by Becky McGraw
“Stop it!” Jazzie finally shouted and jumped up off the bed. “This is ridiculous! You’ve got to go on stage in a half hour and you’re a fricking garden sprinkler!” She pulled out a tissue from the box on the dresser and mopped up Jess’s face with it.
“I can’t sing the new songs tonight…I’ll lose it,” she told Jazzie, then added, with a sob, “And no Aerosmith, either.”
“Okay, we’ll scratch those tonight, then…any other ones?”
“The Bonnie Raitt stuff…I can’t do that either.”
“The list of the ones you can do would probably be shorter, huh?” Jazz snorted then picked up the concealer and dotted it under Jess’s eyes, then blended it in.
“We can do the regular set lists, I can do those,” she said as Jazz picked up the eyeliner, and put some on her.
“You’re going to have to get over this, sugar,” Jazz said gently, then dotted the corners of her eyes with the tissue again, “And stop the damned leaking!”
“I’m trying…” she told Jazz in a watery voice, then added, “I really am, but I’m an emotional wreck. I miss Wade, and I’m worried about tomorrow.”
“Let’s worry about tomorrow, tomorrow, and focus on tonight, so we can get through this show. I had Red get a fill-in for tomorrow night. We’re going to Dallas in the morning, I rented a car.”
“Oh, god, Jazz, we can’t afford that!” she wailed and the tears started again.
“Stop it!” Jazzie ordered her and yanked another tissue out, and patted her cheeks. “I can afford it…I have money saved up and we need to be there.”
Jess leaned forward and pulled Jazzie into a tight hug, with so much thankfulness inside, there was no way she could express it. Her friend always had her back, and she didn’t know what she’d do without her…she hoped she never had to find out.
“Thanks, sister,” she told her in a wobbly voice.
“Now suck it up, and let’s go do our job,” Jazzie told her in a stern voice, then retouched her makeup again, and fixed her hair, then put her hat on her head and patted it down. “Travis is watching Angel, so let’s go warm up,” she told her then grabbed her arm to pull her up to her feet.
Jess looked down at the emerald green bandage dress she had on with her white boots. At least she’d left her hat and boots here, so she had that to wear, she would never have fit in Jazzie’s tiny shoes. It was bad enough, the dress just barely covered her ass, because Jazz was so much shorter than she was. Her boobs looked like they wanted to escape from the top of the V neck dress, and she couldn’t pull it up, because then her butt would be showing. It was going to have to work though, because she didn’t have any other option.
Pasting on a stage smile, she followed Jazzie out the door and to the top of the stairs then stopped then said, “You’re gonna have to get the crew, because I can’t make it down there without help.”
“Be right back,” Jazzie said then headed down to get them.
Travis, Den and Tony came up the stairs a second later, and between them and Jazzie, they managed to help her down, then Travis kissed her cheek and told her to have a good show, and went back up to take care of Angel. She managed to climb the stairs to the stage, and they all got set up, then she grabbed her acoustic and sat down on the stool. When she looked up her face froze, because Ray was standing there with another guy at his side, staring at her. He smiled smugly then walked up to the stage and said, “Jess this is Mr. Zucker from the label, and he wanted to come hear you play tonight. He wants to hear the new songs.”
“I’m not singing them tonight,” she told him bluntly and felt tears sting her eyes again. Jazzie walked up to her side, and put her hand on her back.
He raised an eyebrow, and then said in a threatening tone, “Sure you are…we’ll just be over there,” he told her with a heated glare, then pointed to a table at the edge of the dance floor. “Wade gonna be here tonight?” he asked with a calculated stare.
“No, he’s not…he had things to do,” she told him and her voice wavered.
“Not legal matters, I hope,” he said with a laugh then finished nastily, “It would be a shame if he had to deal with that right now, I’m sure.” Jess caught the threat in what he was saying, and nodded, then dragged her gaze to her guitar, and he walked off with the other man.
Jazzie stepped in front of her and lifted her chin with a finger, “You do not have to do this…don’t let him intimidate you.”
“I haven’t done all this for nothing, Jess…I have to do them. I’ll be okay,” she said, but her statement lacked conviction.
“Don’t fall apart on me, Jess…we’ve gotta be strong to beat that sonofabitch,” Jazzie told her not seeming to care that the mike was hot, and he’d probably just heard what she said.
They played a few warm up songs for a sound check, then turned to Jazz and said, “We play all three songs, one after the other, as soon as the doors open, then we’re done…” Jess hesitated, because she never drank when she performed, it made her vocal chords cold, but tonight was going to be the exception, so she added, “And I need a beer now.”
Jazz smiled at her then nodded and said with a grin, “Now there’s my best friend. There’s more than one way to skin a weasel…I’ll tell the gang, and get that beer for you…maybe I’ll get us all one, and tell the bartender to keep ‘em coming. It’s gonna be one of those nights.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jess told her then stood up and stretched, which caused the dress to raise up her thighs, and she felt Ray’s eyes on her from across the room. Looking over there, he and the older guy with him almost had their tongues hanging out. She smiled, then decided, yeah, maybe there was more than one way to skin a weasel. Turning around she bent over unnecessarily to plug the cord into her guitar, and felt a rush of air under the hem of the dress.
She could have waited until she sat on the stool to start to play, but why when she could use the opportunity to torture Ray? He was never ever going to have his hands on her again, and she wanted to remind him of it, and what he’d lost by using and abusing her. Once she got a couple beers in her, she’d probably find more opportunities to do the same. At least it would make her feel better temporarily…like she had some control over the situation, and over him.
Jazzie came back up on the stage with a tray holding five beers, and Jess grabbed one of the longnecks and swallowed down half of it, then sighed, and finished it. She wobbled a little from holding her head back so long, but straightened then set the empty down on the tray and smiled at Jazz, and said “Thanks, sis.” Grabbing another one, Jess took a few sips, then Jazzie passed out the other ones.
Den didn’t want one, so Jazzie took his and clinked it to hers in a toast and said with a snort, “Bottoms up sister, literally.”
“You saw that?” Jess asked with a chuckle.
“Everyone in the bar saw it,” she hooted then wrapped her full red lips around her bottle and took a long drink of her beer, and sighed then added, “Nice thong, purple?”
Jess threw her head back and laughed. “Lavender,” she corrected with a grin.
“Someone almost fell out of his chair…maybe you should do the Bonnie Raitt stuff tonight, Love Me Like a Man would send him the message,” she suggested with a wink, then took another sip of her beer.
Jess did the same then smacked her lips and said, “Good idea…” then pushed her beer toward Jazz and told her, “Let’s do Angel too.” There was nothing to keep her from singing it anymore…Wade was gone…not hers anymore. He was probably already in Dallas getting ready to ride tomorrow. She’d be there to see him ride, but she wasn’t going to talk to him. He’d made his choice, and it wasn’t her and Angel. Fuck all men, Jess thought, then downed the rest of the second beer.
The doors opened and the guy up front, checked IDs and took money, then Red lowered the lights and turned on the spotlight, and people crowded to the bar to get drinks, before winding their way to tables. She raised her arm and the band started playing ‘Take My Bre
ath Away’ and she sang the words, but didn’t feel them. The front of the stage quickly filled up with cowboys, all staring up at her, trying to catch her eye. She scanned the row of men, but didn’t really look at any of them, while she sang the song she’d written for Wade, until her eyes landed on Beau Bowman and he grinned at her.
While she played ,she slowly walked down there and stood in front of him and grinned, then sang the rest of the words to him. He was safe, and she could play it up, without worrying about him taking it the wrong way…or at least she thought she could. When she sang the last line and poured on the sensuality, he wasn’t smiling anymore, his face turned red, and she saw his jaw working. Looking behind her she saw why…Jazzie had moved to the front of the stage and was playing the fiddle to another cowboy down the line, staring into his eyes smiling.
They played Living the Dream and the dance floor got packed, then went right into Angel and My Baby Girl to finish the three songs quickly. They played the regular set through, after that, then she looked at Jazzie and winked, then picked up her new beer and drank some down. The cold liquid courage slid down her throat and she sighed.
“Love Me Like a Man, she mouthed to her, then picked up her electric guitar and plugged it up. Walking back down the stage to where Beau was standing, she tapped her headset to turn on the mike, then started picking the tune, and poured all the sensuality she had into singing the breathy song to him, with a lot of hip action with her guitar. When she got to the part about ‘dating a lot of losers’ she dragged her eyes to Ray’s across the room, and his face puckered up, then she focused back on Beau to sing the rest.
“We’re gonna take a short break, and be back in just a few. Ya’ll dance a little bit,” she told the crowd with a wink. They whistled and applauded and she and Jazzie made their way down from the stage, and Beau was standing there at the foot of the steps.
She saw a shadow behind him, then Wade stepped around Beau and his face was ashen, his eyes flat and hollow. “Just thought I’d stop by on the way out and say bye,” he told her, then said, “Looks like I shouldn’t have bothered.” He held her gaze a minute, then shook his head and turned to push his way through the crowd.
“Wade wait!” she yelled then looked at Beau and pleaded, “Please go get him, I’ll never catch up!”
Beau took off through the crowd after Wade and left her standing there with a knot of emotion in her throat. A few minutes later Beau came back, but Wade wasn’t with him, and her heart sank to her toes. “Did you find him?” she asked frantically.
“Yeah, I found him, but he wouldn’t come back, sorry, sugar,” he said with regret in his eyes. “I told him you were just putting on a show, but he didn’t want to hear it.”
“Damn, that hardheaded man, now he’s gonna go get himself killed,” she wailed and Jazzie walked up beside her to put her arm around her shoulders. “I don’t know if I can finish the show, Jazz…I’ve got to go find him,” she said with fear clutching her heart.
She saw a flash of bright red hair, then Karlie Kelley pushed through the crowd at the stage, followed closely by Gabe. She stopped and grabbed Jess’s arm and said near her ear, “I have to talk to you now…I tried to yesterday, but you weren’t at the ranch.”
“I stayed here last night,” she told her miserably.
“Wade needs you, Jess, and he doesn’t need to be riding with his head all fucked up. That’s not a good thing to do, trust me, I know. And he’s in a bad place, has been for two days now.”
“I know…but he left. He wouldn’t listen to Beau, or come back to talk to me.”
“Listen, what I wanted to explain to you is that Wade wasn’t being thoughtless about his safety, or you and Angel when he entered this competition. He thought it through, so he’d be taking a calculated risk. He’s a pro at bareback and saddle bronc riding, but he only entered the saddle bronc event. Bareback is the roughest ride…wild and uncontrolled. Saddle bronc is a more controlled ride, slower bucking, less jarring, more finesse. The doctor also gave him a brace to wear when he rides to stabilize his spine, so there’s less of a chance he’ll get hurt.”
Jess whimpered and asked her, “Why didn’t he tell me that?”
Karlie looked at her with sympathy in her bright blue eyes, and put a hand on Jess’s shoulder, then told her, “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think you gave him a chance to, sugar…”
“You’re right, I didn’t…I need to go find him,” she said sickly.
“He’s headed to Dallas…the riders are staying at the Hilton there by the arena, so I imagine that’s where he’s going. We’re heading up early tomorrow morning. It’s a two-day event, and the finals are on Sunday.”
Jess looked at Jazzie then told her, “Let’s go talk to Red and see if he will put on the canned music for the rest of tonight, so we can leave now. Either way, I’m not waiting, until tomorrow,” then she looked at Karlie and said, “Thanks for telling me.”
“You’re welcome, honey…now go get your man,” she told her with a chuckle.
***
Sitting in the bar at the Hilton in Dallas, Wade tossed back his fourth beer. He thought maybe, he’d cool off by the time he got to number six, but he wasn’t so sure. When he left the Double B to head to the arena, he said he was not going to stop by the bar on his way out of town. On auto-pilot though, his truck brought him there, and he regretted it now.
Jess had been Jess, and he should have known she would be flirting with all of the adoring cowboys at the front of the stage, including Beau Bowman. Wade ground his teeth and took another swig of his beer. And that damned dress she had on could have qualified as a shirt, it was so short. He also saw Ray Turner there too ogling her, but he’d steered clear of him, because he was not going to get himself thrown in jail again, or give him more power over Jess.
He’d asked himself a hundred times why he was still doing this, after what had happened between them. She’d gotten herself in this predicament, and he was under no obligation to bail her out now that they were basically done. His heart twisted in his chest at the thought and he downed more of his beer to try and unwind it. Now, he faced the fact that he was determined to finish what he’d committed to, and that was buying back her soul from that bastard who stole it, because Wade had been stupid enough to fall for his taunting and beat the shit out of him.
That part was his fault…and why Jess had done what she did. So, he’d fix it, then he’d walk away, and give her the house and money to take care of Angel. He wouldn’t be moving in with them, or seeing Jess more than he had to. It was going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but he would do it, so he had the opportunity to raise his baby girl.
Angel was all that mattered to him, Jess could do what she wanted to do, flirt with whoever she wanted to flirt with, or date, or marry…or fuck. Wade was over torturing himself, because of her…well, maybe not over it, but working on being over it, he thought and tossed back his beer to finish it.
Some of his old buddies from the circuit walked in and saw him and waved, then walked over to his table and pulled up chairs. He wasn’t in the mood for company, but maybe talking about old times would help distract him, he thought. Misery loved company anyway, and he wouldn’t have to drown it in his beer alone like a pathetic loser.
“Hey ya’ll…” he said when they sat down. “How’s it hanging?”
“Looks like it’s hanging pretty low with you, man…thought we’d come over here and cheer you up. You worried about getting back in the saddle tomorrow?” Chuck Wilson asked him. Chuck was an old friend, they joined the PRCA about the same time, and were friendly competitors.
“Nothing to cheer, ya’ll are gonna need the cheering up tomorrow,” he told Chuck with a smug grin, then leaned back in his chair and sipped his beer.
“I have to say I was surprised to see your name on the roster…thought you were done.”