by Dan Wingreen
"Oh! I got it," Eallair said with a grin.
"Really?" Aidan asked skeptically. They'd been trying to figure out for over half an hour the perfect thing Eallair should have said after he'd taken out Anwir; each one of his suggestions was somehow worse than the one before it.
"Yup." He nodded. "Okay, so, there's this country over in Europe—"
"There's backstory to this?" Aidan asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, now hush," he said. "So, there's this country over in Europe called Greece, right? And every four years or so they have these games. Like competitions, you know? The thing is, they're all physical. No magic allowed. You actually get thrown out if you’re caught using magic."
Aidan laughed. "Oh, come on! You're making this up."
"No! I swear. Seen it myself. So, they got all these games, like high jumpin’ and weightliftin’ and javelin throwin’—"
"Wait, what? What's a…javelin?"
"A spear, sorta. A big, sharp stick they throw."
"I know what a spear is," Aidan said, a bit of exasperation slipping into his voice.
"Then you know what a javelin is." Eallair grinned. "'cept it's not actually a spear. More like a, you know, thing. So, they've got all these different games and a few of them they get judged not only on how well they do what they're supposed to be doin’, but on how well they finish, too. Like, if a guy’s supposed to jump over somethin’ they judge him on the jump but also on how he lands after, you follow? They got all these judges and they hold up these cards with a number on them like eight-point-eight or nine-point-three or, if someone's really good, just a plain ten."
He paused and gave Aidan a questioning look. Aidan nodded to show that he was still following along, even though he had no idea where any of this was going.
"Good. So, that's what I was thinkin’. When he flew back and skittered into all them chairs and such I shoulda said, 'eight-point-five for the landing, ten out of ten for the death'."
He crossed his arms and grinned proudly at Aidan.
"That's…terrible," Aidan said.
"Oh, come on!" Eallair said, seeming mortally offended. "It was great and you know it."
"First, no, it wasn't. Second, doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of a one-liner if you have to explain it beforehand?"
"No!" Eallair frowned slightly. "Well, maybe. But I don't need to explain it, do I? I know what it means. I just told you, so you know what it means. And who cares if he knows what it means because he's dead and can't appreciate my wit anyway."
"Your wit?" Aidan asked dryly.
"Aye." Eallair nodded primly. It looked absolutely ridiculous and Aidan had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "My wit."
"I…don't even know what to say to that," he said after he was sure he wouldn't ruin it by laughing.
"Good." Eallair nodded again.
Something that sounded alarmingly like a giggle escaped from between Aidan's lips. Eallair raised an eyebrow, but Aidan ignored him.
"I still think it's terrible though," he said.
"Well, until you think of somethin’ better then that's what I'm gonna be pissed at myself for not saying."
This time, Aidan did laugh.
They dropped the topic after that, but almost seamlessly slid into another one right away, much to Aidan's continued surprise and delight. They talked for almost another hour before falling into a mostly comfortable silence as Aidan concentrated on driving through a particularly badly maintained bit of road and Eallair relaxed in his seat.
It was unbelievable how easy it was to talk with Eallair. Especially after the awkwardness earlier in the day when Aidan had to take a shower with just one, thin wall, and a door that didn't lock between him and a man he was attracted to. That was definitely a brand-new experience for him, being naked with a man he liked in the other room, and there was an awareness of Eallair Aidan hadn't experienced before. It was actually sort of exciting, almost as much as it was terrifying. Which was stupid, since Aidan hadn't even decided what he wanted to do about this newfound attraction.
Yeah, because you're such a Lancelot with the men that once you decide you want him, he’ll just fall at your feet, right?
Shut up. Aidan scowled, then realized he was telling himself to shut up and just barely kept from slamming his head on the steering wheel.
That would certainly be suaveness personified.
Still, as much as he might not want to think about it, especially with how comfortable and fun the last few hours had been, the logical part of his mind knew he should at least try to sort out his feelings for the sorcerer before they really got on with their quest. He was already basically just baggage who could make Eallair laugh at this point. Throw an "easily distracted" in front of that "baggage" and he'd quickly turn into a liability, no matter what Eallair said. And Aidan was determined, whatever happened from then on, that a liability was the last thing he would be.
So, how did he feel about Eallair?
He was definitely attractive, to Aidan anyway. His appearance and clothes would be considered horribly unfashionable and sloppy to most people, especially his hair, but Aidan found he liked all of it. But aside from his hair and his eyes, and the way Aidan kind of liked having to look up into them, what pulled him in? Why, even when they first met, had Aidan felt safe with him?
It couldn’t be his attitude. He was loud and annoying and only ever seemed to take things seriously when Aidan expected him not to. On the other hand, he was also surprisingly comforting and gentle when Aidan needed it. Eallair didn't push Aidan too much and, for some reason, he seemed to hold Aidan in some kind of high regard.
Could that be all this "feeling" stuff is?
Aidan frowned thoughtfully. He couldn't deny he really liked the way Eallair seemed to think highly of him. And not just for something he could do, but that Aidan himself was worth something on his own. Was that all it took? Nice eyes and a few kind words? Even if the words were heartfelt and the eyes were really nice, that seemed a bit pathetic.
Except, as Aidan thought about it, there really wasn't anything he didn't like about Eallair. Even the really annoying parts, like his entire personality, were things Aidan would miss if they were apart. Had missed, actually. Even the traitorous bits, once Aidan let himself listen to them, were kind of appealing. The idea of choosing for himself was scary, but at the same time exhilarating. If he didn't want to bind books anymore, he could just…stop, and try something else, and if that ended up lacking in some way, he could keep trying until he found something that called to him. If the world was different, everyone could do that, if they wanted. He could see why the government tried so hard to keep people from thinking about that kind of stuff. It was very seductive. And Eallair was the one who'd opened Aidan's eyes to it.
So, in the end, Aidan just liked Eallair.
But I don't even really know anything about him.
And that, unfortunately, was something Aidan couldn't solve in his own head. Even with all they'd talked about in the carriage, he really didn't know much about who Eallair was. He knew a few things about who the man sitting next to him right then was, but what about who he was before? What made him who he is? How old was he? Where was he from?
Aidan was never very good at asking personal questions of the people he was close with. Probably not the best character trait, in hindsight, but he always felt like he'd drive people away by being too nosy. Closeness was hard for wizards, and Aidan especially, and he was terrified of scaring off the handful of people who had tried to be close to him. Looking back, that was probably a large part of the reason he’d had so few friends in his life.
Well, I can stop that shit now.
He'd already broken away from every other part of what he was starting to think of as his old life, how hard could one more thing be? Just…ask Eallair a personal question.
"So," Aidan said. "You were gonna tell me your plan, right?"
I am such a coward.
"Aye."
Eallair slowly opened his eyes and stretched. He took his feet off the dashboard and sat up straighter in the stiff, uncomfortable seat. "What did you want to know?"
Well, that was certainly a loaded question. There was a lot Aidan wanted to know, most of which didn't have anything to do with what Eallair was asking about. But even though this was an almost perfect second chance to ask what he wanted, he still couldn't force the words out.
"It was kind of a general question, so everything."
And now after hours of easy conversation where he thought they were sort of bonding, Aidan was back to being pissy. Wonderful.
Eallair just chuckled though. "Well, we need to go find Arthur's tomb and wake him up."
A tiny little thrill shot through Aidan. It wasn't that he'd forgotten—how could he?—but hearing it said out loud while they were in the carriage on their way there was pretty damned exciting. Plus, it was easy to focus on that instead of…other things.
"And then what?" Aidan asked. "What happens after he wakes up? What about…you know, destroying the government, or whatever?"
Eallair shot Aidan a small grin. "One of these days you're gonna be comfortable saying that."
"Should anyone ever really be comfortable saying it?" he asked without really meaning to.
To Aidan's surprise, Eallair seemed to take his question seriously. "Maybe not. But it shouldn't ever be taken off the table, either. If you ain't got no other way to fix what needs fixin’, sometimes the most extreme option's really the only one left."
A part of Aidan, the part that couldn’t quite shake off a lifetime of nearly religious adherence to the law and social mores, wanted to argue. He fought it, and was surprised, as he’d been surprised ever since he woke up that morning, at how easy it was to stamp that part of him down.
Maybe I’m more suited to this terrorist thing that I thought. Maybe all my life I’ve secretly wanted something to come along and rip me out of my complacency the way Eallair has. Could I really feel that way for years and have no idea?
It was, he concluded, entirely possible. And didn’t that throw his view of himself all to shit?
Still, as increasingly okay as he was finding the idea of rebellion and social upheaval, there were some concerns he couldn’t brush off.
"People are gonna get hurt, you know." Aidan's voice was soft. "I know you think I'm naive, but I'm not naive enough to think you can get rid of a government that's been around for over two hundred years without a lot of fighting. People are gonna die, and not all of them are gonna be DMS agents trying to kill us."
"Aye. I know," Eallair said, just as soft. "But that's why we need Arthur so bad. You can't force change. It doesn't work. Especially when you're makin’ people take a risk. People need to want it, be open to it; they need to know what they're puttin’ themselves in danger for, and as complacent and indoctrinated as people are, they're gonna need to be hit over the head with a really big hammer to see the truth of things. And since we can't expect the government to drag everyone into torture rooms and do it for us, we need Arthur to be the one to convince ‘em. Without him, we're just a couple of terrorists shoutin’ into the wind."
"And you really think people will just accept that?" Aidan avoided another pothole and glanced at Eallair while brushing back the bit of hair that fell in front of his eye. "Even if Arthur's the one saying it, we're still trying to convince people everything they've ever believed is wrong. It's not…easy, realizing that. Or letting yourself believe it," Aidan added quietly. “Not everyone will take to it as well as I did.”
“You think you’re takin’ to it easy?” Eallair joked.
“I’m being serious.”
Eallair sighed. “Yeah, I know. And no, I don’t think it’s gonna be as easy as that. Some people are gonna hate it, some won't wanna listen. It's not an easy thing, convincin’ any group of people to do anything against what they think is the right and proper order of things, let alone a whole country. But with Arthur, we have a chance. A good one, too. Lotta people won't wanna listen, but a lot will, just ‘cause it's him saying it. There's still gonna be fightin' though. It's sadly unavoidable."
That was another thing Aidan wanted to argue, but what alternative was there? He couldn't think of anything. Keep things the way they were or fight and kill and maybe die to try and change them? Neither was a good option, and it was choices like that which almost made Aidan wish he could go back to letting someone else make all his decisions for him.
Almost.
"Okay," he said. "Fine. We're starting a war. Great."
Eallair gave him a long, searching look. "What did you think was gonna happ—"
"No, I'm not…backing out, or regretting, or whatever you're thinking. Can I just, maybe, acknowledge that starting a war where people will die sucks before we go on talking about it like it's completely normal?"
For a second, Eallair looked like he was going to protest. Then his face softened, and he nodded once. "Aye." He hesitated. "And, I'm sorry. I've been thinkin’ about it for a lot longer than you, so I've had more time to get used to it, but you're right. It's somethin’ that should be recognized."
Aidan nodded, not sure what to say. Sometimes it still surprised him Eallair could seem so human, even though he thought he was past thinking about the sorcerer as a pillar of strength and ideals, instead of an actual person with feelings and emotions. A person he found himself liking more and more.
"So," Aidan said when the silence began to get thick with things Aidan wasn't sure he would ever be ready to say out loud. "What makes you even think Arthur will help us, anyway?"
Eallair smiled, mostly to himself Aidan thought, when he said "us". "What do you mean?"
Aidan shook off distracting thoughts of smiles and being the cause of them before they could fully take hold. "Well, I mean, he was a king, right? Kings like to rule over people. Why would he help us make a government where people rule themselves?"
To Aidan's surprise, Eallair laughed. "You know, of all the crazy crap you people think about Arthur, that one's always the strangest."
Aidan frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're all so sure he was a king, but nothing could be further from the truth."
"Of course he was a king. He's King Arthur. Everyone knows that."
Eallair raised an eyebrow. "Just like everyone knows the government don’t torture people?"
Aidan scowled, but remained silent.
"Look," Eallair said. "He were a king, because back then that's what people expected. But he hated kings. He hated the whole idea of one man ruling over another. He made his whole name fightin’ to kick the Romans out of Britannia exactly because he hated some foreign king ruling over people he'd never even met. The last thing he wanted was more of that, even if the king was more local.
"But you gotta remember, this was almost two thousand years ago. People didn't know nothin’ about ruling themselves or voting or anything. All they knew was kings and chiefs and following orders. They didn't know any better. Didn't care to neither. When you don't even know if you're gonna live through the winter, you don't much care about being taken advantage of as long as you make it to spring, and that the ones takin’ advantage look like you. And that's what Camelot was. It wasn't some grand kingdom where everyone was ruled over by some benevolent king who told them how to make life better for themselves. It was a place of education where, slowly, people could learn how to think for themselves, rule themselves, and expect more out of life than just survivin' the winter."
Aidan shook his head. It wasn't that he thought Eallair was lying; the excited, passionate way he spoke about it and the way his eyes lit up showed he really believed what he was saying. It also wasn't that Aidan had never heard of a Camelot like the one Eallair was talking about; he was getting used to understanding that just because he "knew" something didn't mean it was actually true. It was something completely different Aidan couldn't wrap his head around.
"How could you possibly know t
hat?" he blurted out.
Eallair blinked and for a second looked startled, like he hadn’t expected Aidan to ask. Several different emotions passed over his face faster than Aidan could identify before settling on his usual grin, but it happened so fast he thought he might have imagined it.
Eallair leaned across the middle of the carriage towards Aidan. "Forbidden books," he said low and mischievously, like he was letting Aidan in on a secret.
Aidan's heart skipped a beat.
The forbidden books were one of those things Aidan had always tried not to think about. Everyone knew the books existed, to some degree; something can't be banned if no one knows it's real. But Aidan worked as a book binder. Mostly for the government and book shops, but occasionally a person would come in with something they'd written themselves, or a bunch of old scrolls they wanted cut and bound into a book for some reason. It was part of Aidan's job to determine if those potential books would hold ideas that were classified as forbidden, so he'd had some training in recognizing them. It was mostly the usual treasonous stuff; stuff that came out of Eallair's mouth daily, Aidan thought with an internal smirk. But there had been some vague references in his training to other books that weren't as blatant. He wasn't told exactly what they were, just that treason was often subtle and, if he was ever not sure, he should stop reading immediately and bring it to his supervisor; but he'd always wondered. What kind of knowledge was so bad it needed to be forbidden; not just from the general public, but also from the people who were, at least partly, supposed to be watching for it? He'd always loved reading, and the thought that he might someday get a chance to see a book that almost no one else had ever been allowed to read was intriguing. He didn't like feeling that way, since wanting to read something forbidden was almost as bad as actually reading it, but now that he suddenly didn't have to worry about getting caught reading a book, the idea that he could was incredibly exciting.
"Really?" he asked, unable to hide the eagerness in his voice.
"Aye," Eallair answered.
Aidan licked his lips. "Do you…have any with you?"