by Elle Casey
I know this is Amber’s lame attempt at an apology, but it still sucks. “You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that before I forgive you.”
She sighs really loudly. “Fine. I’m sorry, okay? I’m just . . . under a lot of pressure here.”
“Regardless, it doesn’t mean you can be rude to me.”
“You’re right. And I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, so please forgive me.” She doesn’t wait for me to do that before continuing. “So . . . how old is this little person you’re sitting next to?”
I glance over at Sadie, who’s still listening in on my conversation. “This little girl I am sitting next to is four years old. And she’s pretty amazing. You should see her knock over a tower of blocks like a giant King Kong princess. She’s aaall about the mayhem.”
That earns me a very slight smile. She’s pretending not to listen, though, because she doesn’t even glance at me. She’s playing with the strap on her backpack, twisting it around her tiny finger.
“So, Sam has had a child for the last four years and he hasn’t said anything to anyone, not even his own brother. Ty is going to blow a nut over this one. Probably two nuts.”
“I hope not. I think he’s probably going to need those at some point.” Amber doesn’t laugh at my tasteless joke, which is all I need to know about her mood; she’s all business now.
“Sooo . . . I guess Sam is pretty sensitive about it?” Amber asks.
“You could say that. There’s a long backstory.”
“I can’t wait to hear it. All of it. When are you going to be alone?”
“Not for the foreseeable future. I’ll have to let you know on that.”
“Okay, well, just so you know, I’m going to be dying to know what’s going on and it will be eating away at my very soul to not know it, so you’d better hurry up and find someplace you can hide away and talk to me about it really soon. Before I die from the not knowing.”
I’m relieved that she’s back to being ridiculous and not so serious. “Well, that’s not likely, because Sam is not here with us right now; but when he is, I’ll do my best.”
“Where’s Sam?”
“I can’t say right now.”
“Did he take off? Did he just leave you with his kid?”
“No, stop. Stop saying that stuff. I have to go.” Talking to Amber is exhausting. I feel like a child who’s done something wrong and has to explain herself to an angry parent.
“No, don’t go. I want to share my news.”
“Great. I’d love to hear your news.” Yes, I would be thrilled to have the spotlight on her for a change.
“Well, the crowds here are absolutely fantastic. People are practically turning themselves inside out when they hear the music. They know all the words to all the songs. I had no idea we were so big in Japan.”
“That’s great.” Ugh. She said “we.”
“And Ty is doing really fab. Nobody here is giving him a single boo. I think he likes Japan better than the United States.”
“That’s nice. I don’t think anybody should be booing anybody.”
“Believe me, I agree. Our moms have been backstage every night, and they are just loving it. They want to go out on the rest of the tour.”
“They do? Are they actually going to do that?” It literally nauseates me to imagine them being gone that long, let alone with them.
“I don’t think so. It’s fun having them here, but they do kind of interfere with what we’re trying to get done. The band is finding it hard to concentrate, more fixated on reminiscing than keeping to schedules. I think the guys are going to gently tell them no.”
“Oh, I get it. Because our moms are cramping the band’s style with the other, younger groupies?”
She snorts. “Hardly. I mean, yeah, those groupies are probably out there, but they’re not allowed backstage. They’re not allowed anywhere near the band, actually.”
“Because our mothers are blocking them?”
“No, because of them . . . the band. They don’t have any interest in that shit anymore.”
“Why not? I thought old dudes like to get it on as much as young ones do.”
“Maybe, but these old dudes are feeling a lot of regret over the way they treated women in the past, so they’ve turned over a new leaf.” She sounds very proud of that supposed fact.
What a load of donkey poo. “Yeah, right. Whatever.” My sister is so naïve. She thinks those men aren’t having sex with groupies anymore because they’ve turned over new leaves? Ha! As if! Amber may be a very sophisticated woman in some ways, but she still has a lot to learn about life. Those men may not be doing the nasty in front of her, and they may be pausing that kind of activity while our mothers are with them, but they haven’t stopped. A leopard can’t change its spots.
“You got any more good news for me?” I ask, wanting to hurry the conversation along.
“Wellll . . . I have one other bit of news, but I don’t know if I want to share it with you right now because you’re being so rude to me.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ve been under a lot of stress too these last few days, and a lot of shit has been going—I mean a lot of poop has been going on, so you’ll just have to try to forgive me.”
“Okay, good. I forgive you, because I’m so excited about this I can’t not tell you anymore.”
“Well, what is it? Don’t keep me in suspense.”
“I really should wait until I see you in person . . .”
“Amber, don’t play; you know you want to tell me. What is it? Did Ty ask you to marry him or something?” I wouldn’t put it past him. They’re moving so fast in that relationship as it is.
“No. But you’re on the right track.”
I mull that one over for a few seconds, but I’m not coming up with anything. “I don’t get it. I’m lost.” With all of the stuff happening with Sam, my brain is exhausted.
“Hold on. I just need to go into the other room.”
I hear a door shutting, footsteps, and then some muffled sounds before my sister’s back on the phone.
“Are you ready to hear the biggest news of the century?” she asks in a whisper.
“Yes, I’m ready.” I’m already bored with this conversation. I know she’s going to say something I don’t want to hear, like she got another promotion and is never coming back to New York. She’s probably going to tell me they’re all moving to LA, our mothers included. Please, God, no.
“I’m pregnant.”
Suddenly, the scenery that I was driving past becomes a mere blur. I get a tickle in my nose and feel like I’m going to sneeze. My ears start ringing. I’m ill. I’m instantly sick, every cell in my body crying out to be medicated.
“Did you hear me? I just told you I’m pregnant.”
“What?” My voice comes out a lot louder than I mean for it to. Sadie looks at me with fear in her eyes. I reach over and pat her on the leg, telling her silently not to worry.
“Yes, you heard me right. I am pregnant. The other day when I was in the bathroom, when you thought I was building a log cabin, I was taking a pregnancy test.”
“You mean you knew you were pre . . . the p-word . . . when you were there with me, but you didn’t tell me?”
“Yes. But I couldn’t tell you until I told Ty first, right? Plus, I had to have a blood test to be sure.”
I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about this. “No, I guess. Maybe.”
“I’ve surprised you, haven’t I?”
“Yeah, a little.” My sister knows what birth control is, so she has to have done this on purpose. But why? What was she thinking? Isn’t her life crazy enough? “I don’t get it, though. How could this happen?”
“Believe me, I don’t get it either. I was on the pill, as you know. I’ve been on the pill for years to regulate my periods.” She sighs happily. “But it happened. It was meant to be.”
“That’s insane.” It’s finally sinking in that my sister is actually going to have a baby.
With Ty. With Sam’s brother. Holy shit, Sam and I are practically related now! We’re both going to have the same niece or nephew. I have only one question: Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together?
“I know, right? I haven’t told anybody except Ty and you.”
“What about Rose?”
“Nope, not even her. She’s been too busy. But I’m going to tell her as soon as I hang up with you.”
“What about our moms?” This really surprises me, that she hasn’t told them yet. It seems like they would’ve been the first people she shared her news with, even before Ty.
“Nope. They’re going to go nuts over it—beyond insane. I want them to just enjoy this trip without thinking about me or you or anything else that’s going on. Ty and I decided it’s better to let them in on it later.”
I nod. “That’s probably a good idea.” I feel a hand on my leg and look down. Sadie is tapping me with her finger.
“Hold on a second.” I look at Sadie. “What’s the matter, honey? Do you need something?”
“I want to talk on the phone.” She holds out her hand.
“You want to talk on this phone?” I point at it.
“Yes, I want to talk on your phone because I don’t have my own phone.”
“How about we call your daddy and we can talk to him on the phone?”
She shakes her head. “No, I want to talk on the phone now. To your sister.”
I go back to the call. “Amber, do you have a minute to talk to Sadie?”
“By Sadie, you mean the little girl you’re sitting with right now? Sam’s daughter?”
“Uh, yeah.” I wish I could tell her that I know how awkward this is and that she doesn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to, but I don’t want to hurt Sadie’s feelings.
“Sure,” Amber says, full of spunk. “Put her on the phone.”
“Okay.” I hand my cell over to Sadie and help her get it up to her ear.
“Hello,” Sadie says, with the sweet voice of a tiny angel.
I hear my sister’s answer. “Hello, Sadie. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Amber.”
“Oh. Hi, Amber. What are you doing?”
I can’t hear my sister’s response. Sadie lets go of the strap of her backpack. “Oh.” She pauses. “Do you want to know what I’m doing?”
She waits for a minute and then continues. “I’m riding in a car with Emerald. You know her name isn’t a real one. Her name is a color. It looks like green but it’s more shiny.”
There’s a long pause and then Sadie looks up at me. She puts the phone on her chest. “Did you know that Amber is a color too?”
I nod as I smile. “I did know that.”
Sadie puts the phone on her ear again. “How come your mommy named you colors?”
I don’t hear Amber’s answer, but it seems to satisfy Sadie. “Okay. That’s all I want to say. Bye-bye.” Sadie presses a button on the phone and hands it back to me.
I put my ear to it but there’s no one there. “You hung up.” I look at her in surprise.
“I know.” She looks at me like I’m crazy. “I was done talking.”
“Well, okay then.” This kid is too much. I slide the phone into my purse and try really hard not to laugh. All this time when Sam was talking to me about Sadie, I was seeing her as a job he had to do—a very difficult burden he was going to have to shoulder for the rest of his life. But after spending a couple days in her company, I’m definitely seeing her in a different light. She’s a joy to be around. A real hoot, actually. And I can imagine how she could actually lighten his load rather than make it heavier. The single-dad thing is not going to be easy for him for sure, but it’s not going to be awful either. Not with a little girl like Sadie around.
“You’re looking at me funny,” Sadie says.
“Am I?” I cross my eyes and stick my tongue out, using my hands next to my ears to make floppy reindeer antlers. “How about this look? Is this funny enough for ya?”
She giggles and then tries to imitate my movements. “What about this?!” she shrieks.
“Oh, hold that face . . . I need to get a picture of that.”
We spent the next thirty minutes making the ugliest faces we can come up with and taking pictures of them with my phone. By the time we reach the pinnacle of silliness, we’re pulling into the parking lot of a hotel next to the airport.
“That’ll be sixty-five bucks, on the nose,” the driver says, shutting off the engine.
Sadie quickly unzips the front of her backpack and pulls out a quarter, handing it to me.
“What’s this?” I ask, holding it up.
“Sixty-five bucks for his nose,” she says, turning to face straight ahead with her chin up.
I reach over the seat and hand it to the guy. “Here you go. Sixty-five bucks for your nose.”
Sadie starts laughing into her hand and snorts a little, glancing at me with a coconspirator’s glee. I give her a quick, gentle pinch on the cheek and then dig through my bag to come up with the rest of the fare plus tip we owe him. I hand that over too as the man rolls his eyes at us.
Sadie and I get out together at the sidewalk and grab my suitcase before walking hand in hand up to the hotel reception desk.
“This is a fun adventure,” Sadie says.
“It sure is.” I can’t stop grinning.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
After hearing from Sam and confirming that he can meet us out at the airport hotel in the next two hours, and that he does indeed still want to go back to his brother’s apartment in Manhattan with Sadie, I use a chunk of my savings to purchase three airplane tickets to New York City, leaving the next day. I could probably call for the private jet again, but I don’t like the feeling of owing the band any more than I probably already do for that last trip.
There are flights departing today, but Sam is going to be mentally exhausted, and Sadie has been playing all day. I decide it would be better for them to have a quiet evening together before we go on such a stressful trip. He can take the time to decompress from the funeral, and Sadie can forget about the scary doorbell that rang earlier today.
Sadie and I are resting on one of the queen beds in the hotel room when there’s a knock at the door. She doesn’t hear it because she’s zonked out. I get up quickly to answer it. Looking through the peephole, I find Sam standing there. He’s wearing a suit, and although his swollen, red eyes tell me he’s been crying, he’s still pretty damn stunning. Holy hell. How am I not going to have sex with him now?
“What’s the secret password?” I ask, stalling so I can get control of my sex drive.
“Weirdo beardo.”
I open the door and lean on it, smiling. “I like that suit.”
“I’m glad to hear that, because I bought this for you.” He holds up a white paper bag with black handles.
When I reach out to take it from him, he grabs me around the waist, kissing me before letting me have it. Shivers go up and down my spine, but then he’s in the room, leaving me behind to shut the door.
“What’s this?” I ask, holding up the long-sleeved black dress I find inside the bag.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I figured we could go out to dinner tonight.”
“We have Sadie, though.” I follow him into the room.
He stops at the foot of the bed, looking down at her. “I know. There’s a dress in there for her, too.”
I reach inside and pull out another outfit. This one is purple with a fluffy skirt.
“Is there any particular reason why we’re getting all dressed up?”
He shrugs. “I guess I didn’t want to be the only one.”
I get it now. He’s tired of feeling alone and he needs a connection. I put the bag on the bed and hold the dress against me. “How did you know my size?” It’s not a dress I would have bought for myself, but I have a feeling Amber would approve.
“I asked Patty.”
I place the dress on the bed and put my hand on his arm. He’
s still staring at his daughter, almost as if he’s mesmerized by her tiny form under the covers. “Did everything go okay today?” I ask.
He finally looks away and runs his hands through his hair as he sighs. “It was rough, but we got through it.”
“Did a lot of people come?”
His eyebrows go up as he nods. “Surprisingly, yes. I would say there were about . . . I don’t know . . . fifty or sixty people there? It’s more than I expected. She’d alienated a lot of people toward the end, but they forgave her.” He pauses. “Thanks for arranging everything. It was great. Really perfect.”
“I was happy to do it. And I’m glad to know a lot of people came, too. That’s nice. Nice for you and for her.”
Sam looks around the room. “So, you really hated my apartment that much?” He slides his jacket off and places it on the bed.
“Not exactly.” I glance at Sadie. She hasn’t moved, but I don’t trust that she’s not listening; she’s pretty sly. “Can we talk outside for a minute?”
“Sure.” He puts his hand on my lower back and escorts me to the foyer. “What’s going on?”
I wait until we’re outside the room with the door only slightly ajar before I respond in hushed tones. “Someone came to the door of your apartment today, and I didn’t get a chance to see who it was before they left, but it really scared us.”
“Why? Did they do or say something?”
“No, not really. But they kept ringing the doorbell and banging on the door over and over, and Sadie was pretty freaked out about it.”
“She was scared, huh?”
“No, not just scared. Freaked.”
He frowns in concern. “What do you mean? What did she do?”
“She told me not to answer it because it could be the Bad People. And then she hid in the closet. She told me her mommy taught her how to do that.”
Sam stares at me for a few seconds and then slowly closes his eyes, shaking his head. “I guess it was worse than I thought.”
“What was?”
He hisses out his frustration before answering. “I was talking to some people at the memorial service. Apparently, that guy Drake was a lot more present in her life than she led me to believe he was.”