by E. M. Moore
By the time we’ve eaten dessert and Dad and Leslie are each having a glass of wine, the tension seems to take over the whole table. I instantly know something is up because Dad and Leslie keep having silent conversations with their eyes. Ryan notices, too. He sits up straighter until both of us are just staring at them, hoping whatever they have to say will come out soon. My mouth is dry. I hope this isn’t some major bomb. I can’t deal with a bomb right now.
“So,” my dad starts. “You guys know Leslie and I have been together for more than a few months.” He grabs her hand on the table, and my stomach lurches. Suddenly, I’m praying the word baby or marriage doesn’t slip off his tongue. God, no. “We’re moving in together.”
I can’t help the gasp that escapes my lips. I peek over at Ryan and his surprise mimics mine. I can tell he didn’t know about this ahead of time either. “Wow,” he says. “That’s…great.”
That’s something alright.
Leslie’s beaming. I take a sip of my water as casually as can be and match my dad stare for stare. “We actually already bought a place.”
My stomach sinks even further.
“Wow,” Ryan says again. It’s the only word he knows right now. He glances over at me. I cross my arms over my lap, digging my nails into my skin to keep from overtly reacting. If they stayed together any longer, I knew something like this was going to happen, but there’s something to be said for knowing something is going to happen and actually having to live through that something happening.
Dad nods. “You actually know the place, Tessa.”
I clear my throat. “Oh yeah?” The sound I make sounds so fake to me.
“It’s just a couple blocks away from our—your mom’s house. The place the Harris’s used to live.”
I blink at him. They’re buying a house near mine? Let’s face it, he’s buying another house near our old house. There’s no way Leslie could afford anything like that on her own.
“I wanted to get a place near you,” he says, clearly proud of himself.
“That’s great, Dad,” I say through a forced smile.
“It’s got a pool, Ry,” Leslie says, smiling at her son with glassy eyes. It almost makes me feel bad for not being happy about all this. Clearly, this is a big deal for the Linc’s.
“Awesome,” Ryan says.
Dad and Leslie look at one another. I can tell we’re not giving them the reactions they wanted, but come on, it hasn’t been that long since they’ve been in high school. They’re blending two families with same aged kids. What the hell did they think was going to happen? That we’d all hug and kiss, skip from the table holding hands?
I peek at Ryan. I want to kiss Ryan, but not in the brotherly way. Far, far from it. Maybe that’s why this seems so much worse than it should.
Leslie takes a deep breath. Her gaze switches from Ryan to me. “I know everything hasn’t been perfect, but this is what Tim and I want. And, I want you to know, Tessa, that I don’t blame your mother at all for kissing your father the other day.”
My jaw clenches. The nerve of her. “Well, that’s good,” I say, my voice high. I definitely don’t even sound like myself anymore. Electricity shoots up my veins. I try to tell myself to let it drop, but I just can’t. Not anymore. “I guess I don’t blame you, either. You know, for kissing my dad before my parents were even divorced.”
“Quintessa,” my dad snaps.
I turn my glare on him. “Or for moving in before you’re even divorced, too.”
“Your mother and I are working on it. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“And like I told you yesterday, you keep bringing me into your business. You want me to be happy about this? You tell us at dinner like it’s some sort of special occasion? Come on,” I plead. I can’t be the only one who’s thinking this. Or maybe I’m just the only one that’s not a hundred percent behind their pairing.
Leslie’s face is beet red. She’s looking into her lap. My dad puts his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. “You, young lady,” my dad starts.
“Tessa’s right,” Ryan says.
All eyes move to him. He looks at me. My brows are in my hairline. I didn’t expect him to agree with me at all. Especially since I just insinuated his mother’s a whore. I didn’t quite mean it like that, but they really shouldn’t be expecting me to be happy about all this so soon.
“I think you guys forget what all this means for her.”
His mom’s eyes are pleading. “Ryan, we’re not forgetting. I feel for Tessa. I do.”
He shakes his head. “Obviously it’s not coming across that way. I’ve never known Tessa to be mean-spirited, but yet, this is driving her to be.”
Holy shit. Ryan fucking Linc just stood up for me.
My dad leans back in his chair. His gaze darts from Ryan to me. Leslie sits forward, her forearms resting on the ivory tablecloth. “Okay,” she says, nodding her head. “What do you two want us to do then? You don’t want us to live together? You don’t want us to be together? What?”
Ryan looks over at me. His gray eyes dull. I can tell he wants me to take this question. I run my hands down my face. “I don’t care if you’re together. I don’t even care that you’re moving in together. I understand that my parents aren’t going to be together anymore. All I ask is that you please, please, don’t try to make me feel like I should be excited about something that I don’t even know how to process yet. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad my dad’s happy. That’s all you’re going to get out of me though.”
“And what you said about Mrs. Dale was insensitive, Mom.”
Leslie balks, like the air is taken out of her. In the next second though, she snaps her mouth shut and nods. “I didn’t realize it was going to come out like that. I apologize.”
I swallow. My skin crawls. I’ve about had it with this dinner. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to deal with all this, but I at least have the rest of camp to process it. I pick my napkin up from my lap and place it on my plate in front of me. “Thanks for dinner, Dad. I’m going to head out now.”
Ryan stands after me. “I’m going with Tessa.”
He and I turn from the table. We leave two very confused parents there, but it serves them right. When we get outside, Ryan intertwines his fingers with mine. He holds them so tightly wrapped in his that when he lets go so we can both get in the car, my hand feels like it’s lost something.
“Do you know somewhere where we can be alone?” Ryan asks.
I start the car up and reverse out of my space. I know the perfect place.
27
Up the road from where my dad and I parked to eat our doughnuts the other day, there’s another boat launch, but it’s not as maintained. It’s basically a rut-filled drive down a small dirt path that leads right to the lakeside. The Mustang jostles us as we make our way down, and I put the car in park facing toward the water. Across from this spot, I can see the small square that’s my cabin at Camp Holly.
“My mom was out-of-line,” Ryan says. “I swear she doesn’t think.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn toward him in the car. The sun is low in the sky. Wispy oranges and pinks mix with the twilight that’s rolling in. Soon, this place will be buzzing with mosquitoes, but right now, it’s kind of perfect.
“She probably didn’t mean it like that. I’m just sensitive about it, I guess.”
Ryan takes a deep breath, leans his head back against the headrest, and stares up into the darkening sky. “I never thought in a million years this would be happening.”
I crack a smile. “Of all things,” I say. It’s not all that funny, but I’ve always preferred smiling over crying.
“I’ll tell my mom she needs to respect your mom more.”
“Oh God,” I groan. “You don’t think we’re going to have awkward family meetings and Christmases, do you?”
He grins. “Definitely.”
I wipe a black thread off my knee. “I can’t leave my mom on holidays. I’
m all she has now.”
Ryan reaches over and places his hand on my shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to.”
“My parents still fight, you know. It’s all still raw and bitter at my house. Don’t tell me what goes on at yours, but I’m sure it’s nothing like mine.”
I peek up to see Ryan look away and swallow. That tells me everything I need to know. It’s exactly as I thought. They’re all playing house while my own is exploding from the inside. Ryan and Dad probably sit and watch sports every night. They probably talk about the draft and who’s playing baseball on TV that evening. Or golf. Or track. Or whatever sport happens to be on that night.
His fingers dig into me. “I’m sorry, Tessa.”
I place my hand on his, and he intertwines our fingers again. He brings our clasped hands to the center console between us. “I wish I hadn’t pretended not to like you now. Maybe I would’ve introduced my mom to your parents as my girlfriend’s parents and then we could have avoided all this mess.”
My stomach twists and turns and flops over like it doesn’t know how to feel about that statement. “Or it could have been worse,” I suggest. “Maybe the same thing would’ve happened only under more scandalous circumstances.”
One side of his lip pulls up. “I guess. We’ll never know now.”
“No, I guess we won’t.”
My throat feels so clogged with emotion that I swallow it down. It takes several times before I feel like I have myself under control.
“Tessa…”
I look over at Ryan. His gray eyes suck me in, and before I know it, I’m moving toward him and he’s tugging me over the console. I land on his legs and he grunts. “Sorry,” I say, right before he silences me with a searing kiss.
He lets my hand go, then pushes my knees to the sides of his hips before pulling on the underside of my thighs, moving me closer to him. He wraps his hand in my hair, tugging me closer until I moan into his mouth. He breaks away from me. “I’m an idiot.”
“I know.”
He captures my lips again, this time a steady and fierce possessiveness that’s just the right amount of push and pull. He gives as much as he takes.
Nighttime wakes up around us. The colder air breezes in. The night owl insects wake up. They chirp and buzz, and it sounds like they’re all cheering us on with a long sigh of “It’s about time.” I slow the kiss, burning the memory of it into my brain before I pull away. I lean back on his thighs and reach up to brush a hand over his cheeks. He’s flushed with want. With a small smile, I say, “I can’t do this right now, Ryan.”
His jaw ticks, and I think that’s the last thing he thought I’d say.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him while extracting myself from him. I manage to flop back behind the wheel not so delicately.
Ryan runs a hand through his hair. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. This is all my fault. I’m the one who keeps pushing you away.”
We both just sit there, staring outside the car as the moon begins its reflection over the lake. Once the mosquitoes show up, I push the button so the top comes back up, enclosing us in the car. “Did you mean what you said about me having a shot at overall MVP?”
“You’re just as good as any one of us, Tessa.”
It’s crazy, but the fact that Ryan Linc is acknowledging that, pride seeps into me. It shouldn’t matter what he thinks, but for some reason, it always has to me. I lean on the seat facing him. “Can I ask you something?”
He nods, finally looking over at me.
“My dad thinks I should make a bet with Lake. He says I should bet him that if I win shooting guard MVP, he has to leave me alone from now on.”
His eyes widen. “What if he wins?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess that would be up to him.” When he doesn’t say anything else, I ask, “What do you think? You made an agreement with him before. Do you think he would do it with me?”
“I think he’d take that bet,” Ryan says. “But I also think you should be worried about what he’d want you to do if he won.”
“I figure he’d probably ask me to leave you guys alone. That seems like what he wants.”
“Are you willing to take that bet?”
I bite down on my lip. “I would if I thought I could win.”
Ryan scratches his jaw then wipes the back of his hand over his mouth. “I can ask him about it if you want.”
“Maybe. Can I ask you something else? I just really have to know, Ryan. I’ve heard it from the others, but…why do you guys put up with him?”
“He’s my best friend.”
“It’s just insane,” I say, my fists clenching in front of me.
His gaze narrows. “We all have a history, right, Tessa? A secret? Like it being hell in your house right now without your dad. Something you haven’t come right out and told everyone. What if Lake had the same thing?”
“I’m not sure whatever it is could excuse everything he’s done.”
“I guess that’s for outsiders to judge.”
“Well, are you going to tell me what it is?”
He shakes his head right away. “No. It’s not for me to say.”
“I don’t think I can ever forgive him.”
Ryan looks away. “I’ll never ask you to.”
I dribble my fingers over the steering wheel. “Right. Well, I suppose we should head back.” I put the car in Reverse, and back all the way out of the short path until I hit the main road again. My dad brought me fishing there once before I was even invited to camp. It was probably the only time we ever went fishing period, and I have no idea why he even thought it was a good idea. Fishermen we are not. It’s the whole waiting for something to happen aspect that blows. Kind of like my entire season where I rode the bench. Not fun.
My headlights light up the road as we drive back to camp. Ryan and I must be stuck in our own little worlds because neither one of us speaks. Maybe it’s because we don’t really know what to say to one another. I basically just told him I wasn’t ready to start something with him again. Trust me, my body is ready. As he’s pointed out in the past, I’m always ready for him, but my body and my mind aren’t reconciled. They’re on completely different pages at the moment, especially since our parents are a thing now, which makes it almost taboo to think of Ryan like that even though I’ve been thinking about him like that longer than my dad has even noticed Leslie is alive.
I remember a time when he only had eyes for my mom. She was the first one he wanted when he got off the court. The first one he would call after an away game. He used to send her postcards when he was gone of every single city he went to. My mom still has them stashed somewhere. That is, if she hasn’t thrown them all away lately. Maybe she won’t want the mementos after what her relationship with him turned out to be.
Ryan’s phone ringing breaks into my internal thoughts. He pulls it out of his pocket and answers it. “Yeah?” After a pause, he says, “You let him drink!?”
I glance over at him. Ryan’s profile is all taut muscle. He’s squeezing the life out of his cell phone. I barely hear the other voice on the line, but it’s raised now, too.
“Christ, Sloan.”
“Sloan?” I ask, unable to help myself.
Ryan sighs. Then, he says into the phone, “Yes, it’s Tessa.” There’s another pause, and he says, “I don’t know why you couldn’t get a hold of her.”
“What’s going on?”
Ryan drops his hand to his lap. “The guys are at a bar in town. They borrowed a car from one of the other players, but they’ve all been drinking. They need a ride back to camp.”
I stare unbelievingly in front of me. Ryan and I are almost back to camp ourselves, but I certainly can’t let them stay at the bar like that. If my dad or any of the other coaches found out that they went and got drunk, they’d probably get kicked out of camp. Not to mention that they’re all underage. I take a left down the next turn, and then do a U-turn to bring us back to the main road.
“We
’re on our way,” Ryan says after he pulls the phone back to his ear. “What bar are you at?” Ryan ends the call a few moments later without saying goodbye. “Fucking idiots,” he fumes.
“The drinking?”
He shoves his phone back into his pocket. “Not just the drinking,” he says. “I go away for one night. Not even for a night. For one evening.”
He seems a little too upset about them drinking than I would’ve imagined. I know they do that. Never on a game night or anything, but I’ve heard stories about parties that I was never invited to during practice Monday afternoons. It’s not like the Ballers are saints. At least I can say that they would never let it interfere with basketball.
Ryan seems super agitated now. His knee is bobbing up and down. He keeps checking his phone like he’s going to get another message, or a phone call any minute. He’s so nervous it’s making me nervous, and I can’t help but think there’s something far more serious going on.
“What is it, Ryan?”
“Just drive,” he says. “Okay? Just drive.”
Because of the urgency in his voice, I push the pedal down a little harder. Despite the fact that he seems so pissed that they’re at a bar, he knows exactly where the place is. I pull into the parking lot around the side of the building in case my dad and Leslie are still around town. My car is unmistakable in this town.
Ryan practically leaps from the car, slams the door behind him, and is at a jog when he hits the front door of the bar named Charlie’s. I have to run to catch up with him. When we get in there, all hell is about to break loose.
Holy shit…
28
The first thing I see when we barge inside like we own the place is an older man gripping the collar on Alec’s shirt. He has it in a white-knuckle grip, his face a sneer of rage that makes my stomach bottom out. Sloan is behind Alec’s body, trying to edge his way through. The other locals aren’t far behind the angry man holding Alec. The air whooshes out of me as Ryan rushes forward. I grab at air trying to stop him, but his fist pulls back and slams into the cheek of the guy holding Alec.