.”
I look down and see Jilly has woken up.
“I’m not your baby,” I grunt, throwing my legs off the side of the bed.
For months I tried to show Bonnie she was all I wanted, but following knock back after knock back, I gave up. Jilly was more than happy to oblige and I might not be happy about it but at least I’m not going without pussy anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to stay away from Bonnie. I want to grab hold of her and make her see I’m all she needs because I sure as shit know she wants me. She has come a long way from the soft, do as she’s told, broken woman to the strong, fucking stubborn woman she is today. I know if I’m too much with her she will leave, she has promised she won’t but I know she will.
Fucking Jilly and the other women mean absolutely nothing to me these days. They don’t feel right, they barely turn me on enough to get my dick hard. Remembering being with Bonnie is what gets me rock hard. I need to be with her and fucking soon or I’m going to end up a quibbling fucking mess.
“Get dressed and be gone by the time I get back,” I tell Jilly.
I can’t find my phone. It’s already gone nine, Bonnie would have left for that fucking job of hers a half hour ago. We’ve only got two weeks left till my son arrives and I hate that she is on her own. Anything could happen to her, one simple phone call is all I can get away with without her complaining about it. She won’t answer now till her lunch at one o’clock.
I open the door as a prospect is about to knock.
“Possible trouble. Cas wants you downstairs,” he says, taking a step back out of my space.
I follow him down to find Cas barking orders and half the club leaving.
“What’s goin’ on?” I ask Cas, coming up beside him.
“Joe’s been spotted ridin’ out of town. Nothing other than that.”
“Remind me why that fucker is still breathing?” I snap.
“Because he vanished into thin fuckin’ air after you took out his VP.”
Oh yeah. Well, he’s shown his face now, he can’t have got that far.
“Here, picked ya phone up last night after you left it on the bar. You might wanna call Bonnie, see if her brother made an appearance at hers.”
I take my phone and see one missed call. I click on it to see it was Bonnie forty minutes ago. Shit!
“She tried callin’. We gotta get over there. If he’s laid one hand on her, we’re goin’ huntin’ tonight.”
“Ricky, find out if Joe had anyone with him,” Cas orders.
And we are on our way out.
Slade and Pope ride with us. It’s the longest half hour ride into town in my life. We turn off our bikes and walk up to her door, halfway up the path there is a blood stain.
“Joe was on his own. She has to be here or at work,” Cas says, reading a message on his phone.
She wouldn’t give me a spare key in case I abused it, so right now I have no alternative but to kick down her door, because Slade is getting no answer. I move away from the blood stain as Bonnie’s pensioner neighbour comes out.
“Hey, biker boys,” she calls out.
Cas raises his eyebrows at me. I shrug and smile. We’ve been called worse. I jog over after she makes no move to come to us.
“You looking for that sweet young girl, Bonnie?” she asks.
“Yes, do you know where she is?” I ask.
“Of course I do, she fell down those steps. I’ve told her to be careful. She might have a small bump on her but I’d be surprised if she could see her feet. Anyway, she fell down and started bleeding out. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital.”
The relief Joe hadn’t hurt her was soon replaced with a new fear, Bonnie herself and my son.
“Thanks ma’am.”
“That babe of hers is coming. By the end of the day she’ll be holding that baby in her arms,” she croons on.
“Thanks again, I better get to the hospital,” I tell her and join my brothers.
“She’s at the hospital, took a fall down the steps.”
“Let’s go,” Cas says, already going to his bike.
By the time we made it to the hospital and tracked her down. I was informed she was in theatre. Due to a slight concussion and the bleeding, they didn’t want to wait. They took her in for an emergency caesarean.
The nurse assures me I can see her when she is in recovery but waiting in the hall for any news is sending me crazy. I never thought I could lose her to having a baby, although I worried about Tommy or her brother taking her out. Slipping down three fucking steps was never in the equation. Alannah comes rushing down the hall, Cas jumps up in front of me and saves me from the ear bashing I can see written all over her face.
I sit on one of the plastic chairs and hang my head in my hands. This is it, my son is about to be born and the only woman I have loved is being ripped open, and I am stuck out here. I went to every appointment with her, every plan we made for the birth, all gone to shit.
It isn’t happening again. When we take our son home, we will be leaving as a family.
An agonising thirty minutes later, a nurse comes around the corner and calls my name.
“That’s me,” I say, quickly getting to my feet.
She comes over and my brothers and Barbie stand behind me.
“How is Bonnie? Is she okay?”
Barbie puts her hand on my arm to calm me and I take a deep breath. The nurse chuckles and smiles.
“Bonnie is doing well. She is in recovery now, she’s been asking for you. If you would like to follow me I’ll show you where she is,” she says.
“What about the baby?”
“All I can say is you have a beautiful baby boy. He’s a little early and had a bit of a shock in the fall but he is perfectly fine,” she smiles.
“You hear that brother. He’s perfectly fine,” Cas cheers.
“Go on daddy,” Barbie laughs, nudging me forward.
Holy shit, I’m a dad.
Everything I have done in my life, nothing has had me feeling as n
ervous as I do now as I’m about to meet my son.
The nurse pulls the curtain back for me and Bonnie is laying half up on the bed. I expected her not to be so awake, but she is glowing.
“The nurses have already cleaned her up. She’ll stay here a while longer before we’ll take them to the private room you requested.”
I smile at the nurse before she slides behind the curtain, making sure we have complete privacy.
Just me and Bonnie as she holds a bundle of blue blankets.
I feel out of place…too big for the tiny area blocked in by the curtain.
“Is that him?”
“No. I borrowed this one from the nursery,” she giggles. “Of course, he’s ours. Come and meet him.”
I sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the wires around Bonnie.
“I can’t move far, you need to help me out here,” she smiles.
I move closer and slide my hands under the bundle in her arms. Holding my son, I am speechless. I can’t believe I had a hand in making him. I always thought babies looked like little old men when they were born, all puffy and scrunched up, but there isn’t a single crease on my son’s face.
“He’s beautiful isn’t he?” Bonnie grins proudly.
I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat to speak, so I nod in agreement.
“And look, a little baldy like his daddy,” she giggles, taking his little hat off.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” she asks.
“For makin’ him with me,” I say, making us both laugh. “Here, you should take him back, I feel like I’m gonna break him. I’m way too big for his tiny body,” I say, beginning to feel like a giant compared to him.
“Don’t be silly, you’re his dad, you won’t hurt him.”
“Never, and I’ll never hurt you again Bonnie,” I whisper to her.
I had to tell her…and now.
“Don’t make me leave here without you two. I can’t be without you any longer, you’re stubborn and you’ve driven me crazy keepin’ me away but I fuckin’ love you. I need you Bon,” I say in a rush.
Biker Faith Page 17