“Yeah, we do. We really, really love having you here. We love you. We know it hasn’t been perfect and we still have a lot to learn to be the best possible dads for you, but we definitely want you to feel like this is your forever home. No more foster homes. No more foster families. Just you, me, and Stephen. Until we’re all old and gray,” he said.
Austin giggled. “He’s already gray and you’re starting to turn that color too.” He pointed at the side of Russ’s head.
“I am not!” Russ protested, but the truth was, he’d found a couple of silver hairs at his temples lately. Jesus, he was only thirty. That was so unfair.
“He is,” Stephen stage whispered to Austin. “I didn’t want to point it out, but …”
“You’re both getting off track here.” Russ gave them a mock scowl, then grew more serious. “Whatever color my hair ends up, I want you in my life, Austin. I want to be your dad. Permanently. And Stephen wants that too. How do you feel about it?”
“Um, yeah, I’d like that,” Austin said, but his happy expression fell. “But what about my bio dad?”
Russ looked at Stephen.
He cleared his throat. “Well, that’s where things get a little more complicated. In order for us to adopt you, he will have to terminate his parental rights.”
“Like, we have to go to court and all that?”
“We will at some point, yeah,” Russ said. “But there are actually some other things that have to happen first.” He took a deep breath. “We talked to Marcus and asked what he thought, and he asked your biological dad about voluntarily signing the paperwork so we can try to avoid a big fight in court. Your dad’s open to the idea of it but wants to see you before he’ll agree to sign off on it.”
“What if I don’t want to see him?” Austin whispered.
“Then we don’t do anything,” Stephen said. “We’ll just forget about the adoption for now. Or we’ll take him to court. We were hoping to make this less stressful for you, so we decided to go this route, but if that isn’t what’s best for you, then we’ll figure something else out.”
Russ nodded his agreement, though his throat was too tight to speak at the moment.
“We’d like you to legally be ours, but it doesn’t change anything if you aren’t,” Stephen continued. “You’ll still stay with us, and we won’t force you to go see your dad if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Really? Even though it means you won’t be able to adopt me?”
“We want what’s best for you, and we feel you’re old enough to decide that for yourself,” Russ said.
Austin nodded slowly. “But if I do go, he might sign it?”
“He might. We can’t promise you that,” Stephen said carefully. “He could change his mind. And we know this is very, very complicated for you. I’m sure you still care about your dad but have a lot of feelings about what choices he made. So if you want to see him, we’ll make sure you can. If you don’t, we won’t force it.”
Austin swallowed audibly. “I’ll go.”
“Are you sure?” Russ asked.
“I’m sure. I’ll do it.” There was a little quaver in Austin’s voice and Russ squeezed his hand.
“Okay, we’ll set something up then.”
“I don’t like this,” Russ argued with the child welfare worker on the other end of the phone. Sandy, he thought she’d said. He was too pissed off to care.
“I understand that, Mr. Bishop. But this is what the state’s rules are,” Sandy argued. “Foster parents are not allowed at visitations with biological parents. It’s for the good of the child.”
“This isn’t your usual visit,” Russ argued. “His father is in prison.”
“Sadly, that’s hardly a rarity in many of these foster cases. He is far from being the first child to see a parent in prison. It’s an unfortunate but common situation for children in the system.”
“I just don’t understand why I can’t go with him. How is it the best thing for him to do it alone?”
“He won’t be alone. He’ll be with me. I am trained to handle situations like this.”
“He’s never met you before!” Russ said. “How is that better than myself or my husband going with him?”
“It’s agency policy. We have determined that a child’s welfare is best served by continuing carefully supervised visitation. Our goal is always reunification—”
“Your goal should be doing what’s best for Austin,” Russ fumed. “And we aren’t talking about reunification. We are talking about adopting him. We are his parents. We should be with him.”
“Russ.” Stephen laid a hand on his arm, and there was a clear tone of warning in his voice.
“I know, Stephen. I’m getting worked up and I should remain calm, but I just …”
“I understand your frustration, Mr. Parker,” Sandy said softly. “But this is out of my hands. I am bound by law to follow these rules. You can certainly take it up with my superior or go higher than that, but that will take time and a lot of legal red tape, which I’m skeptical will be in your favor. Your time and energy would be better served by helping Austin cope with what is actually going to happen. If Austin still wants visit with his father, it will have to be with me. The more contentious you make this, the more difficult it will be for him.”
“Okay.” Russ sighed noisily. “Thank you for your time.”
After some polite but terse goodbyes, he hung up the phone and turned to face Stephen. “I think this is bullshit.”
“So do I.”
“But you aren’t fighting it.”
“What is the point, Russ? We can’t fight the law. Not on something like this.”
“But you know it’s going be hard on Austin.”
“I am sure it will.” Stephen pulled him in for a hug, and Russ sagged against him, hating how impotent and useless he felt at protecting Austin. Even Stephen’s strong arms weren’t enough to take that away.
“I know this isn’t ideal,” Stephen murmured. “But he’s done this before. And we’ll be there for him when he gets home this time. That’s all we can do.”
TWENTY-THREE
“I can’t figure out for the life of me why we need to do this,” Russ said as they drove to the school for a meeting with Connie Vasquez, the principal at Austin’s school. “All of his progress reports from his teachers during this summer session have been great.”
“Well, maybe it’s just a follow-up of our meeting this past spring before he started here?”
“I just wish I knew what it was about. This is stressing me out.”
Thankfully, Mrs. Vasquez put Russ’s fears to rest when she got right to the point as soon as they sat down.
“I just want you to know, Austin’s doing very well,” she said. “Compared to what I saw from his previous school and from the end of last semester, there’s been a real marked improvement.”
“Oh, good,” Russ said with a relieved sigh. “We’re doing something right.”
“I’m sure you’re doing many things right.” She gave him a kind smile. “It can be a slow process for kids in his situation, but I’ve seen a huge improvement. His math scores have been excellent during the summer session.”
“That’s all Stephen,” Russ admitted. “He’s the guy with the accounting degree.”
She chuckled. “I’m sure that helps. But I think it’s more that you’ve given him a loving, safe environment and the proper amount of structure and discipline.”
“That’s great news,” Stephen said, looking relieved. “I’m not sure I fully understand why we’re here though. We certainly appreciate the feedback but was an in-person meeting really necessary? It seems like an email might have sufficed.”
“I am sorry,” she said. “I know it’s always challenging with work schedules. But there’s something else I wanted to discuss with you. I think Austin is actually very gifted in English, and I’d like to discuss him testing into an advance English class for this coming fall semester. I’m sure you saw the
short story he turned in recently?”
Russ shook his head. “We didn’t. Or at least I didn’t. Did you see it when he brought it home, Stephen?”
“No. He said it got thrown away accidentally. I wasn’t worried because we saw he got a good grade on it when we checked online, but we never had a chance to read the finished project.”
“Well, it so happens I have a copy of it. He turned in the printed version of it like he was supposed to plus a graphic novel version of the story. His teacher showed it to me, and I thought it was something you should see.”
Russ tilted his head to examine the book she slid across the desk. It wasn’t professionally done, just sheets of paper carefully stapled together but the artwork on the cover immediately grabbed his attention. He didn’t know much about graphic novels but even he knew it was well done, especially for a kid of Austin’s age.
“He drew this himself?”
“He did. If you have the time, I’d like you to read it.”
“Of course.”
Stephen scooted closer and they flipped through it together. It was about a boy named Foster. It wasn’t exactly Austin’s life story word for word but damn if he hadn’t created it from personal experience. Foster lived on the street with his big sister. After she disappeared, he stumbled across a couple of superheroes. Russ smiled when he realized the superheroes were a gay married couple and he had to press his hand against his mouth when they took Foster in and he became a sidekick and part of their crimefighting team.
“Oh, Stephen,” he whispered, reaching out.
“I know.” Stephen squeezed his hand tightly. “I know.”
“Would you like to take that home with you?” she asked with an understanding smile.
Russ held it close to his chest. “Please.”
Anxiety radiated from Austin’s every pore when they arrived home and said goodbye to Addie.
“Was it bad?” Austin asked when she left.
Stephen laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It was not. Mrs. Vasquez was very impressed with the improvement you’ve made. Your grades are much, much better. Your math grades are great, and she and your English teacher couldn’t stop singing your praises about your latest project.”
Austin’s eyes widened. “So I’m not in trouble?”
“Of course not!” Russ protested. “Why would you be in trouble?”
“I dunno.” Austin fidgeted. “Sometimes I got yelled at by one of my foster dads if I didn’t do well enough.”
“Have we ever yelled at you?” Stephen asked quietly.
“No. Not really.”
“Then even if you were still struggling, why would this be any different?”
“I dunno.” Austin shrugged. “I just …”
“I understand why this hard for you, Austin, based on the reactions you’ve gotten in the past. But we aren’t mad. We’re a little disappointed you didn’t show us your English project though. Especially the graphic novel you made.”
“Oh.” He looked down at the floor. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Stephen said slowly. “And we aren’t finding fault with you. We just wanted to understand why you wouldn’t bring it home to show us.”
“I dunno.” He swallowed. “I guess I felt kinda weird about it.”
“Weird why?”
“Cause it’s …” He shrugged.
“So personal?” Russ suggested.
“Kinda.”
“Well, we want you to know we loved it. It’s a wonderful story, and it meant a lot to read it.”
“You read it?” Austin’s voice squeaked a little.
“Yes.”
“Oh. You’re not mad?”
“Why would we be mad about your story, Austin?”
“Cause you’re in it?”
“I thought that one superhero looked pretty familiar,” Russ said with a smile.
Austin shot him a shy smile. “So … it’s okay?”
“It’s more than okay. I loved it. It’s really, really special to me. It meant a lot to both of us actually. Can we keep it?”
“Sure. It’s just a bunch of stupid sheets of paper.” He shrugged.
“Your art is important to you. It could never be stupid,” Stephen said. “And it has a lot of meaning to us.”
“Yeah, you can keep it, I guess.” Austin looked ready to flee.
“We just want you to know we’re very proud of you,” Stephen said.
He chewed his lip. “Proud enough that I can ask for something I really, really want?”
“You may always ask,” Stephen said. “We can’t guarantee it’ll always be a yes, but please ask anyway. If we say no, we’ll explain why.”
“Can I have a friend over sometime?”
“Of course!” Russ said. He shot Stephen an apologetic glance like he realized he’d spoken without consulting him. They hadn’t discussed anything like that before. Frankly, they’d been a little concerned about Austin’s lack of friends, but they figured they’d deal with one thing at a time. “At least, I can’t think of a reason you shouldn’t. Stephen?”
“No, I’m in agreement. Who is your friend?”
“Toby. From art camp.”
“Sure. That sounds great. What’s Toby’s living situation like?”
“I dunno, I think he’s just a normal kid with a mom and dad.”
“Hey, are you calling our family abnormal?” Russ teased.
“No,” Austin said with a little smile. “Well, you guys are weird, but …”
“Hey now,” he teased back.
“So Toby can come over?” Austin prompted.
“Yeah, we just need to have a phone number or email so we can arrange stuff with his parents.”
“Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.”
“We try to,” Russ said with some humor in his voice.
“You make way more sense than most of the people I’ve stayed with.”
Stephen exchanged a look with Russ over Austin’s head. That might not be a huge compliment to some, but from Austin, that felt like high praise.
TWENTY-FOUR
“Are you ready to go?” Russ asked.
Austin nodded. He wrapped his arms around his middle. His stomach hurt and it had since he woke up. “I guess. Where’s Stephen?”
Russ sighed. “He wanted to be here, but he had to take the car in for repair and he does not mess around with car safety. He’s had this appointment scheduled for a couple of weeks. The dealership was supposed to drive him back here, but it looks like they’re running a little late.”
Austin swallowed, disappointed. “Yeah, okay.”
“He sent me a text though and he wanted me to let you know he loves you and that he’ll be home when you get back. Sandy will be here in a few minutes to pick you up. I know you can’t take anything into the prison, but we packed some snacks for the car ride. Hopefully she won’t mind you eating on the drive there. We packed enough for her too,” Russ said.
Austin’s stomach hurt too much to eat but he nodded and shoved the food in his backpack. The prison was only twenty minutes away. It wasn’t like he was going to be gone that long. Russ acted like he was going away for weeks or something.
“Can I give you a hug?” Russ asked.
Austin nodded. It sounded like Russ really needed it. Hesitantly, Austin wrapped his arms around Russ’s middle. His hand was big as it landed on Austin’s back and he squeezed tight. “We’ll both be here when you get back, okay?” he said quietly.
“Okay.” Austin’s words were muffled by Russ’s shirt and he was kinda glad. Because his voice sounded weird and he was having a hard time swallowing. But he definitely wasn’t going to cry today.
It was a minute before he let go. When he did, Russ gave him a serious look. “Remember, it’s okay if you have mixed feelings about seeing your dad again. You can love him and be mad at him and want to stay with us all the same time. And no matter what, we’re not getting rid of you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Just remember that Stephen and I love you.” Russ hugged him again and even though he kinda wanted to be, Austin wasn’t mad about that.
Austin felt weird without a hoodie to shove his hands in as he walked into the visiting room with Sandy, but the prison didn’t allow them. By now, he knew the drill. His dad was at a table and he sat up straight when he saw Austin. He hadn’t seen him since before Christmas.
“Hey, Austin.”
“Hi.” He slouched into the chair. He didn’t look his dad in the eye.
“You’re gettin’ so tall.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Stephen had said a few days ago that they needed to buy him some new jeans and shoes because he was outgrowing them, so he guessed it was true.
“How are you doing?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“You’re not living with the Nashes anymore?”
“Nope. They moved to North Carolina for a job.”
“When did that happen?”
“I dunno. March, I guess.”
He turned to look at Sandy. “Why wasn’t I told when it happened?”
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Mr. Carr, but we’re not legally obligated to inform you of changes to Austin’s living situation.”
“He’s my son,” he hissed.
“The state is the one overseeing his day-to-day care while you’re incarcerated.”
“So you’re staying with a new family now?” he asked Austin.
“Yeah. Russ and Stephen,” he muttered.
“And they’re a couple?”
“Yeah, they’re married.” Austin shot his dad a look. “Why? You have a problem with that?”
He shook his head. “No, no, of course not. I was just wonderin’.”
On one of the visits they’d done last year, Austin had told his dad he was pan. And Kellie had told him she was a lesbian. He hadn’t said much about it, but Austin didn’t really know what he thought about it. He seemed okay with Russ and Stephen though. So maybe it would be okay.
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