by Becky Barker
Most of the evening they’d kept their conversation impersonal but she knew he was impatient to discuss her career and their relationship. She didn’t want to invite more intimacy yet neither did she want an audience. Deciding she couldn’t delay much longer, Andrea led him to the front porch swing, sat down and patted the cushion beside her.
Lloyd hesitated. “I was hoping for a little more privacy.”
She returned his steady gaze but didn’t acquiesce. Having subtly dodged his attempts to kiss and hold her since his arrival, she didn’t want to encourage him now. “The sunset is amazing. Why don’t we enjoy it while we talk?”
He studied her upturned face for a long time. When her expression remained resolute, he sat down beside her. As they set the swing in motion he took her left hand in both of his.
“Pretty awful, huh?” she said. “My hands are getting calloused and my fingernails are long gone. There’s not much hope of improvement anytime soon.”
He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss on the palm. Instead of the warm, tingly feeling she should have experienced, the caress made her restless.
“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” he asked. “You’ve been avoiding me in every sense of the word. I thought we had an open, honest relationship with a promising future. Then you got an emergency call and forgot I existed. Now I don’t know what to think. Are you pissed because I came out here after you asked me not to? Or is there a lot more going on you aren’t mentioning?”
She looked into his dark, serious eyes, searching for the right words to explain without hurting him. “No, I’m not angry with you at all.”
He rubbed a thumb across the top of her hand. “I wish you were.”
When she gave him a confused look, he continued, “Anger is strong, healthy emotion. You were vibrating with it when you came from the pool today. I’m guessing all that passion had been generated by the man you swore you loathed.”
She sighed heavily. Lloyd knew all about her past relationship with Noah. It shamed her now to remember the foul things she’d accused him of doing and of the times she’d maligned his character. Explaining could lead to a discussion she’d rather avoid, so she skirted the real issue.
“Nothing’s ever simple with him. I’m usually in a temper for one reason or another when he’s near. It’s been like that since we were kids.”
“So what happened today?”
“He insulted me and my profession.”
Lloyd gave that some thought. “He doesn’t approve of modeling? That’s why you’re thinking of taking some time off?”
“Heavens no. I don’t plan my life to suit him,” she said, gently pulling her hand from his grasp. He shifted his arm to drape it across her shoulder. She didn’t resist when he tugged her closer but she didn’t completely relax.
“So what are your plans? I have a couple offers for you to consider but you’ll need to be back in New York for a few weeks.”
Andrea went quiet for a minute, wondering whether or not to mention the Bartell Collection idea. The timing couldn’t be worse since she needed to break up with Lloyd tonight. It wouldn’t be fair to let him go on believing they had a future as a couple. What she didn’t know was if he’d still work with her once she destroyed their personal relationship.
As they watched the sun dropped off the horizon, putting on an awesome light show. She decided to put a kernel of an idea in his very sharp, business-oriented mind. “I told you Chey’s a fabulous artist, didn’t I?”
He chuckled. “Only a few thousand times, and I’ve seen her work, remember. She’s extremely talented.”
Andrea grinned. “Well, we’re thinking once things settle down here at the ranch we’d like to approach the fashion industry from a different angle.”
“Designing?”
He sounded intrigued rather than dismissive. That buoyed her spirits. Someone of his caliber behind the sales force would guarantee attention.
“My designs, her illustrations.”
“How solid are your plans?”
“Infancy stage. But I’ve done some research and I have a head full of styles waiting to be put to paper. We’re still months, maybe years away from a launch.”
“You’ve been thinking about this a while?”
“Yes.”
He took offense. “And you never mentioned it to me?”
“I had to make sure Cheyenne wanted to be involved before I invested more time and energy.” She’d also needed to come home to bring the dream to life again but she didn’t try to explain.
He mulled that over for a minute. “Speaking of investments, you’ll need capital, manufacturing space and staff as well as marketing incentives.”
“I’m thinking small and elite, not a full-scale clothing line for all occasions.”
“Eveningwear? You always enjoyed modeling evening gowns the most.”
“That’s where I plan to start. Who knows if it’ll branch out to more.”
Lloyd loved new, challenging projects and she couldn’t ask for a better agent or partner in any business venture. She just didn’t know how interested he’d be once she broke things off with him. He’d didn’t hold grudges yet his enthusiasm could wane.
“I know a couple New York-based designers who went out of business last year,” he added. “We might be able to lease office space complete with manufacturing equipment.”
Her pulse skipped at his assumption. Better to be up front with him now. “I’m not planning to move back to New York, Lloyd.”
The statement drew him out of business mode and back to the present. He stared at her for a long time. “That had the ring of permanency.”
“I’m selling my apartment to help with finances here. The move to Bridleton is permanent. If I do any modeling, it’ll have to be local. And if or when Cheyenne and I go into business, this will be our home base.”
“You love New York, Paris and Rome,” he argued, his tone taking on a strange timbre. It sounded as panicked as she’d ever heard from him.
“I can love them and Texas too. When I came back to Bridleton I realized my heart and soul are entwined with my roots here. I love this land, this property and my family. It’s home and I don’t want to leave again. At least not for extended periods.”
He ignored her statement and offered alternatives. “I knew you had a soft spot for the place but I never imagined how grand it would be or how beautiful. You could keep your New York apartment and I could sink capital into Bridleton if that’s what’s worrying you.”
Bridleton needed the influx of cash but not from an outsider and not under false pretenses. She had to make him understand.
“I came here with the intention of checking on Nanna and returning to the city as quickly as possible. I wasn’t home two days before I changed my mind and realized this is where I belong. I know it sounds like a crazy career shift but I love working the ranch. I always have. Modeling challenged me in ways I needed at a younger age, but it doesn’t define me.”
“You can retire from modeling and accept the partnership I offered you until you’re ready to design full-time.” Now his tone held a note of desperation. “You could work both coasts and visit here as often as you want.”
“I want to help save the ranch.”
“If you’re selling your apartment and abandoning your career to save Bridleton I can make you a better offer. Accept my marriage proposal and I’ll sink all the capital you need into the place as a wedding present. It could be our winter home.”
Andrea dropped her head to his shoulder and gazed at the changing hues of the evening sky. How she wished she could accept the proposal and all the positive aspects of marrying a man who adored her. Lloyd was smart and interesting and devoted to her happiness. His money would certainly ease the financial situation for her family. But she didn’t love him and she respected him too much to cheat him out of that.
“It’s not that simple.”
“It could be.”
The sound of footfalls round
ing the porch from the back made Andrea lift her head and straighten in the seat. It didn’t surprise her to see Noah step beneath the pale light above the front door. He reached for the handle and then looked toward the swing. Without so much as a glance at Lloyd, he speared her with his steely gaze.
“I’m going to bed now. Are you coming?”
The question took her by surprise, hanging in the heavy night air. Her breath caught at the blatant possessiveness in his tone and words. His straightforward question left no doubt about the intimacy of their relationship. She felt Lloyd go rigid beside her and wanted to cushion the blow for him but she couldn’t delay much longer.
She decided to deal with Noah first before a he incited a full-blown testosterone war. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
He dipped his head in approval and went inside, letting the screen door slam behind him.
When Lloyd found his voice, it bristled with anger. “You’re sleeping with him?”
She avoided the question. “He knows we have to be up early.”
“That was not the attitude of a concerned coworker,” Lloyd charged in disbelief. “You’re going from my arms to his bed?”
“Of course not,” she insisted. “I’m furious with him right now.” Noah’s display of primitive possessiveness hadn’t improved her mood either.
“But you’re lovers?”
She searched for the right words. It embarrassed her to try to define their dysfunctional relationship. “I guess it depends on your definition of lovers.”
“You’ve had sex with him? That would be my definition,” he groused.
“Yes. We have but there’s no future in it for either of us. It’s complicated,” she argued. “Nothing is ever easy with Noah. Nothing is ever clearly defined. He makes me absolutely crazy and he’s such a stubborn, hardheaded, arrogant man.”
Escalating temper spiked his next words. “I tried to seduce you into my bed for months. You’re here a couple weeks and you’re sleeping with him?” He shifted so they no longer touched. “So I came all this way to get dumped?”
“Be fair, Lloyd. I told you not to come,” she reminded, glad to move beyond the question of sex. “I wanted to discuss our relationship when I could get to New York. To talk to you on your home territory, but you refused to wait.”
He stood and took a step from her then stared into her eyes. “Don’t try to lay the blame on me. He’s obviously the reason you haven’t contacted me. Are you in love with him?”
Andrea held his gaze. Her voice turned low and troubled but she didn’t hedge. “Hopelessly.”
He took deep breath and slowly let it out again. “I’m sure I’ll hate myself for asking but why hopeless?”
She plucked nervously at the fabric of her shorts. “Because I burned some bridges when I left here five years ago and I may not be able to rebuild the trust.”
“But you’re determined to try?”
Until that very minute she hadn’t realized just how determined she felt about it. Lloyd forced her to identify her emotions.
“I won’t give up without a long, hard fight. And then only if I have no other choice. We Bartells are a stubborn lot.”
“And you think he’s worth it?”
“I know he is. Otherwise, why bother?”
The absolute certainty of her tone reverberated in the quiet of the night. Lloyd turned his head. “Then I guess I’d better leave before macho man comes back down here and throws you over his shoulder.”
She couldn’t let that go unchallenged. “He’s a good man, Lloyd.”
“That’s not what you’ve been telling me for the last five years.”
Andrea clasped her trembling hands together. “I know and I’m ashamed of the error in my judgment. I was wrong about so many things. I don’t know if it’s too late to rectify my mistakes but I’m trying.”
He stared at her for another long minute laden with silence. Then he started down the steps without commenting.
She rose from the swing. “You don’t have to leave tonight. It’s too late to go back to town on unfamiliar roads and there’s not a decent hotel in miles.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
She wanted to say something apologetic, to soothe him somehow. They’d been friends for years and it hurt to have him go like this, yet she knew he wouldn’t appreciate the sympathy right now. She’d give him time to come to terms with the change in their relationship and then call to check on him. Despite the breakup, she hoped they could remain friends.
She called out to him softly, “Be safe.”
When his taillights finally disappeared from view she went into the house, closed the door and turned off the lights. The downstairs was quiet. Everyone else had gone to bed because they’d all planned an early night. Dawn would arrive soon enough, so she climbed the stairs too.
A dim nightlight lit the upstairs hallway but cast shadows around the six bedroom doors spread over the entire second floor. Light shone under Cheyenne’s door and the faint sound of music could be heard. Nanette’s and Zack’s doors were closed and dark.
As Andrea turned toward her room she saw Noah standing at the door. Still fully dressed with his arms crossed over his chest, he leaned against the doorframe and watched as she slowly approached.
Though the others couldn’t hear them, he kept his tone low and quiet. “He go back to New York?”
“Yes.” She stepped within touching distance and stared into his eyes. “Did you go to her?”
After the briefest pause, he answered, “No.”
“But you were tempted?”
“I respect her too much to use her that way.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Yes, I was tempted,” he said on a low rumble of complaint. “She would have welcomed me without question but I didn’t go.”
His attitude crackled with challenge and pent-up frustration. Tension mounted as they stared at each other in the darkened hall. Her body had an immediate reaction to his confession. It sung with need. So close she could smell him, feel his heat and almost taste him. Her breath caught in her throat when he dipped his head and whispered gruffly in her ear.
“Why did you let him hold you and kiss you earlier?”
She bristled at the criticism. “He’s a nice guy and we’ve dated for months. I was trying to gently break things off until you hit us with your bomb.”
“While you were being gentle with him did you give a thought to how I felt? How seeing him touch you might affect me? Or isn’t that important?”
“It is and I did,” she said. “But I didn’t invite him here and I’m not responsible for the bad timing. I handled the situation as best I could. And I imagine you felt the same way I did when Shelly slipped her hands over your shoulders at the horse show and gave you a lover’s smile.”
That gave him pause. “You think?” he grumbled low in his throat. “Did you feel murderous? When I saw his hand on your skin earlier I wanted to tear him apart. Do you have any idea how that feels? That kind of jealousy? It’s poison and it eats at a person.”
Heart pounding against her ribs, she squared off with him. “I do know,” she argued back, voice rising to a louder whisper. “I felt like that for five years when I thought you’d slept with Caroline.”
“Not my fault,” he reminded harshly. “How do you think I felt with you halfway around the world for the same five years? I didn’t know who might be touching you or sleeping with you.”
His remark made her catch her breath. Had he really cared? Had he thought about her often? Had he, like her, imagined the worst? Then she remembered the stripper accusation. “Well I didn’t make a habit of getting naked for anyone.”
“So you said.”
“It’s the truth, damn it.” Her voice rose sharply. As they stared at each other, she remembered her sleeping family.
His admission of jealousy should have pleased her but it didn’t. He sounded fed up with the emotional merry-go-round and the constant bat
tles. She didn’t blame him. All their disagreements and casting of blame just fed the frustration.
Sighing, she leaned her back against her bedroom door and silently declared a truce. “I’m too tired to argue anymore. I need sleep.”
Some of the tension drained from him and he shifted until they stood shoulder-to-shoulder. Quietly, he said, “We need to talk about something else.”
“It’ll have to wait. My brain is mush.”
“It can’t wait.”
The tone of his voice suggested he had a totally different subject on his mind. She might be too exhausted to discuss their relationship but she didn’t want to discourage him from talking to her. He’d never been great at sharing his thoughts. She nodded in agreement.
“Sit,” she said, sliding down the door until she sat flat on the floor with her legs stretched in front of her. Noah did the same, sitting hip to hip. The contact made her nerves sing but she ignored the sexual desire. It felt good to just be close. She wanted a lifetime of sitting, talking to and touching him. She wanted the emotional and physical connection even though he didn’t believe in happily-ever-after for them.
“What’s on your mind besides tearing apart New Yorkers?”
“Nanette.”
Andrea sighed. “I’m worried about her too. I know she should have surgery but Cheyenne says she equates government assistance with welfare even though she’s paid taxes for decades. I have no idea how long it will take to sell my apartment and I have no idea how much longer she can afford to wait. The longer she waits the lower her chances of a full recovery.”
He nodded slowly. “I have a solution.”
Andrea watched as he ran his hands up and down his thighs. The uncharacteristic show of nerves made her stomach muscles tighten. She hoped she could listen to his suggestion without getting physically ill. She didn’t need any more surprises today.
“I want to buy some acreage on the far east side of the ranch. You know the area. It’s the three hundred acres between Bridleton and the Hastings property.”
Her heart stopped and she thought it might never start again. She knew the exact spot he’d always wanted. As young lovers they’d dreamed of starting their own ranch there. It was a perfect location for a house, stables, enough tillable ground to support a small spread and plenty of grazing.