by Frater, Lara
“I’m a drunk,” I said. “An alcoholic. No one here knows. I haven’t touched the stuff in four years. It destroyed my marriage and made my temper worse. I’m an abuser.”
“Why you telling me?” she asked.
“It’s easy for me to start drinking here, no one knows, but if someone does, I think it will help me stay sober.”
“I’ll keep your sober. You touch a drink, I’ll punch you in the face.”
I laughed. Tanya was right about what she said before. Even though this world was dead, I liked Dave now than I did before.
Part IV
Chapter 24
Tanya
Never knew why Rachel defended me. I’d been staying in different places, not really living, but surviving, when I saw the CostKing and figured I’d get supplies. I found people holed up inside and wouldn’t let you in unless you got skills and could behave. I met Dot who asked me if we could go in together, pretend she was some old lady I took care of. When I said no, she called me a bitch.
Truth was I didn’t think I’d get in. I don’t hide I was once a thug. In the past I might have jacked any of these people, but not now. I could steal any fucking car, I could take fucking rolls of cash and no one would care.
I figured I’d take a chance. Even if they don’t take me, I might get some supplies. I needed to rest. I love to hunt them, wanna rid of the world of them, but it was cold out, winter was harsh, and I’d figured I’d rest for a bit before heading out again. Didn’t think they’d let me in. Rachel and Eli had a huge fucking fight about it. I know that Eli and Ashley voted against me but Jim and Rachel didn’t. For some reason Rachel looked at me and saw somethin’ and Jim was a good guy. Ashley said sorry later and we got along okay after that. I’m glad she had the chance. Eli didn’t cause he was dead.
The teachers thought I was gonna be something. A’s in English and math , B’s in everything else through 8th grade, honor roll and all that shit. Didn’t transition to high school so well. I still read when I jacked up cars, moved dope and got preggers.
When we got back from our trip, Rachel asked me to be on her fancy council. I told her no fucking way, but she looked at me all pissed in that way she always does. I couldn’t take care of my baby and my mom, so why the fuck did Rachel think I could take care of these people?
Then Dave asked to join. She always offered him thinking he’s never say yes. Later Jim came and asked me again, harder to say no to Jim now. He’s got puppy eyes.
“Morning, lady,” Jim came into my room. Jim’s gay and pretty brave and smart. He’s also the only one I give a damn about. I mean I don’t want any of these folks dying, I’ll look out for them, but I’d save Jim first.
“What’s up?” Jim still looked pale. It took him a while to recover from sepsis. Summer was nearly fall and soon we had to hunker down for the winter. Summer was fucking hot as shit. I slept nude on the roof, mostly to fuck with Princess.
“Delegation work from the doc.”
“I’m all for delegating.”
Jim laughed. He was my brother, best friend, calm, cool and level headed. He got me to talk about my daughter, something I promised never to tell anyone. I got to see him break down. In the past, if we passed each other in the street, I would have thought he was a fag and he might have been a scared I’d mug him and we would both be right.
You know what’s scary, I’ve changed. I was a fucking drug dealing cunt before this. Now they looked up to me as a leader. I got a full schedule too, shooting, leading, delegating.
Dave replaced Eli. They were a lot alike. I liked Dave more. He’s an asshole and doesn’t pretend otherwise. We bonded on the road, we BFF’s now and he saved my ass from that scumbag cop. He still complained but less about me.
“What she want me to do?”
“Check on how people are doing. That’s what she does every morning, she checks up on people and makes sure they’re okay.”
“Who am I checking on?”
“Princess, Sachi and Eric.”
“Fuck that, Jim, Princess gave me some shooting tips, but I don’t care about that white bitch’s welfare and why don’t you check up on Eric, considering you’re fucking him.”
Jim turned red. Turned out Eric was more into Jim than women. Jim and he hooked up, which made me glad cause I was tired of hearing bout Saint Cameron.
I ain’t got no one. Harlan was sweet on Annemarie. Rachel had Dan even though she won’t touch him. I could fuck him but I feel bad for Rachel. Robert rebuffed everything I threw at him. I’m even thought of Dave, but he’s too white-bread. I didn’t have anyone to warm my bed except for a female tabby cat I called Idiot because she knocks boxes over. I missed Jake who occasionally warmed my bed, but he was stupider than the cat. What the others didn’t know was he went ahead of me to get a bike. He wasn’t paying attention and it got him killed.
Rachel thought we needed new people, since we’re nowhere near 20. Dave was against it after what happened with Jennifer.
“Then walk around and ask how people are,” Jim said. He had a kind demeanor but I knew when I was bugging him.
I got out of bed, finally getting one of my own. Unfortunately it belonged to Ashley. I thought about her and hoped she got to her kid. I washed my face in a salad bowl filled with rainwater. It felt good. I had a mirror on the table next to my bed. I kept my hair short and natural. No more salons to get braided or weaved.
“What does the rest of the council say about letting more people in?”
“I’m all for it, Dave isn’t and Rachel seems hesitant. She’s wondering if we should only let two people in instead of four.”
“Gonna be winter soon. People gonna be cold in that garage.”
Annemarie came into my room. “Hey Jim, some people outside say you know them. You invited them from a gun store in Floral Park? They have a letter.”
“Mike?”
“Oh god,” Jim said. He rushed out of the room.
I didn’t follow. I threw on sweats and a t-shirt then walked towards the front. I passed Brie and Simon playing checkers. Maddie was keeping a not so close eye on them while she cooked something that smelled good.
There was a crowd around the door to the garage. Dave, Rachel, Annemarie, Sachi, and Harlan stood by it. When they moved out of the way, I saw Mike. He wasn’t smiling while he shook Rachel’s hand. Hannah and Dena were behind him. Neither looked happy. I didn’t see Jason.
I moved forward, got closer to the crowd when Mike saw me.
“Tanya!” he called out. He came to me and gave me a tight hug, which kinda freaked me out. “Wish this could be under better circumstances.”
“What’s going on?” Jim asked. “Where’s Jason?”
“He passed,” he said. “Natural causes, died in his sleep like the great man he was. There is something more important we need to talk about.”
“They’re gonna nuke New York.”
“What the fuck?” Only the council met in the infirmary. Hannah and Dena sat on a nearby cot.
Mike ignored my curse. “It’s been all over the radio. Nuke New York on Saturday morning at 8am. Bob Bam said they’ve already hit Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Seattle. They are heading across the country nuking major cities.”
“I didn’t hear anything yesterday,” Jim said.
“Came on yesterday evening, been repeating. Attack like this takes months to plan. Typical government warning people last minute. Not like the zombies would do something if they had advanced warning.” Jim left the infirmary without saying anything.
“That’s insane,” Rachel said. “I thought the government was gone.”
“Not completely, I guess. They invented some kind of device that attracts them. When they turn it on, every zombie is going be heading that way.”
Jim came back with the radio and turned it on.
“…Within fifty miles of downtown Manhattan. The bombs carry radiation and acid which can kill human subjects.” There was a long pause followed by ten beeps.
Citizens of the surrounding area of New York City, a collected coalition of scientists and government officials have created what is termed the radioacid bomb. The bomb has a wide dispersal and will neutralize flesh within 10-20 miles but creates less fall out in surrounding areas. We have also created the human token, a pulse machine that creates human scent to bring the infected into an area. On Saturday morning at 8am, we will set off ten bombs in Manhattan, two in Queens and one in Brooklyn. You must evacuate within fifty miles of downtown Manhattan. The bombs carry radiation and acid which can kill human subjects.
“Shit,” Dave said.
Jim turned off the radio before it could start again.
“It’s madness,” Jim said. He began pacing. Manhattan was where Saint Cameron never came back from. Jim knew he was dead, but without a body there would always be doubt.
“Saturday—“ Rachel said. “That’s in two days. We can pack and be out of here tomorrow.”
“We’re leaving right away,” Mike said. “We’re going to Port Jeff, maybe get a boat. I got fuel but I don’t know how to sail. You should all leave as soon as possible. They say 50 but knowing our government, I would give 100 miles between us and the city.”
Rachel paused. She looked at me, then Jim. “Jim, we should leave today. How long do you think we need to bug out?”
“Four or five hours. We always have the trucks half-filled for this kind of emergency.”
“Okay. Let Ernie outside know we are bugging out. Let him and anyone else out there in, load up on supplies and take the Ford and the Camry.”
“We can take two people and some food. I can give you two assault rifles,” Mike said. “But I want to leave as soon as possible”
“Stock up on any food here. Can you take two kids?”
“How old?”
“Ten and four. Both good kids.”
“Rachel, they think of Maddie as their mother,” Jim said. Also I didn’t want to saddle Mike with two kids.
“Maddie will understand we need to protect the kids.”
“But Rachel—“
“Don't argue, Jim,” she said, “Get those trucks ready.”
Jim looked pissed.
“Don’t worry Jim,” Mike said. “We’ll look after them, promise.”
“Dave, go help Jim.” I watched as Jim and Dave left. At least the trucks were always partially loaded. Henry spent the summer converting them to biodiesel.
“Tanya, I want you to lead the second truck. You up to it?”
Not really but I said: "Okay."
“Go help. I'm going to talk to Mike about meet up sites"
I rushed off. Word had spread we’re splitting. Everyone looked scared but moving. Sachi and Harlan gathered suitcases and people were coming and grabbing stuff. I went over to them.
“Where can I help?"
Sachi gave me a suitcase. "Get anything you think we need.”
“Like what?”
Sachi gave me a weird look.
“What have we already started packing? What do we need?”
“I don’t know.”
I didn’t know either. How was I supposed to lead?
“Jim’s gathering the medical supplies. Ask him.”
I went to the infirmary where I found Jim and Dan gathering supplies. I felt like an idiot not knowing what to do.
“Jim—“ I said. “Where do you need me?”
“You can help Annemarie gather food.”
“Okay.” Not a leader but a follower. I went back to Sachi and got a suitcase.
I found Dave and Annemarie in the canned fruit and vegetable aisle. I went next to them and grabbed food.
“No sauces!” Annemarie said. There was mushroom gravy in my hand. Why the fuck did I grab gravy? “Just solid foods: protein, vegetables.”
“Got it,” I said, tossing the gravy and feeling like moron. I couldn’t lead. I couldn’t protect or organize or even pick the right foods.
I started packing beans in the suitcase.
“How much are we taking?” I asked.
“As much as we can fit on the truck.”
I filled my suitcase with beans. Zipped it up and took them to the loading dock. I found Henry tinkering with the truck and Harlan watching for zombies. The back was open and Robert was loading suitcases and using a hand truck to move big trays.
“Suitcase filled with beans,” I said, putting it with the others.
“No,” he said, “Not there. Put them with those suitcases,” he said, pointing to a bunch of them. “I got food in one truck and meds in the other.”
“No,” I said.
“No,” he looked at me funny.
“Split everything down the middle. If we lose a truck, we don’t want to lose either all our medical supplies or food.”
He looked at me with wide eyes.
“You’re right,” he said.
“Do you need help moving stuff around?”
“Sure.” I jumped on the truck that had medical supplies. Jim had the same thoughts as me. Each of the four suitcases had been equally divided so if we lost one suitcase we wouldn’t lose everything. I nabbed two and pulled them to the edge of the truck, when Jim came with two more.
“This is the last of the meds,” he explained.
“One goes in truck A,” I said, pointing to the truck Robert was standing in front, “The other here,” I said, pointing to myself. I came down the ramp to help with the suitcase.
“I can do it,” Jim said.
“When I see a tiny scar on you white ass back then you can do it.”
Jim made a funny face, but let me take the bag. When I finished, Annemarie came with two suitcases. I saw Ernie, two men, and one woman zoom by carrying duffle bags to the Ford. Another group of people were loading up the Camry.
“Put them both in here,” I said, since Robert had put all the food in the other. We would have to even it out.
“She ain’t gonna help, is she?” Robert said. I turned around and there was rich-bitch Princess looking around, holding that silk handkerchief that Jim found for her and that pretty rifle on her back that she probably fucks at night.
I didn’t say anything when Jim walked over. I couldn’t hear their conversation. For the first time this woman, girl, who could shot a zombie from 50 feet away right in the head, looked distressed. She hated us but tolerated Jim. Don’t blame her there. I watched her go with Jim off to the infirmary area. Perhaps she wanted more dope for bugging out. I missed my calling, should have sold to rich bitches.
Chapter 25
We packed the trucks in three hours. Maddie made a meal with meat and bread from the freezers. Dave removed the two solar panels to take and we took the fuel from the generator which wasn’t much. We packed four bikes, two in each truck. Not enough for everyone but at least we got some. Wish we had those bikes back in Smithtown. We took clothes and blankets and any weapon we could use.
We all met up on the loading dock listening for Rachel’s orders.
“Driving truck number one will be Harlan with Princess as shotgun,” Rachel said, looking at a clipboard. “In the back of the truck will be me, Maddie, Eric, Robert and Sachi. Dave will be driving truck two with Tanya as shotgun. Jim, Annemarie, Dan, and Henry will be in the back. We will communicate by radio. I don’t know if we will get to Port Jeff before night. All I know is that we need to put distance between us, the bomb and the zombies.”
I looked around. I’d been out there without the safety of a car but other people looked nervous. Sachi looked freaked.
“Mike and the kids will be waiting for us in Port Jeff but if we don’t arrive by 12 tomorrow, they’re going on without us. We’re going to look for a sailboat, maybe two.”
“What about the cats?” Sachi asked. “Are you going to leave them?”
“We’re taking all the cats. Annemarie will look after them, and we’re going to release them in Port Jeff.”
I’m keeping Idiot. She’s a small cat and I found a good canvas bag
for her. I might have to leave her in Port Jeff but better that than a nuclear explosion.
“Let’s finish loading up,” Rachel said without asking if there would be any more questions.
I made my way to the passenger side after putting Idiot in the back. Dave would be traveling with Olive so I don’t think it would be a good idea to put them together. Jim promised to keep an eye on her. All the other cats had been put in bags like Idiot. There was a lot of hissing and howling. I loaded my rifle, and then looked at the assault rifle I got from Mike. I never used one, but it was bad ass. Mike gave me a quick lesson before he left. I kept it on single shot.
Dave got into the driver’s seat. Olive and a bag of Milky-Ways sat next to him.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“I hope this one will run,” he said and tried to laugh.
“Henry checked.”
“He’s still not a mechanic.”
“Fuck that, go find a mechanic.” Dave didn’t respond. Instead he started the truck.
“Care Bear to Papa Smurf, come in,” said Harlan’s voice.
“This is Papa Smurf,” Dave said, taking the radio.
“Okay, Ernie takes the Ford and goes first, followed by the Camry. We are not to follow them. They aren’t going to Port Jeff. Dave will go next and we’ll follow.”
“Got it,” I said, then looked at Dave. “You heard the man.”
We watched the Ford Escort disappear into the front followed by the Camry. Eric wasn’t happy about giving up his car but there was no way to make the car into a biodiesel. I was even sad to see the Ford go. It saved Jim’s life. At least now we saved the six people holed up in the garage.
I don’t know where Ernie and the others are going but they got food and stuff and we gave them a shotgun and some bullets, so I hope they make it.
I looked at my watch. It was a little after 12. High noon.
Lots of them outside CostKing. When we began moving, they headed our way. Fucking glad they’re slow. I hated the way they looked at us with those lifeless but hungry eyes. Dave led the way since he drove on our previous trip. He thought we’d make it to Port Jeff by nightfall. I could see the front of the store clearly. Lots of fucking dead zombies and live ones too. We didn’t bother shooting them. This wasn’t a hunting trip. Let the bombs get rid of them.