by Hazel Kelly
I looked up at the bleachers overhead and admired the way the stadium lights seeped through the cracks between the seats. “Weren’t we under bleachers the last time we hid from the cops together?”
“If I remember correctly,” he said, opening a beer for himself, “we got away that night.”
I thought back to how we’d huddled together on the ground senior year, watching from a distance as the cops breathalyzed our classmates. I remembered how he opened his jacket and wrapped his arm around me when I started shaking from the cold, how he had that look in his eye like he might kiss me right before my phone rang, interrupting the moment and nearly blowing our cover.
Keen for a place to sit, I studied a steel beam close to the ground and wondered whether I’d be able to pull my skirt down far enough to keep the cold metal off the back of my thighs.
When I glanced back at Luke, he was pulling his shirt off.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He walked over and laid his shirt down on the beam before gesturing towards it.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, trying not to dwell on the shadows cutting across his torso.
“I know,” he said, returning to the beam a few feet away. “That’s what makes it so gallant.”
A coy smile tugged at one side of my mouth. “Look, I don’t mean to be a downer, since there’s nothing I love more than hanging out with half-naked guys in my hooker costume, but couldn’t you get in big trouble if you got caught drinking here?”
“I suppose I could,” he said. “But you’re the only other person here, and I’m confident that a) you’re not going to outrun me, and b) you’re not going to report me.”
“I never said this was off the record.”
“Just sit down, Rosie, will you?” He turned sideways, lifted his feet up, and leaned back against a cross beam.
I sat down, folded the sides of his shirt over my legs, and crossed them. “Why did you leave the party earlier?”
“Off the record?”
“Of course.”
“Because I felt like a piece of meat.”
I tilted an ear towards him. “What?”
“All the girls at the party were super shallow, and all my teammates were acting like horny cavemen.”
“What did you expect?”
He ran a hand over his head. “I don’t know.”
“Intellectual conversation and a string quartet?”
“It wasn’t that bad,” he said. “I just wasn’t in the mood tonight.”
“Oh good. I was worried you’d brought me here to hook up.” Why did I say that? What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Thanks for letting me know that’s not on the cards.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said. Shit. “I meant that the thought of rolling around in the woodchips and the cigarette butts doesn’t really appeal to me.”
“You don’t have to explain,” he said. “To be honest, I brought you here to spare you having to listen to my roommate’s grunting.”
“Right.” There was no fixing the comment I’d made, no coming back from looking like an ass. Why would I say that when hooking up with me clearly hadn’t even crossed his mind?! God, I was pathetic.
“But if I were going to seduce you, it wouldn’t be on a bed of woodchips and cigarette butts.”
“Oh good,” I said. “Because I’m a lady, you know.”
“Of course.”
I tilted my beer against my lips and plotted a change of subject. “So how do you like college so far?”
“Is that the best you can do?”
“What?” I asked. “I’m curious if you’re homesick or anything.”
“First of all, fuck no, I’m not homesick.”
My eyes grew wide. “Sorry I asked.”
“I don’t mean to sound like a dick,” he said, cocking his head towards me. “I’m just not the homesick type.”
“Understood.”
“Second of all,” he continued, “why don’t you ask me something interesting? Aren’t you supposed to be a professional at this?”
“Eventually.”
“Well, perfect practice and all that.”
I puffed some air out between my lips. “Tough crowd.”
“I’m waiting,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
“Do you still have feelings for Nikki?”
His face fell. “What?”
“Do you still have feelings for her?”
He swung his feet over the side of the beam and stared at me.
“What?” I asked, grateful for the shadows that hid my burning cheeks.
“What kind of feelings?”
My mouth went dry. “Romantic ones.”
“No.”
I poured a bunch of beer down my throat.
“I don’t have feelings for Nikki.”
I licked my lips and pressed them together.
“Why would you ask me that?”
Good question. “I was just curious.”
“Ask me what you really want to know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stood up and went to get another beer.
He crushed his in his hand and dropped it in the empty plastic bag.
I handed him a new one before opening one for myself. “Your turn to ask me a question.”
“Why did you say no?”
I sat down beside him. “What are you talking about?”
“Freshman year when I asked you out,” he said. “Why did you say no?”
“I didn’t say no.”
“You laughed in my face.”
I swallowed. “That wasn’t a no.”
He narrowed his eyes at me.
“It was an unfortunate eruption of nerves.”
“That doesn’t really answer the question, Rosie.”
“Because the question itself is flawed.”
“In that case, let me try again,” he said. “Why did you laugh in my face?”
“I told you,” I said, casting my eyes down to my beer. “I was nervous. No one had ever asked me out before, especially not someone so…”
He leaned forward. “So what?”
“Confident,” I said, grateful that I’d managed to suppress all the other words that came to mind.
“Confident,” he repeated.
“My turn,” I said, so he wouldn’t attempt an awkward follow-up.
“Shoot.”
“Wanna shotgun the last two beers?”
T E N
- Luke -
I shoved our bag of empties in a garbage can outside Rosie’s building.
“You really didn’t have to walk me home,” she said.
“It was my pleasure. Besides, I can’t exactly let you wander around campus like that without an escort.”
“Like what?” she asked, swiping her keycard at the stairwell door.
“I just meant that after what happened at the bar—”
“Please tell me you’re not still thinking about that deadbeat,” she said, heading up the stairs.
“Of course not,” I lied, following her toned legs up several flights.
When we reached her floor, she opened the door and held it ajar for me before starting down her narrow hallway, which felt like it belonged in a prison ward because of the brightness and buzzing of the fluorescent lights.
“I hope you’re not still embarrassed that I shotgunned my beer faster than you,” she said, stopping outside her door.
“I’m not… As long as you’re not embarrassed that you spilled more than half your can down your cheeks.”
“I did not,” she said, sticking her key in the lock.
I raised my palms. “It wasn’t that dark, Rosie. I know a cheater when I see one.”
She held a finger across her lips. “Let me just see if my roommate’s in.”
I leaned against the painted concrete wall.
Her face peeked through the cracked door a moment later. “She’s fast asleep.”
My heart sank. “Seriously?”
“No,” she said, flicking the lights on. “You can come in.”
I exhaled my relief and stepped inside, closing the door behind me.
“I can’t send you home in that state anyway.”
“What state?” I looked down and saw that the buttons of my untucked shirt were completely lopsided. “Oops.”
She turned her desk lamp on and then crossed the room to flick off the strip of blinding light overhead.
“So this is your new pad?” I spun around slowly as I unbuttoned my shirt, amused at the contrast between the feminine color scheme on Rosie’s side and the angry anime poster on the opposite wall. “Is she Asian?”
“No.”
I was about to start buttoning my open shirt again when I caught Rosie looking at my chest.
She blushed and bent over to unzip her boots.
Every part of me wished I could stay, wished I could peel her tight clothes off and slip into her tiny lofted bed. There was nothing I wanted more than to run my hands over her smooth skin, to feel her curves against my palms, to have her fragrant hair fall around my face.
“Do you have practice in the morning?” she asked, using her feet to pry her boots off one by one.
“Yeah.”
“Do you need help with that?” she asked, nodding at my chest.
I clenched my jaw.
She stepped up to me and reached for the bottom buttons, her delicate fingers so near my groin my breath grew shallow as I swelled for her.
I watched her concentrate on each one, wondering if her slow pace was a result of her being drunk or because she was as conflicted as I was about whether my shirt should’ve actually been coming off.
She stopped a few buttons from the top and looked up at me, her eyes shiny. “What were you hoping I would ask you?”
“When?”
“No, I mean, that’s the whole question,” she said, leaning back against her raised bedframe. “That’s the question interviewers always ask. What do you wish I’d asked you that I didn’t?”
My heart pounded as my eyes dropped to her dark lips. “Are you sure you want to know?”
She nodded.
“You should’ve asked me, on a scale of one to ten, how bad do I want to tear your choker off with my teeth?”
Her breath hitched as I slid my thumb under the black ribbon and dragged it across her throat until I could feel her racing pulse.
“How bad?” she whispered.
I leaned forward and kissed her parted lips, sliding my hand around to cradle the back of her neck.
She melted against me, and I let my hips pin her where she stood so she would feel how much I wanted her.
Her fingers dug into my arms as she twirled her tongue around mine, kissing me deeply between every stolen breath.
“Luke,” she panted finally, pulling her head back.
I’d never craved anyone so much, never known what it was to ache all over with desire.
“I don’t want to do something I’ll regret,” she said.
“So stop talking,” I said, kissing her again and clenching her hair in my fist.
“Wait,” she said a minute later, licking her lips and shaking her head.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, leaning off her.
“You should go,” she said, touching her lips. “It’s late.”
“Rosie.”
“I had a perfect night.”
“I’m not going to pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“I know,” she said, laying a hand on my cheek.
I pulled her wrist down and kissed the inside of it. “Sweet dreams.”
She swallowed.
I walked to the door and turned the knob.
“Luke,” she said, laying a hand on my shoulder.
I looked back at her.
“One more for the road?”
I smiled and pulled her to me, kissing her deeply one last time. Even though it hurt. Even though I knew it would keep me up all night.
And when I finally came up for air, my body was filled with so much fire that I could barely hear her soft voice.
“Did you mean what you wrote in my yearbook?” she asked, blinking up at me.
I dragged a finger across her bottom lip and nodded as I recalled the words.
I still wish you’d said yes.
E L E V E N
- Rosie -
I was staring at the ceiling, smiling like an idiot.
There was no telling how long I’d been doing it either, no telling whether I’d even fallen asleep last night.
In fact, part of me thought I might never sleep again, which caused me to ponder the fate of the Disney princesses. When True Love’s kiss woke them up, was it permanent? Or could they get a regular night’s shut-eye after the big day?
Not that Luke was my true love.
It was too soon to tell. And too ridiculous.
I mean, surely we would’ve bumped lips sooner if we were genuine soulmates. Instead, our romantic history amounted to nothing more than a string of close calls in which the circumstances were never quite right.
Yet last night’s perfect combination of drunkenness and privacy had sparked a feeling so fierce that the butterflies in my stomach still hadn’t stopped playing bumper cars.
But while my body felt undeniably thrilled, my mind was a little more conflicted. Could I still interview him for my assignment? I had to, of course, because I’d already handed in my proposal, but I was worried that my objectivity might be compromised.
Sure, on the one hand, it was just a stupid college assignment. But on the other, it was a stupid college assignment that could make or break my chance of impressing the most important person in the journalism department.
Did I have to say if there was a conflict of interest?
I slapped a hand over my face. Thank God I hadn’t slept with him. Surely that would’ve been a step too far, though the thought that maybe I could’ve was enough to make me blush all over.
In fact, I was so excited at the prospect that I considered putting my phone between my legs when it started vibrating beside my pillow.
“Hey,” I said, my raspy morning voice giving away my exact location.
“Where did you disappear to last night?” Nikki asked, eating something.
“What are you eating?”
“Pizza.”
I lifted my head to look at the clock on my desk. “When did you get pizza?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
I groaned. “I just got fed up with some jerk on the dance floor and decided to call it a night.”
“Yeah. I got your really coherent text.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I wasn’t thanking you,” she said. “Check what you sent me. Even autocorrect couldn’t decipher it.”
“My bad.”
“You got home okay, though?”
“I did,” I said, deciding I wouldn’t kiss and tell. After all, while I doubted that she would even care that I’d kissed her ex, I didn’t want to feel like Luke was something we’d shared. I wanted last night’s stomach-dropping incident to be my own thing, just for a little while. “Did you hit up any after-parties?”
“Yeah,” she said. “A few of the girls and I stopped by the football house.”
“Oh?”
“The place is a fucking dump.”
I rolled onto my side. “Really?”
“Some kid fell through the front porch right before we got there.”
“Yikes,” I said. “See anyone we know?”
“Troy and Austin were there,” she said. “But there was no sign of Luke.”
I squeezed my lips together to suppress a smile. “Anyone catch your eye?”
“Yeah. There was some guy from the basketball team there that I wanted to climb like a tree,” she said. “But, unfortunately, I was too drunk to compete with the other girls who clearly had the same idea.”
“Understandable.”
“Plus, there was this guy following me around like a thirsty puppy.”
“Aww.”
“I felt kind of bad for him,” she said. “He was, like, stuttering every time he tried to speak to me.”
“Maybe he was just shitfaced.”
“Perhaps.”
“What was his name?”
“Jordan,” she said. “I think he’s a receiver.”
“Whatever that means.”
“It means he would’ve taken anything I passed him.”
“On that punny note,” I said, “I think I’m done listening to you chomp in my ear.”
“Done or jealous?”
“Touché,” I said, laying a hand on my growling stomach.
“Call me if you’re doing anything interesting later.”
“I’m not.”
“Fair enough,” she said. “Thanks for coming out last night.”
“Thanks for making me look like such a tasteful tramp.”
“Anytime,” she said. “By the way, Kim said you can keep that ID for the time being. She only needs it back if her cousin comes to visit.”
“Fantastic,” I said. “It worked a charm last night at the liquor store, too.”
“The liquor store?”
Shit. “I went in for a nightcap.”
The chewing stopped. “By yourself?”
I scrunched my face. “Not exactly.”
“Rosie.”
“I ran into Luke, and we got to talking about the ID, so I offered to buy some beers.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, I’m glad it worked.”
Boy did it. “I seriously have to go eat something before the caf closes.”
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah, I murdered my best friend for making me miss breakfast.”
“Understood,” she said. “Holler whenev.”
I hung up the phone and rolled onto my back. So much for being casual. I nearly put my foot in it. God forbid I’d been forced to try and describe what happened last night.
I blushed again thinking of the kiss. It was the most loaded kiss of my life. The energy behind it was so intense it frightened me.
That’s why I stopped him.
Honestly, as soon as my stomach hit the floor, I knew I’d reached the line. If I passed it, I wouldn’t have been able to say anything, especially no. Not when I’d wanted him for as long as I had.