Courage

by Angela B. Macala-Guajardo

  She frowned. “I don’t think he ever adopted one.”

  “Oh... ‘kay.” He looked at the woman, then at his computer again. “Let me... let me search the database.” He placed his hands over the keyboard without touching it and stared at the keys as if he didn’t know what they meant. He wiggled his fingers, then placed his fingertips on the home keys. “How do I spell his name, ma’am?”

  She placed two slender hands atop the blocky desk. “I believe it’s A-e-r-i-g-o in the Kintish alphabet.”

  The receptionist typed in the letters and stared at his screen. “You were right,” he said with a smile.

  “Where’s he staying?”

  “Fifth floor. Room seventeen of the Psychology Ward. He may be in the lounge at this hour. Would you like me to escort you there?” He got to his feet.

  “No, thank you. I can find my way around.” She began moving around the desk.

  “Are you sure? I’d love to take you there!” His blurted the words unnecessarily loud and leaned towards the woman like he was moving in to kiss her.

  The woman put a hand on the receptionist’s cheek and popped her sympathetic smile. “I appreciate your kindness, but thank you anyway. Good bye.” She walked off-screen and the receptionist fell back into his seat, stunned.

  The scene switched to the same lobby where the psychic Orissona had read Aerigo. He was sitting in the same plush green chair positioned in front of a giant fish tank. Jenna couldn’t help but feel stunned at the sheer amount of muscle mass Aerigo had lost. He looked half the size he was now. He ignored the exotic fish and stared at the bland view of Nostrum City through the windows. The woman with the black hair walked into view from the left and stopped just inside the frame. Sadness creased her beautiful face.

  “Aerigo?” she called tentatively.

  Aerigo flinched, but otherwise remained still.

  “Aerigo, it’s me, Kara.” Kara approached him. “I’ve come to visit you.”

  Slowly, as if it took great force of will, Aerigo turned his head. His glowing-eyed gaze was full of hurt. He had a beard and head hair, and looked like he hadn’t shaved in at least a week. He stared wordlessly for a moment, then resumed gazing out the windows.

  “Oh, Aerigo!” Kara moved between the windows and chair, flicked a hand, then sat on a small cushion seat that magically appeared next to the chair. She wrapped her slender arms around Aerigo’s diminished bulk and hugged him tightly, her head resting on his shoulder. “You poor thing!”

  Aerigo stared over the crown of Kara’s head, unmoving.

  Kara looked like she was on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry things turned out the way they did. I really am. Neither you nor Sandra deserved it.” Kara rubbed Aerigo’s arm with a thumb. “Baku told me what happened. I’m both heartbroken for and proud of you.” Aerigo tried to lean away from Kara, but she held him close. “The means don’t justify the ends, but you can’t undo the past. You need your newfound power anyway.”

  “I killed my wife!” Aerigo’s voice came out dry and weak. He bowed his head.

  Kara cupped Aerigo’s scruffy chin in one hand and lifted his gaze to meet hers. “Aerigo, there’s no way you could have foreseen that letting Sandra sleep a little longer would have resulted in her death.”

  Aerigo dropped his gaze. The glow in his eyes shimmered, and then tears rolled down his cheeks. “But I smelled burning. I knew something was up.”

  “The blame rests with the Balvadiers,” she said firmly.

  “I’m never going back.”

  “To Balvar?”

  He jerked his head out of Kara’s hand. “To Druconica.”

  “Then I guess it’s still too early to discuss such things,” Kara said unhappily. “Rahnjar will be disappointed if he never sees his son-in-law again. He still cares deeply about you.”

  “How could he feel anything but hate for the monster who killed his daughter?”

  “Enough!” The word came out so strongly that Jenna flinched with Aerigo.

  The two sat quietly for some time with the sound of the fish tank bubbling away and muffled voices speaking intermittently. All the fish had amassed in the corner of the tank nearest Kara. They looked like they were jostling for space closest to her.

  “I wish to say one last thing in regards to Sandra before I let the subject go,” Kara said. “I know you can’t control who you fall in love with any more than you can control your glowing eyes, but you should have better prepared yourself for accepting that Sandra was going to die well before you’d ever show signs of age.”

  “I want to die,” Aerigo whispered.

  Kara let go and sat up, shock rounding her thin brows. She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t talk like that. It’s very selfish.”

  “I have no reason left to live. I’m just a monster.”

  “You’re anything but a monster.” Kara reached to caress Aerigo’s brow, but he recoiled. She put her hands in her lap and looked at them. “You obviously don’t wholeheartedly want to die.” She looked at Aerigo. “Or else you would have committed suicide. Baku and I are grateful you’re still here, and so is Daio, although he’ll never admit it. You’re practically his big brother and--”

  “I’ve already tried,” Aerigo said in a thick voice.

  Kara stared. “What?”

  “Suicide. A few times.”

  “No, Aerigo,” she said so quietly that Jenna barely caught the words. Tears welled in Kara’s green eyes and slid down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I would’ve come so much sooner.”

  Aerigo’s voice came out thin and distant. “I jumped twenty stories, but the pavement was too brittle to crack my scull. The doctors patched me up and tried to secure me in restraints, but I broke out of everything they locked me in.

  “I tried to bleed to death, but nothing here can cut me deep enough before my body repairs itself. The doctors brought in some sort of cell from another world that I couldn’t break out of. For a while I accepted that I’d have to go on living.”

  Kara stared in mute horror.

  “Years later, I tried starving to death, but they brought in someone from another world who took control of my body and made me feed myself, and they used the same person when I tried to stay out in the open air too long. I gave both up since the sensation of someone moving my body for me was more unbearable than feeding myself.

  “On top of all that, I can’t overdose on anything because I’ll either throw up or my body will burn through it. There’s nothing toxic enough on Kismet that’ll kill me before the doctors can heal me. I’m stuck living a pointless life.”

  Face screwing up with fury, Kara seized Aerigo’s wrist and backhanded him in the face. The blow connected with a sharp, fleshy slap. She hit him so hard, he reeled and his feet left the ground as he flung out his free arm for balance. “Don’t ever talk like that again!” The fish retreated to the far side of the tank. Jenna shrank against the wall and raised her pillow up to her nose. Kara’s suddenly deep and resonant voice carried the force of an ultimate authority not even the brashest person dared cross. She glared at Aerigo so hard that it detracted from her beauty, her long hair writhing like snakes.

  Aerigo was so shocked that his eyes had stopped glowing. Blood dribbled down one side of his face. He gingery touched his cheek, looked at the blood on his fingers, then looked at Kara, who returned his gaze with a smoldering glare full of tears.

  “You have no idea how badly we need you,” she said, her voice a quavering mix of fury and pain. “Only Baku and I know how badly the universe needs you.” She tore off a piece of her t-shirt and tenderly wiped the blood from Aerigo’s cheek and hand, then kissed his cheek. Aerigo’s eyes started glowing blue again. He sank back in his chair and bowed his head. Kara stood and her chair vanished. She grabbed the cushiony armrest and the chair magically widened. She sat in the new space and took Aerigo’s scruffy face in both hands. “You’re over 2800 years old now. So many people that have lived and died have cared deeply about you
. There are many mortals and gods, including me, who care deeply about you right now. I don’t care what other gods think about Aigis. I have a soft spot for you--both you and Daio.” She pulled him into a hug. “In all ten thousand years of your life I hope you get to see, so many more people will meet you, like you, and be glad you were a part of their fleeting lives.”

  “I don’t want to live that long.”

  “Think of others, instead of yourself then, Aerigo. You’re a gift to the mortal realm. Think of all you’ve done before. You’ve helped nations establish themselves, fought with underdogs in hundreds of battles, protected innocent lives with powerful words of persuasion, and enriched individual lives by just being yourself. I doubt Sandra regrets meeting you, if there was a way you could ask her ghost. Don’t let the one time you lose control destroy your perception of yourself. You’re a very good person. Everyone you befriended loved you. I love you. Baku loves you. Sandra loved you.”

  “Please don’t mention her.”

  Kara sat quiet a moment, thinking. She rested her cheek on Aerigo’s shoulder. “As you wish, for now. One day you’re going to have to put those memories to rest. I hope to see you fall in love again one day. But that can wait.”

  “I can’t go through all that again. It’s too much.”

  “Shh. You need to find your own reason to keep on living right now. Baku and I can give you so many, but none of them would matter if you wouldn’t find happiness in them. Baku promises he won’t command you to do anything. Still, he’s worried and hopes you’ll recover soon. He and I need you badly.”

  Eyes still glowing, Aerigo raised his head and looked at Kara, both curious and sad.

  Kara sat up and started to speak, but stopped and lowered her gaze to her hands in her lap. “Something... something has gone terribly wrong with Nexus.” Her voice sounded scared, desperate. “He doesn’t listen anymore.”

  The glow faded from Aerigo’s eyes. He sat up straighter, brows furrowed.

  Kara snuck a look when Aerigo shifted his position, then resumed staring at her hands. “Neither of us know what went wrong. We looked at ourselves and each other, and even Nexus. We loved and nurtured him, and gave him lots of attention and guidance. I gave him more attention, but that just became the way things were, since Baku is a Creator and I’m not. Nexus resisted his father’s care, even as a baby. We squashed his efforts to wedge himself between us, but he never learned to enjoy the three of us being together as a family.

  “We’re at a loss as to what caused it. We’re not certain it’s just his nature to be the obsessive, violent, and the selfish person he’s become. We see a mix of our personalities in him, but he’s so incredibly different from us. It’s almost like he’s not our child, but there’s no mistaking he is. It’s... strange.”

  “What do you expect me to do? Divine family matters aren’t my place.”

  Kara looked up. “That’s not exactly what I meant.” She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Nexus is planning something--has been planning something since before you were born. Did Baku ever tell you why exactly he created you?”

  Aerigo nodded unhappily.

  “Nexus keeps his plans private most of the time. The rest of the time, he’s hints at them, like he’s testing me for what I approve and don’t approve of. In the more recent centuries, I learned that he’s planning a war of some kind. I don’t know whom between or for what reason, but he’s most looking forward to the results the war will yield. I only know there’s a war because every time he makes progress, he comes back to me, looking for my approval. I think my obvious disapproval is the only thing slowing his plans down. I don’t know why he wants it so bad, but does. It gives me some power over him, but it’s not enough. I don’t enjoy war one bit. Whatever Nexus is planning sounds particularly nasty, and he keeps looking to me for encouragement to continue pursuing it.”

  “Then tell him to stop.”

  Kara buried her face in her hands, then ran her fingers through her hair as she said, “Oh, gods, Aerigo. I tried that once. It did not go over well.”

  “Again, what do you want me to do? What do both of you want me to do?”

  “Embrace your role as an Aigis. Your kind are the only ones who can halt this building tidal wave.”

  Aerigo turned away and leaned against the chair. “Ask another Aigis. I can’t help you.” His eyes started glowing blue again.

  Kara seized Aerigo’s forearm. “Aerigo! I. Am. Scared.”

  Aerigo looked at her with guarded concern, but didn’t try to wrench his arm free.

  “I feel so powerless. Nexus doesn’t listen to me anymore. Every time I try to parent or guide him, he refuses to listen or goes into a blind rage. He’s seeing other gods who I’m certain are throwing him down a dark path. I fear directly confronting them because of Nexus’ temper. And Aerigo... I...” Tears welled in her eyes and she grimaced. “He... he’s trying to do things with me that aren’t appropriate between a mother and son.”

  The glow in Aerigo’s eyes shifted from blue to red. The diminished muscles along his neck and arms bulged with tension.

  “I let him kiss me. I do my best to avoid letting his lips touch mine, but sometimes he forces me. He physically grabs my face, acting oblivious to my fear and discomfort. It’s anything but loving. I think he likes seeing me scared. It makes him feel powerful or something. I’m not sure because there are other times he tries to seduce and undress me with the same loving behavior I used to enjoy from Baku, but I hide on my realm and block his entry. Aerigo, I can’t keep hiding from my own son while he plots something awful.”

  “Where’s Baku been while all this has been going on?”

  “He’s tried to help me, but they end up fighting every time. He knows I’m uncomfortable, but not that I’m scared, and how far Nexus’ advances have gone. I’m too ashamed to let him know.

  “The fights are both good and bad. Bad because this isn’t how a family should be. I don’t want my husband and son clashing. But at the same time, the calm after the fights give me a break from other familial discomforts. Nexus never has any interest in making any advances on me while he’s recuperating. It’s selfish of me to say that, but I can’t help but feel that way.” She bowed her head. “I’m going dead inside, Aerigo. I have no obvious solution to my family problems, but that’s not what I want your help with.”

  “I know. I wish I could help with that too, but I can’t.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate it very much.” She hugged his arm.

  He rested his free hand on Kara’s slender arms. “Still, what do you want me to do?”

  “Keep hunting for the other half of your power. My gut says that’s the only solution now. Nexus is too far down his dark path to be turned around or diverted.”

  “That power’s gone,” Aerigo said bitterly. “No Aigis has achieved it in millions of years.”

  “It’s never lost. It’s merely hidden. You’ve listened to too many gods who desperately hope it’s lost.”

  “The second half of the power can only be unlocked by those who already know how to find it. Nobody in this day and age knows. It’s a fruitless hunt.” He let go and folded his arms in front of his chest.

  Kara kept her arms entwined in Aerigo’s “The knowledge is somewhere. I don’t believe Olod would let such power slip away so easily. He took great care in your design. Have you met all the other Aigis?”

  “No. Why?”

  “One or more of them may know. There have always been Aigis since the War of Creationism. Your numbers have always fluctuated, but you’ve never outnumbered us. There is a chance the knowledge has been preserved, and kept very secret. You are aware that some gods hate Aigis, right? I mean besides my son.”

  Aerigo nodded unhappily. “There are many who wouldn’t hesitate to kill me or Daio, or any other Aigis if we crossed paths. If we harnessed our full--” His eyes widened and stopped glowing. “I’ll look for them. Just give me some more time to recover and compose myself, a
nd then I’ll go look for them.”

  Kara leaned over and kissed Aerigo on the cheek. The faintest of smiles played across his face, but it lasted as long as kiss. “Take your time, Aerigo. Countless lives are at stake. You need to be wholly prepared for this undertaking. Maybe Daio can help you.”

  “No,” Aerigo said tersely. Kara gave him a look that conveyed she wanted him to elaborate. “I don’t trust him anymore. I haven’t for almost two thousand years now.”

  “Around the time Nexus took charge of him?”

  “Yes. He’s not who he once was.”

  Kara looked crestfallen. “That’s sad news. At least he was decent enough to guide me here so I could see you. Kismet is a godless world. I won’t remember where to find you once I leave. Would you like me to stay until you’re ready to go?”

  “I’d rather be left alone to recover on my own. The presence of extended reality is weak on this world, but there have to be places where I can world-hop. Every world can be hopped to or from. I’ll come see you when I’m ready.”

  “Promise?”

  “Of course.”

  Kara stood and the chair narrowed to its proper width. “Just be careful of your timing when you visit my realm. I don’t know what Nexus will do if you cross his path. I can protect you only so much from him.”

  “I know, and I will.”

  “Goodbye for now, Aerigo.” Kara’s form disappeared like a switched off hologram.

  Aerigo stood, crossed to the windows, and placed his hands on the white window sill that ran the entire length of the wall. He took a deep breath and sighed, then glanced at the chair he’d been sitting in. He walked out of the frame and the video faded to black.

  End of Entry.

  The computer screen righted itself and all the flaps in the desk and ceiling tucked themselves away with metallic clicks.

  Jenna remained sitting up on the bed with the pillow clutched to her chest, thoughts racing through her mind. Not only had the video given her some ideas on how to help Aerigo stay on the mend, but now she had a million new questions. Kara had called Kismet a godless world. That was so jarring to hear. What did it mean for her world? How did that happen? Was anyone looking out for them? Kara hadn’t seemed overly concerned that Kismet had no god, and neither did Aerigo, in fact. What did it all mean? On top of that, the two of them talked about there being multiple gods in the universe and that things weren’t all joyful and at peace.