by Nora Roberts
Chapter Three
Anticipating the shock, Amanda dove into the cold water of the pool. She surfaced with a delicious shiver then began the first of her usual fifty laps.
There was nothing she liked better than beginning a day with a vigorous workout. It ate away the old tension to make room for the new that would develop before the workday was done.
Not that she didn't enjoy her job as assistant manager of the BayWatch Hotel. Particularly since it gave her the privilege of using the hotel pool before the guests began to crowd in. It was the end of May and the season had begun to swing. Of course it was nothing compared to what it would be by midsummer, but most of the rooms in the hotel were occupied, which meant she had her hands full. This hour, which she gave herself whenever weather permitted, was prized.
As she approached one end of the pool, she curled, tucked and pushed off.
In another year, she thought as she sent beads of water flying, she would be manager of The Towers Retreat. A St James hotel. The goal that she had worked and struggled for since she'd taken her first part-time job as a desk clerk at sixteen was about to be realized.
It nagged at her from time to time that she would have the job only because Trent was marrying her sister. Whenever it did, she became only more determined to prove that she deserved it, that she had earned it.
She would be managing an exclusive hotel for one of the top chains in the country. And not just any hotel, she thought, cutting cleanly through the water, but The Towers. A part of her own heritage, her own history, her own family.
The ten luxurious suites Trent intended to create out of the crumbling west wing would be her responsibility. If he was right, the St. James name and the legend of The Towers would keep those suites filled year-round.
She would do a good job. An exceptional one. Every guest who traveled home from The Towers would remember the excellent service, the soothing ambience, the silky smooth organization.
It was going to happen. There would be no more slaving for a demanding and unappreciative supervisor, no more frustration at doing the work and handing over the credit. At last the credit, and the failure, would be hers alone.
It was only a matter of waiting until the remodeling was done.
And that brought her thoughts ramming headfirst into Sloan O'Riley.
She certainly hoped Trent knew what he was doing.
What baffled her most was how such a smooth and polished man such as Trenton St. James IK had ever become friends with a throwback like O'Riley. The man had actually knocked her down. Of course, she'd knocked him down first, but that was entirely beside the point Amanda kicked off again. Her leanly muscled arms sliced through the water, her long legs scissored. She didn't regret, not for a minute, that she'd had the wit and the strength to get the best of him first. He'd been pushy and overfamiliar and too full of himself from the moment she'd met him. And he'd kissed her.
She turned her head up for air then slid her face into the water again.
She hadn't given him the least bit of encouragement. In fact, just the opposite. But he'd sat there, grinning like a fool, and had kissed her. The memory of it had her gasping for air again.
Not that she'd liked it, Amanda assured herself. If C. C. hadn't walked in, she would have given the arrogant Mr. O'Riley a piece of her mind. Except that she hadn't had one left.
Because she'd been angry, that's all. She wasn't a bit attracted to the rough, outdoorsy type with cal-lused hands and dusty boots. She wasn't fool enough to fall for a pair of dark green eyes that crinkled at the corners when they smiled. Her image of the ideal man included a certain sophistication, smooth manners, culture, a quiet aura of success. If and when she became interested in a relationship, those would be her requirements. Slow-talking cowboys need not apply.
Maybe there had been something sweet about him when he'd talked to the children, but it wasn't enough to overcome the rest of the deficits in his personality.
She remembered the way he'd flirted and charmed Aunt Coco at dinner. He'd kept C. C. amused with stories of Trent's college days and had been tolerant and easy with Alex's and Jenny's questions about horses and Indians and six-shooters.
But he'd watched Suzanna a little too closely, a little too carefully for Amanda's liking. A woman chaser, Amanda decided. If Lilah had been at dinner, he probably would have flirted with her, as well. But Lilah could take care of herself where men were concerned.
Suzanna was different. She was beautiful, sensitive and vulnerable. Her exhusband had hurt her deeply, and no one, not even the cocky Sloan O'Riley was going to get the chance to hurt Suzanna again. Amanda would make sure of it.
When she reached the edge of the pool this time, she gripped the coping and dipped her head back into the water to slick her hair out of her eyes. Surfacing, she found herself staring up into a watery image that was entirely too familiar.
"Morning. " Sloan grinned down at her. The sun was at his back, bringing out the reddish tones in his untidy hair. "You got a nice form there, Calhoun. "
She blinked her eyes clear. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Here?" He glanced over his shoulder at the whitewashed hotel. "You could say I'm hanging my hat here. " Watching her, he jerked a thumb up and back. "Room 320. "
"You're a guest at the BayWatch?" Amanda propped her elbows on the coping. "It figures. "
Agreeable, Sloan crouched down. She had the clear creamy Calhoun skin, he noted, particularly striking, and vulnerable, now washed clean of any cosmetics. "Nice way to start the day. "
Her full damp mouth turned down in a frown. "It was. " "Since we're asking, what are you doing here?"
"I work here. "
Things were becoming more and more interesting, he thought. "No fooling?"
"No fooling," she said dryly. "I'm assistant manager. "
"Well, now. " He dipped an experimental finger into the water. "Checking out the water temperature for the guests? That's dedication. "
"The pool doesn't open until ten. "
"Don't worry. " He hooked his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans. "I wasn't planning on taking a dip just yet. " What he had been planning was to take a walk, a long solitary one. But that was before he'd spotted her doing laps. "So, I guess if I have any questions about the place, you're the one I talk to. "
"That's right. " Amanda moved over to the steps to climb out. The one-piece sapphire-colored suit clung like a second skin as water slid from her. "Is your room satisfactory?"
"Hmm?" She had legs designed to make a man sweat, he thought, slim and shapely and a yard long.
"Your room," she repeated as she reached for her towel. "It suits you?"
"It suits me fine. Just fine. " He skimmed his gaze up those damp calves and thighs, over the slim hips on a lazy journey to her face. "The view's worth the price of admission. "
Amanda hooked the towel around her neck. "The view of the bay's free-like the continental breakfast now being served in The Galley. You'll want to take advantage of it. "
"I've found that a couple of croissants and a cup of coffee don't do much to stanch the appetite. " Because he wasn't ready for her to walk away, he reached out to take both ends of the towel in a light grip. "Why don't you join me for a real breakfast?"
"Sorry. " Her heart was beginning to thud uncomfortably. "Employees are discouraged from socializing with the guests. "
"I reckon we could make an exception in this case, seeing as we're. . . old friends. "
"We're not even new friends. "
There was that smile again, slow, insistent and all too knowing. And then he said, "That's something we can fix over breakfast. "
"Sorry. Not interested. " She started to turn away, but he tightened his grip on the towel and held her in place.
"Where I come from people are a mite more friendly. "
Since he wasn't giving her a choice, she held her ground. "Where I come from people are a great de
al more polite. If you have any problems with the service during your stay at the Bay Watch, I'll be more than happy to accommodate you. If you have any questions about The Towers, I'll make myself available to answer them. Other than that, we have nothing to discuss. "
He watched her patiently, admiring the way she could coat her husky voice with frost even while her eyes glinted. This was a woman with plenty of control. And, though he was certain she'd snarl at the term, plenty of spunk.
"What time do you go on the clock here?"
She let out a hiss of breath. Obviously the man's head was as thick as his accent. "Nine o'clock, so if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go get dressed. "
Sloan squinted up at the sun. "Looks to me like you've got about an hour before you punch in. The way you move, it won't take you half that to get yourself together. "
Amanda shut her eyes briefly on a prayer for patience. "Sloan, are you trying to irritate me?"
"Don't figure I have to. It seems to come natural. " Casually he wound the ends of the towel around his fists and had her jerking closer. He grinned as her chin shot up. "See?"
She resented bitterly the way her pulse was dancing, and the tight, clutching sensation deep in her stomach. "What's the matter with you, O'Riley?" she demanded. "I've made it absolutely plain that I'm not interested. "
"I'll tell you how it is, Calhoun. " He flipped his wrists again, shortening the towel farther. The humor she was used to seeing in his eyes changed into something else in the space of a heartbeat. And that something else was dark and dangerous. And exciting. "You're one long, cool drink of water," he murmured. "Every time I'm around you I get this powerful thirst. " With a last jerk, he had her tumbling against him, her hands trapped tight between their bodies. "That little sip I had yesterday wasn't nearly enough. " Bending down, he nipped at her bottom lip.
He felt her tremor, but as he kept his eyes on hers, he could see it wasn't from fear. A trace of panic maybe, but not fear. Still he waited to see if she would give him a flat-out no. That was something he would have to respect, however much the need churned through him.
But she said nothing, only stared at him with those wide wary eyes. Softly he brushed his lips over hers and watched the thick lashes flutter down. "I want more," he murmured. And took.
Her hands curled into fists between them, but she didn't use them to push him away. The struggle was all inside her, a wild and violent combat that jolted her system even as he bombarded her senses. Caught in the crossfire, her mind simply shut down.
His mouth wasn't lazy now. Nor were his hands slow. Hard and hot, his lips took from hers while his fingers pressed against her damp back. The scrape of his teeth had her gasping, then moaning when his tongue slid seductively over hers.
Her fingers uncurled to clutch at his shirt, then to claw their way up to his shoulder, into his hair. The desperation was new, terrifying, wonderful. It drove her to strain against him while her mouth burned with an urgency that matched his.
The change rocked him. He was used to having his senses clouded by a woman, to having his body throb and his blood burn. But not like this. In the instant she went from dazed surrender to fevered urgency, he knew a need so sharp, so jagged that it seemed to slice through his soul.
Then all he knew was her. All he could feel was the cool slick silk of her skin. All he could taste was the honeyed heat of her mouth. All he could want was more.
She was certain her heart would pound its way out of her breast. It seemed the heat from his body turned the water on her skin to steam, and the vapors floated through her brain. Nor did they clear when he eased her gently away.
"Amanda. " He drew in a deep gulp of air but wasn't sure he'd ever get his breath back again. One look at her as she stood heavy eyed, her swollen lips parted, had the edgy desire cutting through him again. "Come up to my room. "
"Your room?" She touched unsteady fingers to her lips, then her temple. "Your room?"
Lord, that throaty voice and those dazed eyes were going to have him on his knees. One thing he'd yet to do was beg for a woman. With her, he was afraid begging was inevitable.
"Come with me. " Possessively he ran his hands over her shoulders. Somewhere along the line the towel had slid to the concrete. "We need to finish this in private. "
"Finish this?"
On a groan, he brought his lips back to hers again in a last, long, greedy kiss. "Woman, I think you're going to be late for work. "
He had her arm and had pulled her toward the gate before she shook her head clear. His room? she thought fussily. Finish this? Oh, Lord, what had she done? What was she about to do? "No. " She jerked away and took a deep, cleansing breath that did nothing to stop the tremors. "I'm not going anywhere. "
He tried to steady himself and failed. "It's a little late to play games. " His hand snaked out to cup the back of her neck. "I want you. And there's no way in hell you're going to convince me you don't want me right back. Not after that. "
"I don't play games," she said evenly, and wondered if he could hear her over the riot of her heartbeat. She was cold, so terribly cold. "I don't intend to start now. " She was the sensible one, she reminded herself. She wasn't the kind of woman who raced into a hotel room to make love with a man she barely knew. "I want you to leave me alone. "
"Not a chance. " He struggled to keep his fingers light as temper and need warred inside him. "I always finish what I start. "
"You can consider this finished. It had no business starting. " "Why?"
She turned away to snatch up her wrap. The thin terry cloth wasn't nearly enough to warm her again. "I know your type, O'Riley. "
He reached deep for calm and rocked back on his heels. "Do you?"
Clumsy with temper, she fought to push her arms through the sleeves. "You swagger from town to town and fill a few free hours with an available woman having a quick roll between the sheets. " She pulled the tie on the wrap tight. "We. ll, I'm not available. "
"You figure you got me pegged, huh?" He didn't touch her, but the look in his eyes was enough to have her bracing. He didn't bother to explain that it was different with her. He hadn't yet explained it to himself. "You can take this as a warning, Calhoun. This isn't finished between us. I'm going to have you. "
"Have me? Have me. " Propelled by pride and fury, she took one long stride toward him. "Why you conceited self-absorbed sonofabitch - "
"You can save the flattery for later," he interrupted. "There will be a later, Amanda, when it's just you and me. And I promise you, it won't be quick. " Because the idea appealed to him, he smiled. "No sir, when I make love with you, I'm going to take my time. " He ran a finger down the collar of her wrap. "And I'm going to drive you crazy. " She slapped his hand away. "You already are. " "Thanks. " He gave her a friendly nod. "I think I'll go see about that breakfast You have a good day. "
She would, she thought as he walked off whistling. She'd have a fine day if he was out of it.
It was bad enough that she had to work late, Amanda thought, without having to listen to one of Mr. Stenerson's droning lectures on efficiency. As manager of the BayWatch, Stenerson ruled his staff with fussy hands and whines. His preferred method of supervision was to delegate. In that way he could dole out blame when things went wrong, and gather in credit when things went right.
Amanda stood in his airy pastel office, staring at the top of his balding head as he ran through his weekly list of complaints.
"Housekeeping has been running behind by twenty minutes. In my spot check of the third floor, I discovered this cellophane wrapper under the bed of 302. " He waved the tiny clear paper like a flag. "I expect you to have a better handle on things, Miss Calhoun. "
"Yes, sir. " You officious little wienie. "I'll speak to the housekeeping staff personally. "
"See that you do. " He lifted his ever-present clipboard. "Room service speed is off by eight percent.
At this rate of deterioriation, it will l
ower to twelve percent by the height of the season. "
Unlike Stenerson, Amanda had done time in the kitchen during the breakfast and dinner rush. "Perhaps if we hired another waiter or two," she began.
"The solution is not in adding more staff, but in culling more efficiency from those we have. " He tapped a finger on the clipboard. "I expect to see room service up to maximum by the end of next week. "
"Yes, sir. " You supercilious windbag.
"I'll expect you to roll up your sleeves and pitch in whenever necessary, Miss Calhoun. " He folded his soft white hands and leaned back. Before he'd opened his mouth again, Amanda knew what was coming. She could have recited the speech by rote.
"Twenty-five years ago, I was delivering trays to guests in this very hotel. It was through sheer determination and a positive outlook that I worked my way up to the position I hold today. If you expect to succeed, perhaps even take over in this office after my retirement, you must eat, sleep and drink the Bay-Watch. The efficiency of the staff directly reflects . your efficiency, Miss Calhoun. "
"Yes, sir. " She wanted to tell him that in another year she would have her own staff, her own office and he could kiss his whipping boy goodbye. But she didn't tell him. Until that time, she needed the job and the weekly paycheck. "I'll have a meeting with the kitchen staff right away. "
"Good, good. Now, I'll want you on call this evening, as I'll be incommunicado. "
As always, she thought but murmured her agreement.
"Oh, and check the August reservations. I want a report on the ratio of Escape Weekends to Seven-Day Indulgences. Oh, and speak with the pool boy about missing towels. We're five short already this month. "
"Yes, sir. " Anything else? she wondered. Shine your shoes, wash your car? "That'll be all. "
Amanda opened the door and struggled to keep her unflappable professional mask in place. All she really wanted to do was knock her head against the wall for a few indulgent minutes. Before she could retreat to some private, quiet place to do so, she was called to the front desk.
Sloan took a seat in the lobby just to watch her. He was surprised to see that she was still working. He'd put in a full day at The Towers, and the scarred briefcase beside the chair was bulging with notes, measurements and sketches. He was ready for a tall beer and a rare steak.
But here she was, soothing guests, instructing desk clerks, signing papers. And looking just as cool and fresh as spring water. He watched her pull off an earring, jiggling it in her palm as she took a phone call.
It was one of life's small pleasures to watch her, he decided. All that drive and energy, the effortless control. Almost effortless, he thought with a grin. There was a line between her brows - frustration, he thought. Annoyance. Or just plain stubbornness. He had a powerful urge to go up to her and smooth it away. Instead, he gestured to a bellman.
"Yes, sir. "
"Is there a florist around here?" "Yes, sir, just down the street. "
Still watching Amanda, Sloan dug out his wallet and pulled out a twenty. "Would you run down there and get me a red rose? A long-stemmed one that's still closed. And keep the change. "
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. "
While he waited, Sloan ordered a beer from the lobby bar and lighted a cigar. Stretching out his booted feet, he settled back to enjoy.
Amanda clipped on her earring then pressed a hand to her stomach. At least when she went down to give the kitchen staff a pep talk she could grab something to eat. A glance at her watch told her that she wouldn't have time to take her evening shift going through the paperwork, looking for a clue to the necklace. If there was any bright side to the enforced overtime, it was that Sloan wouldn't be at The Towers when she returned.
"Excuse me. "
Amanda glanced up to see a trim, attractive man in a bone-colored suit. His dark hair was brushed back from a high forehead. Pale blue eyes smiled pleasantly as they looked into hers. The faint British accent added charm to his voice.
"Yes, sir. May I help you?"
"I'd like to speak with the manager. "
Amanda felt her heart sink a little. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stenerson is unavailable. If there's a problem, I'll be glad to handle it for you. "
"No problem, Miss - " his eyes flicked down to her name tag " - Calhoun. I'll be checking in for a few weeks. I believe I have the Island Suite. "
"Of course. Mr. Livingston. We're expecting you. " Quick and competent, she tapped the information into the computer herself. "Have you stayed with us before?"
"No. " He smiled again. "Regrettably. "
"I'm sure you'll find the suite very comfortable. " She passed him a registration form as she spoke. "If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, don't hesitate to ask. "
"I'm already certain it will be pleasant. " He gave her another lingering look as he filled out the form. "Unfortunately, it must also be productive. I wanted to inquire about the possibility of renting a fax machine during my stay. "
"We offer fax service for our guests' convenience," she said.
"I'll require my own. " The diamond on his pinky winked as he slid the form across the counter. "I'm afraid I wasn't able to clear up all my business, as I had hoped. It simply wouldn't be practical for me to run down here every time I need to send or receive a document. Naturally, I'll be willing to pay whatever necessary for the convenience. If renting isn't feasible, perhaps I can purchase one. "
"I'll see what I can arrange. "
"I'd appreciate that. " He offered her his credit card for an imprint. "Also, I'll be using the parlor in the suite as an office. I'd prefer if housekeeping left my papers and disarray undisturbed. "
"Of course. "
"Might I ask if you're familiar with the island?"
Smiling, she handed him his card and his keys. "I'm a native. "
"Wonderful. " His eyes on hers, he held her hand lightly. "Then I'll know to come to you if I have any questions. You've been very helpful, Miss Calhoun. " He glanced at her name tag again. "Amanda. Thank you. "
"You're quite welcome. " Her pulse gave a quick jitter as she slid her hand from his to signal a bellman. "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Livingston. "
"I already am. "
As he walked away, the young desk clerk beside Amanda gave a low feminine sigh. "Who was that?"
"William Livingston. " Amanda caught herself staring after him and pulled herself back to file the imprint.
"Gorgeous. If he had looked at me the way he looked at you, I'd have melted on the spot. "
"Melting's not part of the job description, Karen. "
"No. " Dreamy eyed, Karen put her hand on a ringing phone. "But it sure is part of being a woman. From desk, Karen speaking. May I help you?"
William Livingston, Amanda thought, tapping his registration form against her palm. New York, New York. If he could afford a couple of weeks in the Island Suite, that meant he had money as well as charm, good looks and impeccable taste in clothes. If she'd been looking for a man, he would have fit the bill nicely.
Opening up the phone book, Amanda reminded herself she was looking for a fax machine, not a man.
"Hey, Calhoun. "
With her finger on Office Supplies in the business section, she glanced up. Sloan, his chambray shirt rolled up to the elbows, his hair curling untidily over its collar, leaned on the counter.
"I'm busy," she said dismissively. "Working late?"
"Good guess. "
"You sure look pretty in that little suit. " He reached over the counter to rub a thumb and finger down the crisp red lapel of her jacket "Kinda prim and proper. "
Unlike the little bounce her pulse had given when William Livingstone had taken her hand, it went haywire at Sloan's touch. Annoyed, she brushed it away. "Do you have a problem with your room?"
"Nope. It's pretty as a picture. " "With the service?"
"Slick as a wet rock. "
"Then if you'll excu
se me, I've got work to do. "
"Oh, I figured that. I've been watching you tow the mark here for the last half hour. "
The line appeared between her brows. "You've been watching me?"
His gaze lingered on her mouth as he remembered just how it tasted. "It made the beer go down easy. "
"It must be nice to have so much free time. Now - "
"It's not how much, it's what you do with it. Since you were. . . tied up for breakfast, why don't we have dinner?"
Well aware that her co-workers had their ears pricked, Amanda leaned closer and kept her voice low. "Can't you get it through your head that I'm not interested?"
"No. " He grinned, then sent a wink toward Karen, who was hovering as close as discretion allowed. "You said you didn't like to waste time. So I figured we could have a little supper and pick up where we left off this morning. "
In his arms, she thought, lost for a moment. With her mind fuddled and her blood racing. She was staring at his mouth when it curved and snapped her back to reality. "I'm busy, and I have no desire - "
"You've got plenty of that, Amanda. "
She set her teeth, wishing with all her heart she could call him a liar and mean it. "I don't want to have dinner with you. Clear?"
"As glass. " He flicked a finger down her nose. "I'll be upstairs if you get hungry. Three-twenty, remember?" He lifted the rose from behind the counter and put it into her hand. "Don't work too hard. "
"Two winners in one night," Karen murmured, and watched Sloan walk away. "Lord, he sure knows how to wear jeans, doesn't he?"
Indeed he did, Amanda thought, then cursed herself. "He's crude, annoying and intolerable. " But she brushed the rosebud against her cheek.
"Okay, I'll take bachelor number two. You can concentrate on Mister Beautiful from New York. "
Damn it, why was she so breathless? "I'm going to concentrate on my job," Amanda corrected. "And so are you. Stenerson's on the warpath, and the last thing I need is some cowboy stud interrupting my routine. "
"I wish he'd offer to interrupt mine," Karen murmured, then bent over her terminal.
She wasn't going to think about him, Amanda promised herself. She set the rose aside, then picked it up again. It wasn't the flower's fault, after all. It deserved to be put in water and appreciated for what it was. Softening a bit, she sniffed at it and smiled. And it had been sweet of him to give it to her. No matter how annoying he might be, she should have thanked him.
Absently she lifted the phone as it rang. "Front desk, Amanda speaking. May I help you?"
"I just wanted to hear you say that. " Sloan chuckled into the phone. "Good night, Calhoun. "
Biting back an oath, Amanda banged down the receiver. For the life of her she couldn't understand why she was laughing when she took the rose back into her office to find a vase.
I ran to him. It was as if another woman burst out into the twilight to race over the lawn, down the slope, over the rocks. In that moment there was no right or wrong, no duty but to my own heart. Indeed, it was my heart that guided my legs, my eyes, my voice.
He had turned back to the sea. The first time I had seen him he had been facing the sea, fighting his own personal war with paint and canvas. Now he only stared out at the water.
When I called to him, he spun around. In his face I could see the mirror of my own joy. There was laughter, mine and his, as he rushed toward me.
His arms went around me, so tightly. My dreams had known what it would be like to finally be held by them. His mouth fitted truly to mine, so sweet, so urgent.
Time does not stop. As I sit here and write this, I know that. But then, oh then, it did. There was only the wind and the sound of the sea and the sheer and simple glory of being in his arms. It was as if I had waited my entire life, sleeping, eating, breathing, all for the purpose of that single precious window of time. If I have another hundred years left to me, I will never forget an instant ofit.
He drew away, his hands sliding down my arms to grip mine, then to bring them to his lips. His eyes were so dark, like gray smoke.
"I'd packed, " he said. "I'd made arrangements to sail to England. Staying here without you was hell. Thinking you would come back, and that I'd never be able to touch you nearly drove me mad. Every day, every night. Bianca, I've achedfor you. "
My hands moved over his face, tracing it as I'd often longed to. "I thought I'd never see you again. I tried to pray that I wouldn 't. '' As shame crept through my joy, I tried to turn away. "Oh, what you must think of me. I'm another man's wife, the mother ofhis children. ''
"Not here. " His voice was rough, even as his hands were gentle. "Here you belong to me. Here, where Ifirst saw you a year ago. Don't think ofhim. "
He kissed me again, and I could not think, could not care.
"I've waited for you. Bianca, through the chill of winter, the warmth of spring. When I tried to paint, it was your image that haunted me. I could see you standing here, with the wind in your hair, the sunlight turning it copper, then gold, then flame. I tried to forget you. " His hands were on my shoulders, holding me back while his eyes seemed to devour my face. "I tried to tell myself it was wrong, that for your sake if not my own, I should leave here. I would think ofyou, with him, dancing at a ball, attending the theater, taking him into your bed. '' His fingers tightened on my shoulders. "She is his wife, I would tell myself. You have no right to want her, to wish that she would come to you. That she could belong to you. ''
I lifted my fingers to his lips. His pain was my pain.
I think it will always be so. "I have come to you, " I told him. "I do belong to you. ''
He turned away from me, the struggle between conscience and love as strong in him as it was in me. "I have nothing to offer you. "
"Your love. There is nothing else I want. "
"It's already yours, has been yours from the first moment I looked at you. " He came back to me to touch my cheek. I could see the regret, and the longing, in those beautiful eyes. "Bianca, there is no future for us. I cannot and will not ask you to give up what you have. ''
"Christian - "
"No. Whatever wrongs I do, I will not do that. I know you would give me what I ask, what I have no right to ask, then come to hate me for it. ''
"No. " Tears came to my eyes then, bitter in the cooling wind. "I could never hate you. "
"Then I would hate myself'' He crushed my fingers against his lips again. "But I'll ask you for the summer, for a few hours when you can come here and we can pretend winter will never be. " He smiled and kissed me softly. "Come here and meet me, Bianca, in the sunlight. Let me paint you. I'll be content with that. "
And so tomorrow, and every day during this sweet, endless summer I will go to him. On the cliffs above the sea we will take what happiness we can.