Dirty Bastard

by Jessica Clare

  I must be imagining things.

  Fighting back the fear I feel, I move forward, clutching my basket to my arm. I’m not hungry anymore. I’m terrified. It’s been a good month without Keith Lawrence in my life, and I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. I thought I could move ahead. I thought I was free. I glance over at Knox, but he’s eyeing the freezer shelves, looking for the treats I requested. His back is to me. If Keith is here, what’s he going to do when he sees I’m with someone else? For a moment, I’m sick with fear—not for myself, but for Knox. Keith is crazy, and you can’t reason with crazy. I don’t want him to hurt those I love.

  It takes me a moment to realize I’ve admitted to myself that I’m in love with Knox. Of course I am. He’s so easy to love. Smart, charming, clever, handsome . . . protective. Uh-oh. I can’t let him confront Keith if it is him. I brace myself and head to the far end of the store, where I saw the too-familiar dark head. When I get to the aisle, though, there’s no one there. I go down the next, just in case, but I still see no one. Nothing. The doors of the store open and I turn that way just in time to see a broad-shouldered man leaving the store.

  Goose bumps cover my skin. I don’t know if it was Keith. I don’t know that it wasn’t, though.

  “You want Snickers or Mars bars?” Knox says behind me. “I got you both, just in case.” He frowns as I turn back to him and takes the basket from me. “You feelin’ okay, sweetheart? You’re pale.”

  “I’m always pale,” I say, trying to deflect. “And I’m fine.” It wasn’t Keith. I tell myself that over and over. It had to be a figment of my imagination. Had to be. “Let’s just go. I’m not hungry anymore.”

  He frowns at me, his arm going to my waist. “Lexi—”

  “I’m fine,” I tell him with a faint smile. “Why don’t you give me the keys and I’ll go wait in the truck?” It’ll allow me to check if Keith is out there, and confront him if he is.

  It’s clear Knox doesn’t like my idea, but I give him a quick kiss on the mouth and snatch the keys from his hand without waiting for an argument. I hand him my basket and trot out to the parking lot as if there’s nothing wrong. All the while, I feel a bit like I’m going to pass out. I’m clammy with fear, my heart pounding out of control. I make it out of the pharmacy and scan the parking lot, waiting to see that notable orange truck. Then I’ll know for sure Keith’s back to his old stalking ways. That he’s somehow found out where I live and he’s coming after me again.

  But . . . there’s nothing. The parking lot is empty of everything but Knox’s pickup and one of those tiny Smartcars.

  Maybe I’m the one that’s going crazy.

  I get into Knox’s truck, still on edge and wary. I turn the truck on but keep the radio off, because I want to hear if someone is coming up on us. I keep my gaze glued to the rearview mirror, but I don’t see anyone. Maybe this is all in my imagination . . . but I could have sworn it was Keith. I lock the doors and sit nervously, waiting for Knox to return.

  He finally arrives with my bags of snacks and I unlock the doors to let him in. “What is it?” Knox asks again.

  I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Just me overreacting.”

  “To what?”

  “Let’s just go,” I say impulsively. “Let’s go to your place and pig out on snacks and cuddle all night.” I don’t want Keith following me back to the guesthouse. If it is Keith, of course. I’m still not entirely sure of what I saw.

  Knox reaches over and touches my hand, rubbing his thumb over my skin. “You can tell me what’s going on, Lexi. You can trust me.”

  “I know.” I’m just not sure I trust myself as to what I saw.

  My answer doesn’t satisfy him. “Then tell me what’s bothering you. Trust me to help you.”

  “I’m trusting you as much as I can,” I protest, though I know it’s a weak excuse, even to me. “I just need time.”

  “You’re not trustin’ me,” he reiterates. “Not like you should. When are you gonna let me into your life fully?”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Are you? I didn’t know about your checkup until today. Just wondering what else I’m gonna be surprised with.”

  I have no answer for that, because I didn’t include him. He’s right. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to go. I just didn’t think about inviting him. I’m used to it being me and only me. “Sorry. I’ll do better.”

  He grunts and then looks over at me. “Maybe we should get married. Get you on my insurance. Make sure you and the baby are taken care of.”

  “Maybe,” I agree, but I don’t sound convincing, even to my own ears.

  * * *

  * * *

  Knox is silent for the rest of the drive. We turn down the gravel road to his trailer—tucked away in the trees by the trailers that belong to his brothers. I have no idea why a billionaire wants to live in a double-wide, but that’s part of Knox’s charm. He’s impossible to pin down as “normal.” Oddly enough, I kind of like his place. It’s nice and remote and quiet, and even if it’s a mini trailer park, they keep it clean. I’ve seen deer wandering through, and Knox started buying deer corn and setting up a feeder because he knows I like to watch them. Sometimes we sit on his front step and just watch the deer as they peek out of the trees. It’s quiet and peaceful.

  Today, though, I don’t want to sit outside. I want to go indoors and hide. I grab the bag of snacks and practically rush into the trailer, and when Knox comes in behind me, I snap the door shut and throw the lock, something he never does.

  “Lexi?”

  “Just being weird,” I say brightly. “You know me.”

  “I do, and that’s why this is throwin’ me off.”

  I set the food on the counter and shake my head. “I’m just being jittery. I think it’s the baby stuff. It’s finally getting to me and frying my nerves. I mean, I don’t even have a legit job right now. I’m trying to launch the Cruel Yoga stuff, but there’s so much to get done before I start showing and—”

  “Hey,” he murmurs, moving to my side. He pulls a box of Pop-Tarts out of my hand that I didn’t realize I was clutching, and then takes me into his arms. “Whatever you need, I’m right here for you.” His hand strokes over my head, down my hair. “I ain’t going anywhere.”

  My stomach just feels like one big knot. He says he’s not going anywhere, but what if Keith starts making things hell? What if I become too demanding and Knox gets tired of me? What if twenty-four’s far too young to start a family and he gets sick of the concept after a few months? I can’t depend on him. I haven’t been able to depend on anyone, ever. It’s always just been me looking out for me.

  Strangely enough, instead of bolstering my strength, I just feel sad and lonely. I rest my head against Knox’s chest and feel like crying. Of course, if I cry, that’s going to freak him out even more. I slide my hand under his shirt, just wanting to touch the warm firmness of his muscles to ground myself. He strokes a hand down my back and caresses my butt, and just that small touch makes me hungry for him.

  I need to forget. I want to forget everything but Knox. So I lift my head in an invitation to kiss, and when his mouth claims mine, I show him just how needy I am. I press up against him and lift one leg up to his hips. He grips it, and then when I lift the other, he raises me into the air, holding me against the cradle of his hips, my pussy rubbing against his cock.

  Without a word, he takes me into the bedroom and lays me down on his bed. Since we’ve been seeing each other, he’s taken pains to keep his trailer neater, and the bed is made with fresh blankets and newly fluffed pillows. I don’t care about any of that. I just want him to touch me. To make me forget for a while.

  We kiss as he idly undresses me, his hands skimming along my body and caressing every inch of me. This isn’t going to be a speedy fuck, but a more tender loving, and it makes me want to cry with how won
derful he is . . . even as it makes me unbearably aroused. When he’s done undressing me, he takes his clothes off, and then his body’s over mine, skin to skin. He touches me everywhere—breasts, arms, neck, stomach—and then kisses me in all those parts as well until I’m writhing under him, begging for him to take me. When he does, it’s with the same thoughtful intensity that he does everything, and he waits for me to come before he takes his own pleasure.

  And for a little while, I’m able to forget about my worries and just enjoy being his.

  Chapter 17

  Knox

  I watch Lexi sleep in my arms, her head pressed to my chest. We’ve spent most of the afternoon in bed, watching TV, pigging out on snacks, and then making love over and over again. It’s late and she’s exhausted, her mouth parted in slumber. Me, I can’t sleep.

  I keep thinking about today. Something about it feels off. There’s too many things going on that I can’t put my finger on that bug me. It’s not just the fact that she forgot to invite me to the checkup with the doctor. It’s not that she casually shrugged off my haphazard suggestion of marriage. I kind of expected those sorts of things from Lexi. She only lets you as close as she’s comfortable with. It’s frustrating, but not unexpected.

  But the real terror she showed in the pharmacy threw me off. I don’t know what caused her to panic like that, but I nearly aged ten years when I turned to her and she was all white-faced, practically shaking as she held the basket to her chest. I don’t buy that she was distracted and that it was nothing.

  It was something. I just don’t know what.

  The baby, maybe? But if she was worried about something, we were still across the street from the doctor’s office. It would have been a simple thing to return and ask him to check up on something again. This is something else. Something she saw or heard. I rack my brain, trying to think of what, and then reach over and grab my phone from the bedside. Lexi sleeps on, drooling on my chest. I don’t even mind that. It’s cute. I touch her hair and make sure she’s covered in blankets, and then decide to text Clay. For once I’m glad I can text, because it’ll allow me to chat with him without waking Lexi up.

  KNOX: Hey, are you busy?

  CLAY: What’s up.

  KNOX: Can you ask Natalie something for me? About Lexi?

  CLAY: She says go ahead and ask.

  CLAY: I hope it’s important for this time of night, I’m just saying

  KNOX: It’s important.

  KNOX: Is there something going on with Lexi that would make her scared?

  KNOX: We were shopping earlier and she panicked and went and hid in the car.

  KNOX: It wasn’t her being funny, either, she was genuinely worried. Kept looking around like she was being watched.

  CLAY: Let me ask.

  I stare impatiently at the phone as three dots show up in the corner, indicating there’s an incoming text. This seems to go on for an eternity and I remember why I hate text messages so much. Finally, when I’m about to throw my phone across the room in frustration, the text message shows up.

  CLAY: So she says that Lexi isn’t afraid of anything she knows of, but she said she did have a problem with a guy a while back that wouldn’t leave her alone. Nat says Lexi doesn’t like to talk about it, but she dated him once and then he kept bothering her. She moved apartments to get away from him. Nat says she hasn’t heard anything about it in a while.

  CLAY: Says he was a fireman or a policeman or something.

  CLAY: She says it’s old news, though, and he wouldn’t be in San Antonio so that can’t be it.

  CLAY: She’ll think some more on it and let you know.

  KNOX: Thank you.

  I toss my phone aside, bothered. A stalker? Lexi? Is that why she was so quick to move to Natalie’s guesthouse? I think back to some of our conversations. How I kept thinkin’ she was married because she insisted on me not comin’ ’round without warning her. Then I think of the hole in her wall.

  It was just about the size of a fist.

  I think about how pale she was that day, and how she was wearin’ a dark T-shirt and sweatpants instead of her usual sleek workout clothes. Did some bastard say somethin’ to her? I’m filled with so much rage my entire body tenses. Has she felt unsafe?

  Has someone threatened my woman? My Lexi? The mother of my child?

  My head feels as if it’s about to explode. Lexi murmurs and stirs against me, and I realize my entire body is clenched up tight, my hands in fists as if I’m about to punch something. I force myself to relax, to calm the fuck down. I stroke her hair and press a kiss to her head. “Go back to sleep.”

  She does, her fingers curling against my skin.

  I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of protectiveness. Lexi is mine. I’ll do anything to protect her. If she doesn’t feel safe, then it’s my job to make sure she does. I think for a moment and then pick up my phone again. With one hand on her back, I text with my other, typing to Boone.

  KNOX: Hey, give me the # for the private investigator u used.

  BOONE: It’s midnight . . . this important?

  KNOX: Yes.

  BOONE: Fair enough.

  BOONE: I just emailed you his contact info. Let me know if you need me to get involved.

  KNOX: Got it handled.

  KNOX : Thanks bro.

  If Lexi doesn’t want to tell me what’s going on, I’m just going to have to find out on my own.

  Chapter 18

  Knox

  Two days pass while I’m waiting to hear details from the private investigator. I need to know if that fucker is connected to my woman, and I need to know everything about him if he is so I can destroy him. In that time, Lexi’s been content to stay at my trailer with me. I haven’t let on that I’m worried about her, just made sure she knew I wanted her at my side at all times. She hasn’t put up a fuss, either. She’s slept in my bed, let me cook breakfast for her, and basically worked remotely using my laptop to talk videos with her PR team. I keep waitin’ for her to protest that she needs some time alone, that we’re in each other’s space too much, but Lexi seems happy.

  And that just makes me even more suspicious that somethin’s up. There’s something she ain’t telling me.

  Then I finally get the email that tells me everything I need to know.

  The pile of shit’s name is Keith Lawrence. He’s a firefighter down in Luka. Lived in the same building Lexi did. Twice. Seems he moved to the same building she was in about a week after she moved in, which pisses me off. I think about what Nat said about her moving to get away from him, and to think that he followed her makes me furious. I keep reading the private investigator’s reports. Seemed that people around town thought he was Lexi’s boyfriend and she was mean to him. Cryin’ wolf and all that. There were hints that she tried to file police reports against him, but the locals thought she was just being “difficult.”

  Makes me want to put a torch to that entire fucking town. I can’t, though. But I do have enough ammunition to stop Keith Lawrence the cocksucker in his tracks.

  It seems that Keith has a prior record of stalking in a different city.

  * * *

  * * *

  “You sure I can’t come with you?” Lexi asks me again, frowning. She’s curled up on my sofa with her feet tucked under her, wearin’ nothing but one of my shirts. Damn, she looks pretty, and it’s tempting to say fuck it to my plans and just keep her company all day.

  But I’ve got important shit that needs taking care of. “It’s just business, sweetheart. Gonna chat with investors and show them around the rig sites.”

  “I can go do that with you. I’m great with people.” When I meet her gaze, we both start to laugh. “Okay, I might scare them off,” she admits. “But I promise to be on my best behavior. I won’t even try to creep them out. I’ll wear something in neutrals instead of all black. Whatever you wan
t.”

  “Tempting, but no. It ain’t you, Lexi, it’s that I don’t like takin’ my pregnant girlfriend to a work site. They can be dangerous.”

  After a moment, she nods and picks up one of my couch cushions, hugging it to her chest. “Okay if I stay here, then? I’ll hang out in your bed and collect your stray hairs to make a voodoo doll.”

  “Give it my winning smile,” I tell her, pretending to stroke my beard. “And, sweetheart, you know you can stay here for as long as you like.” I’d be perfectly happy if Lexi never went home, but I don’t say that. I don’t want her feelin’ trapped.

  “I think I can do that,” she tells me playfully, and tilts her face up for a kiss. I lean over the sofa and give her one, wishin’ I didn’t have to go.

  But I ain’t puttin’ off taking care of my woman.

  I leave, and immediately head over to the arranged meeting site with my men. I’ve got two bodyguards with me—big, muscular brutes that look intimidating. I’ve got my private investigator. And I’ve got my lawyer. “You have the paperwork?” I ask him, and he nods and hands me a folder.

  Good. “My jacket?”

  He pulls out a freshly cleaned fancy suit jacket, and I shrug it on. “Let’s get us out to Luka, then.”

  * * *

  * * *

  When we stroll into the firehouse of the tiny town, everyone turns to see us. That’s no surprise, considering that I want to be seen. I want everyone here to be talking about this for days. All heads are turned in our direction as me and my posse of suits enter the firehouse, and someone immediately comes out to greet us.

  “Can I help you, sir?” It’s an older man with glasses, dressed in a gray T-shirt and suspendered jeans.

  I shake his hand. “I’m lookin’ for a man named Keith Lawrence. I’m told that he’s a firefighter in this town. Is that correct?”