by Becky McGraw
“Is he breathing on his own? I saw the doctor at the arena giving him CPR…”
“We have him ventilated right now, you can ask the doctor when you see him,” the nurse told her with sympathy in her eyes.
Jess’s heart skipped a few beats and intense emotion clogged her throat, as she asked the question that had been haunting her, since she left the arena, “Has he moved his arms or legs?”
The nurse shook her head, then responded, “No, he hasn’t, but he’s been unconscious, so we won’t know how his spine is, until we get the MRI results…now let’s get you in there with the others waiting to hear something, so we can get the tests done and get you answers.” The woman took her shoulders and turned her toward the door, then led her down the hall to the waiting room.
Jess staggered inside the room on wooden legs, and Jazzie broke away from a group of cowboys she’d been talking to and ran over there and threw her arms around her. The cowboys followed Jazzie and formed a group hug around them. They smelled like horse, sweat and dust, but she didn’t care, the love radiating around her helped soothe her nerves. They backed up after a minute, and shuffled her to a chair and she sat down, then Jazzie sat beside her and took her hands.
“Did they tell you anything?” she asked with fear in her voice.
Jess shook her head and told them, “They said they’re about to take him for some tests, an MRI, and then they’d tell us something. He’s still not awake, and they have him on a b-b-breathing ma-ma-chine,” she said then felt tears scalding her cheeks and sucked in a shuddering breath. “What am I gonna do, Jazzie?” she sobbed then put her face in her hands.
“You’re gonna sit here with us, and you’re gonna keep your chin up, Jess. Wade needs you to be strong, for him and for Angel. You’ can’t fall apart, sweetie.”
“I kn-know, but he looked so bad, Jazzie…all those tubes and wires…and he hasn’t woken up…that can’t be good,” she wailed as misery poured through her like poison in her veins.
“We need to go find that damned rookie and kick his ass,” one of the cowboys in the group said loudly, and the others erupted in murmurs of agreement. The more they mumbled and talked, the louder the rumbling got, and tension ramped up in the room. Jess stood up and waved her hands then whistled and they finally quieted down.
Her lip trembled as she said loudly, so all twenty or thirty guys could hear her, “He’s been arrested by the Texas Rangers, and he’s in jail, so you don’t have to worry about him right now. We need prayers—lots and lots of prayers—for Wade’s recovery, right now. Thank ya’ll for being here…he’ll appreciate it, I know I do,” she told them then felt tears pouring out of her eyes again, and sat back down weakly.
Jess didn’t know if it was ten minutes or two hours later, that’s how despondent she was, but a doctor in green scrubs walked in the room and called her name. She launched up off the chair and ran over to him, “I’m Jess Sparks…how’s Wade?” she asked breathlessly, fearing what he would say, but wanting to hear it anyway.
“He’s breathing on his own now, and he’s awake and asking for you. We’re still waiting on the MRI results, though.”
“Can I go see him?” she grabbed his arm and asked, holding her breath.
“If you don’t, I think he’s gonna tear the ER down,” he told her with a chuckle.
All the men in the room laughed too, and the doctor looked around then said, “Looks like we’ve got a rodeo event going on in here.”
“Team prayer challenge,” one of them called out, and they all hollered and clapped.
“He could use it,” the doctor said then told them, “I’ll be back to let ya’ll know his status in a little while.”
They all muttered, “Thanks, doc,” then he led her out of the room and down to the exam room, then left her at the door.
When Jess walked into the room and her eyes locked with his, a wave of strong emotion started at her toes then rose all the way to her head and she sobbed then ran over to him. She stopped beside the bed and took his hand in hers, but didn’t flop down on top of him this time, because she didn’t want to hurt him. She squeezed his hand and he didn’t act like he noticed, and he didn’t squeeze it back, and her heart twisted in her chest, and she bit back the agonized wail that tried to work its way out of her.
He swallowed a couple of times and flinched, then said in a raw gravelly voice, “I’m sorry for getting hurt, baby.”
Jess whimpered and then sobbed and told him, “It wasn’t your fault, Wade…Cam Jessup cut your saddle strap…Beau arrested him.”
“I knew something bad went wrong when that saddle came off…but I couldn’t do anything,” he told her and his eyes filled with emotion. “I shouldn’t have rode in this competition, you were right…I’m sorry, sugar,” he told her and a single tear fell out the corner of his eye and tracked to his ear.
She leaned over and swiped it with her thumb and said, “Wade Roberts, don’t you dare apologize to me again, or I’m going to kick your ass. You won the damned thing, and wouldn’t be here if that asshole hadn’t sabotaged your saddle.”
He chuckled, then groaned and said softly, “Yes ma’am….’
“That’s more like it,” she told him, then leaned down and kissed his lips softly, then put her forehead to his and asked him the question she needed an answer to, “Wade, are you paralyzed, baby?” then squeezed his hand again.
After a second, he squeezed it back and she whimpered, then he huffed a breath and told her shakily, “I can’t feel my legs, but my arms are okay…the doctor said it could be just temporary from the jarring when I landed, but the MRI will tell the tale.”
She looked in his eyes and saw fear and pain…but something else too, resignation. He swallowed hard then told her with tears in his eyes, “I don’t want you to stay with me, if I am paralyzed, Jess…I want to see Angel, but you need to move on. I knew this was a possibility when I entered that competition and I decided then that if I got hurt…I’d let you go…you didn’t want me to enter, and I did it anyway. You deserve better than having to take care of me, because I was stupid.”
Anger poured through her and she jerked away from him and put her hands on her hips, then told him, “That is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard…it’s mighty nice of you to decide what I need and don’t need in my life, and how I should live it. That decision is not yours to make, it’s mine.”
He firmed up his jaw, and his eyes glittered when he told her, “And entering the rodeo was my decision, and not a good one…all bets are off, Jess. This is about me, I don’t want to be with you, if I’m paralyzed.”
The more he said to her, the more the anger inside of her moved toward the boiling point. “Oh, so that’s how love works…we can only be with each other in the good times. If something goes wrong, then we’re free to ‘move on’ as you put it…do I have it right?”
He ground his teeth, then hissed, “That’s about it, yeah.”
Jess sucked in a breath and pushed the question past the constriction in her throat, “So, if I was in that bed in the shape you are, you’d walk out on me? Move on?” Jess thought she knew him better than that, but maybe not…maybe she was seeing what she wanted to see in him.
“We’re not talking about you—I’m the one laying here paralyzed. I can’t take care of you and Angel…and I’m not going to be able to provide for you. I’ll do what I can, but it’s gonna be rough…I won’t be able to work.”
“Who says I need you to provide for me. Have you noticed that I make pretty damned good money singing? And I have a contract now, even if it is with that slimy bastard Ray Turner…it’s only two years then I can find another label. I’ll have songs recorded.”
Wade shook his head then said, “That’s not happening, darlin’. Ray Turner is going to jail….”
Jess snorted then spat, “Yeah right, and I’m the tooth fairy. That guy is so slick nobody would catch him…I know, I lived with him for five years, and didn’t have a clue.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this?” she asked astonished that he’d withheld something so important from her…this was her business, about her life.
“I wanted to wait, until I had all the information to give you…I figured you’d go off half-cocked if I didn’t.”
Jess tilted her head and looked at the man laying in that bed, and realized she didn’t know him at all, and he didn’t know her either, if he thought that. “So, you were controlling me, right, daddy?” she said in a high-pitched voice, and pinned him with her eyes.
“I’m not your daddy, Jess…I just thought waiting to tell you was the right thing to do,” he said weakly then closed his eyes and flinched.
“You were doing what you thought was right for you. If you told me, I’d have told you not to ride, because there was another option, and you wanted to ride, didn’t you Wade?”
“That’s not true…I’d already ridden the first two rounds, before I found out. I didn’t tell you for the reason I said…you would’ve been upset and probably called him and tipped him off, and we wouldn’t have had all the information yet. And he could take off.”
“So you don’t trust me…thought I was too immature to handle big girl things, in the big girl world, is that right daddy?” she asked snidely, then told him, “I put on my big girl panties this morning, like I’ve done every morning now for, oh ten years, or so.”
He opened his eyes and he turned them on her, then said angrily, “If that’s true, then why the hell did you let Ray take such advantage of you for so long? Was it just easier for you to let him handle things, Jess? Worth all the money he stole from you?”
Jess sucked in a breath at his brutal words, and her heart lurched in her chest. “Wow, I can’t believe you just said that. You don’t know me at all do you? I’ve worked my ass off for eight years to build a career, and an asshole I trusted robbed me blind. Maybe my problem is that I’m not a good judge of character…I trust people too easily,” she told him then added in a choked whisper, “Like I trusted you.”
“I haven’t abused your trust, Jess,” Wade told her firmly.
“Yeah, you have…I trusted you to treat me like an equal partner in whatever relationship we have going here, something my daddy, or my last boyfriend didn’t do…and all you’ve done is try to control me, just like them.”
“Maybe they had reason to take control,” he said gruffly.
“It gets better and better…is this your way of driving me away? If so, you’re doing a good job, Wade,” she told in a soft pain-filled voice with tears blurring her vision.
He looked away from her and said, “I’m just telling it like I see it…”
She stomped over to the bed and jerked his chin, then grated, “Look at me asshole…see what you’re doing to me. You’re crushing my heart, I trusted you with that too…and with my daughter’s. You want us out of your life, so you can feel sorry for yourself, wallow in all you can’t do now. Well there’s a helluva lot you can do, and loving us is one of them.”
“Just leave me alone, Jess…” he told her flatly, then his lips wobbled and he told her, “We’re done.”
“We’re not done, until I say we’re done, you’re not going to control that too! Angel and I are going to be staying at Jazzie’s parents house in Dallas, I’m not going back to Bowie, so you can move into that big ole house all by yourself and wallow all you want.”
“NO! You and Angel are moving in that house, Jess…” he said then gritted his teeth, and clutched the sheet.
“Oh, hell no we aren’t. We’re doing things my way now, Wade Roberts.”
“I don’t think so, I have full custody, remember?” he reminded her smugly.
“Not for long, jackass…if I have to sell my soul to Ray Turner, I’m getting an attorney to fix that. You’ll be lucky to get monthly visitation. I don’t want anything from you either…nothing…not money, not clothes, nothing.”
“Jess, don’t do this…I’m not able to handle it right now on top of everything else…” he croaked hoarsely and slammed his head back on the pillow.
“Too fucking bad, Wade…you wanted to push me out of your life? You got what you wanted, sugar…and this time there won’t be an ultimatum. No conditions, I’m done…now we’re done. Goodbye,” she told him then ran out of the room and down to the waiting room, not even seeing things around her, because tears were blurring her vision and her heart felt like it was being ripped out of her chest.
She ran into the waiting room, and the cowboys converged on her with concern on their faces. Holding up her hand, she choked out, “He’s fine…can’t feel his legs, but the doctor says it might be temporary. They’ll come let ya’ll know when the MRI results are back,” she took a deep breath then swallowed the nausea that suddenly shoved up her throat, “I’m leaving, so ya’ll t-take c-c-care of him, okay?” Jess put a hand over mouth, then waved and Jazzie and ran out of the room to find the bathroom.
Jazzie was right behind her, as she ran into a stall and tossed her cookies, sobbed, gagged, then tossed again, until she was weak and sank to the floor resting her back against the stall.
“Jess, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jazzie knelt beside her and asked with concern pinching between her brows.
“Wade and I are done…think we can stay at your parents house for a couple of weeks, until I can make some money to get us a place?”
“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem, but what the hell happened? He’s laying in there broken up, and you busted up with him?”
“He told me that he wanted me to ‘move on’, because he was paralyzed and couldn’t provide for me and Angel, or protect us anymore…can you believe that shit?”
“Wow, he must’ve hit his head or something, huh?”
“I don’t know what his problem is, but that’s not all…he also didn’t tell me that the accountant he sent my books to found something to nail Ray with…he knew it yesterday, and didn’t tell me…said I’d go off half-cocked, because he didn’t have all the information yet.”
Jazzie groaned and put a hand to her forehead, “Was he trying to run you off?”
“Yep…that’s exactly what he was doing. I told him that I wasn’t leaving him…that love was about the good times and the bad times, then he came out with that and basically told me I needed someone to control me because I was immature. I’m gonna fucking show him just what this big girl can do on her own, I don’t need that crap. No more, mushroom relationships for me.”
“Keep you in the dark and feed you bullshit?” Jazzie asked with a grin.
“Yup…that’s it. He wanted to push me away, he got his wish. I’m getting an attorney too to settle the custody issue. I told him I’d sell my soul to Ray Turner, if that’s what it takes to do it too,” she told Jazzie then looked into her eyes, “This isn’t a knee jerk thing, Jazzie…Angel deserves better, and so do I.”
“I agree, Jess…now, let’s figure out what we’re gonna do. We’re in this together, sister,” she told her then stuck out her pinkie.
Jess hooked it with hers, then pulled, and told her with a wobbly smile, “I think the first thing we should do is research that record label that Ray works for…maybe they’re not so bad, and can help us get rid of Ray. If we find out they’re legit, I’m going talk to the big dog over there, and see if we can cut a deal.”
“Good start…how’re we gonna get rid of Ray?” Jazzie asked conspiratorially, then sat on her butt beside Jess and leaned against the wall.