Not nearly enough.
It would never be enough.
Chapter Thirty-One
LEANNA DIDN’T GO out with the girls Friday night. She was too conflicted to celebrate. Instead they all went to Bella’s cottage, ate too much pizza, finished the bouquet of fruit Kurt had sent, and watched Say Anything. She made the girls promise not to talk about Kurt or Daisy Chain so she could try to enjoy the movie. It didn’t work. Even without mention of him, she’d thought about Kurt all evening. He had called again before she went to sleep, and he’d reiterated that they could make their relationship work, even if long distance. She thought she’d detected a hint of sadness in his voice that he was working hard to mask, but she tried to push the thought away and convince herself they really could make a long-distance relationship work. But she already missed him so damn much after two days that she had no idea how she’d get along seeing him only on weekends.
He’d called again this morning and reassured her that they’d be just fine. He’d sounded surer, and she’d clung to his confidence like a security blanket as the day dragged on. The flea market was crowded, hot, and humid. Carey hadn’t shown up, and without him to talk with, the afternoon seemed to last forever. By three thirty she was too distracted to concentrate, so she packed up her booth early and went home. She knew Kurt had plans with his family, and he was going to call her when he was settled back at Treat’s for the evening, so she checked her email before going to help her friends pack.
The contract from Daisy Chain was waiting in her in-box. Her pulse kicked up as she read it, and her stomach clenched. The contract could not have brought on more bittersweet emotions. She still had a few days to make a final decision.
Leanna spent the rest of the evening helping Bella and Jenna close their cottages for the season, hoping to distract herself.
Bella came out of the bedroom in her T-shirt and shorts and wiped her face with her forearm. “Well, ladies, I think that about wraps it up. I can’t believe another summer’s over.”
Jenna rebuttoned the buttons on her shirt that had come undone while she was scrubbing the bathroom, and one of the buttons popped right off and shot across the room.
Bella, Amy, and Leanna burst into fits of laughter.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have had that pizza last night.” Jenna stifled a laugh as she pushed her boobs together.
“I can’t…I can’t believe it flew off.” Leanna covered her mouth, trying to regain control.
“I can!” Amy stood beside Jenna and arched her chest forward. They looked like a short-haired Sofía Vergara and Kate Hudson. Jenna swatted her.
“I can’t help it if I was born with a killer body.” Jenna wiggled her shoulders.
“Killer is right. You could knock someone out with those babies.” Bella flopped onto the couch. “So what now? Amy’s all packed. We’re all boxed and ready to go. Except Leanna, of course, who has the luxury of living on the Cape—which makes me incredibly jealous.”
“Don’t be. Without you guys or Kurt, it’s just me and Pepper, and as much as I love being with Pep…” She flopped onto the couch beside Bella and leaned her head on her shoulder. “I’m removing the ban on Kurt talk. I need to know. Am I making a huge mistake?”
“By building your dream job?” Bella asked.
“By not moving to New York with Kurt.”
“Hey, if he loves you, he’ll make it work. You can’t change your life for a man. That’s so…1950s.” Bella patted Leanna’s thigh. “I love Kurt, but I love you more. You’ve spent your whole life bouncing from thing to thing. Now you have something you love. It’s time to allow yourself to do it.”
“But I love Kurt, too.”
“Yes, I know you do.” Bella nodded. “And he loves you. This is a bump in the road. Fate will figure it out. Just don’t you give up on following your dream. You’re my inspiration, Leanna. You have tried a million things and you didn’t settle. Don’t settle now, or you’ll crush my faith that women can have it all.”
“Crush your faith? You aren’t even religious.” Jenna arched a brow.
“Faith in Leanna. Faith in ice cream. Whatever. You know what I mean. Global energy faith.” Bella put her arm around Leanna and pulled her close. “Build your business; the rest will work itself out.”
“And what if it doesn’t?” Her voice was just above a whisper.
“Then you take that sexy little ass of yours to New York and get that man back full-time. But if it doesn’t work out, that means that he didn’t want it enough to make it work. See? I have this great double standard. We women get to progress as the years move on, but men?” Bella smiled and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. “They still have to be chivalrous.”
“I don’t care about progressing. I care about Kurt.” Leanna leaned her elbows on her knees.
“Do you care about your business?” Amy asked.
“Yes. Very much.”
“Then you can’t give it up. I agree with Bella.”
Leanna closed her eyes. “I hate you both. Why aren’t you telling me to pack my shit and go to New York right this very second? Do you think I’m making a mistake by being with Kurt?” She ran her eyes between them. “Wait. Before you answer that, you need to know that no matter what you say, I’m with him.”
Amy knelt before Leanna and held her hands. “We love Kurt, and we love you. It’s just that opportunities like this come once in a lifetime for some of us, and…” She glanced at Bella, then back at Leanna. “I agree with Bella. If Kurt wants this to work, he has to make it work.”
“Then this should be easy, because he’s already said he wants it to work, and he’ll come to the Cape on weekends. So I guess I just need to get my act together, accept the offer with Daisy Chain, and live with a long-distance relationship. No matter how much it sucks being apart.” Even as the words left her lips, she knew easy wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities.
Amy pulled her to her feet and hugged her. “That’s my girl.”
Leanna took a step back. “And if you’re wrong, I’ll have to kill you. All of you.”
THE EVENING SLIPPED seamlessly into night, bringing with it a cool breeze from the mountains. Kurt was enjoying a few minutes alone by the stone fire pit on Treat’s patio, scrolling through the pictures of the studio that Blue had sent. The work was progressing much faster than either Blue or Kurt had anticipated. He heard the sliding glass door to the house open and recognized the heavy, determined steps of his brother Jack, followed by the slightly slower pace that could only be Hal Braden. He didn’t recognize the third set of footsteps.
Jack pulled two chairs over to where Kurt sat. “How’s it going?” Jack wore his typical outfit of Levi’s, a black T-shirt, and heavy hiking boots.
“Oh, pretty well,” Kurt lied.
“Mind if we join you?” Hal sighed as he sat beside Jack. He wore a white T-shirt beneath what must have been a favorite flannel shirt for the soft, worn appearance. It fit snugly across his broad shoulders and broad, strong chest. His jeans were dark and his cowboy boots black. At six foot six, Hal Braden was a bear of a man, with weathered cheeks, graying hair, and an easy disposition.
“Not at all.” Kurt slid his phone into his pocket.
“It’s nice out here tonight. You doing okay, Kurt?” Josh Braden was a few years older than Kurt, and like Kurt, he was the most reserved of his siblings. Josh wore a pair of dark slacks and a button-down shirt, and like his father, he exhaled as he settled into his seat.
“Yeah, thanks. I’m well.” Kurt was anything but well. “The dresses you designed were gorgeous, Josh.”
“The girls seemed to like them,” Josh said. His eyes were dark and serious.
“Hal, this has been a very enjoyable weekend. Thank you for hosting the wedding and putting up with my family.”
“Son, there’s nothing to put up with. Family knows no boundaries, and you, Jack, and the rest of your family are my family now, too. You’re always welcome here.” Hal looked out
over the mountains. “I’d like for you and your family to meet my sister, Catherine, and my niece and nephews at some point, too. Time goes by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday they were traipsing around the ranch. Catherine’s youngest son, Luke, raises Gypsy horses over in Trusty, Colorado. He’s had a love of horses since he was just a boy.” Catherine had six children. Before her husband signed over his parental rights and took off with another woman, they’d lived in Weston, and after he left, Catherine and her children moved to Trusty. She changed her name back to Braden and gave her children the Braden name, too.
“Wes called me the other day. We’re going to try to get together soon.” Josh turned to Kurt. “Luke is your age, Kurt, and his older brother, Wes, owns a dude ranch just outside of Trusty.”
“I look forward to meeting them,” Kurt said. “I’d imagine it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules.”
“Life moves fast and changes often. It’s hard to believe Treat and Max are having my first grandchild soon,” Hal said. “And now I have three of my children married, too. Settled.”
“And another around the corner, Dad.” Josh slid a look at his father.
“Josh?” Hal leaned toward his son.
“We’re close to setting a date. We want to wait until after Treat’s baby is old enough to travel.” Josh rubbed his chin. “I think we’re going to get married either in New York or at one of Treat’s resorts. We’re not certain yet. We debated having it here, but you’ve had your fill of weddings here, Dad.”
“Now, son, you know I won’t have my fill until you’re all settled.” Hal smiled. “You could have the wedding in Treat’s resort here in Colorado, but that’ll be your big day, so whatever you decide, I’ll proudly be there.” Hal smacked his big hands on his thighs. “Yes, sir. When your children settle into their lives, it’s a good feeling.”
“Congratulations, Josh.” Jack crossed his ankle over his knee. “It’s a great feeling, Hal. I’m a lucky man to have met Savannah.”
Hal set his dark eyes on Jack. “She’s lucky, too, Jack. You’re a good man. Your father raised you boys right. And your sister, of course. She’s a nice gal, that Siena. She and Savannah are like two peas in a pod.”
“You can say that again,” Kurt said.
Hal lifted his chin toward Kurt. “You’re heading back to New York tomorrow?”
“Yes, that’s right. I’m meeting with my agent Monday; then it’s back to real life. I’ve been gone all summer, so there’s a lot of catching up to do.” Catching up. With what? Kurt usually craved getting back on schedule after spending time away from home. Now his muscles corded tight at the thought of returning home instead of going back to the Cape to be with Leanna.
“Did I hear a rumor that your little lady is moving in with you?” Hal crossed his thick arms over his chest and smiled.
Kurt’s stomach clenched. “That was the plan, but she’s been offered a contract for her business, and it looks like she’ll be staying at the Cape.” He tried to keep the disappointment from his voice, but even he could hear the thread of sorrow.
“Staying? When did this happen?” Jack narrowed his eyes.
“Yesterday.” Kurt rubbed his hands on his thighs to try to calm his nerves.
“Yesterday? Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay with this?”
No. “Sure. I mean, I have to be. When I met Leanna, she told me she was trying to get this business off the ground. I’d have to be a pretty selfish guy to ask her not to do it.” He scrubbed his face with his hand and sighed. “I want her to be happy.”
“And what about you?” Hal asked.
“Me?”
“Yes, son. What about you? Are you happy with the woman you love miles away?” Hal held his gaze.
Kurt shook his head. “No, but I’m a big boy. Until I met Leanna, I wrote seven days a week. Now I’ll write five days a week and I’ll spend my weekends with her at the Cape.”
“You’re a better man than me,” Josh said. “No way could I spend my weeks apart from Riley.”
“If my Adriana were in another state when she was alive, I think I’d have lost my mind,” Hal said with a serious shake of his head. “No sir. My heart wouldn’t have been able to handle knowing she was living hours away when I could have been with her.”
“I didn’t even make it one night away from Savannah when we came back from the mountains after we first met,” Jack reminded Kurt. “Have you considered moving there? To the Cape?”
“Sure. I’ve gone through all the options. I could move there, but you know my life is in New York. Our whole family is there, Jack, and my agent, my public relations rep, my friends.” Friends? More like acquaintances. “What would I do with my house? What about Mom and Dad? They’re getting older, and I’m the closest one to them. Since I work from home, I can be there in case of an emergency.” He’d been going over this in his head for hours, and there was something that he wasn’t admitting to Jack. He barely admitted it to himself. Kurt hated change. It was that simple. He lived his life in a methodical fashion, and that kept him focused and comfortable. Leanna had thrown his world off balance, and he’d found that it took him only opening his heart to her to find his balance once again, this time with Leanna by his side. But that was when she was coming into his world. Could he give up the safety net he’d created to be with her and leave his life behind?
Give up New York, where he’d worked so hard to put down roots?
Move away from his family?
Jack opened his mouth to speak, and Hal settled a hand on his arm, silencing him.
“You have a point, Kurt,” Hal began. “The question is, where is your heart? Is what makes you whole in here”—he patted his chest—“in New York, or is it in Cape Cod?”
Chapter Thirty-Two
JENNA LEFT EARLY Sunday morning with her car packed to the hilt. Leanna and Bella waved to Amy as she drove out of the complex two hours later.
“I guess that just leaves you,” Leanna said to Bella.
“Tony’s here.”
“No. He went out surfing this morning, and he’s going to Nantucket for the week with friends. Once you leave, it’ll be just me and Pepper.” She crouched and pet Pepper. He panted up at her. “I’m going to miss you guys.”
Bella had on a sundress and flip-flops. Her hair had lightened in the sun since she’d arrived earlier in the summer. She hugged Leanna and reassured her. “You’re doing the right thing.”
“It feels like the absolute wrong thing. Everything that I was so excited about feels empty now. It’s like when Kurt left, he took a little—”
“Piece of you with him? I know. I can see it in your eyes.” Bella hugged her again. “Listen, we women are like ice cream. We’re just fine without our freezers. Even melted, we still taste good. We’re still sweet and delicious, but somehow when we have that freezer wrapped around us, we bloom into something more. Something better.”
Leanna rolled her eyes. “What is it with you and ice cream this summer?”
Bella tapped her chin. “I’m not sure, but I think it’s a good analogy. Without Kurt, you’re still smart, fun, beautiful, capable, and…You’re you. And we love you. But with Kurt, you’re more.” She shrugged.
“So why did you tell me to stay here? Why didn’t you push me to go to New York? Jesus, Bella. Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?” It sure felt like it.
“Because you need both. You need this business and you need Kurt.” They walked over to Bella’s car. “And I have faith in ice cream. I told you that. Get this business going. Ice cream fate will take care of the rest.” She kissed Leanna’s cheek and hugged her one more time. “I gotta run before traffic is hell. I love you. Call me and text me. Let me know everything that happens.”
“You know I will. Drive safely.”
Bella pulled her car out of the driveway and waved. “Have faith in all things sweet, Leanna.”
What does that even mean?
Leanna’s phone vibrated with
a text from Kurt on the way back to her cottage. FaceTime?
A few seconds later Kurt’s face lit up the screen. She walked into her cottage, feeling the emptiness press in on her.
“Hey, babe.” His low, gravelly voice raked a chill down her spine.
“You sound tired.” His eyelids looked heavy, sleepy.
“A little. I didn’t sleep much last night. How are you? How’s Pepper?”
God, I love you. She crouched down and showed him Pepper.
“Hey, Pep!”
Pepper barked and whined. His tail wagged as he pressed his wet nose to Leanna’s phone. Kurt laughed, and it chased the chill right back up to her heart. She turned the phone back toward her.
“I miss you so much.” She could fall into those blue eyes of his. She wanted to fall into them. There was no way she could do this. No way. Her friends were wrong. She had to go to New York. She had to be with him. There would be other contracts, or maybe there wouldn’t, but there could never be another Kurt.
“Me too. I had to see you. What are your plans today? Are you going to the flea market?”
“The girls just left, and I was considering skipping the last day at the flea market and taking Pepper to the beach. I haven’t gone much this summer and…” She couldn’t act like everything was okay. She couldn’t talk about her day like she wasn’t pining for him every second.
“And I miss you like crazy, Kurt. I can’t help but feel like I’ve ruined everything. We had a plan, and you’re a planner. You live by your schedules, and when you left, we had a schedule that we were both happy with, and now…Now it’s all messed up because of me and my stupid business. And you know what? I’m just flighty enough to decide in two months that this business isn’t what I want.” That was a lie. That was who she thought she used to be, but Kurt helped her to see that she hadn’t been that person at all. She just hadn’t found her calling and there was nothing wrong with taking her time. After all, not settling had brought her to Kurt.
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