by Lyra Shanti
“Nothing surprises him,” Pei said with a hint of a smile as he walked toward them.
“Well," Ayn replied, smiling, “it is my life’s goal then - to one day surprise him when he is caught unaware!” Ayn giggled and continued embracing his mentor with overflowing affection.
Sometimes Pei felt a twinge of jealousy, but only moments before he would silence the feeling. It was not Ayn who molded their destiny, and Pei was well aware of that fact, nor could he blame Meddhi-Lan for adoring Ayn any more than he could blame the Siri-Star for rising or the snow for the falling on the Quay-Karah Mountains. Meddhi-Lan showed Pei affection as well, but at times, he felt like a shadow in the light of the burning sun.
“Come, my Bodanya, it is time for your next lesson,” Meddhi-Lan said as he rose to his feet with a graceful, upright position.
“But I am not ready!” Ayn whined in protest. This made Pei smile and slowly shake his head.
“Not ready?” questioned Meddhi-Lan.
“No,” Ayn replied defiantly. It only took a few seconds for Meddhi-Lan’s raised eyebrow and slight smile to make Ayn burst out laughing yet again.
Ayn loved his teacher’s face. He loved his serious, dark eyes, strong jaw and determined brow. He often stared at his beloved Lan and idolized his masculinity, as well as his grace.
“Come Shiva, you must begin your next lesson,” Pei said without jest. Ayn could tell that Pei was slightly annoyed with him.
“But I’m hungry,” Ayn said, testing his boundaries, “and that makes me not ready yet.”
Pei looked at Meddhi-Lan for guidance.
“Ayn, go now to the Meditation Room. I will be there shortly,” Meddhi-Lan said in a serious tone.
Defeated, Ayn bowed. “Yes, my Lan.”
As the boy left, the two Lans looked at each other.
“Will he never act his age, my Lan?” Pei asked, calmly.
“He is still a boy, Pei. You must give him more time to find his age.”
“We do not have more time to give, Meddhi.”
Pei suddenly felt out of bounds and lowered his head to his teacher. “Excuse me, my Lan, for speaking so plainly. I am merely concerned for his future... and for our future as well”
Meddhi-Lan let a moment of silence fall before responding to Pei’s words. He brushed his fingers against the softness of the ona flowers and breathed their scent into his body. He briefly meditated on the serenity of the garden.
“Pei,” he finally replied, “you are not expected to keep your feelings to yourself, nor is it a crime to speak plainly with me, or to anyone of The Council. I do not take your words as disrespect.”
Pei looked up at his Lan with a hint of sadness, sensing the underlying sharpness within his Lan's words.
“However,” continued Meddhi-Lan, “it is my purpose to guide The Bodanya Shiva into adulthood so he may fulfill his path’s journey. I have asked you to help me in this purpose so that you too may find adulthood, and honor, within your own path.”
Pei lowered his head once again. “I am sorry if I am not reaching those goals fast enough, my Lan.”
“No Pei,” Meddhi-Lan said as he lifted Pei’s chin, “you are reaching them faster than you realize.”
Chapter 5: Time to Wake Up
Ayn loved to meditate. He would sit alone in the darkness remembering his name, remembering his previous incarnations. It brought him comfort to face the pitch black of his mind. It was as if he could face death itself and find peace within the quiet nothing. Yet, Ayn was well aware that the darkness was not merely peaceful. Often his teachers would remind him to meditate on the sounds of The Un, and in doing so, he knew that the darkness was only a veil for the truth; the truth of chaos. Sometimes, though, Ayn very much liked to forget the truth.
He sat on the floor of the dark room with his legs in a triangle waiting for Meddhi-Lan to begin his lesson. Ayn was always happy to spend time with his beloved teacher, but today, he feared what his Lan might tell him. He sensed that something was not quite right, and he wondered if he had done something wrong.
Meddhi-Lan opened the door and quietly sat down in front of Ayn who had his eyes shut. His Lan would usually smile and play along with him, but this time he seemed more serious and distant than other meditations. It was as if Meddhi-Lan wanted him to become fully aware of The Un’s power in one sitting. That idea made Ayn nervous, causing him to scratch the top of his right foot.
Ayn could sense it was not a meditation class that Meddhi-Lan had in mind. In fact, as of late, his Lan had been concentrating on teaching Ayn about science, which was not a subject to which many in the kingdom paid much attention. Ayn himself dreaded these classes, except for being able to spend time with his favorite Lan. At every chance, Ayn would try to distract Meddhi-Lan from the lesson with either a joke or a smile. Meddhi-Lan was not easy to distract, however, and always found his way back to the lesson.
Ayn could see Meddhi-Lan even with his eyes closed. His presence was immense and made Ayn worry. He did not want to open his eyes, for the idea of seeing his Lan angry with him made his stomach ache.
“Ayn,” Meddhi-Lan said sternly. “Ayn… Wake up. It is time for your science lesson.”
Ayn did not move, nor open his eyes.
Meddhi-Lan bent his knees and put his hands on Ayn’s shoulders.
“Ayn… No more games. You must learn now. It is time to wake up. “
Ayn slowly opened his eyes and pouted.
“Why are you angry, my Lan?”
“I am not angry, my Ney.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I am not.”
Meddhi-Lan was lying, Ayn could tell, and he seemed more stern than usual. His teacher turned away from him, opened a scroll, then sat in front of Ayn with his knees apart. He was still not looking at Ayn, as if it doing so would cause him grief.
“If… I have done something wrong, I truly am sorry! And I will not do it again. I promise. I vow!” Ayn’s voice cracked as he spoke with hints of his impending adolescence coming through his words.
Meddhi-Lan couldn't help but gently smile. “No Ayn,” he replied, “you have not done something wrong. It is The Council, and even Pei, I am a little angry with, but it is nothing to worry about.”
Meddhi-Lan stood up and walked towards a large scroll case. He pulled out a small magna-screen from a drawer and placed it on the floor in front of where Ayn was sitting.
“You are not happy with Pei?” Ayn asked his teacher.
“I am not... unhappy with him.” Meddhi-Lan replied mysteriously.
Ayn could tell that his Lan did not wish to talk more about it. He decided to let it go for the time being.
“This day, we will study the components of space, and of plasma itself,” Meddhi-Lan said as he touched the oval screen with the tip of his finger, energizing its power with a blue light. In three dimensions, Ayn could see the magnetic pulse flowing through the strange device. It was not the first time Meddhi-Lan taught him with the use of the magna-screen, but it was not something he often used. It was a device once used by the scientists of Deius, though none in the science field remained on their planet. It was a mystery to him as to how his Lan had acquired it. Ayn was planning to ask him, but only after the lesson had ended.
“In the beginning, we did not know what the plasma was. We tried to analyze the physical properties, but to no avail. We did not understand until Sri Unda, the renown scientist, came to the truth of plasma when she wrote the groundbreaking, but controversial book, The Magnetic Connection in the year 11.120.16.”
Ayn wished he could keep his attention on his Lan’s teachings, but it was nearly impossible. His mind kept drifting into other places: the fountain pools in the royal garden, the Sirin-fish that swam nearby, the birthday celebration his Lan was planning for Ayn’s coming fourteenth year, and the crowning coronation that came with it, which Ayn dreaded most of all.
“Ayn...”
Meddhi-Lan’s face looked very displeased and serious.
>
“Sorry, my Lan! I am truly sorry. I, um… I will concentrate now, I promise.”
Meddhi-Lan got up and stood with his arms folded.
“You must understand why it is so important for you to learn about the workings of The Un, my Ney.”
“It is because The Dei wish me to defeat it,” Ayn interrupted with a numb sadness in his voice. He could not help but dislike most of The Holy Order, for they all seemed distant and bland. Every time he walked by their lonely souls, he somehow sensed a hidden anger… or perhaps a confusion. Ayn was never sure, but he felt as if they feared him and he also knew how much pressure they placed onto the shoulders of his Lan. He knew how their prophecies dictated what shall be, or at least, what they expected for Ayn’s future. He often wished they would just leave him and his Lans alone.
“No, that is not why, my Ney,” Meddhi-Lan replied. “You see, despite The Council’s order that you must not learn about The Un from a scientific approach, I have decided it is only through a full understanding that you will become one with The Un.”
“And this makes you angry with Pei? Why? Is he on The Council’s side?”
Meddhi-Lan released a small sigh and unfolded his arms. “No,” he said while rubbing his neck, “Pei is merely questioning me, which is his right.” He then reached for Ayn’s hand so that he could pull him to his feet. “Listen to me, Ayn,” he said, looking into his student’s eyes. “You are not here to be anything for anyone but for yourself. And The Dei will come to their own understanding in their own way, in their own time.”
“But!”
“No, Ayn. When I say listen, you must do so,” said Meddhi-Lan, firmly.
“Yes, my Lan,” Ayn softly replied, lowering his head.
“I know that you are fearing many things and that you are tired of being of such great importance, but-“
“Am I?” Ayn interrupted once again, tears forming in his eyes.
Meddhi-Lan became quiet and looked at Ayn with intense concern.
Ayn turned away from his Lan and nervously pulled at the long braid that hung from the bun on his head. “Am I… of such great importance?” he added as he walked to the scroll case, folding his arms. Then he turned to face Meddhi-Lan who seemed deeply troubled.
“Please, my Lan, tell me what would happen if I should fail... or if I stare and stare into the void and find no answer to be given, or not one that the priests in The Order would want to know? Then, will I be of such importance or will I be useless, and judged as not the true Adin? What shall happen if I fail? Please, can you tell me?” begged Ayn, his voice beginning to crack and quiver.
Meddhi-Lan could see the pain in his beloved boy’s eyes. They were welling up with water and fear, making them appear even bluer than usual. Meddhi-Lan’s own eyes felt as if daggers were cutting into them by the sides. He had not slept in days. He could not sleep due to the planning of Ayn’s fourteenth birthday; a day with endless opportunities for both their allies and their enemies.
However, Ayn was not worried about his enemies. He was more aware of the ones who called themselves his followers. In the past years of his childhood, Meddhi-Lan had managed to convince The Dei that Ayn’s complex gender was the will of The Great Adin and was all part of the prophecy that had long been awaited.
Unfortunately, Ayn could feel their confusion and doubt over the matter, which only fed his own fears having to do with his body. He could not understand why The Un would make his mind undoubtedly male, and yet, create his body with both male and female genitalia. Why include both? Was it truly planned like The Dei chose to believe? Ayn could not think of it in such a way. He knew the chaos of The Un too well, and for him, it felt more like a sick joke - a joke being played on him and his entire planet, just to amuse the Gods. If so, he was definitely not laughing.
Ayn began to cry into his hands and fell down upon his knees onto the floor. Meddhi-Lan gently knelt beside him.
“Ayn… my Ney,” he softly spoke as he lifted Ayn’s chin. “You will not fail. You cannot fail. It is impossible for you to do so.”
“Why?” Ayn replied in a whimper. “Because I am… The Adin?” He lowered his face into his hands once again, feeling defeated.
“No,” Meddhi-Lan replied as he re-lifted Ayn’s chin, “you can not fail because no matter what path you choose or whichever answer you shall receive, you are you… and that is enough.”
“Not for them,” said Ayn with a sniff. “They want me to simply fix it, as if The Un were a broken wheel that must be remade or replaced. But it is not, My Lan!”
“Shh, Ayn, I know,” Meddhi-Lan hushed as he put his arms around Ayn to comfort him. He wanted to tell his beloved boy that it would be alright and that The Dei will accept whatever fate had in store for them, but he knew his words would have run past Ayn like wind through clouds. Instead, he simply cradled Ayn and rocked him in his arms.
In a matter of moments, Ayn fell asleep. Soon after, Meddhi-Lan gently picked him up and carried him to Ayn's room. He then lay the exhausted boy onto the bed. He removed Ayn's sandals and covered him with a silken, light-blue sheet. He then sat in a chair, watching over his favorite student, worried for his very soul.
In the darkness of Ayn’s bedroom, Meddhi-Lan silently prayed. He did not pray to the Gods, but to The Un itself. Please, mighty Un, he pleaded in his mind, Please give Ayn the strength to face his own soul. I beg of you to keep him safe in your care. Let him grow to become a man so he may fulfill his purpose.
Meddhi-Lan looked again at Ayn who was quietly breathing as he slept. Meddhi-Lan noticed how peaceful he seemed, even if for just the moment. Soon, the high priest felt tears flowing down his face. Ayn was his to teach and protect, yet he was helpless against the pain that tore at his beloved boy's heart. Meddhi-Lan loved him beyond measure, and wanted to take him away from such pain. Yet, he knew it would only cause Ayn more harm if he ran from his destiny. However, it was always at the back of his mind to take Ayn away - far away to perhaps Kri or somewhere else beyond their planet. Ultimately, he never acted on his fantasies, for he knew Ayn’s destiny would only find him once again until there was nowhere else to run.
Meddhi-Lan sighed, then wiped away the tears from his face. If only he could protect Ayn with his love alone. If only there was a way to keep him in this moment forever; a gentle boy asleep in the peacefulness of the night.
Chapter 6: The Dream
It always began like this: the silver stream and the ona petals falling slowly to the ground. At first, it was serene and beautiful, but then the rain fell, and Ayn could sense the doom in the air.
He saw their eyes glowing white in the darkness - all twelve of them, with their black, hooded robes hung low. They seemed to look at him with an intense anger. Then, all at once, they pointed in the same direction, and when Ayn looked, he saw the shape of his fate.
It was the legendary tangled tree, the sweat encrusted blood, and the once Great Adin hanging by the branches of hatred.
Ayn’s heart raced in fear as he tried to turn away from the spectacle before him, but the men in robes blocked him from returning to the ona gardens. They surrounded him in a semi-circle and began singing traditional chants in their guttural, low voices. He was trapped and forced to move forward into the past.
Adin was bleeding. His wounds seemed too numerous to even comprehend. It was as if someone had cut him with a very sharp, many sided sword in his ribs, his arms, his legs, and his stomach. He hung there, naked, rotting in the sun.
Ayn cried in horrible pain. He could not look at the spectacle of blood and sweat any longer. Just as he felt he could take no more, he noticed something odd coming from Adin’s wounds. It was not blood. It was clear, yet glowing. It was plasma itself!
He felt the need to look closer, but did not want to go near the dying Adin. Instead, he used his mind’s eye to look harder at the substance.
Suddenly, he was inside a white room with only walls. He heard a voice telling him to be diligent in his thoughts. He assu
med it was his beloved teacher and tried to find where he was, but to no avail. The room was empty and cold.
Then the sound began. At first, it was a whisper of noises amidst orchestral music, but soon, it grew into a thousand sounds melding into a dangerously loud cacophony that deafened Ayn’s mind. It became too loud for anyone to withstand, and Ayn fell to the floor in shock and terror.
Then, he saw the middle of the floor crack and split until it expanded into a gaping hole in the center of the room. Ayn looked at the hole and saw nothing but pitch black darkness. He felt a complete and utter fear take hold over his soul.
It was a vortex, creating a vacuum of power that was sucking the room inside of its mouth. Everything, including Ayn, was being pulled by extreme force into the hole. At his last reach for the security of the room, he was sucked into the darkness... into the black abyss.
There, in his mind, Ayn saw it like never before. The particles of static mixed with the plasma of life’s energy, and its residue was before him as visible as the stars. It was silent and still, but Ayn could feel an enormous depth within the image. It was the connecting gravity within darkness and the true source behind the static and creation. It was immense!
However, Ayn could not hold the image to him. It fled the moment he thought of The Dei and their expectations. He then found himself surrounded again with the twelve hooded men and their glowing eyes. They pointed and sang.
He would not look this time. He would not!
He had his eyes fiercely closed in a stubborn act of will. Just then, he heard a familiar voice beckoning him and looked to see where it came from. It was Meddhi-Lan standing in front of him with an extended arm. He looked gentle and kind and seemed to know the way back to the gardens. Ayn was filled with sudden warmth and hope, and he ran to join his beloved teacher.
Just as Ayn took Meddhi-Lan's hand, he looked up to see his teacher's face. It seemed wrong, pale, and confused. Ayn looked closer and noticed blood. It was slowly pouring from his Lan’s mouth.