A first. Our first. He loved that. Kurt brushed her hair over her shoulder, thinking about firsts. Women thought about their first time, their first kiss. He knew that many of the things that were momentous in women’s lives revolved around men. His firsts, however, were tied to his writing. The first manuscript he completed, Beneath the Stillness. His first rejection letter. His first agent request for a full manuscript. The first offer of representation. His first publishing deal. His first live television interview. His first book award. If he really drew on his memory, he could pull the name of the first girl he’d kissed, Madeline Bern, but it was last in a long line of firsts. Firsts with women had never felt very momentous. This first went to the head of the line.
A first for both of us.
Kurt wasn’t a talker. His family and friends knew this about him, and they accepted it. He enjoyed observing more than being in the midst of the goings-on, but Leanna had flipped a switch inside him. He felt himself changing, wanting more, and it surprised him. Rather than fight these new feelings and climb back into his writer’s mind—the safety of his writer’s cave—he wanted to remain in her world.
“I feel like I’ve had a few firsts tonight,” he admitted.
“A few?”
She touched his cheek, and he closed his eyes for a breath, relishing in her touch. Her palm was warm and soft, loving.
“For the first time in years, I’m not thinking about writing.” He leaned up on one elbow and gazed into her eyes. “For the first time in as long as I can remember, I really and truly enjoyed making love.” He leaned in and kissed her. “I enjoyed making love to you, Leanna, being close to you. I like you. A lot.” His pulse sped up again. “And you’re wearing off on me. I never talk this much.”
She smiled, but she didn’t respond, and Kurt’s stomach tightened. He was moving too fast, baring his heart when he shouldn’t. He’d watched his siblings fall in love, and he’d caught glimpses of what it was like for them to really let someone into their lives. Something inside him that he didn’t even know existed felt drawn to Leanna in that way. He wanted to let her in.
But was she pulling back? He wasn’t practiced enough at reading women to be sure. Worry snaked its way into the back of his mind.
“I didn’t exactly take you on a date, did I?” He sat up and leaned his arms over his knees. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this.”
She laughed softly as she pulled herself up beside him. “What are you talking about?”
“We had sex on the beach when I should have taken you to dinner, a movie, something more date-like. There’s probably some dating rule I know nothing about. No sex until the third date or something?” He shifted his eyes to her with a smile.
“You’re so funny. I don’t know many people who go out on three dates before they have sex.”
“Really?” He had always thought timelines for intimacy were odd. He either felt something or he didn’t, but he also wanted Leanna to know he really liked her in a way that was much deeper than just sex. “That’s kind of weird, too, isn’t it?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I probably would have slept with you at my cottage this morning, and we hadn’t even gone out on one date.”
He pulled her close. “Then why do I feel like something’s wrong right now?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just embarrassed. Now you know about my weird inability to be in sync while we’re…” She glanced at the blanket.
“Oh, thank God.” He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank God?”
“Yeah. Here I was thinking I’d done everything wrong.” He pulled her onto his lap and gathered her thick hair in one hand and lowered his lips to her bared skin. “You’re perfect, sensual. Not awkward. Not weird. Perfect.”
“Come on, Kurt.” She rolled her eyes.
“Maybe we should do it again so I can prove it.” He smiled and she laughed. “Seriously. I’m not sure why you are so worried. We were perfectly in sync.”
She lowered her forehead to his. “I love when you lie to me.”
“I never lie, babe. It’s one of my faults. I’m not even sure how to lie.”
“Everyone lies.”
He pulled back and searched her eyes. “I don’t. I’ve never been able to fake feelings either. They’re either there or they’re not. It’s who I am.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, “Then we’re a perfect pair, because I’m who I am, too.”
THERE WERE NOT many things in life that scared Leanna. Starting over in a new city was exciting; quitting jobs was as easy as changing her clothes. She knew she could pick up the pieces of her life and find a way to carry on no matter what was going on around her. She might not be the neatest girl on the planet, or the most organized, and she might not remember everything—like where she left her bike or Pepper’s leash—but she knew the moment she set her head on Kurt’s shoulder that her heart had opened to him in a way it never had before. And that scared the crap out of her. One of her biggest skills was being discontent—and although this felt a world away from anything remotely similar to discontent, she hoped her mind didn’t steal this happiness from her.
As Kurt drove toward her cottage, her heart told her to invite him in and ask him to stay for the night, but her head told her that was stupid. They’d gone out once. She didn’t know him well enough. Yet her gut reaction was that he was not only trustworthy, but different from—maybe even opposite of—any man she’d ever met. It was after midnight when they pulled into Seaside. The lights in Bella’s and Jenna’s cottages were still on. Of course. Directly across from Leanna’s, Amy’s cottage was dark.
Kurt opened the car door for Leanna, something no man had done for her in the past. And there he was, standing tall and handsome in his linen pants, with those piercing blue eyes. A perfect gentleman. And what was she thinking? She wanted to rip his clothes off and climb on top of him again.
She stepped from the car, and he folded her in his arms.
“I wish I had thought to take you to my place for the night,” he whispered.
Could they possibly be in sync?
“I…um…” She turned at the sound of whispering behind her and noticed Amy, Bella, and Jenna walking up the street from the pool. Pepper took off in their direction, dragging the leash behind him.
Kurt followed her gaze. “Were they swimming?”
“Chunky-dunking.”
“Chunky-dunking?” He laughed. Their hair was piled up messily on their heads. Each woman was draped in a towel that barely covered her private parts, and they were grinning like fools.
“It’s what we call skinny-dipping,” she whispered. “The pool closes at eight, but we sneak in sometimes.”
“I’ll have to set my alarm so I don’t miss the next episode of Seaside Skinny-Dipping. May I see you tomorrow?”
May I? She reminded herself that words were his life. “I’m making another batch of jam tomorrow, so I’ll be here all day. Aren’t you writing tomorrow?”
“I write every day, but I’d like to fit some time in to see you. Unless you have plans or would rather not.”
Leanna sensed her friends behind her, turned, and nearly bumped into Bella.
“Bella,” she chided her. Pepper was legs to the sky with his tongue hanging out of his mouth as Amy scratched his belly.
“Sorry. I wanted to say hi to Kurt. Hi, Kurt.” Bella smiled and tilted her head.
“Hello, Bella.”
“This is Jenna.” Bella pointed to Jenna, who waved. “And Amy’s loving up Pep.”
“Hello, ladies. Nice to meet you.” He glanced at Leanna. “Tomorrow?”
“Sure. I don’t know what time I’ll be done. What do you have in mind?”
He leaned in close. “It doesn’t matter. I just like being around you. Although, I kind of owe you a real date.”
“A real date,” Bella whispered.
Leanna shot her a look.
“Sorry. We were talking about h
aving a bonfire here in the quad tomorrow, if you guys want to join us.” Bella turned away and tightened her towel.
“That’s not exactly a real date, and I’m sure the last thing Kurt wants to do is hang out with a bunch of women.” Leanna touched his hand. “I’d love to see you.”
“I don’t mind hanging out with your friends if that’s what you’d like to do.”
“Great. Then it’s a date,” Bella said.
“Oh my God, Bella.” Leanna glared at her. “Jenna, please take her home.”
Jenna looped her arm into Bella’s. “Come on, Bell. Let’s give Leanna a little privacy.”
“I’m going, too.” Amy picked up Pepper’s leash and handed it to Leanna. “Nice to meet you, Kurt.”
“You, too, Amy.” Kurt settled his hands on Leanna’s hips, and she lowered her forehead to his chest.
“I’m sorry. Bella’s a little pushy.”
He lifted her chin with his index finger. “They seem nice. I don’t care what we do, as long as I’m with you. Why don’t you decide, and I’ll come by around six or so?”
“Perfect.”
He kissed her good night, and Pepper whined at his feet. Kurt shook his head. “Good night, Pepper.”
As he drove away, Leanna wondered if her luck had changed—or if she was on the way to a crash-landing but too high up in the clouds to notice.
Chapter Twelve
COLD. WET. STINKY. Leanna opened one eye and found Pepper’s nose pressed against her cheek. She groaned and rolled over.
“Five more minutes?” she pleaded.
Pepper yelped in her ear. She pulled the covers over her head and felt Pepper pawing at her. Leanna drew the covers back down and sighed at Pepper’s tongue hanging from his mouth, his tail wagging. She dragged herself from bed, peeked out the window, and spotted Pete the pool guy’s truck. Nine o’clock. Another late start to her morning.
Totally worth it.
She’d stayed up for hours thinking about her evening with Kurt, reliving his touch, his mouth on her skin, his teeth on her panties. She shivered in her T-shirt and panties as she opened the door for Pepper to go out. He ran straight down to the pool to greet Pete. Leanna grabbed her laptop from the bedside table and checked email. She skimmed the junk messages announcing sales and ways to make her love life sizzle. My love life is already sizzling. The thought surprised her, because for once in her life it was true.
The mouse bounced between two unopened emails. One was from Mama’s Market, a local farmers’ market, and the other was from Daisy’s Chain, the largest grocery chain in New England. She’d sent a proposal to each three weeks ago. She was two clicks away from either the end of her dream or the beginning.
Too nervous to read either yet, she closed her laptop. Pepper scratched at the door as Bella barreled in behind him, wearing her bathing suit beneath a sarong, her thick hair tamed in a high ponytail.
“Hey there, girlfriend. You’re finally up. Were you up having phone sex all night?”
“No. Mental sex. Oh gosh, you know what? Kurt doesn’t even have my phone number. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure where my cell phone is.” She looked around the cottage, trying to remember the last time she’d used it.
“That’s the thing about the Cape. No one uses their cells.” Bella turned on the teakettle.
Leanna ran her hand through her hair. “Weird, isn’t it? It’s like when we’re here, watches and cell phones don’t exist. I swear I only use my email for checking on those proposals, too. But I really like living less electronically.”
“Do batteries count? Because I’m not giving up that little electronic toy anytime soon.”
Leanna shook her head as she filled Pepper’s bowls with clean water and fresh food. “I got emails from the two grocery places.”
Pepper shoved his nose in his bowl until half of the food fell over the rim and onto the floor. Then he lay down and ate the pieces off the floor.
Bella’s eyes widened. “And?”
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t opened them.”
“Well, why the hell not?” Bella reached for the computer, and Leanna gripped it tight.
“Because. What if they both aren’t interested? Then I’m screwed.”
“Screwed? You’re kidding, right? You know that those are just two tiny places in this big wide world. You could submit proposals to hundreds of places anywhere in the United States.”
“I know. I’m just nervous. I really love making jam. Isn’t that completely crazy? I mean, it’s messy, sticky, not anywhere near a real career, and something about it makes me happy.” She shrugged.
“Most things in life that are fun are messy and sticky.” Bella winked and handed Leanna a cup of coffee. “Speaking of which…”
Leanna turned back to her computer to avoid answering Bella’s need for details about sex with Kurt. “Let’s see what the markets said.”
“That bad, huh?”
“No.” Leanna looked up at her with a smile. “That good.”
“Thank God. After what you said about being off with your timing, I had awful images in my head of things a friend should never think of.”
“You’re so weird.” Leanna laughed.
“So? It wasn’t awkward? I told you, guys don’t care about all that.”
Leanna sat back and sipped her coffee. “I think they do care. At least the ones I’ve been with. Most guys get all irritated, like you just ruined all their fun. But Kurt didn’t.”
“Maybe you’re not as awkward as you think and the other guys were jerks.”
“No.” Leanna shook her head. “I’m definitely out of sync with most men, but Kurt…Oh God, this is kind of embarrassing. Can we just look at the emails?”
“Nope.” Bella reached over and closed the laptop. “I haven’t had a date in weeks. Let me live vicariously through you.”
Leanna sighed. “He helped me. He was tender, and attentive, and sexy, and…” She felt herself smile. “I don’t know. It was just different with him. I’ve never felt so close to anyone in my life.”
“Wow. That good, huh? I want one of those. Does he have a brother? A father? A cousin?” Bella crossed her legs. “You wouldn’t want to share, would you?”
“No way. Not a chance in hell. But you know me. He probably won’t be around for long. He’s got his whole life in order, and I…”
“Oh, stop it. Open your computer and let’s see what’s going on with your life.”
Leanna checked the email from Mama’s Market first. “Oh. My. God. They want to meet with me this week.” She looked up at Bella. “Oh God. Bella!” She jumped to her feet and paced. “Now what? I never thought they’d want to actually meet with me.”
“What did you think? That you’d just give up? That you were wasting your time? Then why’d you send the proposals?” Bella turned the laptop toward her. “Let’s see what the other one said.” She clicked on the email from Daisy Chain.
Leanna held her breath.
“Check it out, Lea. They want to meet with you next week!”
“Next week? This week? Oh my God. I have the flea market Friday, so that leaves tomorrow or Thursday. I have so much to do. What should I do?” She sat down, then popped right back up again. “I need to answer them. I can meet with them Thursday, and that gives me today to go pick fresh berries and gather supplies and tomorrow to make fresh batches of jam. Good.” She paced again with Pepper on her heels. “I can do this. I can definitely do this.” She stopped pacing and looked at Bella.
“You can do this, Leanna. You can definitely do this.”
KURT HAD BEEN riding the dark torrent of his villain all afternoon, and by the time his alarm chimed at four, his muscles were so tense that his fingers ached. Thrillers were emotionally intense, and after spending all day writing, he was often in too dark of a mood to climb out of easily. That was the danger of writing thrillers and, Kurt admitted to himself, one of the reasons he never sought out relationships. He was also a smart man, a m
an who did his research and thought things through before jumping into them. He liked to know where he was heading in his life, and his belief in always having the best-laid plans rarely led him astray, which is why his attraction to Leanna totally threw his equilibrium off.
He stood on the deck and looked out over the water. The tide was on its way out, leaving trails of shells and seaweed behind. He thought about making love to Leanna on the beach, and a thrum of excitement ran through him. She was a little awkward, and her timing was a little off, but with his help and the right encouragement, they’d found their rhythm and fell into wonderful, blissful sync. The truth was, he loved that she was a little off. That’s what made Leanna, Leanna. Real. Unique. More special than any other woman he knew. Anyone could study the art of lovemaking and learn sensual tricks to heighten the experience, but not many women were brave enough to allow themselves to be who they were without extra layers of fabricated sensuality.
He made a mental check of his current emotional state as he stretched the tension from his limbs. Thinking of Leanna helped put him in a lighter frame of mind, but the villain was still tugging at the fringes of his nerves. He went inside and up to the small weight room, where he ran through a quick workout of his biceps, triceps, and chest, and for good measure, he worked in a few sets of abs exercises. Forty minutes later, his head was much clearer and his body craved Leanna.
He took a cold shower, threw on a pair of khaki shorts and a white T-shirt, and headed over to Seaside. He heard the music as he pulled into the community, and as he neared Leanna’s, he realized it was coming from her cottage. He followed the sound onto her deck and to her screen door. The music was so loud he could barely hear her and her girlfriends talking. Every square inch of counter was covered with cooling jars of jam, and on the stove was a giant pot. Leanna wore a bikini top and a miniskirt—and about a pound of jam.
Pepper barked, and Leanna turned with a spoon in one hand and a streak of dark red jam across her cheek that Kurt wanted to lick right off.
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