Courage

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

  Jenna brought over the entire tray of food and Aerigo nodded when she asked if he was ready for a heavier meal. Jenna lifted the larger lid to reveal an assortment of grilled meats and vegetables, along with an assortment of fruits, rolls, and cheese. She lifted the smaller lid to reveal half a round white cake with white frosting. A high concentration of calories, but lacking in the vitamins and minerals he sorely needed. The food before him could easily feed four or five famished adults. “I believe I’ll need another tray of food later.” Arms no longer shaking and the cramping in his legs dispersing, he accepted the ceramic plate Jenna handed to him and began forking all the meat onto it.

  “Do Aigis always eat that much?”

  “No. Under normal circumstances, I eat maybe twice what you’d expect. Aigis are relatively calorie-efficient, but right now I need caloric energy before I can regain any more power. I’m far from done recharging. If I don’t have enough calories to burn while recharging, then my power would overwhelm my body and kill me. I’ve been at my limit for half a day now and this is my first meal in almost twenty four hours.” Aerigo began eating the red meat, which was perfectly juicy and tender. It didn’t matter if it had been tough and dry really. He would’ve eaten it anyway. He was the least picky eater he knew of. Food was food. It kept him alive. He would just think about something else if his taste buds disapproved.

  In maybe fifteen minutes, every last piece of food was gone, except the cake, and Jenna and Donai had cleaned up the medical supplies off the floor and counter. Aerigo wanted to eat some of the cake, but his body was demanding that he go back to sleep. He downed two more bottles of electrolyte-filled water and passed out with the empty bottle in his grip. He began dreaming as his body slipped back into recharge mode.

  “Finally!” a familiar voice said. “You’re stable enough for me to enter one of your dreams.”

  Aerigo stood at the edge of the cliff just outside Phailon, right next to the roaring waterfall. In his dream the fall was quiet, serene as a stream, yet just as wide and swift in reality. Daio materialized before him and walked towards him with his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. He wore a black Versaton tank top, cargo pants with metal bands around his thighs, carpenter boots, also with metal bands, and his dark hair spiked forward as usual. Even though Daio was smiling, he looked annoyed. He stopped five paces away.

  “Hey there, princess. Guess who sent me because you wouldn’t listen?”

  Part of his concentration still on recharging, Aerigo reflexively tensed up. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d conversed without distrusting Daio. He wasn’t a threat, though. He was just a dream. But he spoke like he knew what had been going on after Aerigo had killed him. “Why are you here?”

  Daio lost his smile and rolled his eyes. “Apparently you’re getting dumber. How often do you clean your ears?”

  “What do you want?”

  “For you to listen. The other Aigis can’t seem to get through to you, so I volunteered--or rather insisted.”

  “How’d you find the other Aigis?”

  Daio gave him a look that conveyed Aerigo had asked a stupid question. “You really are getting dumber. I’m dead,” said he slowly and clearly, gesturing to his chest with a hand. “You killed me. The other Aigis are dead.” He hesitated a moment, then spoke with regret, “I killed a bunch of them, which is why they wouldn’t even listen to me, until your desperate stunt a while ago in this very hospital. Or was it just a few minutes ago? I don’t know. I can’t tell time anymore. Time is meaningless to the dead. Anyway, I’m rambling. I didn’t drop in to ramble. I’m here to help you stop my former master. I’m finally free to oppose him now.”

  Aerigo almost lost control of his recharging power as all the gears in his brain ground to a halt. He reasserted his control, forcing the power to pour in slower than it wanted. “Why? You worked so hard to see his prophecy fulfilled, even of your own free will.”

  “That’s what you were supposed to think, what Nexus was supposed to think--what everyone was supposed to think, really.” Daio snapped his fingers and conjured a plush leather chair. He sat down and sank into it with a satisfied sigh. “Feel free to make yourself comfortable.”

  “I’m busy,” Aerigo said flatly.

  “Yeah, yeah. You’re going to be a lot busier soon enough. But first let me explain myself.” Daio rested a leg over one knee and steepled his hands. “I’ve actually been in a secret race with you to an Aigis’s true power for the last few hundred years, ever since I realized Nexus would never stop commanding me against my will. Now do you understand why I pushed so hard for what he wanted all those centuries?”

  Aerigo felt his stomach drop. He pitied his former friend. “Yes.”

  “Good. You’re gaining some of your intelligence points back.” Daio propped an elbow on his chair and rested his jaw in his hand. “I must admit that it’s in my nature to cause mischief, not that you didn’t know it already. Over two thousand years ago, when we parted ways, morals, and goals, I began a downward spiral into a great internal conflict. I had what you and Baku taught me clashing with the will of my selfish master, which were as opposite as any two things can get. My mostly harmless mischief turned into outright cruelty. Instead of being the hero and protector like you that everyone loved, I turned into someone who caused nothing but chaos. I know you know all this, but I want you to know that a lot went through my head all those centuries.”

  “You were twisted by your master,” Aerigo said unhappily. “I was always willing to forgive you if you’d stop it, fight it, and change back to who you were when not doing as commanded.”

  “I don’t think you’ll really ever forgive me,” Daio said, looking at the river.

  “Why not?”

  “I’ll tell you later,” he said with a frown, then switched to leaning on his other arm. “Right now, it’s crucial that you focus on defeating Nexus.”

  “I still don’t know how to unlock Frava.”

  Daio smacked his forehead. “I can’t believe you’re the one who’s supposed to be the hero. You’re so dumb!” He put his hand down and looked up. “I figured it out not too long after I dumped you in this hospital centuries ago. I talked to Baku about that Mana power you unleashed on the Balvadiers, then he admitted there was one last chunk to unlock, but no Aigis could learn how to unlock it without another teaching them how. Long story short, I soon learned that all fifty of us living Aigis had no clue how to unlock the second half of our power. In fact, no Aigis has in eons. After a hundred years of hunting down every other Aigis and learning nothing, I had an epiphany that I can’t believe hasn’t struck you by now. I mean I really, really can’t believe you haven’t thought of it. They’ve been speaking to you lately for crying out loud.”

  Aerigo stared, his mouth slightly ajar. “The dead Aigis have the knowledge,” he said in a shocked whisper.

  Daio spread his arms and gazed skyward. “It’s a miracle! He finally figured it out!” He dropped his arms and let them dangle over the armrests. “They tried forcing the knowledge on you, but you are the stupidest, most stubborn person I’ve ever met, and with the biggest guilt trip I’ve ever witnessed. You need to get over what happened and embrace the rest of your power, or the last thing you’ll ever do is die at Nexus’ hand.”

  “If you teach me, then I can teach Rox.”

  Daio gave him a hard stare a moment and slowly rose to his feet. “You would throw her against the will of a god?”

  “Not alone. Baku created her for a reason. I need her help.”

  “She’s a child.”

  “She’s brave and strong.”

  “You’re a seasoned warrior and soldier. She’s never seen war firsthand.”

  “She’s fought you, and right now she’s fighting dragon venom.”

  “Oh, and that’ll make her prepared for Nexus?”

  “I’m not even prepared for him!”

  “Then you’ll die!”

  Aerigo couldn’t think of a re
tort. Daio’s glare was so full of conviction that doubt crept into his mind. Yes, all this time he’d been wishing to keep Rox out of danger and wondering if training her was as pointless as Daio assumed, but as she rose--or tried to rise to every challenge before her, Aerigo’s hope for them gradually rose. The dragon venom was a huge setback that he blamed on himself, but even then Rox was showing strength and determination. And what she’d accomplished with the Blood of Earth magic...

  “Everyone will die,” Daio said unhappily. “You never heard any of his rants. I’m sure Baku passed on some information, but you have no idea how selfish Nexus is, how completely envy controls him.” Daio stared at him, measuring him. “The kid was a desperate move on Baku’s part. Nothing more. Maybe she can help you get over your fear of your own power, but even that seems like a stretch.” He shook his head. “You better not depend on a kid to do your job.” He sat back down and steepled his hands once more. “Now, let’s back up a minute and talk about how an Aigis’s powers work.” He snapped his fingers and a blackboard materialized next to his chair. It hovered in the air with no visible support. “Do you know why our eyes glow in response to our emotions?”

  Still recharging, Aerigo thought a moment. “Our emotions are linked to our power.” That much he understood but he’d never given it much thought.

  “Right. They glow only when we’re pissed off, scared witless, or really sad. But why not when we feel love or hate, or anything else? Why not a color for every emotion?”

  Aerigo stared, dumbfounded and unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent.

  “A good question that I don’t have a decent answer for, so let me explain what I know.” He waved a hand and the words “anger,” “fear,” and “sadness” appeared on the blackboard in white chalk, one word under the other. It looked like Daio’s scratchy handwriting, but at least it was legible. “When certain events take place, we have an emotional reaction. Take the night Sandra died: you got quite angry, then later quite sad. But, while you were angry, it turned to rage, wrath. And under that emotion, you took action, thus coming across the first half of an Aigis’ true power. There’s no real mystery to it. Emotions are powerful things. There are countless other creatures in the universe who wield magic fueled by emotions. We’re nothing special there. What makes us unique is the power linked to our emotions. But I’m digressing.”

  “If that’s all there is to it, then why is it so hard to unlock the first time?” Bitter memories of that night cycled through Aerigo’s mind once again. They’d been replaying nonstop ever since he met Rox, but now with a new perspective.

  “For me it was virtually impossible because I got in the habit of disassociating myself from how I felt. I always put on an air of detached indifference, which spelled disaster for my hunt to attain power. The root of our power comes from strength of will, which, once both halves of the power are unlocked, gives an Aigis a fighting chance against the will of a god. That night you were wholly bent on killing Balvadiers, and I mean wholly, fully, utterly focused on just one task. You gave your will a task; you didn’t just have a tantrum. It’s a semi-subtle difference from getting pissed off and wanting to simply kill everyone in sight just because someone pissed you off.”

  “Still, it sounds easier than it was.”

  “It isn’t. Out of the around fifty of us that were alive then, only nine others had unlocked what you had. And here’s why.” Daio waved a hand again and three sideways “v’s” appeared, one next to each word, the ends branching off towards the empty part of the board. “When you’re angry, you have several ways you can handle the emotion, only two of which will lead to the power. Those are ‘wrath’ or ‘resolve.’” The two words appeared on the board. “When frightened, you have fight or flight responses, but the emotions that will lead to the power once again are ‘courage ’ and ‘resolve.’” Those two words appeared on the board as well. “A simple fight or flight response won’t do. There has to be purpose beyond survival to your courageous act. And finally, for sadness, you have a wide array of emotional responses to this as well, but the two emotions that will lead you to power are the exact same as anger: ‘wrath’ and ‘resolve.’ You, princess, have a problem with wrath.”

  “I know,” Aerigo said unhappily.

  “You only sort of know. To put it simply: you were right, in a sense, to resist embracing the other half of the power, to fear seeking it out.” Daio put his hands down and leaned forward. “How you feel when you unleash the power will be a mirror to what you become. If your will is fueled by wrath, you’ll get the job done alright, but you’ll also become the monster you fear. Your wrath will guide your will. Even Baku will most likely try to kill you after you take down Nexus.”

  Aerigo felt his heart sink. Now he really never wanted to learn how to unlock the other half of his power. He envisioned himself turning into some giant, demonic monster tearing up every god and goddess in sight, and crushing every last mortal partaking in Nexus’ war without discretion, until enough deities closed in and killed him. He almost cut off his recharging process, but that would’ve been pointless. He had no choice but to take it back in.

  “However, if you can control your rage and focus on resolve, then you’ll have nothing but Nexus to worry about. Do you understand?”

  Aerigo nodded.

  Daio stood and both the chair and the blackboard vanished. “I know you don’t want this knowledge, but you need it badly. What you want and need are two different things right now.” He drew closer and stood at arm’s length, hands back in his pockets. “To unlock the other half the power, you must first unleash the first half by itself. And then, while it’s free, focus on your resolve to defeat Nexus--to kill him, stop him, crush his will, something specific like that. Your resolve will take every ounce of focus, or it won’t work. If you get distracted, then there goes your chance until you’re recharged again. But don’t count on Nexus giving you a second shot.” Something like a small lightning bolt branched between their foreheads and made both Aigis flinch. The light funneling into Aerigo’s abdomen flashed white, then red, then white again before returning to its golden yellow. “Well now you see why no one could write the information down and expect a few scribbles to be just as effective,” Daio said lightly.

  Aerigo’s heart began to race. He had to fight the urge to scream and take off running. He suddenly had the bridge to the power he both feared and needed. Part of him was in awe of the power though. It was like looking at Phailon for the first time, taking in grand majesty he’d never seen before, but this power had the potential to turn him into the monster he didn’t want to be. But... “When Rox went into cardiac arrest, the other Aigis tried to teach me how to unlock Frava, didn’t they?”

  “Yeah, they were desperate. You can’t unlock the second half without the first half to fuel it. They were trying to take advantage of how hyper-focused you were.”

  “But I felt the power trying to come out. I felt it when--” It didn’t match up to what Daio had explained.

  “When what?” Daio asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “When... when all I wanted... was for Rox to live.”

  “Aw, how sweet,” Daio said sarcastically. “Love is gonna conquer all, even the will of a god, huh? Our power isn’t linked to love.”

  “I never said I was in love.”

  Daio’s facial features went flat. “You’re being dumb again. On second thought, maybe you should go make love to her. I guarantee it’ll help you think straight. It’s nauseatingly obvious you two like each other enough to warrant it.”

  “It’s not love!” Then again, maybe it was. But even so, there wasn’t much point in acting on how he felt. Either he or Rox, or both of them had a good chance of dying in the near future. Giving in to love at such a horrible time would be an equally horrible tease with no chance to enjoy it. On top of that, if he died after confessing his feelings for her, he didn’t want to put Rox through what he’d felt for the past six hundred years.

>   Daio punched Aerigo in the gut, and Aerigo doubled over. “Love isn’t one of the emotions linked to our powers. Trust me on this one.”

  The doubling over was a reflex reaction. He felt no pain or discomfort. He straightened up. “When’s the last time I trusted you?”

  “Hopefully today.” Daio gave him a somber look. “I’m really on your side now. No more deception. No more lies. No more pissing you off just because it’s fun--actually, I’ll probably still do that if I ever get the chance, but not today. I never wanted to be the bad guy, Aerigo. I just became it because I’d assumed I had no choice, being Nexus’ Aigis. I assumed it for a long time. I tried to like it but my actions made me feel hollow, but I’m digressing again. Just know that I saved you for last when Nexus commanded me to kill all the other Aigis. Despite how twisted I became. I never wanted to kill you. Not once.”

  “It gives me some solace to know all that.”

  Daio watched the energy funneling into Aerigo, his downcast face full of pain. “I have one last bit of help to offer you.”

  When Daio didn’t continue speaking, Aerigo said, “What is it?”

  “You’re gonna like it even less than the knowledge I just gave you, but it’s the only practice I can put you through before you take on Nexus.” He shifted his feet and looked at the ground. “This is the one bit of chaos I truly regret causing. I regretted it even then, over six hundred years ago.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

  Aerigo had a feeling he knew, but he refused to make a conclusion until Daio said it himself. Part of him wanted Daio to not say another word about it so there could always be doubt.

  “My only solace is that you unlocked Mana as a result.” Daio began to speak slowly, haltingly, every word an effort to get out. “I was in Balvar on Nexus’ orders to keep you busy. You helped two countries find peace. I spent thirty years unmaking that. I... am the reason... your wife died at the hands of the Balvadiers.” He forced himself to make eye contact.