by Frater, Lara
They didn’t understand that is if I cried the memories would come flooding in. I would remember everything and I wouldn’t be able to hold it together.
Instead I said. “I’m sorry if you don’t think I’m a good leader. I didn’t ask for this but I’m trying my best. I know you want someone to lead you out of the dark, to destroy the zombies and return us back to what we had. Abe made it seem like things would go back to normal. Maybe he killed himself when he realized the truth. I may not be a good leader by telling you, it isn’t going to happen. This may never end. The world we know is gone, billions of people are dead, people we loved and now we face extinction from the dead. We have only two choices: we die or accept this as our life. Always on the run from zombies and we may have to live here for a long time.”
“You’re upbeat,” Tanya said and for a change her voice had no hint of sarcasm.
“I’m realistic.”
“I kind of wish we could make some trips outside,” this came from Ashley. “I mean Henry’s here and maybe he can fix up a car or something. I would love if someone could come with me to check up on my daughter. Abe thought it was too dangerous for me to go alone but he never found someone to take me.”
I’m pretty sure Abe didn’t want anyone to leave.
“The cars out there—“ Henry said. “They probably need starters, spark plugs, and maybe some gas additives, cause they haven’t been run in a while. I can also fix up one of them trucks out in the loading dock. It’s big and can deal with traffic jams. It’s bad out there—I’ll fix up anything for you, but I won’t leave again. You all shouldn’t. You got everything here. Everything is dead out there, even with the zombs.”
“That’s okay, we won’t force anyone out. Ashley, if no one wants to go—“
“I’ll go,” Jim said.
I stopped. I hadn’t expected that. “Jim—I need you here.” I didn’t like the idea of any of my people going out, especially Jim, and I was hoping that no one but Ashley would volunteer. “We won’t go forever, a short trip.”
“Yes,” said Annemarie, her tears were gone. “I would like to check up on my folks in Coram.”
“Me too,” Jake said.
“We sealed off the loading dock,” I explained. I still didn’t feel this was a good idea, but it was the first time I’d seen my people perk up in days. “We have to be careful if we unseal it. It had a fence but I don’t know if it’s still there.”
“Do you really want to take a trip outside?” Dan asked. “I’ve been outside-- there is nothing. Not just zombies, but no one. Houses filled with bodies. Those alive stay indoors when they can.”
“You don’t want to go out there,” Sachi said. She looked at Jim and at Ashley. “It’s death out there.”
I agreed with Sachi.
“I know,” Jim said. “But I want to see what’s happening.”
“Let’s discuss it downstairs,” I said.
I looked at the bodies. “Burn them.” I looked at the tent. “Burn them all.”
For two Vicodin pills, Princess came along with Tanya and Harlan to clear the loading dock. Annemarie decided she was well enough for rooftop shooting. The snow yesterday had been a fluke and little evidence of it remained on the ground. Today was chilly but the sun shone.
Robert and Dave spent the morning removing the wood put there to keep the zombies and the dregs out. Beyond the gate was a tall chain linked fenced yard where CostKing kept delivery trucks. For all we knew the fence was gone. Our plan required lifting the gate a little and using a mirror to see if the fence was up.
I didn’t hear any sounds on the other side so I hoped for good news. If the fence was still up, Jake, Dave and Robert would begin work fortifying it. We didn’t have a lot of materials to use as barricades. We had broken pieces of furniture, pallets and shelves.
Robert finished prying the boards off. I was glad to have someone that strong. I had the key from the manager’s office. The doors opened automatically if with electricity, but could still be done manually. I handed the key to Harlan to unlock it.
“Stand back,” Harlan said, but the shooters didn’t. I took a small step back along with Jim, Dave, Robert and Henry.
Dave and Harlan lifted the door about a foot, enough for Tanya to get the large beauty mirror under. “The fence is up,” she said, she paused. “No, part of it is broke. But I don—“ Her words were cut short by one decaying hand under the door. Tanya moved fast, stepping on it, holding it down so it couldn’t get further
“Open the door,” she screamed, “get ready to shoot.”
Robert and Harlan opened the door all the way. The hand that Tanya held was of a middle aged man with shredded pants and a tee-shirt that said No Fat Chicks. He couldn’t get to us because the loading dock was about three feet off the ground and he hadn’t figured out how to climb it and could only fit his decaying arm. Princess took care of him and another one in the yard before Harlan even got a shot in. The fence had a big hole in it but the rest was intact.
“Get a board,” Dave said. Robert and Harlan nabbed the boards we used to fortify the door and unlike the zombie, they used the stairs next to the dock to get down. They began working on covering the hole. Three small trucks were in the lot. One looked good, the other had a flat and the last one had flats on all four.
For the first time in six months I was outside CostKing bathed by bright sunshine but still couldn’t feel any emotions. I still couldn’t let the memories in.
I wished I was going on the road trip, but I knew my place was here, as leader.
Part 2 JimChapter 7
“How’s it going?” I asked. Henry jumped, swung the wrench around and missed me by three feet.
“Jesus Jim, you wanna to get killed or something?”
I shook my head, even though the threat of being killed by Henry was minimal. I liked him well enough, a sweet, gentle and naive kid, but I didn’t understand how he survived. I looked over the truck he had been working on for the trip.
I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of being in charge, especially with Tanya and Dave coming along. I was never one for being a leader. I preferred doing background work.
The warm air and the early morning sun hit me. Spring had long since sprung. We were hoping to leave before it got hot. Jeff estimated the truck would be ready to roll in a week or less.
“Almost finished. I hope it doesn’t explode,” he said, pushing his long greasy brown hair out of his face.
I laughed, but stopped when I realized he wasn’t kidding. “You aren’t serious?”
Henry was the son of a mechanic who had learned things from his dad. He tried a few times and was finally successful in making a biodiesel engine. The hardest part was Ernie locating a converter kit which they didn’t have in the CostKing auto service station despite CostKing’s slogan We have it all! Henry fixed a car up for Ernie to take short trips and he managed to find one a month ago in an AutoZone.
He had spent most of that month trying to get the engine to work and finally successful a week ago. We won’t have to worry about gas, and instead could fill the tank with the vast amounts of canola oil available in Rachel’s aisle. I don’t know who needed a five gallon drum of it, but I’m glad to have it.
“I hope not,” he said. “I’ve never done this before. I read about it, and looked out for a cheap diesel car to experiment on. Luckily we had that book or you’d be sucking gas out of cars.” He motioned to the book, The Renewable Energy Handbook sitting on the worktable next to him. It’s the same book Dave used to maintain the solar panels.
“Thank god for the green revolution.”
Henry snickered. “Bet things will get greener now there are less cars,” then he looked worried. “Not that’s how I wanted them to fix things, you know, maybe drive less, better gas mileage and shit.”
“No worries,” I said, walking away, still wondering how Henry survived. I headed to the back of the truck where Dave, Jake, Ashley, and Robert worked inside. The outside of th
e truck still smelled of paint. We covered the CostKing logo, so people wouldn’t think it had supplies. Ashley decorated, while Dave, Jake and Robert put in some accessories including finishing up the small window they installed for ventilation and light. The truck had a netting unit which Dave had put four drums and five smaller bottles of canola into.
Most of us weren’t coming. Only six idiots, including myself decided to brave it. Tanya decided to go which surprised me. She had only been with us for three months and I figured she would want to stay behind. She said she was up for a hunt. I wasn’t so keen on hunting them, but I was glad to have her. After the incident with Mindy and Eli, she softened a bit. She turned out to be a decent shooter, hitting her targets a little better than Harlan. Not as good as Princess and I might miss that coldhearted bitch. She let me have it for leaving her to do her own make up. When she learned I was gay, she thought I was some kind of make up messiah so I told her I worked for Mac. What I didn’t tell her that it was Macintosh. I worked at the Apple store doing tech support. Doing her make up and hair allowed me some leeway if Rachel needed her help. Sachi helped as well. The woman had magic fingers and gave Princess a massage once a week but I could tell her sessions with Princess left her flustered. The rest of us peasants got one every other week. It was worth the wait.
I learned make up because I had three sisters and I wasn’t embarrassed about helping them get ready for dates. They were the most supportive when I came out to my parents, who didn’t take it well, but didn’t disown me. Two of my sisters still lived in Ohio where I’m from, the other lives in Seattle so I doubt I’ll ever find out what happened to them or my folks.
I think some people here believed gay meant a swinger with no attachments. Not even close to true. My husband Cameron and I were together for six years and he was my one great love. I don’t think I will ever be with anyone like I was with Cam. He went to work and I waited for him to come home but he never did. I decided to go looking for him but never got past Westbury.
I hoped Cameron was still alive; I don’t care if he’s found someone else or decided to become a fundamentalist Christian, as long as he was alive.
The only hope I held on to.
“Earth to Jim,” Ashley said, interrupting my thoughts.
“Sorry,” I said. “Bet you want decorating tips?”
Ashley laughed. “Nah, some feng shui advice, if you have it,’ she said and winked.
She decorated the back of the truck like my first apartment—Simple and haphazardly. Two people would be in the cab and four of us back here. We had an air mattress, a few pillows, a bucket for a toilet, lots of canned food, meds, candles, flashlights, some tools, ammo and 7-12 mile range CB. Dave would be the chief driver along with Jake and me, not because we were guys but Annemarie and Tanya would be the shooters, and Ashley barely knew how to drive. Dave would be considered ‘security chief’ for this trip. Apparently it was the only way to make him shut up about me being in charge.
We planned to go as far as Coram because that’s where Annemarie’s parents lived. I didn’t think we would be able to get to the city. Not with a population of 8 million that were dead or undead. The amount of death disturbed me but I also thought of Cam who never came home. I knew where he worked, three blocks from Penn Station. I always wondered if I could find him. Would he had stayed in the office or tried to go home?
I wanted to find Aisha’s family, but we couldn’t for Simon, whose family was dead, and Brie. Abe searched the houses near where he found her to look for pictures or recognition from Brie, but came up empty. She could have wandered for blocks.
Maddie said that if society ever came back and no one claimed the kids, she would take care of them. I know that probably partially wished no one would. She loved those kids.
I hoped they wouldn’t be spending their lives here. I looked forward to the open air but I was nervous. Zombies liked our smell. One of the reasons Abe limited people to twenty wasn’t only about supplies, but the more the living were together, the more the undead came.
Harlan watched from the now fortified fence but there wasn’t much you could do with a chain linked fence, even with barbed wire. Zombies didn’t care about pain. I could see movement outside the fence and several dead zombies on the ground directly outside. I saw more than usual, probably because more of us were outside. Harlan shot the ones that came close. While zombies didn’t seem to have higher brain functions, they reacted to basic emotions, at least I think they did. Sometimes you could shoot from far away and they flee as if fearful of the noise. They got almost giddy when they were closing in on us. Nothing could stop them then, but a shot in the head.
The gate opened and Tanya and Aisha came out. Tanya closed the gate behind her and the both of them came down the stairs. The loading dock gate was closed for safety reasons. If for some reason the outside got compromised, we would sacrifice ourselves to save CostKing.
Aisha took a shine to Tanya which seemed to both annoy and endear her. It might have to do with Aisha’s new room being right next hers. I cut Tanya’s hair a little better. It was still shaved but looked more even.
“Hey,” she said. “Girl wants to talk to you.”
“To me?”
“You’re organizing this trip, right?”
“I guess. What’s up, Aisha?”
“I want to come,” her voice sounded a little shaky.
“What?” Even though I heard correctly.
“I said I want to come,” sterner now.
“You’re only 14.”
“I can shoot, run fast and fix up wounds.”
“No offense, but kids do stupid things,” and there was no way I would allow a 14 year old girl to come with us.
“I won’t be stupid. I’ll listen to adults, run from zombs, shot them if I have to.”
“Maddie will look after you. If we find your mother and sister, we’ll bring them here.”
“I love Maddie and all but my mom’s out there, I got to find her.”
“Girl’s got a point,” Tanya said.
“Tanya, not helping.” I said, staring at her.
“’Course I’m not, I’m agreein’ with her. Kid was on her own before she came here, right? No reason she can’t go with a bunch of adults.”
Tanya had loosened up in the past couple of months but she could still be a major pain. She never told me or anyone what happened to her but I’m sure it was bad. For five Vicodin, Princess gave Tanya two lessons, but never referred to her by name instead called her the black girl while Tanya called her the rich white bread.
“What did Rachel say?” I asked. Rachel, our depressed, but I think good leader. I often worried she’d take a dive like Abe did but at least now she had Dan despite their celibate relationship. Everyone talked about the wonderful Abe but he had a darker side. He believed in survival of the fittest. He would have never taken in Henry or Tanya. He didn’t want to help that woman who killed Mindy and Eli. It was much worse than I let on. He told me not to give her pills, not to waste our resources on her. She threw the pills in my face because while I was gone, Abe told her that even if she took the pills, we wouldn’t let her in.
I was the one who got Ernie to run errands for us and I was the one who said to leave supplies in the food court for travelers, that we should have friends on the outside. Abe didn’t want to, worried that an influx of people would bring them but ultimately decided we needed allies.
“I haven’t asked.”
“Because she would say it’s a bad idea.”
“I want to go to my house. I couldn’t before. I want to see for myself. What if my mom’s there, waiting?”
“What if she’s dead?”
“It gonna be rough. Gotta be able to deal with you find,” Tanya said.
“At least I’ll know.”
“How about this? Discuss it with Maddie and Rachel first. I’ll go along with what they say.” Her eyes lit up, but I hoped I hadn’t deceived her. I gave the decision to Rachel and Maddie be
cause I knew they would say no.
“Fair enough,” she said. “If I can go, will you teach me how to drive?”
I laughed but I didn’t think she was joking.
Maddie remained calm when Aisha told her. We gathered near the food court, just those who were going plus Maddie and Rachel. Jake and Ashley sat on lounge chairs nearby and looked like they wanted to vanish. Dave paced slightly. Annemarie was on the roof so she got spared the discussion.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked Aisha. Her face gave away she was upset but she kept her voice steady.
“Yes.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Rachel said. “It’s dangerous out there.”
“No more dangerous than a year ago.”
After a long pause, Maddie burst out crying, pulled Aisha into a tight hug, then said: “Girl, if you got to go, you go, but you promise me you either go with your folks if you find them or you come back to me. You don’t die, right?”
“Right.” Aisha said, and then untangled herself. Rachel looked upset but didn’t say anything.
“Come on,” Dave said, his voice raised. “This is ridiculous. We can’t bring her. She’s a child. Rachel, you know this.”
“Don’t matter,” Aisha said. “I’ve decided to leave any way. Either you take me to my mom’s house or I go on my own. None of you have legal right over me.”
“Sounds like the girl made up her mind,” Tanya said.
“You keep out of this,” Dave said. He took a deep breath in and snorted it out.
“No—“ Tanya replied and I could feel the anger from her which was never good. “The girl’s made up her mind. You ain’t her father.”
“Enough!” this came from Rachel. “Dave, you have no responsibility towards Aisha, okay. I want you and Tanya to get along. You’ll be on this trip together, worry about zombies not each other,” Rachel looked back at Aisha. “The world is overrun by things that want to kill you. Your family may be dead in the house or one of them. Can you handle it?”