He was so wise. Not just book smart or street smart, but wise about life, his advice always thoughtful and personal. She appreciated that about him and was thankful she’d opened the door.
“Thank you.” She pressed herself deeper into his embrace. “I needed to hear that.”
“You need to believe that, not just hear it,” he told her firmly. “And I don’t give a fuck what that lady says; if she tries to have you committed like she said she would, I’m going to go apeshit.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Julia admitted, wondering how she was going to head her grandmother off in that respect. “Thank you,” she choked. “I’ve never had anyone stand up for me like that before.”
She felt his chest expand beneath her. “Don’t thank me.” His voice was gravely and gruff. “I’m going to keep standing up for you, whenever you need it, so you might as well get used to it.”
“Someday, I need to stand up for myself.” Her admission was soft and in her mind, shameful.
“We’ll stand together then,” he corrected without another thought. “I know what you need right now.”
Julia adjusted herself on his lap so she could turn and look in his eyes. “What’s that?” she asked.
“I can’t tell you, but we’re going to get out of here for a while and I know just the thing.”
An hour later they were on a small boat, in the middle of the lake, at Elliot’s cabin, and Julia was getting her first fishing lesson. She, listening attentively, while Elliot explained about her reel and bait, then about her bobber and setting the hook. He stood behind her and showed her how to cast her line and then demonstrated the aforementioned hook setting.
After the lesson, there wasn’t much talking at all. In their usual fashion, she and Elliot sat together, enjoying their mutual silence. Her entire life she’d felt so disconnected from everyone. Elliot seemed to understand that it just wasn’t that easy for her, and so he’d obviously altered his approach in their relationship. Where previously he’d tried to get to know her through interrogation and conversation, he was now building her trust with his confident silences. He’d become observant, waiting for her cues, which when she thought about it, was so out of the ordinary in terms of what she thought she knew about men. She’d expected most men to be arrogant and pushy.
“One of these days, I’ll stop expecting you to be something you aren’t,” she told him out of the blue.
He smiled slightly toward the water, never taking his eyes from the end of his line. The lake, from the center, was more beautiful than she’d first given it credit for. The leaves on the trees had appeared in early spring and each cabin on the shore was surrounded by lush forest. Every time she came to Elliot’s lake, she understood not only more about why he chose that particular spot to make his home, but about Elliot himself. It was quiet and peaceful; she imagined him exploring the forest and the lake in his spare time.
A few minutes later, when she didn’t elaborate on her earlier statement, Elliot commented, “What is that you expect me to be?”
Not sure how to explain, she decided that starting at the beginning would be best. “I thought you were awful when I first met you. Hot but awful.”
He laughed under his breath. “I thought you were a rich snob. Hot but snobby.”
“I was just reacting to how you were acting. I was caught off guard,” she defended her actions from that morning when she’d woken up to a houseful of strangers.
“I know, and I was reacting to not getting to buy the house. Then I saw the plans you had and thought you were a materialistic rich bitch that would hate living in a small town, drop the renovations, and then dump the house.”
She considered how fond of his grandmother Elliot was and imagined how heartbroken he would have been if she had torn apart the house for no other reason than just having it done. “I fell in love with the house when I first pulled in the driveway,” she admitted to him. “I felt drawn to it.”
“Like it was home,” he finished for her. “That’s how I always felt about it, too. But I apologize for being awful.”
“I guess I like awful.”
“Ha ha,” he said, straight-faced.
“I’m kidding,” she said, though she thought he knew that. “I’ve always felt lonely. Even when I’ve been with other people. Separate. Disconnected from everyone. But then I met Cole.”
“Cole,” he scoffed. “You’re going to give Cole all the credit?”
“Cole deserves some credit, Elliot. If for nothing else, he brought you to me.”
He quickly shifted his gaze to her, a look of disbelief on his handsome face. “Why Julia Hawkins, did you just say something mushy?”
She shrugged a shoulder and looked away.
“I guess I need to thank Cole for that too,” he said. “Although, as an older brother, it will be pulled reluctantly from the depths of my soul.”
“You love him,” Julia countered.
“Damn straight I do,” Elliot said without hesitation. “He’s always been the one to make everyone else feel comfortable. Tucker was a little too shy, but Cole always talked to everyone. He’s the one that made me feel at home when I first got fostered by the Williams.”
She considered that. “That’s what he did for me too. Made me feel at home. Comfortable, I guess.”
“Cole’s good like that,” he agreed.
“But then, that night when you followed me home from the pizza restaurant…” He nodded at her reminder. “It was like you were a whole different person. You confused me.”
“You confused me, too. Here I was, acting like a jerk because I thought you were living on such a high horse, above us all, when I find out you’re just like the rest of us.”
“I’m not sure what happened that night to change anything.”
“I realized that I knew nothing about you. It wasn’t fair of me to judge you without getting to know you first. And then—” He stopped short.
“Then what?” Julia prodded as she sat up straighter.
He shook his head and the look on his face was so earnest. “Remember when I kissed you on the head before I left?”
She nodded but hadn’t needed the reminder. She’d been so caught off guard when he’d done that.
“I don’t think I’ll forget the look on your face for as long as I live.” He looked away, like he was embarrassed. “Not just the surprise on your face, but the vulnerability, like you forgot to put that wall back up between us and I knew then, that you and I are so much alike.”
“You think we’re alike?” she asked, not agreeing at all. Elliot was determined and strong.
“I think you and I had similarly difficult childhoods, but we ended up in very different places. I was lucky and ended up in a loving and stable home. I was given two loving parents and a grandmother who taught me what real love was supposed to feel like.” He looked her way. “You ended up someplace different completely, but, I don’t think it’s too late for you to learn what real love feels like. I think you deserve that, Julia.”
Was he saying he was going to give her real love? As bold as she usually was, as easy as it was for her to ask questions, that particular one wouldn’t cross her lips. But she thought about what he said.
Was she deprived of love? Was her life shaded by the lack of love she’d been shown her entire life? Did she even know how to love someone? If she did, did she know how to be loved in return?
Just then her fishing pole dipped suddenly, pulling away from her, and Julia squealed.
“Set the hook! Set the hook!” Elliot yelled as he maneuvered himself next to her, the boat rocking underneath them.
Julia reeled in like he’d taught her and it felt like she did it forever. By the time she pulled the fish into the boat, she was out of breath. Elliot grabbed the fish right in the mouth and held it up so she could see it. His smile was wide and he beamed with what she thought might be pride.
“Good catch, Shorty!” he congratulated her enthusiastically, took
the hook out of its mouth, and tried to hand the fish to her.
“Ew!” She pulled her hand back automatically.
He thrust it toward her again with an indulgent laugh. “Come on. Quit being such a girl. Look what you just caught!”
Julia thought it was hideous but Elliot was right. She’d done that. She’d caught that. She was proud.
“Come on. Grab it here and here.” He pointed to the places where she should hold it. “Hold it up. I want to take your picture.”
And she did it. She took that fish, held it up, and smiled proudly like it was the biggest fish ever caught in that lake. Elliot took her picture and smiled back at her, then grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in for a rough kiss.
In just a few hours, Elliot had restored the self-confidence the visit from her grandmother had cost her. Sometimes it took days or even weeks to get there, but Elliot had it cut to hours, because in that short amount of time, she’d not only learned something new, she’d done something she’d never done before, and enjoyed it.
Julia felt a newfound sense of confidence, not just in her intelligence or her business, but in herself. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt that she would get better. She was choosing herself and for the first time in a long time, that felt absolutely right.
15
May rolled in for Julia on a wave of newfound strength. She was determined to put the emotional roadblocks, that had been holding her back, behind her. She knew her first order of business was seeing a physician and then promptly calling her therapist for more intensive sessions. She needed to get her health in order.
She called Kelsey into her office on a bright Monday morning while the Williams brothers worked upstairs. They’d kindly asked if she’d stay out of the closet until it was finished so they’d be able to do a big reveal. Kelsey was in on the surprise, but Julia found she was looking forward it. She hadn’t minded handing over the control of those finishing touches to her friends, knowing that they would do it right.
Kelsey, wearing a look of questioning and interest, sat in front of Julia’s desk. “What’s up, boss?”
Julia had been thinking about this the last few weeks. Now that the business had sold, Julia wondered at her need for a full-time assistant. She knew that Kelsey had made a good amount of money on the H-Surf stock going public and wasn’t in need of a job. She also knew that her assistant still had her apartment in the city. It was time for Julia to let Kelsey go live her life.
She leaned forward and put her elbows on her desk. “I was thinking…” She needed to tread lightly. She didn’t want Kelsey to think she was being fired and she certainly didn’t want her to feel as though she’d done something wrong.
“What is it?” Kelsey asked warily.
“I was thinking now that the company is gone and my life is a lot less hectic—”
“You’re firing me?” Kelsey’s eyes widened and her body snapped back as though she’d been struck.
“No.” Julia told her, holding her hands up. “I’m not firing you! I’m giving you the option to not be my assistant anymore.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I just thought now that I’m not working and you’ve sold your stock, you might want to move on. Go travel and do something other than babysit me for once.”
Kelsey stared at her, the expression on her face difficult for Julia to decipher.
“I’m just trying to give you your freedom,” Julia explained.
“Are you saying that if I wanted to take a vacation and travel while working for you I wouldn’t be able to?”
Julia rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. Kelsey was being snarky, not angry.
“You can do whatever you want, you know that. If you want to be my partner in whatever I do next, I’m fine with that, too. I just don’t want you to feel like you’re tied to me.”
Kelsey actually laughed. “Jeez, Julia, I am tied to you. Forever. You’re my best friend. Whether we work together or not.”
Julia’s face fell. She was Kelsey’s best friend? How had she not known that? “I’m your best friend?” she squeaked out quietly.
Kelsey’s face took on an earnest expression. “Of course you are, Jules. I tell you everything.”
Julia couldn’t argue that point. She knew more about Kelsey’s life than she cared to admit. If she really thought about it, Kelsey had been her confidante and champion for many years. She wondered why she hadn’t considered those facts before, instead simply focusing on their work relationship.
“And you tell me everything,” Kelsey said with a shrug and a smile. “We’re best friends. You think I’m just going to run off now that we don’t go in to the office every day?” She made a rude pfft sound. “I know you. You’ll have a new project going in no time and we’ll be working all-nighters again. We’ll figure it out.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Julia repeated slowly, the idea gaining more ground the more time she gave it. She didn’t need to have everything planned. She could play it by ear, so to speak. She swallowed down her unease. Julia was not one to play things by ear. When she had an idea, she mapped out business plans and projections. She didn’t usually wing it.
“You look like you swallowed a lemon,” Kelsey joked. “I didn’t say we had to live the rest of our lives without a plan, Jules. Don’t panic. I just meant that I’d like to hang around and see what your next project ends up being. I’ve got a little money to play with now so it’s feasible that I might be able to be a partner on a project at some point, too. If you want me to go, I will. You can call when you’re ready. If it’s okay with you, I’d be happier staying in Troy, spending my time bugging you and the Williams boys.”
“I do have one thing I’d like some help with,” Julia admitted. If she and Kelsey were baring themselves, telling each other what they really wanted, it was time to come clean about something with Kelsey, put herself out there to be judged in the hopes of getting herself some help.
“Name it,” Kelsey said.
“I need to make a few doctor’s appointments.”
“Are you pregnant?” Kelsey’s accusation was forcefully whispered.
Julia had never even considered being pregnant. She’d had a doctor giving her a Depo shot, every few months, for years. Frankly, she thought she’d make a terrible mother and had never even considered having a child. She rolled her eyes at Kelsey. “Of course I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh.” Kelsey seemed relieved.
“I need an appointment with my primary care physician. I need to know how much damage I’ve done to myself by not eating the way I should.”
The sympathy on Kelsey’s face was not as grating as Julia had thought it would be. She’d expected it to make her feel worse, but on her best friend it came across as understanding and caring.
“Julia,” Kelsey murmured.
“I know. I’ve been an idiot. But it’s something in my mind and I can’t get over it myself. I’ve tried but I can’t turn it off. I need to see my doctor and then I need to call Cathy and up my appointments. Every few weeks isn’t going to cut it. I can’t live like this anymore.” The admission took more guts to say out loud than she thought it would. Usually stating the facts came easy to her, but this was personal and so close to her heart that she wasn’t comfortable saying it out loud to herself, let alone someone else. But it was Kelsey and if there was anyone she could say it to, it would be her.
Julia knew that Elliot would understand and that she could confide in him, but she didn’t want him to see her this weak.
“You’ve dropped two sizes in the last year and half,” her friend told her. “I’d be honored to help you get wherever it is you need to go, Julia. I’ll make a few discreet phone calls and let you know our options.”
Julia didn’t miss Kelsey’s use of the word our. Like they were a team.
“Thank you, Kelsey.”
“Nope.” Kelsey stood and came around the desk. “Time to hug it out.”
&nb
sp; Julia let Kelsey embrace her and awkwardly patted her back in return. Okay, she thought, she hadn’t quite passed all the hurdles she needed to in order to be a normal person.
Elliot knew Julia and Kelsey were up to something, but he wasn’t going to ask what. Whatever it was, involved a few day trips to the city and a lot of video chats for Julia. Over the last few weeks, she’d been closing herself, with her computer, in the back bedroom, the one she hated, at least three times a week. He could hear the murmured voices through the door—Julia and another woman—though he didn’t know what they were discussing.
Julia liked her space and her privacy, so Elliot gave it to her.
It grated a bit, annoyed him that she wouldn’t share what she was doing, but he knew better than to press her on it. When she was ready, she’d tell him. He knew Julia better than he knew anything else. Better than irregular stud measurements or plumbing codes or last season’s NFL stats. He might not always know her reasoning or what she was going to do next, but he knew bone deep what she needed from him.
Until she showed him otherwise, she needed to do her thing and grow into the workings of it before she shared it with him.
So, as she took another trip into the city, Elliot worked on his own house, something that had been sorely overlooked the last few months. He popped his earbuds in and got to work, nailing up plank walls where he would ultimately have a workbench. It was a relaxing process, to measure, cut, and nail, and then repeat the steps all over again.
Measure, cut, and nail, and wonder about where his life was leading him. Down a long and winding path with Julia, but not nearly as bumpy as it had once been.
Measure, cut, and nail, and remember the place he’d come from. The seedy motel where he’d been peeled off the dirty floor and lifted into a life of love.
Measure, cut, and nail, and picture his future.
That made him pause, but only for a moment.
Elliot: The Williams Brothers Page 20